Things have changed a bit...

[Chrome Barracuda]

...That's not F-ing good enough!!!!

 

If she isnt willing to end it with him completely and recommit to you! then there is no marriage, dude she cant trust you!!!

 

**** works both ways!!!!

 

Man I would be pissed, sounds like she's still gonna have the OM in her life banging her while your pining away as you as her back up plan! what are you her doormat or her husband, be assertive take control. End the affair or end the marriage there is no half way compromise with this!

[digitalwizard]

Tojaz,

 

I hear what you are saying, but the problem is that it IS my fault that I am not living with her now. I was the one that lost my cool and made promises that I broke over & over. Now she doesn't think she can trust me. I don't think that NC will work anymore. I don't know that living there will help either, but I reason that if I am around her and act like I'm cool & everything is good and don't try to be close to her and don't tell her I need/want/love her or whatever then perhaps that will be just as good as NC. Am I just being blind? I don't know. I have to SOME HOW prove to her that I CAN be trusted and that I AM a changed man. I don't know how to do that, though. Maybe I can't.

 

- Wiz

[digitalwizard]

As a computer programmer, I think logically. I dunno, maybe I'm still blinded by how much I love her. I pushed her away by being neglectful, mean, and angry. She's not PHYSICALLY with him...he's in AZ, she's in OH. She has admitted to phone sex, though, which made me go and vomit. I can see beyond the front that she puts up. She has been back & forth with me and him for about 2 months now. She wants to take me back, but is afraid that I will hurt her again LIKE ALL THE OTHER TIMES. With him, she sees someone that hasn't hurt her yet. In her eyes, it's either go back to the guy that hurt me twice when he said he wouldn't again, and NOW he's promising the same stuff all over again; OR move on to someone new who may just treat her better. I understand from her perspective how she feels, but what I don't understand is why she isn't willing to go to counseling or any other service out there that would help us work through all this. I've told her that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of other women/men in the same boat as us. One of them hurt the other & they left them. I explained that it is human nature to make mistakes, and HUMAN to be imperfect.

 

There are times when it really seems like I'm getting through to her and her eyes lose the glaze that so often covers them and I can see into her mind again. But, then there are other times when she acts like she hates me and would rather I disappear for putting her in this position.

 

This morning, she said, "So what am I supposed to do? You are asking me to give YOU (emphasis hers) yet another chance when you've failed every chance I've already given you. Why is this time any different? It's because you know that someone else can love me and make me feel special; someone else can talk to me the way you did, with intellect and deep conversation. You want me to push myself beyond my will and just take you back and tell him to 'hit the road'."

 

I just told her that THIS time I was actually getting professional help. That it took me hitting rock bottom to find myself and realize all the pain I've caused. She was adamant about me not getting another chance. I sat down in front her, spoke softly and kissed her leg and told her that I love her more than anything and I would do anything for her. I told her that the only way to heal the hurt is to try again. I promised her that she wouldn't get her heart broken again and that I would not be the same mean hearted person.

 

She paused, looked up at me and made the offer that I mentioned earlier. When I pulled her close to me to try to reason with her, she didn't resist. She wanted me to be forceful with her. That's a thing with her. She likes to be controlled. However, that was the first time in a while that I've reached for her and she didn't pull away.

 

- Wiz

[tojaz]

Tojaz,

 

I hear what you are saying, but the problem is that it IS my fault that I am not living with her now. I was the one that lost my cool and made promises that I broke over & over. Now she doesn't think she can trust me. I don't think that NC will work anymore. I don't know that living there will help either, but I reason that if I am around her and act like I'm cool & everything is good and don't try to be close to her and don't tell her I need/want/love her or whatever then perhaps that will be just as good as NC. Am I just being blind? I don't know. I have to SOME HOW prove to her that I CAN be trusted and that I AM a changed man. I don't know how to do that, though. Maybe I can't.

- Wiz

 

Read that again bro, SHE is the one with an OM, She is the one stringing you along. You admit your part, thats great, your going to fix it, thats better. A marriage is two people, not one and sure as heck not three. You've done your part, tell her OM has to go or THE WIZ is taking the show on the road! No commitment from her and your just a puppet. Do the right thing before Chrome starts foaming at the mouth!

