Trimmer Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 It is frustrating when you take the time to attempt to be helpful and give advice based on your own experience and someone comes along and rips you apart as though you are some type of idiot. That is what gets me. Just to put that comment in your intended context, were you talking about the "someone coming along" being one of those hardcore "you always get left for someone" posters, or were you talking about Thomas' post that started this thread? Because interestingly enough, the frustration you note and the civility you are looking for work both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thomas X Forever Posted June 30, 2009 Author Share Posted June 30, 2009 Art Critic, etc., keep in mind I'm not referring to the people who are saying "You were left for someone else" based on what that specific topics creator said. I'm referring to the people who say "99% of the time, when someone breaks up with you, it's for someone else" casually. THAT'S who the topics about. ITS ABOUT PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT. Not the people who give advice based on specific scenarios. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 I wanna beat the heck out of EVERY person on this board who say things, referring to a break up, like "its for another person". LISTEN NUMBSKULLS. I asked for a break/broke up with two of my girlfriends in the past, and it was NEVER FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then my recent ex asked for a break, and I know the real reasons, and it wasn't for someone else. SO STOP SOUNDING LIKE AN UNEDUCATED BROKEN RECORD. when on these "breaks", does that mean if someone comes along that there is no longer a committment and therefore it wouldn't be considered cheating if you hooked up with someone else during this "break"? is the purpose of the "break" to temporarily halt any committment? You don't know psychology, and you aren't a master of why someone breaks up with someone. THATS the harsh truth. Just because you got screwed, doesn't mean we all screw over people like that. I broke up with my first gf because she had mental troubles that wouldn't go away. (Borderline PD) I think we need to differentiate between a "break" and a "break up". Break ups occur for a variety of reasons. A "break", however, as far as I'm concerned, is to keep someone dangling on a string, but in the event a hookup outside this "break" occurs, one can say its not cheating. Therefore the "break", again in my mind, is designed to temporarily break a committment either FOR someone else, or IN CASE someone else comes along. I asked for a break from my second gf because I couldn't keep up, it was a failure on my part. A "break", or you broke up? Again, there are differences. My recent gf broke up with me from pressure through her parents to apply herself for grades/other time restraints. thats a "break up", not a "break". To all you new people who were broken up with: DON'T LISTEN TO THE JADED PEOPLE ON THIS BOARD WHO SAY ITS 99% OF THE TIME FOR SOMEONE ELSE. That's a failure on the parts of those saying it; they're making generalizations and assumptions because their minds apparently can't comprehend the many scenarios that can cause a break up. /End rant I think you are getting all worked up because you may not notice the difference in what people are saying and thinking that people are applying the "for someone else" thing to a "break". I think everyone can agree a "break UP" happens for a variety of reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 I am not trying to weigh down everyone with something. I'm trying to free them by widening their knowledge. Professor?...is that you??? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 Thank you. I do apologize for coming off rude and offensively to the innocent people. But to the perpetrators, they needed it. They have to realize that their specific scenario doesn't = 99% of people. I'd love to see a citation for this statistic. Look forward to reading it. Link to post Share on other sites
asuman Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I agree with Thomas X's original point. Maybe would've said it a little differently, but he's basically correct. Another person is often the reason for break-ups, but (a) not necessarily the majority of the time, and (b) that "reason" doesn't explain the underlying problem that led to your partner deciding to look elsewhere in the first place. I once broke up with a girlfriend because I realized I had a crush on another girl. The crush went nowhere, I actually went back to the girlfriend, and a year later she dumped me because she felt I wasn't nuts enough about her. 1 for 2 on the other person theory there. I dumped another girlfriend because I just wasn't into her. There was no other person involved. I had another girlfriend who cheated on me. I found out and dumped her, but she then came back and wanted to make up with me, so I let her, but then I found out she was still talking to the other guy, so I dumped her again. I have no idea where that fits into the other person theory. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlygal Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Just to put that comment in your intended context, were you talking about the "someone coming along" being one of those hardcore "you always get left for someone" posters, or were you talking about Thomas' post that started this thread? Because interestingly enough, the frustration you note and the civility you are looking for work both ways. Actually i think i T/J there a little bit. What i was referring to is this: I take the time to post a reply to a thread. Another L/S comes along, does NOT like my advice, so they then shred me in their response, and basically call me out like an idiot. It is not just me, i see this happen to others as well. I'm not sure where some of these people come off thinking that their advice is the only "GOOD" advice and there for they have the right to anihalte anothers advice. This is in reference to all threads, not just break/breaking up threads. Sorry to have T/J a bit Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 Girlygal, where you from? You looks good. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlygal Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Im from Pittsburgh, same as you. Been here all my life, me and my H couldnt imagine living anywhere else, the best sports teams around r here!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 That's crazy that you live in pitt. How long you been married? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlygal Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 married 5 together 6 friends all our lives. 3 super awesome kids. i actually have a couple friends that do filming in the pitt area and outside. The one films the Jeff Reed show all season long, which is great cause i have met damn near every steeler and pens player. I was reading the "fight, not give up" thread you started, and i must say, you truly sound head over heals for the girl. I know your friend said that you should keep fighting, but for what its worth sometimes the fighting can lead to disaster. I know with my H there are times when we bicker that i have wanted him to fight and make me feel wanted. However there are other times where i have simply wanted space. If she is not good at showing emotions a flooding of phone calls and a fight for the relationship may scare her or push her further away. Patience is a virtue and somtimes the most diffacult one to obtain. But it may be what is in order. I hope you find some solace in that relationship to either rekindle or move forward. Either way, i wish you the best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Lucrezia and Girlygal are welcome in this topic any time, though, I like them both. I think it's cool that you're letting them talk. You know, 'cause you like them and all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 Jealous, kizik? Don't worry, I've got a place in my heart for you too And thank you girlygal, really appreciated. I'm strong, though, I'll always come out on top. I'll just cut my hands and feet a lot on the way there. Got any single, beautiful friends? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Jealous, kizik? No, I am not jealous of you, Tom. That's a good one, though Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thomas X Forever Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 Lol Kizik, keep laughing all to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 is it me, or is there a whiff of conceit in the air? Link to post Share on other sites
sad_dude Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I feel sorry you feel this way about the members of this site, you are right none of us are phycologists, but again not all of us have said those generalist comments. I'd love to see where you are coming from on this angle and your thought process, you seem to have some powerful views and i'd like to understand a bit more about the motivation behind these views. Kindest regards Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I feel sorry you feel this way about the members of this site, you are right none of us are phycologists, but again not all of us have said those generalist comments. I'd love to see where you are coming from on this angle and your thought process, you seem to have some powerful views and i'd like to understand a bit more about the motivation behind these views. Kindest regards From his OP he's had 3 whole relationships. That doesn't qualify for expert status? Link to post Share on other sites
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