LDRs SUCK! How do I cope with doubts and new developments?

[colosseum]

Longish, so I'd be grateful for your patience...

 

My SO and I are both in school but we're not official; stupid, I know, but that's how I set it up because we started dating just a month or two before summer, we both had reservations about LDR and neither of us had a good experience in the past. So we kept it vague and said we'll stay in touch, and hopefully things will be good once we come back.

 

Since summer started about a month ago, we've been talking about twice a week on the phone in addition to e-mail. I'm interning in a city all alone renting an apartment; I go to a gym at night to keep myself busy/distracted/healthy. She's back home working, but she's also going out pretty much every night with her friends.

 

I've just recently been having some weird thoughts, and I just haven't been having a good feeling about this LDR the past week or so.

 

Now, part of the reason I screwed up my first LDR was I let my insecurities, and frankly the LDR, take over my life; I was getting jealous and mad that she wasn't calling back (she was on a tour with a choir--hindsight says I was really immature). I've scaled that back knowing how destructive (and stupid) it is.

 

It's been good, but I've been testy lately for some reason knowing my SO is going out pretty much every night with her friends. In addition, she's begun to enjoy...well, casual drugs if you will. Alcohol yes, but also grass and such--a farcry from what she was when we were dating face-to-face. She's been partying quite a bit, and I'm not so comfortable with it.

 

On the one hand I'm happy she's enjoying herself so much. And I'm happy for her. I also know the way to destroy this relationship is to start criticizing and being small-minded and picking really stupid fights when I'm hundreds of miles away. I want to have a big heart and be happy.

 

Easier said than done, especially when I'm not doing much getting out myself (leave home at 8AM, get back 6:30PM, come back from gym and it's 10:15PM).

 

I'm not sure how to best approach this increasingly heavy weight starting to sag in my mind...whether I should maybe go cold-turkey NC from her to remove myself from getting anxious about it when we have 2 months left of waiting or...start talking to her (but what about?)

 

What should I do? How do I cope and be patient? Should I be patient? Is her behavior appropriate or does that even matter?

 

Blast, LDRs suck. Thanks so much, everyone...!

[northstar1]

Longish, so I'd be grateful for your patience...

 

My SO and I are both in school but we're not official; stupid, I know, but that's how I set it up because we started dating just a month or two before summer, we both had reservations about LDR and neither of us had a good experience in the past. So we kept it vague and said we'll stay in touch, and hopefully things will be good once we come back.

 

Since summer started about a month ago, we've been talking about twice a week on the phone in addition to e-mail. I'm interning in a city all alone renting an apartment; I go to a gym at night to keep myself busy/distracted/healthy. She's back home working, but she's also going out pretty much every night with her friends.

 

I've just recently been having some weird thoughts, and I just haven't been having a good feeling about this LDR the past week or so.

 

Now, part of the reason I screwed up my first LDR was I let my insecurities, and frankly the LDR, take over my life; I was getting jealous and mad that she wasn't calling back (she was on a tour with a choir--hindsight says I was really immature). I've scaled that back knowing how destructive (and stupid) it is.

 

It's been good, but I've been testy lately for some reason knowing my SO is going out pretty much every night with her friends. In addition, she's begun to enjoy...well, casual drugs if you will. Alcohol yes, but also grass and such--a farcry from what she was when we were dating face-to-face. She's been partying quite a bit, and I'm not so comfortable with it.

 

On the one hand I'm happy she's enjoying herself so much. And I'm happy for her. I also know the way to destroy this relationship is to start criticizing and being small-minded and picking really stupid fights when I'm hundreds of miles away. I want to have a big heart and be happy.

 

Easier said than done, especially when I'm not doing much getting out myself (leave home at 8AM, get back 6:30PM, come back from gym and it's 10:15PM).

 

I'm not sure how to best approach this increasingly heavy weight starting to sag in my mind...whether I should maybe go cold-turkey NC from her to remove myself from getting anxious about it when we have 2 months left of waiting or...start talking to her (but what about?)

 

What should I do? How do I cope and be patient? Should I be patient? Is her behavior appropriate or does that even matter?

 

Blast, LDRs suck. Thanks so much, everyone...!

 

This is just until September right? Just think of the fact you only have 2 months of this.