Things have changed a bit...

[lupa]

Wow, I can't believe what I just read in you thread.

 

You love this women? What is so great about her? She must be incrediable in the sack right? Because she is sucessfully using sex as a weapon to control you.

 

She is not only disrepecting your marriage and you, but your children as well.

 

My advice, get some IC, this women has destroyed your self esteem.

 

I feel for you, I really do, but enough is enough.

You know you're in trouble when Lisa lays down the hammer...

 

Listen to the people here, man. Get out while the gettin is good.

[LisaUk]

You know you're in trouble when Lisa lays down the hammer...

 

Listen to the people here, man. Get out while the gettin is good.

 

Not quite sure what you mean by that Lupa?

[lupa]

Not quite sure what you mean by that Lupa?

Usually Gunny is the one to kick some ass, not you! You sound like Gunny right now...

 

...I like it.

[LisaUk]

Usually Gunny is the one to kick some ass, not you! You sound like Gunny right now...

 

...I like it.

 

I'll take that compliment then!

 

Sometimes, some situations, you just got to call them as you see them.

[MrMayI]

i'm with everyone else. this is definitely the MOST unique story i've read since joining this site. man, you gotta get out of there. from the way it reads, you guys rent, not own, right? hightail it! get your own place, cut off her money, let her fend for herself. i mean, we all have suspicions. most have even been devastated by affairs, but damn. you are watching it develop in front of you. are you gonna be her maid of honor when she marries this guy???

 

i'm sorry. that last sentence was uncalled for, but it gave me a laugh i needed.

[digitalwizard]

I appreciate the advice. I'm not insulted by anyone; I have thick skin. I did it. Okay? I ****ing did it. She told him that "Thomas is making headway" and he got upset and hung up on her. Then a few moments later, wrote her a msg on PS3 telling her to call him back that he wanted to talk about it. The ****er couldn't even call her. Anyway, she called him, it got sorted or whatever, and he is okay with it. I flipped out. Told her that it was the final straw. I've been there for her through all of this bull****. I've done everything for her while he sits back and gets the glory. Enough was enough. I told her that I hope she enjoyed Mississippi and to have a good life. I told her that I hope she has a clue what she's getting into b/c she wanted me out of her life and she wanted a separation and that means NO HELP, NO CONTACT, NO ****ING SEX! She started crying, "So, you aren't going to ever talk to me again?" I said, "I don't know. Probably not. How can you sit and put me thru this after everything that we've been thru?" I attempted reasoning with her to drop him and take me back one more time and it made her angry, "Leave, now. The only that will ever work for us; the only hope that we have is complete separation. We'll take it one day at a time, okay? Text me in the morning and let me know you are still alive and didn't kill yourself. Then I'll call you later and we'll talk when we have both had sleep and are both rational." She went to the bathroom and I walked out the door. She came running out to the car, but I kept going. Almost drover over the bridge, almost drove into a wall, almost drove into a semi, but I made it where I was going...alive. At least alive in my body, but everything else is dead inside.

 

Now, I feel like total, utter ****. Let me wallow in my misery. I started crying at lunch time and couldn't stop before I had to go back to work. I had to basically choke down the tears, which is really quite painful. I feel like death inside. Her car broke down this morning while getting some donuts. She has $10 to get through until next week. I'm a ****ing monster!

 

-Wiz

[LisaUk]

You are not a monster, she made her bed let her lie in it. This women does not deserve your love. As for when she said "so you are never going to talk to me again?" You should have said "er, yes love, that's what a divorce means, you should have thought about that before you starting having phone sex with another man".

 

Good on you! Stick with it, it's only going to get better from here on out. If she won't cut all the ties with OM after this, then she is not worth you! You did the right thing, let her find out what the real world is about.

 

Now, stop thinking about her and concentrate on yourself. You are going to get through this, I know the pain is terrible at the moment, but honestly, you have to be strong. This is the only way that she will ever respect your boundarys and know that when you say something, you d**m well mean it!

[broken hearted]

GOOD FOR YOU WIZ!!!! That's exactly what you needed to do!! It's about time that you took matters into your own hands and stopped being a doormat for her to walk all over!

 

If only I had stopped allowing my husband to walk all over me earlier...

[LisaUk]

Wiz, I know my last post was tough, but truely you have done the right thing here. I do know that you are in an incrediable amount of pain, because despite everything you love your W. I also know that you are going to get through this. How do I know? Because I felt the pain you are having now when my ex left me. It affected me so badly I developed a singlle type rash, which my doctor said was my nervous system breaking down, my bodies reaction to extreme trauma.