TOJAZ

[tojaz]

There are times when it really seems like I'm getting through to her and her eyes lose the glaze that so often covers them and I can see into her mind again. But, then there are other times when she acts like she hates me and would rather I disappear for putting her in this position.

Go read my threads bud. I went through the exact same thing. Don't get pulled in though. My divorce will be final in 22 days!!

She paused, looked up at me and made the offer that I mentioned earlier. When I pulled her close to me to try to reason with her, she didn't resist. She wanted me to be forceful with her. That's a thing with her. She likes to be controlled. However, that was the first time in a while that I've reached for her and she didn't pull away.

- Wiz

I had moments like that too. I would kiss her on the neck and she would press right back. As quick as it came it was gone. You need a commitment before you move forward. Something that says She is willing. Seriously, read my threads. I drove myself nuts with all the false hope. Your in the fight, sounds like your chances are good, but push for something concrete, no OM, and Marriage Counseling!!!.

TOJAZ

[Chrome Barracuda]

You canot do any marriage rebuilding as long as the OM is in the picture.

 

That's just the way it is, she needs to stop flip-flopping and make a choice!

[seibert253]

The cuda's right again.

 

It takes two to fix a marriage. She needs to make a choice. Maybe time for a soft ultimatum.

 

Tell her, I see the mistakes I've made, I understand the hurt I've caused you, but you also hurt me by running to OM instead of coming to me.

I'm working to fix me but you do not seem to be working to fix the mistakes you've made. Together we can fix this, but with you staying in contact with OM, we cannot. You have to chose, him or me.

[mark982]

the only reason she wants you top move back in is to pay the bills,as you said she only makes 500 a month. you're gonna have to let her sink to were there's nowhere left for her to go,before she's going to come around.

[TrustInYourself]

Okay, here is an update and a question or two.

 

My wife called me and she has agreed to let me move back in as "room mates". I have to sleep in a separate bedroom. To quote her, "We've shared 9 years together. I need help and you need a place. You can move in as a room mate and we'll see what happens from there." I asked if she was going to still be talking to the OM on the phone at night and she just shook her head and said, "I don't know." (I would assume that is a 'yes'.)

 

Now, my questions. I have been asking her for almost 2 months to start over with me. I wanted her to let me move back in as a friend and win her heart back from the beginning. This offer is pretty much that. The only thing is if she is still talking to him then what chance do I really have? Honestly, will it be easier to win her back living with her or NC? Someone help me. I think that by her seeing me EVERY day and me not being how I used to be would build her trust in me that I am NOT the same mean hearted individual anymore. But, I also think that if she continues to talk to him that he will still always be the one "on top" so to speak. I can't guarantee that she is going to talk to him; she almost sounded depressed when she said "I don't know", as if she was hurting from thinking about not talking to him anymore. Then after discussing a bit more about the arrangements, she said, "If I talk to him, you're going to have deal with it."

 

She pretty much came clean this morning. After 3 chances (she counts almost separating twice as chances) to change and not doing so, but promising to do so, she doesn't know if she can trust me. I think what she is basically doing is putting it in 'fates' hands. Whatever happens, happens. The good news is that generally when I am around her for a good period of time, she loosens up and gets flirty and even kisses me from time to time. Perhaps by being there more frequently, this could increase until I eventually win her heart back.

 

I don't know what to do. I want to live with her, but I don't want to be in the other room listening to her talk to him in a soft, gentle, loving voice. It would tear me apart. On the other hand, this IS what I asked her for...to start over as friends. Perhaps, I can live there and go out in the evenings for hours at a time and peek her curiousity? If we are room mates then I can "see other people too" right? I don't really want to, but if that would work... Any advice is appreciated.

 

Thomas

 

Tom, I know how you are feeling. You have to consider what your objective is. What is your plan?

 

Are you trying to change her feelings? Are you trying to force her to make a decision? Are you going to end up hating and resenting her?

 

You have no power over her. If she continues to use another man when you come up short, what precendence are you setting by accepting that?

 

You have to love yourself more than you love her. That's hard. It goes against everything you feel inside, because you love her.

