what is reasonable for friendship between a man and woman

[megn.]

I am 20 years old, my boyfriend is 24, and we have been together for 2 years. For the past year we have been living together. Things have been rocky, and we have a lot of issues but that's a whole different story. My question is what is reasonable when it comes to men and having female friends. I have guys as friends, either I went to school with or from work, and don't want to sound like a hypocrite when it comes to his female friends, but its ridiculous. Its not like they are friends he went to school with or has known for a while. The only girl he is "friends" with that he has even known longer then me is his ex of 6 years, and he is adamant about maintaining a friendship with her. He hides it from me though. He took her out to breakfast a month ago for her birthday, and I didn't know about this til I saw a bank statement. He meets girls on facebook and myspace, and sometimes they initiate the contact but he pursues it. recently this girl sent him a message on facebook so he added her. they started chatting on aim i guess. well a couple nights later i saw a picture of her in his phone. that to me is crossing the line. why did she even have his phone number at all? and he says he didn't ask for her to send the pictures, at 2 am. she just did. but he had told her she looked good, and when i asked him about it he said he was just trying to be nice. i know that is bull, i don't need anyone to tell me that. i just want to hear from everyone in their opinions and experience what they think is ok and not. i contacted this girl and asked her about it and she in turn took him off her friends, but i later found out they still talk on aim and text all the time. there are a hundred more incidents of females, online mostly, that he says are just friends and i should let him have friends. to me, you don't go find your female "friends" on dating applications on facebook and such and give them your phone number and then hide everything from your girlfriend. there is so much to the story, so I guess I'm just wondering how everyone else feels. any questions to help explain are welcome..

[motive2002]

The hiding part is what I'm most concerned with. If he's open about these "friendships" that's one thing. If there's some messaging on facebook or whatever, that isn't that serious. but telling chicks they look good and getting pictures.. and hiding his activities until you get a bank statement?

 

I think he has crossed the line in my opinion. Everyone like to flirt and make friends, but he is in a relationship with you so I think his behavior should reflect that a little more than what it seems to.

[megn.]

yeh, some messaging would be one thing, its the fact that phone numbers were exchanged, pictures were sent to him at 2 am and he said she looked good. thats past the line. i agree he should act like hes in a relationship. i feel like everything should be open and no hiding, he keeps his phone on silent, hides it, wont answer a call or text around me usually, its just shady. and ive always said to him if hes just looking for people to chat with when bored, why are they always girls, and why do they always live in the area, you cant talk to someone on the other side of the country? its just not right in a serious relationship but he justifies it and makes me the bad guy saying i dont want him to have friends..

[Citizen Erased]

If he was only interested in a friendship, he wouldn't be exchanging phone numbers and pictures with them. Sounds suss to me.

[LucreziaBorgia]

He isn't interested in 'friends'. He is interested in the ego boost he gets from what he is doing.

[AlektraClementine]

Yeah, he's TOTALLY crossing lines here. And it sounds like you've let him get away with it. So why should he stop when he can have you AND them.

 

Were I you? I'd tell him that he can have all the "friends" he wants. With that, I'd leave his a**. Let me tell you this. You will not get him to stop this behavior thru talking and complaining about how it's wrong and it hurts you. You've let it go on way to long and if he really cared about what hurts you, he wouldn't be doing it anyway.

[Dexter Morgan]

Nothing wrong with friends of the opposite sex when you are committed to someone.

 

I have female friends, but I don't hang out with them like I would my male buds. And if I do, it is always with a group and whoever my SO may be at the time.

 

I wouldn't expect a SO of mine to be happy if I were to go hang out with another woman alone.

[Anis]

My stomach twisted reading your post. He's not going to stop and I agree it's probably the ego boost. There's nothing ok about deceiving you and you can bet he's flirting. IMO his actions will probably progress to something worse. If you think you're feeling angst about it now just wait. You can't regulate your BF and it's only going to wear you down trying. Repeat after me - RED FLAG.

[jnj express]

Your so called BF, wants you there for when he needs you, and he wants to play the field also. You need to figure out where you want to be with all of this, either you are in a relationship, or you are not, you need to decide, then you need to sit him down forcefully and make him decide, He doesn't get it both ways. Either he is with you, and you alone, and no playing around of anykind, in any way shape or form, or he can leave and be single, and that is what the 2 of you must decide.