 

It feels terrible right now, but once you get some distance from her and that means complete NC, until she gets rid of this OM and commits herself completely to you and MC, you will start to feel differently. Gradually you will begin to see what we all see here on LS, from the outside looking in. You really do not have to put up with someone treating you like this, you are worth so much more than that.

[hopesndreams]

I told her that I hope she enjoyed Mississippi and to have a good life. I told her that I hope she has a clue what she's getting into b/c she wanted me out of her life and she wanted a separation and that means NO HELP, NO CONTACT, NO ****ING SEX! She started crying, "So, you aren't going to ever talk to me again?" I said, "I don't know. Probably not. How can you sit and put me thru this after everything that we've been thru?" I attempted reasoning with her to drop him and take me back one more time and it made her angry,

 

WTH? This really concerns me. You stood up for yourself but then backed down and she got hold of your go*nads once again.

 

In other words, she doesn't believe a word of what you say. The question is...Do you believe it?

 

She smells your fear. The whole forum can smell it! You are not ready for that final step are you? It will come in time once you set your mind to it though, and if you follow through on what you have told her, I promise you, and everyone here will promise you, your life would be so incredible, without her.

 

Hope she liked her donuts and the walk home?

[digitalwizard]

You're right. I'm not ready. I wasn't ready. I never will be ready. But, I did it. It may not have, "**** you, **** him, you'll never see me again as long he's in your life", but I think she got the point. Now, I have to somehow find the strength to follow through. ****ing radio plays nothing but love songs. I had no idea how many love/breakup songs existed until now. Every song I hear is just another memory. God ****ing dammit! I'm losing my mind here. I wish I could sleep for a year!

[mark982]

wiz, you made the important first step. congrats. you're going to have to stay strong,sometimes doing the right thing isn't easy. it's sorta like they say with kids tuff love. but you can't go back--she will then know you don't have ball one.

[Chrome Barracuda]

....Now you need a lawyer a file for divorce, and have her served. Let her see that your not F-ing joking around. divorce papers might make her change or it might not but you need to do what needs to be done. You dont need to be emasculated anymore. You did the right thing standing up for yourself!

[Shockedhusband]

This is the first step toward healing, like chrome said its lawyer time.

 

You can't be worried about her or about how she she is going to make a living. She made the choice to do what she did and now she has to worry about it. You did everything you could and way more than anyone else would. Please go seek IC immediately it will help!!!!!

[Gunny376]

....Now you need a lawyer a file for divorce, and have her served. Let her see that your not F-ing joking around. divorce papers might make her change or it might not but you need to do what needs to be done. You don't need to be emasculated anymore. You did the right thing standing up for yourself!

 

Chrome? You and I need to back off this one! This guy can't handle our advice when it comes to this one!

 

We're elite German SS/ Special Forces/Marine Recon shock troops comparatively?

 

We're "Killer-Elites" when it comes to relationships!

 

You? You know what to do!

 

Me? I know what to do!

 

Lakeside knows what to do!

 

Ladyjane14 knows what to do!

 

Lupa's and LisaUk's learning!

 

As is MrMayI and others here!

[digitalwizard]

I had a realization today that kinda' hit me out of nowhere. All this time, I've been doing things for her--paying the bills, getting groceries, etc--because I thought that it would paint me in a good light. However, in her eyes all I am is an errand boy. The whole time that I was bending over backwards to please her and try to win some portion of her love back, she was talking to him, getting closer to him, falling in love with him, being BRAINWASHED by him. She kept saying, "I want you to be my friend." You know, that is pure bull****! She wants a husband with a "friend" title so that there is no commitment and no requirements. A "friend" doesn't ALWAYS ask another "friend" to do stuff for them. I mean, she ALWAYS wanted me to do SOMETHING for her--wash the dishes, help clean the kitchen, help with the laundry, come sit by her, get some food for the kids, etc. She has been USING me and probably STILL wants to. She wants all the benefits of having a husband, but none of the requirements of a marriage, so she says, "Let's be friends." I have been more of a friend to her than that other ****ER! I have been more of everything to her! She never treated me like that before! We were married for 9 years and she never disrespected me like that! That ****ing bastard has to have put **** in her head. I swear he's got her brainwashed. The other day she mentioned something about him having "speech craft". In other words, he is a master of the tongue. He knows exactly how to manipulate people with his words.

 

Why the hell do I still want her so bad? WTF? Does she have ME brainwashed? I guarantee if I treated her like she has me, she would have been GONE. A woman doesn't just change like that, does she? I'm staying strong; don't worry about me. I can't afford a divorce right now or believe me I'd get the papers. She NEEDS me more than she has yet to realize. I want to slap the divorce papers on the ****ing couch and show her that I'm not playing and that she had better snap out of her trance.

