Things have changed a bit...

[LisaUk]

Oh, and in addition, I would also like to add how nice it was of you to wish this kind of pain on someone else, who after all said and done was only trying to help!

[LisaUk]

Thomas has become so upset that he has slapped me before causing my ear to ring for around 30 minutes. He has put his hands around my neck, and also grabbed me with both hands and threw me down on the bed. One day when I came home from the store I found my two children screaming and crying, when I found them they had there hands and feet bound with tape. He had made them put there arms and legs through the posts at the landing of the staircase and taped there hands and feet together so that they could not get out. On two occasions he threw my oldest daughter into the wall, once leaving a golf ball size knot on her head.

 

Ah, now Wiz hoping another will feel the pain involved in a seperation makes complete sense to me, I said something he didn't like (which he misunderstood), and as an abuser his response was to hope I felt pain.

[digitalwizard]

Everything she says is true. I was verbally abusive and physically abusive. I obviously have a serious anger problem that needs to be maintained and brought under wraps.

 

I am working every day on becoming a better person. I have been continually spending time with the kids and being a better daddy. I have been trying to control my anger, which up until recently, has been quite successful. Before now, I never really had the willpower or the know-how to change who I am and to see the pain I was causing people around me. I am going to go to anger management and maybe even individual counseling. This is my last post.

 

I should have never shared so many personal details about my wife. She was not the monster; she was just following her heart and I wanted her heart to lead back to me. It was none of anyone's business if her account over-drafted or if she was having sex with me while talking sexually to an "OM". I have always had a tendency to share too much information and I guess have done so again. The way I see things and would be offended by things is not the way someone else may. I should have thought about that.

 

So I am making this a public apology to her for dragging her name through the mud and airing our personal dirty laundry to perfect strangers. I do apologize for being so ignorant. It is just one more of my many ****-ups to add to the list. Peace.

 

-Wiz

[hopesndreams]

Ah, now Wiz hoping another will feel the pain involved in a seperation makes complete sense to me, I said something he didn't like (which he misunderstood), and as an abuser his response was to hope I felt pain.

 

I think there could have been a misunderstanding on both sides. What I read into what he was saying is that he is going through alot of turmoil and his actions in handling his emotions, by fighting a losing battle, were being frowned upon by us. We all think our pain is unique, (i don't, not anymore), and because he wasn't able to follow our advice for so long he, in a weird way, says if we could live with the pain he is living with, we would see his perception of that pain, and understand why he didn't give up on her.

 

As for the Witch, I take what she says with a grain of salt. As far as I can tell she is evil to the core and would say or do anything to come out smelling like a rose. There are women like this, have even known 1 or 2 in my time. I had suggested she start her own thread but liars need good memories and I have to say, I smell bullsh*t from this one.

[LisaUk]

 

I do know most of the posts I leave you involve tough love, but that is only because I can see how badly your w is treating you. I do understand how difficult it is for you to accept that and how much this all hurts, I mean hell I was a f******g doormat when my ex walked. What I'm saying is I don't want to come across as harsh, I do understand that you love her and I know you want this to work out with her more than anything, I just don't like seeing someone hurt like this.

 

 

H&D perhaps you are right and I may have misunderstood, but as you can see in my above post from the other day I already expressed that I understood how much he was willing to put up with and that mind set and why. I also already said how I did not want to appear harsh and that I did not like to see him hurting. So why then would he wish his situation on the same person that acknowledged this already? That is why I read it as I did, again I may have misunderstood.

[digitalwitch]

As for the Witch, I take what she says with a grain of salt. As far as I can tell she is evil to the core and would say or do anything to come out smelling like a rose. There are women like this, have even known 1 or 2 in my time. I had suggested she start her own thread but liars need good memories and I have to say, I smell bullsh*t from this one.

 

I do have a post here and I want honest advice so I am not telling you which one it is.