 

So what is the right thing to do? Whatever allows you the chance to make the changes you need to make, for you. You have to take her out of this equation. This is about you. You are playing this game, according to your rules.

 

If you move in and subject yourself to listening to her cheat emotionally and physically over the phone, you are destroying your own love, self respect, and ability to be the better person.

 

She's cheating on you. You may have been a crappy husband, but she took it to the next level. You have to approach this situation with a goal and a plan for yourself. To hell with her.

 

By doing so, you strengthen your position regardless. With or without her, you become a better man. That's the objective. Not destroying your self worth and love for her in an empty effort or gesture of "love".

 

It's on you though ultimately. Again, this is advice. You are the man on the ground. It's your heart, life, and well-being at stake here. I've been there and it's hard. Let logic guide your way, when your emotions are at stake.

[digitalwizard]

I dunno how I feel anymore. I mean, she's still my best friend. I love to just hang out with her. I think I'm at the point where I don't give a **** anymore. If she moves on, whatever; if not, great, but I'm through trying. I've made a decision. I am going to move in with her and be just friends. If she ever flies this guy over to meet him, then I'll cross that bridge when it comes. Whenever I can put the "I gotta be with her" syndrome on the sidelines, I actually feel normal again just being with her. Some love is unconditional, and I think that mine is for her. If we never become lovers again, then we don't. That doesn't mean that I'm a bitch or a pushover, though.

 

This morning, I went over there and spent some time with my step-son (he's been here a few weeks now, visiting from Mississippi) and it was the best time I've had in a LONG time! (I think, partly, because I have surrendered to fate and let life take its course) We played Rock Band (him on guitar and me on drums) and just rocked most of the morning while she slept upstairs with a bad headache. I didn't even care that she was up there and not down there with me, which wasn't the case a few weeks ago. Maybe I am "over her"; well as "over" as you can get when you've spent 9 years together. Right now, I am content with being her best friend.

 

Who knows? Down the road, she may come around and wonder why I'm not "chasing" her anymore. Maybe she won't, too. Either way, it's fine with me. I listened to a song on the way to work today called "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia (spelling?) and I think it pretty well describes how Teresa feels about me. Talks about having no more faith b/c of the person she loved changing and becoming heartless. I can imagine not being able to have faith after someone has ****ed you over repeatedly. I don't blame her anymore for how she feels about me. That's my fault. That doesn't mean that I don't blame her for rushing off to "get involved" with another guy instead of "finding herself and needing space" like she said. That's just bull****.

 

BUT, if I want her to forgive me. I have to forgive her, right? Life is what you make it. My wife just invited me to move back in and spend every day with her again. Even if that's just as friends, it's still awesome. That's how we started off 9 years ago. *shrug*

 

Either way, I am a better person because of all this, and THAT is what matters.

 

I'll post here in the future if anything changes or we miraculously patch things up and renew our vows together or something. Peace.

 

-Wiz

[digitalwizard]

Just wanted to take a moment and share an update after staying with my wife for a week. It has been up and down. The first night was very rough. I ended up calling into work because I didn't sleep AT ALL! Around 9p or so, I went upstairs to see if I could watch television with her and her door was locked. So, I did what any husband would do, I listened. I could hear my wife talking softly and very seductively to someone over the phone. Well, I didn't have to guess for one second who it was. I listened for probably an hour and heard things that I've never heard come out of her mouth except when it was directed to me. I felt my heart rip into two-thousand pieces. I had always suspected phone sex, but never really believed it. Believe it or not, though, I could tell that she wasn't doing anything to herself (if you know what I mean) so it was all for him. She called him pet names that I used to be called. She called herself pet names that I used to call her. It was sick and it made me throw up.

 

I went and laid down in the bedroom setup for me and cracked the door open so she'd see when she came out to go to the bathroom or check on me or whatever. Eventually, she did. She had NO idea that I could hear. Her first words were, "I can't sleep. Do you wanna' come downstairs with me?" I joined her downstairs, hoping we could talk, but Julia, the 12 year old was awake, too and had to come too. Well, I went into the kitchen to grab a drink and she walked behind me and as I closed the door to the refrig she gave me a long hug and said, "Thanks for being my friend." It made me sick to my stomach even more. (I don't WANT to be your friend!!!! I WANT to be your ****ING husband!) Anyway, we sat down and played hang man for about an hour and I couldn't hold it in. I told her that I could hear the conversation. I layed it all out there and told her I could hear EVERYTHING. She was taken aback at first and even a lil' pissed that I eavesdropped, but then I could see in her eyes the realization of what that had to have done to me. She looked at me with what appeared to be sympathy and said, "You heard the WHOLE thing?" I said that I heard the last hour or so. What all did you hear? (She wanted me to give her details! Talk about uncomfortable) So I told her, in detail, in her ear so the lil one couldn't hear. "Ohhhh, baby! Why did you listen? Are you trying to give yourself a broken heart?" I told her that I wanted to know just how serious it really was and that it didn't mean **** to me that I would win her back, PERIOD.

 

She cuddled with me a bit then at about 3:30 or so decided it was bedtime for everyone..oh except for her. She got on RB and played some songs with him. I went upstairs, shut the door and cried for a lil while. Then I got fed up. I came down the stairs, got to the bottom, and said, "Look, it's ****ing 5 o'clock in the morning. I need to talk to you. Get off that ****ing thing and get up here." We talked for about a good 2 hours and I could see that I was really getting through to her. We ended up laying down on my air mattress for about an hour among a few other things.

 

The next few days were unbelievable. The ENTIRE day, except for about an hour at night so she could talk to him a bit on RB, we spent in eachother's arms. We just layed around ALL day in each other's arms. She even revealed her submissive side to me a few times, which was something that I hadn't experienced in a good 3 to 4 months. Anyway, it was absolutely unbelievable. I hadn't felt that close to her in ages. I didn't know it was possible. I've been sleeping in the same bed as her every night since I've been there. I don't have her back completely; but I do have her back far more than I did. She's even made comments that the tide is turning in my direction. She still talks to him, but I listen in from time to time and it's always "friend conversation". In other words, how you would talk to your sister or mother or friend, not intimate, just bull ****. She usually gets on RB and plays for about 2 hours, comes up every 30 mins to an hour and cuddles with me for a few minutes then eventually comes up for the night. We either watch tv and talk while I hold her or we cuddle and go to sleep.

 

Now, on Wednesday, her OM went out of town and she had no contact with him for two days. It was my chance to get her back 100%. It was absolutely amazing. I had her saying the same things to me that I heard her telling him on the phone 3 or 4 days earlier. Now, I do realize that she is living vicariously through me. In other words, she is in her mind envisioning him instead of me. I realize that's a possibility, but I also highly doubt it. I won't go into detail, but trust me on this.

 

Anyway, when he came back a few days later, I felt things were different. It was distance and confused. I didn't feel the warmth that I had. She would sit on the couch and intentionally sit a full space away from me so I couldn't touch her. (I brought this up and she said I was just reading into stuff wrong). But, she was being distant; I wasn't just imagining things. Anyway, it's been slightly off and on since then. This morning I went to kiss her mouth before leaving for work and got her cheek. Last night, she came up to bed and buried her head in my chest and cuddled, holding my hand. So, what transpired between last night going to sleep and this morning? I have NO idea, but that's how it usually goes (except while he was OUT OF THE ****ING PICTURE). If we have a nice intimate night of loving and cuddling and being lovers, the next day she's almost distant or guilty or something. She swears that I'm just interpreting it wrong, but I've known her inside out for 9 years. She can't fool me.

 

I also found out that she wasn't too happy about him going out of town. It turns out he went to a friend's house to get stoned and go to a party. I told her that I've never abandoned her for a party, drugs, sex, or any other kind of entertainment. I said, "If he gave a **** about you, he'd have stayed and put off the lil' party".

 

Anyway, that's the update. Those few nights of closeness are still working inside her mind. I know b/c I can see beyond her eyes. I get 90% of her time and gets 10%. Soon enough, that number will be even smaller and I'll be rid of him and have my life back for good.