 

She's insane. She would rather dream about this other guy who she has yet to meet. I found a message on PS3 the night we had are final discussion that was from her to him and it essentially said, "If I can't be with you, baby, I won't be with anyone! I'll be alone." WHAT THE ****?!?!? She'd rather be alone than with me? What the hell did I ****ing do to her? I checked the phone records for her cell phone yesterday. It was depressing, she called this guy during the day, then at around mid-night, then (I don't even want to think of what for) around 4am. This happened repeatedly, day in and day out for about 3 months now. And she has the nerve to tell me, "I didn't mean to fall in love with him." What the **** ever! You don't talk to someone of the opposite sex at the wee hours of the morning and expect NOTHING to happen! ****! Her entire life is falling apart around her, but she can't see it because he's blowing/whispering sweet nothings in her ears. Nine years together and not ONE time did she cheat on me or even come close. Why is this guy so ****ing special? This is like a bad dream that won't end. He's an acne-scar ridden, jobless, drug addict that is over 2000 miles away and she will probably not even meet him in person for over a year, if then. What is the ****ing attraction there? This is sick.

 

I got control, though. It's payback time. Her world is falling apart around her and sooner or later she's gonna' wake up and say, "What happened? Where am I? Where is Thomas?" I won't be anywhere to be found. So, we'll see if the shoe switches feet then or if she still calls out to her lover of nothingness. My step-son is going back to MS this Sunday and I'm not even gonna get to see him before he goes. Hell, I may never see him again.

 

Forgot to mention that the night I split, she texted me asking me about our daughter together. I said, "Stop writing me; we'll discuss it in the divorce." She called the next morning, left a message, said that she cried all night long. All I can say is that I've spent many more nights than her crying; she needs to feel what it's like for awhile. She woke the demon inside me. BIG ****ING MISTAKE!

 

-Wiz

[LisaUk]

Good on you Wiz, she needed this short sharp shock, I was thinking about you earlier and sooooooooooo hoping you hadn't backed down. Well done and stay strong!

 

The reason you still want her, the memories man, that's why. This women is not your wife, your wife has left the building. Hopefully this will be enough of a shock to get her back to reality.

[LucreziaBorgia]

She isn't brainwashed. She is willingly and knowingly choosing to do this to you, and does not give a rat's ass about you except for making sure her basic needs are met. The sooner you can accept that, the closer you will be to realizing that she has you brainwashed, and hopefully that will be the first step to clearing this virulent infection of a woman out of your system.

[digitalwizard]

She isn't brainwashed. She is willingly and knowingly choosing to do this to you, and does not give a rat's ass about you except for making sure her basic needs are met. The sooner you can accept that, the closer you will be to realizing that she has you brainwashed, and hopefully that will be the first step to clearing this virulent infection of a woman out of your system.

 

I understand what you are saying. I do know that she is doing this willingly and knowingly, but what makes someone just transform like that? One day I was living with her and things were good, no sign of imminent separation, the next day I'm being kicked out and she's talking to another man. How the hell does something like that just happen? It's difficult to accept.

 

-Wiz

[digitalwizard]

Good on you Wiz, she needed this short sharp shock, I was thinking about you earlier and sooooooooooo hoping you hadn't backed down. Well done and stay strong!

 

The reason you still want her, the memories man, that's why. This women is not your wife, your wife has left the building. Hopefully this will be enough of a shock to get her back to reality.

 

Unfortunately, I don't think she is too far from reality right now. Like everyone has said over and over, she's made her choice. Now.........*I* have to live with it. I guess my only hope is that once I am gone for a while, she will start to see just how much I was there for her and just how much I meant to her and will not be willing to continue a long distance relationship when I am just down the road. That's all I really have to hold onto right now.

 

I know. I know. I'm supposed to hate her and not give a ****, but as long as SHE thinks that's the case, what is the harm in me still caring about her? I dunno. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. Now I know why there are so many songs about this out there. It hurts so bad that you have just scream it to the world that you are in pain and hope someone is listening and comes to mend your wounds. The other day, Wednesday, I think, she was asking me if I had even tried looking for someone else, yet. Ummm, no, dear, I haven't. I still happen to love you; so if you don't ****ing mind--quit pressuring me to move on!

 

There is song by Killswitch Engage called "Starting Over" that I played for her about a week before I moved in. I thought for sure I was getting to her. She had tears in her eyes and kept looking at me and then at the video and repeat. That's when she said I could move in as friends. I assumed we would be trying to start over. But how the hell can you start over when half of your attention is invested in someone else? It's just not possible! I couldn't even get her to goto marriage counceling with me. I said, "Teresa, if there is any single possibility that we can fix this and make it right, don't you want to at least give it a try? Why give up on 9 years if there is a glimmer of a possibility?"