"Evil to the core"? How do you define that? My definition of that would be child molesters, rapists, and murderers. I am none of those things, and since I am not any of these how would you define them as opposed to me?

 

You don't even know me. I didn't want to come out smelling like a rose, don't care if I ever do with you. I just wanted the advice that was coming from your posts to be unbiased with both sides of the story. Because that advice is what will benefit him and the children. Not reassuring him that he is a victim and his spouse is "evil to the core".

 

If you do care about him and our children then you will tell him to go to anger management before he accidentally does something in his anger that does permanent damage to another person, which would hurt even him. Because last time I checked the law takes children away from parents for abuse, not for affairs. Tell him to move on, tell him I am evil to the core, but for his and the children sake if you are going to judge anyone and give him advice then tell him to get help for his anger.

 

Another thing, hopesandreams, if you are a good person then feel sorry for the children that were afraid to be alone with him. Not one of the two adults who both know they messed up in their marriage. Nothing justifies an affair, but on the same hand nothing justifies physical and mental abuse of a man's wife and children either. I don't understand how you can overlook this whole matter in the problem we are having.

 

For the record, I am not sleeping with him or the OM; in fact, I have never slept with the OM. I left him because I knew he wouldn't do anything about his anger problem if he didn't have a reason. And the OM is someone that I was going to hire to work for me and after I kicked my husband out we got closer. At that time I had no intention of ever reconciling with my husband.

 

If I give my husband another chance it will be the 4th chance he has had, and I told him that I would not do that unless he goes to anger management first. That is for the children safety. Plus he can never be a whole person or love himself while he is struggling with rage. I know that I am not perfect and I have told him that if he starts anger management then we can go to counseling as a family, because I am sure we could ALL benefit from that.

 

In conclusion, my heart broke when I read about what happened to you. In the same token I did not fall in love with someone else and then leave my husband. I left him and then fell for someone else, and now I am seeing the change in him and confused about whether or not to give him another chance. Please do not view me as if I am your ex-husband and the other woman that hurt you.

 

Look at both sides of the situation and give advice that will truly help him and the kids, not patch one of the leaks.

 

I know that I have done things that are wrong; so has he, so have you, so has everyone that ever lived. That is a part of life, the point is that we all admit to our own mistakes and learn from them.

 

the "WITCH"

[digitalwitch]

I had suggested she start her own thread but liars need good memories and I have to say,

 

What did you mean by this? What do my "lies" have to do with posting a new thread? If I am going to ask for advice I am not going to ask for it from people who hate me.

Also, I never asked for advise in this post, that would be, as you said for a new thread.

 

I smell bullsh*t from this one.

 

Meaning me? Do you ever read the whole post of all the ones you reply to, or do you pick and choose the posts and or sections that you read?

When I came to see how everyone felt about my post I saw that my husband saw mine and did confirm everything that I said. (Which btw shows me that he does see his part in our problems so that is a plus for us.)

So do you believe that he is now lying too or did you not even read what his last post said? If you did not then you need to before you judge me any further.

 

The WITCH

[digitalwitch]

Witch and Wiz, I'm no fly on the wall, but it sounds like you both have behaved unhealthily through most of this.

 

Thank you for your response, Tojaz. I know that I have my part in all of this but I had started to forget that, so thank you for reminding me that I need to fix some things about myself, as well. If we don't both work on our own problems then neither of us will ever be able to have a good relationship with anyone, much less each other.

That is detrimental to us and our children, that do not deserve any of this.

Lets face it, the children are the most important part of this and the biggest reason to change.

 

I know that no one in here has any reason to like me or believe anything I say, so the fact that you were able to step back and reassess both sides and give updated advise is appreciated.

Thanks again!

 

The "WITCH"

[digitalwizard]

I never meant to cause any offense with my post. I did not mean to imply that you only wanted her for sex, what I meant was that she used it as a way to influence and control you. You describe one occasion when she came into your room whilst you were crying and asked you to remove your pants. To me that was a way of manipulating your emotional response to her behaviour. Just for the record, I am well awarre of the pain of your situation, my ex of 18 years has b******d off as well you know.