 

OH YEAH!!!! Remember the psychic that I mentioned a few posts back? He was a gay guy from her work about a year ago. Well, he told her that he felt she should "move on". MIND YOU, this was a day after she called me over and said, "I'm not being fair with you. You don't get any of my time; he gets all of it." This was about 1.5 months ago and he gave her the advice for her to move on and forget me. SO she did. She continued to get closer and closer to OM and further from me. Well, it turns out mr gay guy isn't quite so gay after all. He told her to move on b/c he had plans to propisition her later (NOW). She is appalled by his direct requests for sex and no relationship and hasn't responded to him. He's asked if he could move in and ****. He's one of the reasons that I was pushed out of the picture. I told her to invite him over so I can kill him. LOL (no really!) Anyway, I just thought that that was an interesting lil tid bit of info. It actually has worked in my favor a bit; she feels guilty that she listened to him instead of continuing to give me a chance.

 

We'll see where things go....later

 

-Wiz

[NopeNah]

Wow, Wiz! I could NEVER put myself through what you are doing. I honestly do not think I have it in me. No ofense meant but, I'm glad I don't. Goodluck to you!

[TrustInYourself]

You are effectively using Plan A. It's a sacrifice that requires a ton of giving. If things start to go south, go to PLAN B!

[hopesndreams]

What you are going through is so incredibly sad. I won't forget this post anytime soon. It brought me to tears. I hope one day soon, your misery will end and it continue no more. I feel really bad for you. I just don't understand how someone can put themselves through this torture.

[digitalwizard]

You are right. It is torture! It is horrible, painful, brutal torture that makes me wish for death at times. But, the problem is that I am cursed. Either I endure this horrible situation and win her back somehow, or I leave and never see her again. Either way, the pain is still there. At least with this pain, I get to spend evenings with her and feel like there is some love left to salvage. There has to be, right? How can she be like that? How can she talk to him on the phone or on RB until 2 or 3 in the AM and then come up and act like she's in love with me? HOW can she be in love with two separate people? HOW can she love him more than me, someone she's been with for 9 years? NINE ****ING YEARS!

 

Anyway, sorry for the venting, but sometimes I think I'm gonna lose it and pull out in front of a semi. This is a ****ing impossible situation where nobody wins. NO-****ING BODY! Here's the latest:

 

Last night I got home from work at about 9p and she had been having severe pains in her abdomen and groin and leg (this is common every month with her cycle, it seems) so I took her to the ER. We were there until about 11p and then we went to Walmart to get some groceries. While there, she got some wild hairs to look throughout the store for a while (probably the meds). Anyway, I actually enjoyed it. I had my arm around her hip, holding her and helping her around. At one point she almost fell and I caught her and stopped her from falling and she was very greatful. We stayed at Walmart for about an hour and then went home. I had to "card" the front door b/c I had not put the house key on my keychain yet and she forgot her keys, so we were locked out. Anyway, once inside, we ate a snack and sent the kids to bed. She was fairly quiet for a bit then asked if I was going to bed anytime soon. I said, "I don't know...why?" "It's just a question, she said. So are you?" I was getting a sick feeling in my stomach; I knew she was trying to get rid of me.'

 

After I spent the entire evening caring for her and being there for her, she wants to get rid of me?!? wtf!? I was getting pretty pissed off and was probably showing it a bit. Then she said, "Well, if you aren't, do you want to play a little RB?" I was flabberghasted. This was the witching hour, sometime around 1:30a or so and she normally plays with him at this time. I said, "Sure." I then grabbed my bass (too late to play the drums) and proceeded to play two songs. At the beginning of the second song, she said, "After this, I want to call Jess and let him know how it all went. Is that okay?" (Note: SHE ASKED IF IT WAS OKAY. I think this was more manipulation than anything.) I looked at the ground as my heart wrenched and said, "Whatever." As I was getting up to go to the bedroom and wait for god knows how long for my wife to join me, she grabbed my arm, gave me a hug and kissed me on the lips. She said, "Thanks for being there for me tonight. It means a lot. I just nodded and went upstairs VERY BEGRUDGINGLY. Well, it was about 2a by then and expected her to be up in about 30 mins or so. Afterall, she said she just wanted to explain what happened. Well, I fell asleep and was woke up by her wearing only my Dallas Cowboys jersey walking into the room at FIVE ****ING THIRTY! Three hours later!

 

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. She layed down acting like everything was just fine, talking all soft and ****. She has this thing that she likes to do; well I like it, too, but she likes it more I think. She enjoys playing with my scrotum while we fall asleep. It's pretty relaxing and every once in awhile actually feels stimulating. Anyway, in order for her to do it, I have to take off my underwear. Well, I got up went downstairs, grabbed a mtn dew and came back up stairs. She was laying down, 3/4s of the way on my side watching tv. I smoked a cigarette, not saying a word and then layed down. She patted my underwear, just above my pelvis and said, "Can you take these off?" in this seductive voice. I didn't say anything and just stared at the television. Without much time passing (maybe 1 minute) she got up, grabbed her pillow and phone and whatever else and proceeded downstairs. For a few minutes, I didn't get up to follow her. It takes everything inside me to NOT go after her. She came back in a moment later and grabbed some money. I knew she was going somewhere, and THIS really bothered me so I followed her half-screaming, half-reasoning with her. I tried to explain to her that I just wanted her to understand from my perspective how I felt.

 

I asked her how it could take 3 ****ing hours to explain what only took 1 hour to experience. She said, "I played a lil' RB afterwards." Anyway, we had our usual "Why can't you just give me another chance" conversation and things started calm down a bit. She said, "I actually wanted to tell you something that I thought would make you happy." She said, "Jess said some things last night that are making me start to question his motives for meeting me." This actually didn't make me feel much better b/c I knew with her twisted mind, she'd mention it to him and he'd slick his way out of it somehow. He has a Psych degree, so he is GOOOOD with his words. Can talk his way out of wet paper bag. Not to mention, we were fighting and not cuddling, so this news was not coming at a good time when I could take advantage of it.

 

We ended up going back to the hospital again this morning b/c the pains were not going away. We actually had a pretty decent day; no cuddling or loving, but she's been warm to me. We went grocery shopping a bit before going to the hospital and she was asking me what I wanted to eat and planning meals and seeming really wifey. It was very nice and familiar feeling. "How about a roast tonight? It's suppose to storm, you know?" (We used to love to hold each other during storms. We are both storm enthusiasts.) I never did find out what things were said by Jess to make her question his motives and she won't tell me. In fact, I'm at work now and tried texting her 3 different times about the topic and my chances improving b/c of it and she said, "I really don't want to tell you". My other two texts have been completely ignored. So I tested, and sent a completely unrelated text about Walmart pharmacy hours and she responded simply, "k".

 

This was 10 mins ago. My money is that she's talking to him. I don't know how much more of this I can take before I create my own demise. This is eating me up from the inside out and killing me every step of the way. It's horrible. If I stay, I suffer. If I leave, I suffer. It's a nightmare that I keep begging her to wake me up from. Ya know, I've almost turned into a chic. It's scary. I've always been pretty sensative, but I cry at the drop of a hat, in the middle of work (after hours), on the way home, watching a movie about couples, whatever. I feel like I'm always 10 seconds away from bawling. So, to be frank, 'torture' is an understatement. I'm losing my mind and my sanity. How can she be so back'n'forth? How can she act like it's normal to talk sexy to one guy and then cuddle up and even **** the one upstairs? I've been asking her to let me make love to her. I don't want to just **** her. That's so impersonal and cheap. I told her that if we made love one time, she'd remember everything between us and drop him like a rock. She has to know that I'm right, b/c we've come really close, but she always pulls back.

 

In this very moment, I feel like it's hopeless. She's at home right now, probably talking to him, upset that I've been texting and bothering her. YET, I keep holding out hope that I'll get to be close to her tonight. God, I have lost it. This can't be normal or even sane.

 

-Wiz

[LucreziaBorgia]

I hope you find a way out of this and away from her. You will never know a greater freedom than the day you wake up and realize you are completely indifferent to her.

[hopesndreams]

As long as you are with her your suffering will continue. Leaving her will be painful, absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, but the thing is, the pain will lessen over time. Then you will start to feel freedoms and joy again. Even if she, one day, (no time soon either) has had enough of this phone guy, she has enjoyed what she has done. She has no sympathy for you and won't develop any ever, she has proven this. She will continue in these types of behaviors, because she can. It won't ever stop.

[Navin_R_Johnson]

I hope you find a way out of this and away from her. You will never know a greater freedom than the day you wake up and realize you are completely indifferent to her.

 

So, so true.

[seibert253]

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. Enough is enough. When are you going to grow a pair and man up. She's playing you like a fiddle, and your letting it happen.

Enough of the loving plan A sh#t. It's time to play hardball.

Time to lay it on the line, draw your line in the sand.

 

Honey I know what's going on and I will no longer tolarate it. Choose, him or me.

 

If it's me, then NC with OM right now, Forever. And we start MC tomarrow.

If it's him, pack your things and get out.

 

Dude I CANNOT believe what you've been putting up with. Your a doormat and she's walking all over you. Come on.

[mark982]

how the hell you put up with this crap w/o going crazy is beyond me. a lesser man would of gone off the deep end.

[digitalwizard]

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. Enough is enough. When are you going to grow a pair and man up. She's playing you like a fiddle, and your letting it happen.

Enough of the loving plan A sh#t. It's time to play hardball.

Time to lay it on the line, draw your line in the sand.

 

Honey I know what's going on and I will no longer tolarate it. Choose, him or me.

 

If it's me, then NC with OM right now, Forever. And we start MC tomarrow.

If it's him, pack your things and get out.

 

Dude I CANNOT believe what you've been putting up with. Your a doormat and she's walking all over you. Come on.

 

It's not as simple as that, unfortunately. If I cut her off, she'd be completely void of money and have to abandon everything and move back to Mississippi. If that happened, I would probably never see her again. If she was financially stable, I could cut her off easily and let it go as it goes. I am so ready for all of this **** to be over with and have her back in my arms and my arms alone. I don't want to have to share her anymore. She is mine...PERIOD! This is all a bull**** mistake. It shouldn't have even happened. ****! She's downstairs RIGHT NOW on RB talking to him while I am up here in the bedroom just waiting for my chance with her. WTF? She's MY ****ing wife and I have to share her with some *******...It's a really really good thing this guy is only on the phone. I don't think I'd be able to maintain my composure.

 

You know what's ****ing hilarious? He has NO idea that I am living with her. He thinks I am COMPLETELY out of the picture. Every time she get on RB, I have to leave the room b/c she's afraid he may hear me. I told her, "Just be honest with the mother****er. Tell him the ****ing truth! If you care about him, he deserves that much." See, she's lying to both of us? She's NEVER been like this. It's all new to me. I can't even count how many times she told me "I could never be with anyone but you". And now I bring that up and she says, "I thought you were unique. I didn't know there were others out there like you." I said, "Listen to yourself. You said, 'LIKE ME', so why am *I* not good enough anymore?"

 

Ya know, I just wish that I didn't exist anymore. Unfortunately, I'm too much of a coward to off myself. While I'm driving, I always have to fight the urge to not jerk the wheel and flip the Vibe. I'm not strong enough to get through this, and I'm not patient enough to wait for her to get 'over' him.

 

-Wiz

[digitalwizard]

As long as you are with her your suffering will continue. Leaving her will be painful, absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, but the thing is, the pain will lessen over time. Then you will start to feel freedoms and joy again. Even if she, one day, (no time soon either) has had enough of this phone guy, she has enjoyed what she has done. She has no sympathy for you and won't develop any ever, she has proven this. She will continue in these types of behaviors, because she can. It won't ever stop.

 

The problem is that I need to be able to function through all the pain of leaving her. When we are apart for one day it almost kills me. I can't think or function. I am web developer and have to focus 100% all day long. At least while I endure THIS pain, I have the "I'm gonna see her tonight" to look forward to that gets me through the day. I know it's messed up, but it's the reality of it. I am empty inside, a walking shell of a human being, but I am alive again for the few moments I spend with her and she is warm to me. I'm going to try NC in the house. I know that is probably an oxymoron, but through the week I work from 12p to 8:30p so I can wake up late and come home and go right upstairs. Eventually she'll start getting bothered that I'm not talking to her and ****. Or am I just dreaming?

 

You know what drives me the most crazy? HOW the hell could she be so close to me just 3 or 4 days ago that she would literally come to bed early and WANT to spend time with me. She would do things with me that up until then had become a forgotten memory. How can she go from being that close, calling me "Daddy" (sorry for the details, but it's important) and being my submissive lil girl again? (No I'm not a pedophile) The next day it was all but gone. We haven't so much as 'fooled around' in about 4 nights. It just ENDED, like that, as soon as it started. THAT is what confuses me! If I could understand that, my mind would be at greater ease. THAT is what makes me so crazy.

 

A nervous breakdown approaches....

 

-Wiz

[LucreziaBorgia]

She is going to continue to do what you let her do. Its like you are taking poison and waiting for her to die from it.

 

People don't end affairs for altruistic reasons. If you think that showing her how hurt you are is going to make her stop out of the goodness of her heart you can think again. She will ignore the hurt and butter you up with all that sweet stuff so that you will continue to let her experience love with another man, while you get to take care of all the boring practical sh*t.

[digitalwizard]

how the hell you put up with this crap w/o going crazy is beyond me. a lesser man would of gone off the deep end.

 

I take your post as a compliment. Though, I am not strong in the least. I am just persistant and determined. I try to look beyond the here and now and enjoy the few moments when she is MINE again, if even for one night, and focus on the day when this bull**** game will be over.

 

She KNOWS that I am one of the most persistant and stubborn and determined people on the face of the earth. When there is something that I want, I will move heaven & earth to get it. I do not take 'no' for an answer and I do not give up. I've lost her twice before, and at that time she said that it was over for good, and I got her back. One time it took 6 months (this time it's only been 3), but she was living in another state at the time, AND she didn't have an OM at any other time in our marriage/separations.

 

What bothers me is we are virtually living as husband and wife. I pay all of the bills, help with all of the work around the house, help with grocery shopping, take her to the hospital, etc. The only thing that is missing is the committment. Our conversation is bills, business, and family. Their conversation is movies, music, and whatever else. There is no stress in their conversation, no life bull****. Yet, ours is plagued by it. Naturally, she would enjoy talking to him more. BUT, I can't make HER see that. *shrug*

 

She also told me that he never pressures her to be with him. I said, "No ****. B/C in his mind, he has you. He doesn't know about me. If he did, I guarantee you he would put the pressure on. I HAVE to put the pressure on, b/c I KNOW ABOUT HIM! It's actually quite unfair to me. I know all about him and have to stress about it and be depressed. He doesn't know **** and has no stress or depression. I have begged her to at least tell him the truth about me just to see what he says, but she (as of yet) hasn't told him. I don't know. It's really ****ed.

 

-Wiz

[digitalwizard]

She is going to continue to do what you let her do. Its like you are taking poison and waiting for her to die from it.

 

People don't end affairs for altruistic reasons. If you think that showing her how hurt you are is going to make her stop out of the goodness of her heart you can think again. She will ignore the hurt and butter you up with all that sweet stuff so that you will continue to let her experience love with another man, while you get to take care of all the boring practical sh*t.

 

You are right. My mind knows you are right. I can't bring my heart to take action, though. I do feel that each day that passes, I am becoming more pissed and angry and losing respect for her, but it hasn't reached that point yet. Time will tell, I guess.

 

I don't 'let her' experience the love of another man. I voice my opinion all of the time. It usually causes an argument or something, or she gets upset and treats me cold. 'Letting her' experience it would be sitting down and saying nothing and not letting her know 500 times a day that it needs to end. It's on her to listen and stop. There's nothing that I can do to make her, as far as I know. I could easily just go down stairs right now and start talking to him through her lil mic and blow it all up. BUT, that would blow my chances up, as well. Believe me, I have been tempted. Hell, on my way up the stairs I have said stuff really loud, but he hasn't heard it or he ignored it or whatever.

 

She just came and read this so I'm gonna go for now. She is upset and saying, "He's right (meaning the person I am responding to), I am a bitch."