Over Emotional

[Frank]

I have been seeing this girl for about 2 months. I knew right from the beginning this one was gonna hurt me, however, I was addicted to being with her, even after I got to know her better, and found out what she was really like, I still stayed with her. I am not an overly emotional person, in fact it usually takes me over a year to form some real emotional bond with someone. In this case it took all of a week, which scared the hell out of me, but i was enjoying the time I had with her too much to think about it. Well our first big problem arose with the long weekend. We had plans to go away with a bunch of poeple, these where my friends, and her 'aquatances' as she met them through me. On the phone one day this past week we where talking about the trip, and I mentioned that i know she wasn't really into the whole camping thing, so we decided that we wouldn't go, when she sprung something on me, about her spending the weekend with her friend. Well that came as somewhat of a shock, because I wanted to spend the weekend with her. I kind of went quiet and she changed the subject. The next day I was at work and she called. I told her I was busy and I didn't have time to talk, but I did want to talk later, if we could get together. She blew up and said "We've havn't even bin together for 2 months and you already want to talk" etc.. So i found a nice quiet corner at work, and was going to talk to her when she once again changed the subject, and was talking like nothing happened. Admitedly i was being a wimp, and she was definately excersing the control she obviously knew she had over me. That night, she didn't call me when we had planned, so i called her, i'm not one to play games, and not call someone because they didn't call me. She wasn't home, so i left a message, and didn't hear from her till the next day. Well, that night we went out to dinner, and she brought along someone she works with, and we ate, and i was quiet. I mentioned i wanted to go away the next day, just for a night, up to a friends cottage, and told her she was welcome to come. To which she responed in a god awful tone "I'm not going". All the time thinking I can't wait to get her alone so I can TRY to talk to her again. So when we where leaving, her friend hopped in the car, and she pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong. At this point not talking to her was really getting to me, and I figured if i started to talk about what was bothering me she would change the subject yet again. So I said "You're being a bitch". To which she yelled back at me "no i'm not" and i just said "see". And then she calmed down, I told her next time if she doesn't want to go somewhere with me, she could at least have the decency to say it such a way that I don't think she is disgusted with it. Anyways that turned out to be my fault, because i didn't ask her if she wanted to come, i said "your welcome to come". Apparently thats not the same thing, and it was my fault. So i just said ok, good-night and left. As I was leaving she said "I can never win with you". I called her that night to try to sort things out, but she wasn't home, and didn't return my call. The next day it was raining and cold, so i didn't go away. So i called her, and she wasn't home, and again didn't return my call. So it has now been 2 days that I havn't talked to her. I have decided to end the relationship now because i'm obviously far more attached than she is. It bothers me that i can't get ahold of her to tell her its over, and i am and always have been the type of person that needs closure.

 

I guess I'm not really looking for advice, just needed some place to ramble. If anyone would like to comment on the situation however, feel free.. hehehe

[hassan]

woa that is a dangerous story. you have bog ballz to say that to your girl "that she is a bitch". With me i always end up saying sorry and the girl always win. Damn you got relation ship on lock down. I wish i could have realationships like yorus. In mine the girl always win. I try to win but i end up saying sorry for something i did not doo. Your girl is a bitch something is up her azz . Just chill out and realx. maybe she has caller I.D. and when ever you call she does not pick up the phone. maybe you guys are probably already broken up. or if she is the psycho type then she could be some where out there doing something bad.