 

I see I have a few things to clear up before I can leave.

 

Lisa,

 

I am not easily offended. I understand what you were saying and you are completely entitled to your opinion. However, the scenario above that you are referring to where she wanted me to remove my pants wasn't sexual and I wasn't crying. I'm not going to go into detail anymore about this stuff, but I'll just say that it wasn't sexual. It has always been more of a relaxing thing than a sexual thing.

 

Oh, and in addition, I would also like to add how nice it was of you to wish this kind of pain on someone else, who after all said and done was only trying to help!

This statement was just a misunderstanding. I assume that the statement you are referring to is "All I can say is that I only hope you find out what I'm talking about some day." What I meant by this statement is that I only hope that you (plural, everyone) experience the deep love and connection that I have/had with my wife. I was not referring to the pain; I was referring to the REASON--the love--that I could not let her go. So I hope you understand better what I was saying. I would never wish pain on anyone at anytime for any reason. I always appreciated your posts and would never wish pain on you. Please accept my apology for misleading you to think that.

 

-Wiz

[digitalwizard]

I think there could have been a misunderstanding on both sides. What I read into what he was saying is that he is going through alot of turmoil and his actions in handling his emotions, by fighting a losing battle, were being frowned upon by us. We all think our pain is unique, (i don't, not anymore), and because he wasn't able to follow our advice for so long he, in a weird way, says if we could live with the pain he is living with, we would see his perception of that pain, and understand why he didn't give up on her.

 

As for the Witch, I take what she says with a grain of salt. As far as I can tell she is evil to the core and would say or do anything to come out smelling like a rose. There are women like this, have even known 1 or 2 in my time. I had suggested she start her own thread but liars need good memories and I have to say, I smell bullsh*t from this one.

 

hopesndreams,

 

Read my post to Lisa above to better understand what I was trying to say. I obviously should have better clarified myself in that statement. I obviously offended a lot of people.

 

Also, I must correct you about your perceptions of my wife. She has always been a very blunt, honest person. There is no reason to take what she says with a 'grain of salt'. She is not the kind of person to say she likes you to your face and talk about you behind your back or anything like that. She is honest about everything, even if it hurts. And, she is by no means 'evil to the core'. I honestly can't understand why you would get that perception of her. I realize that over the last 2 months, I may have painted a bad picture of her, but nothing to make her 'evil'. She has her faults; I'll admit that. However, I have mine, too. And as far as I can see, mine far outweigh hers. Some may say that one of her faults was staying with me while I treated her and the kids like ****. So, please understand she is not 'evil' by any stretch of the imagination. She is a loving mother, and up until I pushed too many buttons, was a devoted and extremely loving and caring wife.

 

I need help--serious help--that is the bottom line. I am glad to see her on here admitting that she was at fault, too. That makes me happy to know that she doesn't just blame me anymore. That is a start towards reconciliation. Anyway, I just wanted to set the record straight on here before I got on with my life. I don't like leaving loose ends.

 

-Wiz

[Chrome Barracuda]

DW if she's still talking in any form or manner to the OM than there is no need for discussion or conversation. You may have been abusive or verbally forso. but more often than not she could have left you first and did things the right way, leaving for legitimate reason.

 

There's no excuses for an affair. The witch needs to get off her high horse because she's no better than you. If what she said is true. Dont let her turn things around on you and give you all the blame.

 

The fact of the matter remains, if she aint changing for the better than all this tit for tat, is moot.

 

Dwiz I still hope you divorce her for the fact is, you have changed for the better, and there was no infidelity on your part so far, plus you have acknowledged your mistakes, she did not. her posts was all bout justification from what i read. it was sickening.

[digitalwizard]

I don't think shes looking for advice H&D, it sounds to me that she is trying to justify her actions.

 

Witch and Wiz, I'm no fly on the wall, but it sounds like you both have behaved unhealthily through most of this.

 

Wiz, if what she says is true, AM and IC should both be in your future, do it for you and your kids. I'd like to hear your side of tying the kids up. Unacceptable if it went down like she says.

 

Witch, if you can isolate his problems so readily, why not help him to conquer them in stead of rubbing the OM in his face. From what Wiz has posted previously, you don't sound like you've been trying to leave him very hard.

 

Fact of the matter is, you both share the blame in this. If it is to work, you both need to shoulder the load to repairing it rather then playing these games. It's going to hurt you both more in the end, and it will hurt the kids to watch it.

 

TOJAZ

 

The incident with the kids is true. It did happen about 9 years ago, during our first year of marriage. I don't remember it too well, but I am fairly certain that I wasn't angry. I was actually playing around with the kids after they were being really loud, running around the house. The part that my wife didn't see was that they were laughing while I was tying them up and taping them. They didn't start crying until she got home. She didn't know that part of the story b/c I never told her, but I admit that it was wrong--anger or no anger. I should have never done that to them, along with several of the other things that she listed. Like I said, though, I don't remember the incident too well, so in my mind, I could have created the fact that they were laughing and everything was fun, but I can't say for sure. Either way, that's besides the point; the point is that I tied up two kids to a stairwell and that was wrong. What if there had been a fire or we had to leave the house in an emergency? What if I had cut off their circulation?

 

Anyway, it is the truth; so, yes, I am/was a monster.

 

-Wiz

[digitalwitch]

DW if she's still talking in any form or manner to the OM than there is no need for discussion or conversation. You may have been abusive or verbally forso. but more often than not she could have left you first and did things the right way, leaving for legitimate reason.

 

There's no excuses for an affair. The witch needs to get off her high horse because she's no better than you. If what she said is true. Dont let her turn things around on you and give you all the blame.

 

The fact of the matter remains, if she aint changing for the better than all this tit for tat, is moot.

 

Dwiz I still hope you divorce her for the fact is, you have changed for the better, and there was no infidelity on your part so far, plus you have acknowledged your mistakes, she did not. her posts was all bout justification from what i read. it was sickening.

 

Did you even read my post? The second one, I suggest you do because I did take credit for my part. So you don't believe that someone should have both sides to the story to give advice? Any professional will tell you that you should.

 

I did not get involved with ANYONE until he was gone. He physically abused our children yet I'm the one who needs all the help? What happened to you that you hate me, someone you don't even know?

 

He knows that I will not take him back unless he gets help for his rage so I am not leading him on. Plus I KNOW that I have issues to work through as well, but we will do that together with a family counselor who does not take things personally, or give advice with only part of the situation being known.

Oh, and a year ago he also had a woman he was talking to and he got as far as telling me that he did not want to be a husband or father anymore. He did not meet the woman or have ANY physical contact with her. Same as me, but I'm sure that you can find some reason that he was justified for that, right? I took him back, and I wasn't even going to mention it here except for I'm being judged harshly on all sides, and yeah that would make anyone try to defend themselves. It's human nature.

 

If he had not moved back in with me he would have been on the streets, so which one is worse? Giving him a place to stay when he had none or letting him try to find a homeless shelter because his parents kicked him out, for reasons which is none of anyone's business so I will not go into detail. I guess coming from a piece of **** like me it would be better for him to be homeless, right?

 

SOME of you people only see what you want to see and I feel sorry for anyone who gets advice from you. You have been hurt before, but I will tell you right now that you are not the only person in the world that has. We all have. More importantly we have ALL deeply hurt someone we love so none of us should ever so harshly judge anyone.

 

The final words I have for you is that you are right. He should move on, but not for the reasons you are telling him. We have BOTH deeply hurt each other and we BOTH need to get help so we can break the cycles we are BOTH in. If everyone would admit their fault in any situation and use that to make themselves a better person then maybe there would not be so much hate in the world.

I took your advice, so you take mine.

That's the bottom line.

Oh, I know, I'm a manipulator, and anything I say is bull**** to benefit myself or my cause. Wanting him to get help for his rage is all for me, you pegged it, good **** for that.

 

The "BITCH"

[Gunny376]

The incident with the kids is true. It did happen about 9 years ago, during our first year of marriage. I don't remember it too well, but I am fairly certain that I wasn't angry. I was actually playing around with the kids after they were being really loud, running around the house. The part that my wife didn't see was that they were laughing while I was tying them up and taping them. They didn't start crying until she got home. She didn't know that part of the story b/c I never told her, but I admit that it was wrong--anger or no anger. I should have never done that to them, along with several of the other things that she listed. Like I said, though, I don't remember the incident too well, so in my mind, I could have created the fact that they were laughing and everything was fun, but I can't say for sure. Either way, that's besides the point; the point is that I tied up two kids to a stairwell and that was wrong. What if there had been a fire or we had to leave the house in an emergency? What if I had cut off their circulation?

 

Anyway, it is the truth; so, yes, I am/was a monster.

 

-Wiz

 

 

It took me awhile to understand that the other party was posting here as well!

 

You my man need to speak to someone and get some counseling! You IMHO ~ have issues that you need to deal with!

 

There's no doubt the wife has issues and that the two of you are fueling each other's anger? And who said what, and who did what first is a mute point!

 

Just judging from the post? It seems the DW has bent over backwards to be with you, help you, be there for you! And your just spitting in her face!

 

Here in Alabama most women would have put you six feet under for just what you've admitted to doing yourself so far!

 

"Bama" gals don't play with you! They will hurt your @zz!

 

BAD!

 

They will seriously put your @zz in a serious hurt locker!

[Chrome Barracuda]

LOL if he was so bad then, you should have left when it happened! no one forced you to stay. You say you have taken ownership of the affair and yet you say you didnt start seeing the other man until he left? Really? so you wasnt talking to the OM planning it beforehand? I mean in all seriousness you done bad things, and yet he done bad things, but your the only one who seeks to reinforce that by brining up what happened in the past.

 

The bad stuff he did then, how does that equate to the bad things you have done NOW! WTF? am I wrong here?

 

What is your argument to be the victim??? your both insane. him for putting up with your current cheating and you for not leaving for your own self respect when the bad things happen.

 

Stop being so defensive about it?

 

And AGAIN I ASK did you cut off contact with the OM answer me that question!

 

If you didnt then all this justification talk and how he did all of this is moot! you havent learned your not giving him any chance.

 

If you want to stay then stop blaiming him as of this minute he is seeking to be better! if you want him to leave then seperate, let things cool off and let the divorce progress on it's own without any OUTSIDE interference.

 

You cant turn around and plahy the victim when you got a bloody knife in your hand yourself. I think Wiz can change for the better. He'll be a better man but he doesnt need you reminding him of what he's done and you throwing salt in the wound when your not even divorced messing with an OM!

[digitalwitch]

LOL if he was so bad then, you should have left when it happened! no one forced you to stay. You say you have taken ownership of the affair and yet you say you didnt start seeing the other man until he left? Really? so you wasnt talking to the OM planning it beforehand? I mean in all seriousness you done bad things, and yet he done bad things, but your the only one who seeks to reinforce that by brining up what happened in the past.

 

The bad stuff he did then, how does that equate to the bad things you have done NOW! WTF? am I wrong here?

 

What is your argument to be the victim??? your both insane. him for putting up with your current cheating and you for not leaving for your own self respect when the bad things happen.

 

Stop being so defensive about it?

 

And AGAIN I ASK did you cut off contact with the OM answer me that question!

 

If you didnt then all this justification talk and how he did all of this is moot! you havent learned your not giving him any chance.