 

You see, what happened is, I got intimidated. I didn't know when it was okay or not to put my arm around her or kiss or whatever. So, for the most part, I wouldn't even try. I didn't know what to talk to her about b/c all I could think of was what they talk about and if I somehow happened to mention the same thing, she'd think of him in that instant. I had no chance to win her back b/c I was constantly living in fear and it completely inhibited me. No wonder she thought that our relationship had grown cold. Oh well....that's over now and no point in dwelling on history. Somehow it seems to comfort me, though. She has sooooo ****ed my head up! One day at a time.....one second.....

 

-Wiz

[LucreziaBorgia]

One day I was living with her and things were good, no sign of imminent separation, the next day I'm being kicked out and she's talking to another man. How the hell does something like that just happen? It's difficult to accept.

 

-Wiz

 

It doesn't just happen. Speaking as a former cheat myself, I can tell you with certainty that it wasn't a matter of a switch turning so much as it was the scales tipping over time.

 

The best revenge would be to not only give her the separation that she wants, but to throw her broke ass at OM so hard that she knocks them both on their asses, and he is stuck with the drudgery of taking care of her and paying her way. Once the 'fun' stops, the affair usually does too. Then she'll get dumped by OM, and come crawling back to you. That is when you smile, look her in the eyes, and tell her to go f*ck herself.

[mark982]

nows the time to start protecting yourself. cancel the credit cards,open new checking,saving accts. keep a eye on her opening new accts in your name. with her making very little $$,she's going to get desperate quick.

[digitalwizard]

Yeah, when we first separated, I already did the separate checking account thing. Her's is in overdraft right now. So I'm standing pretty well; at least in that area. I'll keep an eye out for the accounts in my name. I doubt she'll be able to do that, though.

 

Thanks

 

-Wiz

[Chrome Barracuda]

Gunny's telling me to fall back and the general is usually right in situations like this. DW your gonna have to learn the hard way that this woman is toxic to you.

 

There's no question around that.

 

Seondly she should be leaving if it's your place, she's the cheater she has to go.

 

Thirdly find a lawyer find out your rights...

 

Now is not the time to be reminicissing. Do not leave the door open only for more heartbreak. she may be in a supposed quarter life crisis. But she knows how much this hurts you and yet she still continues to do it with reckless abandon. Dude this woman is mentally beyond your reach she is obsessed with this image of this man who she has built up in her head. She's in a super fog.

 

I can continue all day and give you story and evidence to olster my claims and deep inside you know it's true.

 

This whole thing you have with her...must end.

 

You...must end it.

 

She'll continue to use you and abuse you for as long as you put up with it. Id say drain the accounts, pack up your stuff and hire a lawyer and have her served, let her claim the debt and keep it moving. Dont think about her and dont pine for her. She's not your wife anymore. just a shell of a woman you married.

 

And that is that. and now I'm falling back see if you understand my words.

 

See if you understand anything...

[Gunny376]

Gunny's telling me to fall back and the general is usually right in situations like this. DW your gonna have to learn the hard way that this woman is toxic to you.

 

There's no question around that.

 

Seondly she should be leaving if it's your place, she's the cheater she has to go.

 

Thirdly find a lawyer find out your rights...

 

Now is not the time to be reminicissing. Do not leave the door open only for more heartbreak. she may be in a supposed quarter life crisis. But she knows how much this hurts you and yet she still continues to do it with reckless abandon. Dude this woman is mentally beyond your reach she is obsessed with this image of this man who she has built up in her head. She's in a super fog.

 

I can continue all day and give you story and evidence to olster my claims and deep inside you know it's true.

 

This whole thing you have with her...must end.

 

You...must end it.

 

She'll continue to use you and abuse you for as long as you put up with it. Id say drain the accounts, pack up your stuff and hire a lawyer and have her served, let her claim the debt and keep it moving. Dont think about her and dont pine for her. She's not your wife anymore. just a shell of a woman you married.

 

And that is that. and now I'm falling back see if you understand my words.

 

See if you understand anything...

 

 

Good to see your snapping out of it!

 

All safties are off CD!

 

You know you could pull up a DIY divorce kit off line for a couple of bucks.

 

You could do them yourself, and lay them in her lap. Shot for the moon, ask for full custody, child support, everything you own?

 

You wouldn't have to file them, nor even have a divorce lawyer look at them.

 

Hell you should be able to go to the court house and look at a couple of sets until you found one similar to yours, (Unless they're 'sealed for some reason) as they're a matter of public record.

 

For twenty bucks, S&H, I'll send you a copy of mine! :laugh: