UCFKevin Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 So my "girl" of 2.5 years and I have been on a break for a little over two months. We've seen each other pretty often during the break and we've talked a lot. Recently, she's been pretty busy so I haven't seen her in two weeks. Saturday, I decided to go over and see her for a little bit before she went to a wedding with her guy friend. Previously, I showed concern about that, thinking it was a date because he'd be the only one she knew, but she assured me that there was nothing going on and they're just friends so I got over it, it was a non-issue. I go over there and things go fine, we talk a little but she's kind of held off and casual, didn't even hug me when normally she would. After a while I asked if it was okay that i came over, and she said, "I guess," and I said, "You guess? I can go if you want," and she said, "Well, he's going to be here in 5 minutes, you might as well wait to meet him, that's why you're here, isn't it?" I tell her, "No, that's not why I'm here" and she asks, "So why did you come over then?" ANd I say, "Because I hadn't seen you in two weeks." She said, "Well, it's a little coincidental that you came over right before you knew he'd be here," even though I came over a half hour earlier. This pissed me off big time, because she thought I was there to meet her friend and not to see her, and when I was about to leave, all she said was, "I'll call you later." SHe always says I love you except for this time, so I went over to her and kissed her and told her I Love her and she said the same. So I left, I basically stormed off, extremely furious about what happened. I get home, cool down and email her telling her I only came over to see her and not to meet the guy and that I was really upset that she didn't understand that even though *I* could understand why she'd think that. So I tell her I was sorry for doing that and for storming off and that I hoped she had a good time at the wedding. She replied later that night, "I had a great time, thanks" and that was it, didn't mention what happened at all. This worried me because it was just so casual and ignored everything else so I went to see if she wanted to talk about it, but she wasn't home. So the next morning I call her and see if she needs any help moving to her mom's new house and she said no and I asked why she didn't say anything about what happened, and she said, "It wasn't the right time. I was too tired." Okay. Whatever. I asked, "So are we okay?" and she said, "Yeah, we're okay." Later that night, she calls me around 11pm and asks if I lost a key because her grandfather found a key in the driveway and I said no, and then we talked about our days and I asked her, "So you mentioned before it wasn't the right time last night to talk about what happened, what did you mean?" and she said, "I just didn't feel like talking about it. I was tired and I just wanted to go to sleep." So I say to her, "Well, after I got your email, I was worried if you were upset so I went by to see if you wanted to talk about it and you weren't there." And she said, "Oh...I know, I wasn't home." And I asked, "Were you at your mom's?" and she said, "No." And I ask, "Where were you?" and she said, "I was at Brad's for a while and then I came home and went to bed." Lie number 1. I ask, "Oh. So is it stupid for me to ask if you're interested in him?" She says, "No, it's not stupid of you to ask, and no, I'm not interested in him." I then asked, "So do you want to talk about what happened?" and she said, "Not right now," and I ask, "Why not?" and she said, "I have a lot of studying to do and I need to get to sleep," so I say, "Okay...when do you want to talk about it then?" and she said, "If I have time tomorrow, I'll call you if I have nothing to do," and I said, "OKay. I love you." and she says, "I know." I say, "YOu know? You don't love me back?" and she said, "I don't want it to seem tacked on," and I tell her, "Well, if you mean it, say it back. Do you love me?" and she says, "Yeah, I do, but Saturday really affected me." I ask, "How?" she says, "I don't want to talk about it right now." And I ask, "So are we totally finished then?" and she said, "I don't know." And I say, "Oh God, just tell me if we are, don't make me have to wait to find out," and she said, "We'll talk about it later." I say, "Alright. Goodnight. I love you" and she says, "I love you too." So I just let all that sink in and know that I'm not going to sleep at all. I was just so damn terrified that just by wanting to see her and stopping by that I screwed everything up even worse. By one in the morning, I still wasn't asleep, so I wrote her a note asking her to please call me because we need to resolve this, whatever happens we need to talk about it, and I go to her house to leave it on her car's windshield. She's not there. 1:30 in the morning and she's not there. Said she was going to study and go to sleep. Lie number two. So now I don't know what the hell to do. I'm going to just leave her alone and see if she contacts me. Do I confront her about the lies? Is she screwing around? What the hell? Christ almighty...I'm friggin' scared to death. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 I should point out that she's never lied to me before and never acted like this before, she's been so absolutely perfect but recently she's been behaving like a completely different person. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 I took the liberty of reading your original opus (!) because I couldn't remember your situation. I really hate to say this, but I think your relationship with her is over. Two and a half months is a long time for a "break" and a long time to be in limbo and miserable, as you are. I was in her shoes when I was 21. I was in a four year relationship where my boyfriend had become apathetic, selfish, etc. All he wanted to do was sit around and watch movies. He hated my friends and wouldn't hang out with them. Complained about having to do anything with my family or that was the slighest bit inconvenient for him. It was all about him. He totally took me for granted; didn't think I'd leave. Well, I did. The difference between my situation and yours is that I broke it off completely. And you know how I felt when I ended it? Relieved. Happy. Ready to move on. Yes, I loved him (I still do, probably), but I knew he was not the kind of person I wanted to spend my life with. He begged and pleaded with me that he would change. The sad reality is that people don't change. He might've changed for the short term, but I did not see it lasting forever. You have no reason to confront her on her "lies." You two aren't together anymore. She can lie to you all she wants and do whatever she wants. I have no doubt that she has deep feelings for you, but that does not necessarily mean she wants to be in a relationship with you. I know you are hurting, but you really need to chalk this up to a learning experience and move on. You could've come very far in the past two and a half months that you've been stressing over this; instead you are still where you were back then. Please stop contacting her and questioning her. You are only irritating her. (I know this from experience.) Just mooooove on. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 There could be many reasons her car was not there. Maybe she loaned it out, it was in a garage, she with platonic friends, or relatives, or....... Don't jump to conclusions. From your post it sounds like she is either a) very uncertain about her feelings for you, b) she wants to break up but doesn't know how or doesn't want to hurt you, or c) she wants you in reserve while she figures out her own life. That is just my opinion based on your post. People can love each other and still not be a good match. Breaking up doesn't necessarily mean that the love has stopped - just that priorities have changed and perhaps the relationship has grown apart. I'm sorry you are hurting and there really isn't anything anyone can say to help you not feel the pain. Why don't you take control of the situation and instead of waiting for her to tell you if you are broken up or together, tell her that if she can't talk about this with you and make a commitment then you are broken up. Wish her well and don't have any further contact with her. You are enabling her to keep you dangling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 Why would she not want to just end it completely? I've asked her if she wanted to do that, would she, and she said yes she would. At this point, though, I'm pretty sure it's over. You're right, I'm just not a priority anymore. I just don't know how it could happen. She's such a different person. Is it just a phase or could this really be how she is? I'm not going to contact her. I'm gonna wait for her. I don't want to make things any worse, if that's even possible. Why would Saturday affect her so much? What could've been so upsetting that it could potentially kill our relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Are you positive that she meant your visit on Saturday and not the wedding she attended? Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 Considering I asked... ...um... Well, technically, no...but I asked if she wanted to talk about what happened on Saturday, one would have to assume that she knew I was talking about what happened between us, especially if she wanted to put off talking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 I still doubt it's just your visit. Perhaps it was your visit coupled with all the emotion of attending a wedding. Perhaps it's a symbolism she attached to your visit. Until she tells you for sure, no point in beating yourself up but it sounds like the relationship may be grinding to an end, I'm afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 Yeah. I know. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Originally posted by UCFKevin Why would she not want to just end it completely? I've asked her if she wanted to do that, would she, and she said yes she would. Maybe because she's afraid of your reaction. Maybe because she doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe she wants you to get used to this slowly and accept it and that possibly you will move on yourself. A lot of people are really chickens*** about breaking it off with a person. They don't like conflict, or they don't want to be seen as the bad guy/girl in the situation. There are so many possibilities. You know her the best, so only you can truly figure this out. But I agree with the others - it seems that the relationship is pretty much over. You need to move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted November 4, 2003 Author Share Posted November 4, 2003 Well, she didn't call. I guess she's too scared to tell me anything. That's it, then. <sigh> I really hate life sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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