digitalwitch Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Balls in your court Wiz, what you gonna do with it? Witch, Anything less then total NC with OM dosen't count. That includes video games etc. As far as putting your life on hold, I think that statement trivializes your relationship with Wiz. Not the best motivation for him to take steps to better himself for you. TOJAZ The reason that I said "on the phone" was because I wanted to re-itterate the fact that it was a PHONE relationship, not a PHYSICAL one. NC is NC and that is what I meant. As far me trivializing the relationship with my statement, what about the fact that he has had plenty of chances to go to AM and at times plenty of money for it and still hasn't gone? Isn't THAT trivializing the relationship, too? He has known how important that was to me for the last year; way before I did any of this. I have done my part, as I stated above in the last post. There is nothing more that I can do, until he actually KEEPS an appointment. The "WITCH" Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 The reason that I said "on the phone" was because I wanted to re-itterate the fact that it was a PHONE relationship, not a PHYSICAL one. NC is NC and that is what I meant. As far me trivializing the relationship with my statement, what about the fact that he has had plenty of chances to go to AM and at times plenty of money for it and still hasn't gone? Isn't THAT trivializing the relationship, too? He has known how important that was to me for the last year; way before I did any of this. I have done my part, as I stated above in the last post. There is nothing more that I can do, until he actually KEEPS an appointment. The "WITCH" Hence the first part of my post. That Wiz needs to make a decision. I don't think that does anything to trivialize the relationship. Wiz is here for the sole purpose of getting you back. Once again despite his faults and problems, he values you, while you are speaking with OM on the phone. We know it wasn't a PA, but sometimes it hurts just as much. Right now, the only person who knows why he didn't go to Am is Wiz. If you truly have hope that this will work, you need to stop keeping score and trying to decide whos indisgretions are worse and who has the higher ground. He hurt you, you hurt him, it all needs to stop. Period. Until that is accepted, there is not going to be much help here or in MC. THERE ARE NO WINNERS OR LOSERS HERE, JUST MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Back off on the Witch and the OM. She has expressed concerns about the safety of her children. The Whiz has admitted that he has anger managment problems. Many women in similar situations need somebody to talk to, and especially a male, to get their perspective. Kids come first. Yes I have been the OM several times, so I know of what I speak. Whiz and Witch, please get your act together for the kids sake. You do not want to get state child welfare or child protective services involved. For if they do there will be several OM's with badges at your door, and the marriage will never be recoverable Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Back off on the Witch and the OM. She has expressed concerns about the safety of her children. The Whiz has admitted that he has anger managment problems. Many women in similar situations need somebody to talk to, and especially a male, to get their perspective. Kids come first. Yes I have been the OM several times, so I know of what I speak. Whiz and Witch, please get your act together for the kids sake. You do not want to get state child welfare or child protective services involved. For if they do there will be several OM's with badges at your door, and the marriage will never be recoverable Were not talking support or someone to talk to, were talking phone sex! Tojaz Link to post Share on other sites
digitalwitch Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Were not talking support or someone to talk to, were talking phone sex! Tojaz You are all right. We both treated each other badly. The phone sex that you are referring to happened once. After I had been drinking, and I felt terrible. I was drinking because I was losing everything. To tell you the truth, I don't think I could ever physically touch anyone other than Wiz. To update, no OM, and Wiz has an AM appt this month. I believe that me being here actually did help us! Maybe you should think more about having the other "half" here as well. Like a section just for that. Stupid, maybe, I don't know. Things a lot of people said to me were beyond hurtful. You did know it was phone and video game contact only, but some of the ppl did think that I was having a physical thing. Which I could never do to him as long as there was ever a chance. I do love Wiz with so much heart and care for him as well, even if things don't work out. We have both hurt each other and together we will see if we can both forgive and move on, together! For the kids if not for ourselves. I thought for sure I was going to have hits put out on me as much hate as I felt from some here, but some of you really looked at both sides and that is what really helped me and Wiz. I guess that's why counseling helps when both ppl or the whole family goes. Anyway, I want to thank everyone who saw both sides for what they were, without name calling and terrible, hurtful, words! That put me on the defensive. But the ones who were just brutally honest and saw faults on both sides really helped me to look at what I was doing, and it got Wiz to finally make that appt. I really do think he will keep it this time! I am very excited, he is already reading books on AM so I know he is putting forth the effort now. Thanks for helping me see what I needed to do and Wiz too. I really believe that we are on the right track! the witch Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Good luck to you and him! I wish you both the best! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Witch&Wiz I wish you two the best, keep us posted! Maybe I'll invite the wife to LS. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Witch, have you considered counseling to help you work through whatever "other" issues you may be dealing with as well? This isn't pointing all the blame on you...not at all. But it's a continuation of the very good premise that was raised here...both of you have things you need to work on. Taking an active step in IDENTIFYING what those are and seeking help in fixing them makes good sense...on both sides. Wiz clearly needs IC and counseling around anger management...no disagreemant there. He may well have other issues to do deal with as well. But I'd also suggest that there are very likely somethings that you're dealing with as well...and working towards finding and fixing those things while he's doing the same is a good "good faith token" on your part as well as on his. Both of you brought things with you into the marriage...both of you created issues in the marriage after you started the relationship...and both of you need to take ownership in fixing all of the above. I'd also like to suggest a couple of books if you don't mind. "20 (Surprisingly Simple!) Rules and Tools for a Great Marriage" by Dr Stevens. "His Needs/Her Needs" by Dr Harley "The Five Love Languages" by Dr Chapman I'm not suggesting that the two of you jump right back into a relationship and act like nothing happened...on the contrary...I'd suggest you take what the both of you have done and gone through and learn from it. Just my suggestions...I wish you both the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author digitalwizard Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 Just a quick update on our situation. She has more than proven to me that she wants to work on us. We are committed to each other alone and are slowly building the foundation for another 50 years together. It's not always roses, but I knew it wouldn't be. I've been to a counselor for my anger issues and he gave me several ideas to help cut the anger in half or out completely. I haven't had an outburst of rage in several months. I feel kinda like an alcoholic counting the days and stuff, but I guess the two are not that different. Anyway, things are looking really good for us, so I thought I'd share a bit. Wiz/Witch Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 No one could blame you for your anger with what she had put you through. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author digitalwizard Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 She always told me that anger towards children was never acceptable. I told her that if she was not doing the things that she was then I would not get angry at her or the kids either. She has NC with the OM any more at all, but we are still apart. I am guessing that it was never about the OM, it was our relationship. Actually, maybe I should have followed through with AM like I said I would when she went NC with OM. Maybe she just needs time. Link to post Share on other sites
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