KillerFish Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 Hey guys, this is all a bit complicated to explain, but I will try my best for you guys to understand. I have been having this strange relation with a girl I really liked, she turned me down right at the start and after a while I just tried being friends with her.We got closer and closer, and I started liking her again, one time we were cuddling and I couldnt resist and went for the kiss, she turned me down and I kinda realized that I still liked her a lot. I am not going to explain but because of this girl I have already went through some really bad moments in my life. So I decided to stop seeing her, at least until I have no feelings for her. I tried to explain her, why we had to stop seeing each other, and she takes it the wrong way and says I have to stop seeing her because she doesn't want to kiss me or have sex. I told her overall it is because I still like her and it's very hard for me to be together with her, specially when she talks about other boys etc. Anyway I still think she got the idea that I just wanted to sleep with her... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 You're right, but she may have had bad experiences or have a tarnished view of men that makes her think they just want one thing. So she's not wrong, just misguided..... Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 Did you read this thread?? But If We Started Dating.... - LoveShack.org Community Forums Maybe send her the link! Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 Yes, IfWishesWereHorses, I was just going to point him to that link as well! Brilliant!!! Killerfish, the reason she flipped things around on you was to avoid her being in the bad spot. She's trying to convince herself that she's not the bad person, that it wasn't you that needs space from her. It's that she needs space from you! Plainly put, she doesn't want to look at herself in the mirror so she'll do whatever it takes to make you look like the biggest bastard on this planet. All to convince herself that she's still this sweet, innocent girl. You clearly don't need people like this in your life. Get rid of her forever. Don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KillerFish Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 Thanks for your input guys, you make a lot of sense, I just hope for my sake I didn't took the wrong decision, right now I am feeling like a douche for walking away, we had no fights, at the this time we were realy close to each other. I just did it because of my feelings for her.Saw her the other day, she gave me such a sad face, it's hard, specially since I know she doesn't really understands what I am going through, I tried to explain her, even told her she is like a drug to me, but still she told me she never liked someone that only liked her as a friend, every time she was on the other side... Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 This is why these situations are the hardest to deal with, even harder than a breakup. Because there have been no fights, no angry emotions, or jealous rage there doesn't seem to be a legit reason to walk away from this person. Why walk away from someone you have feelings for? It doesn't make sense.... That is, until you find out that while they value you as a friend they do not see you as you see them. So your head and heart are now in conflict. Like anything, this situation requires compromise and mutual understanding. You have to understand that this is hard for her as well. She thinks she's losing a friend. (We'll give her a free pass and say she wasn't just using you for attention, that she genuinely values you as a good friend) So think about what she's going through, and understand that she'll be resistant to this. However, she has to understand what you are going through as well. That it is incredibly hard for you to see her while you still have the love feeling for her. You are a head of the curve in realizing that this isn't a healthy situation and you need to remove yourself from it while you figure things out. Both of you have to understand that this doesn't mean the friendship is over, it doesn't mean that you'll never hang out again. But, there has to be a some away time while both parties figure things out. In time, you can get back to being good friends, but only after your feelings subside for her and you are possibly in another, loving relationship. Which, is around the time she'll realize she has always had feelings for you and this whole mess will start again....... To truly test if she was just using you for your attention or if she really does care about you as a friend will be if she is supportive of your decisions. If she cannot take the fact that you need some time to yourself, then she is being selfish and really is only craving the attention you gave her and nothing else. If she really values you as a friend, she'll be supportive and understanding of what you are going through and you'll have to be supportive of what she's going through. Another good test, ask her to set you up with her single friends. See how she reacts. I followed Carhil's advice on this and did that to a girl who had told me we were "just friends" and let's just say the results were interesting at best. Hilarious, actually. I wish you the best of luck. Remember, as much as you care about her, in the end this is about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KillerFish Posted July 7, 2009 Author Share Posted July 7, 2009 Thanks for your input WTRanger I really needed to read that. But there's one thing I didn't tell you guys, she is leaving to another country in a couple of days from now, and she might not come back... sometimes I think I should had hold up my emotions at least until she left. I have had no contact with her for a week now, and the day of her departure is coming up. Should I call her and say goodbye? Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Should I call her and say goodbye? Only if you want to say goodbye. Don't do it for her perceived response, because more than likely she won't respond the way you want her to. Do it because that's what you want to do. Do it for you and you alone. You cannot control her response or if she will even respond so don't worry about that part. Though, I wouldn't make it seem like a final, I'll never see or hear from you again goodbye. Just wish her well and the such. Keep it light and not too depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
funwithpaint Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Every thing that ranger told you is truth. I think that you saying good bye is the thing to do because it proves to her that you were not just trying to get in her pants. You did this at exactly the right time. If you had not walked away when you did you would have had a fistful of regrets to hold onto when she left. Link to post Share on other sites
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