I have been seeing this girl for about 2 months. I knew right from the beginning this one was gonna hurt me, however, I was addicted to being with her, even after I got to know her better, and found out what she was really like, I still stayed with her. I am not an overly emotional person, in fact it usually takes me over a year to form some real emotional bond with someone. In this case it took all of a week, which scared the hell out of me, but i was enjoying the time I had with her too much to think about it. Well our first big problem arose with the long weekend. We had plans to go away with a bunch of poeple, these where my friends, and her 'aquatances' as she met them through me. On the phone one day this past week we where talking about the trip, and I mentioned that i know she wasn't really into the whole camping thing, so we decided that we wouldn't go, when she sprung something on me, about her spending the weekend with her friend. Well that came as somewhat of a shock, because I wanted to spend the weekend with her. I kind of went quiet and she changed the subject. The next day I was at work and she called. I told her I was busy and I didn't have time to talk, but I did want to talk later, if we could get together. She blew up and said "We've havn't even bin together for 2 months and you already want to talk" etc.. So i found a nice quiet corner at work, and was going to talk to her when she once again changed the subject, and was talking like nothing happened. Admitedly i was being a wimp, and she was definately excersing the control she obviously knew she had over me. That night, she didn't call me when we had planned, so i called her, i'm not one to play games, and not call someone because they didn't call me. She wasn't home, so i left a message, and didn't hear from her till the next day. Well, that night we went out to dinner, and she brought along someone she works with, and we ate, and i was quiet. I mentioned i wanted to go away the next day, just for a night, up to a friends cottage, and told her she was welcome to come. To which she responed in a god awful tone "I'm not going". All the time thinking I can't wait to get her alone so I can TRY to talk to her again. So when we where leaving, her friend hopped in the car, and she pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong. At this point not talking to her was really getting to me, and I figured if i started to talk about what was bothering me she would change the subject yet again. So I said "You're being a bitch". To which she yelled back at me "no i'm not" and i just said "see". And then she calmed down, I told her next time if she doesn't want to go somewhere with me, she could at least have the decency to say it such a way that I don't think she is disgusted with it. Anyways that turned out to be my fault, because i didn't ask her if she wanted to come, i said "your welcome to come". Apparently thats not the same thing, and it was my fault. So i just said ok, good-night and left. As I was leaving she said "I can never win with you". I called her that night to try to sort things out, but she wasn't home, and didn't return my call. The next day it was raining and cold, so i didn't go away. So i called her, and she wasn't home, and again didn't return my call. So it has now been 2 days that I havn't talked to her. I have decided to end the relationship now because i'm obviously far more attached than she is. It bothers me that i can't get ahold of her to tell her its over, and i am and always have been the type of person that needs closure.

 

I guess I'm not really looking for advice, just needed some place to ramble. If anyone would like to comment on the situation however, feel free.. hehehe

[D.]

"I have decided to end the relationship now because i'm obviously far more attached than she is."

 

You appear to be the type that needs to be hit on the head with a 2 by 4, but YESSSSSSSS!!! It is over. She does not want you anymore. She is avoiding contact with you and you are making yourself crazy as well as making yourself look like an ass trying to continue to make contact. She does not want to be alone with you (hell, I would have brought a friend to dinner with me, too, had I been her). You are really pissing her off by continuing these sad attempts at contact. Stop it. for God's sake, for YOUR sake and for her sake!

 

"It bothers me that i can't get ahold of her to tell her its over, and i am and always have been the type of person that needs closure."

 

Why does it bother you? Because your ego makes you need to be the one to say it is over? Get real and let it go. As far as "needing closure" ... you already have it ... you are just unaware of it because you choose not to see it.

 

Move on, find someone else. This time, allow her more space as you obviously did not do in this relationship. And no matter how "crazy" you are about a gal, we gals are way turned off by possesive behavior by men who chase us like puppies on our heels and demand more than we are willing to give. Show some restraint!

 

Don't make the same mistakes next time, let go, and move on.

[Frank]

"I have decided to end the relationship now because i'm obviously far more attached than she is." You appear to be the type that needs to be hit on the head with a 2 by 4, but YESSSSSSSS!!! It is over. She does not want you anymore. She is avoiding contact with you and you are making yourself crazy as well as making yourself look like an ass trying to continue to make contact. She does not want to be alone with you (hell, I would have brought a friend to dinner with me, too, had I been her). You are really pissing her off by continuing these sad attempts at contact. Stop it. for God's sake, for YOUR sake and for her sake! "It bothers me that i can't get ahold of her to tell her its over, and i am and always have been the type of person that needs closure."

 

Why does it bother you? Because your ego makes you need to be the one to say it is over? Get real and let it go. As far as "needing closure" ... you already have it ... you are just unaware of it because you choose not to see it. Move on, find someone else. This time, allow her more space as you obviously did not do in this relationship. And no matter how "crazy" you are about a gal, we gals are way turned off by possesive behavior by men who chase us like puppies on our heels and demand more than we are willing to give. Show some restraint! Don't make the same mistakes next time, let go, and move on.

Wow. Thank you for the reality check.