 

If you want to stay then stop blaiming him as of this minute he is seeking to be better! if you want him to leave then seperate, let things cool off and let the divorce progress on it's own without any OUTSIDE interference.

 

You cant turn around and plahy the victim when you got a bloody knife in your hand yourself. I think Wiz can change for the better. He'll be a better man but he doesnt need you reminding him of what he's done and you throwing salt in the wound when your not even divorced messing with an OM!

 

I should have left him a long time ago, and I am not trying to play the victim. We BOTH need to stop trying to justify anything to anyone, including here, and start working on ourselves.

I do have hope, after what I have seen in the last month or so, that he can and will change.

The only reason I came on here was so that the advice he was given would be complete with both sides taken into consideration, not throw salt in an old wound. How could any of you really helped him, not knowing about the anger problem he is trying to deal with? You never could have, and that is why he came here, to get good advice.

[tojaz]

Witch-I have to say, I do read a lot of defense in your posts. While more info always helps, this is Wiz's thread to find the help that he seeks. Look at it as an IC session except the spouse is shouting through the window. Everyone on LS tells their own story to the best of their ability. I'm sure theres been a bit I've left out of my wifes side of things to be sure. Thats what H&D is talking about when she suggested a new thread. LS by design is unbiased, but your presence here has tainted that and any helpvhe was recieving for Wiz. Chrome, while very blunt, has a very strong point. You have mentioned an opportunity to reconcile and have laid a request for AM and MC as a condition of this. What commitment have you made? OM has to be completely out of the picture for this to work. A husband, faults or not should not have to compete for the attentions of his wife. Working on his anger/abuse broblems will take time and support, he will not recieve that from you if you are still entertaining OM!

 

Wiz-I'm glad you are honest about what happened and the fact that you may have manufactured the kids laughter. The fact is the second it stopped being fun, it needed to stop. I would suggest finding some books on AM to try and sort out what exactly it is that you are feeling, regardless if it will save your marriage or not. Hitting your wife is 100% unacceptable, and change that to 150% with kids around, if youv'e read one of the other threads I follow closely, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t194021/ ,you know how I feel about spousal abuse!!:mad: Things escalate quickly, and a slap today could very easily be a punch tomorrow! As for the wife, if OM is still in the picture while you are trying to make this work, then I doubt you will ever see any commitment from her. You both have admitted fault, you both need to take the steps necessary to put it back together. AM and NC with the OM have to come first!

TOJAZ

[phineas]

I don't think she responded on whether she knew the man before the split & how long before she was in bed with him.

[hopesndreams]

Love is supposed to be joyous and not involve taking strips off each other. I agree 100% that the children need to come first in all this mess. I just don't see that happening because of your posts Witch.

 

If you are going to continue subjecting your husband to abuse by continuing contact with the OM, while he owns what he has done and goes to AM, it will not make one bit of difference to the relationship if you don't own yours as well. The children will continue to suffer if Wiz does all he can, and you do not. There is no indication from what you have written that you will give up the OM for the good of your family. The reconciliation will be doomed if you keep justifying the A.

 

What do you need to work on Witch? From what I have read from Wiz, you have a cruel streak and could benefit from some AM yourself.

 

BTW, I do not see my situation in any way similar to yours and never have done. I do not take my "anger" out on anyone who genuinely comes to this forum seeking advice. I do read the whole story before passing "judgement", as you call it. I do my best to understand their viewpoint and if I can help them, not hurt them further, then I will do just that to the best of my abilities. Advice can be harsh at times but this isn't the place to be coddled. It's a place for those to find answers, solutions, the truth in order to put an end to suffering. How? By those who have lived through it and take the time out of their day to help and guide those looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. To help end someone's despair.

[Nomad1]

I am sure if Dwiz had reported that Dwitch had beaten him up, it would not have been as significant. Violence against any person is unacceptable, but it appears that, in a strange sexist way, women are viewed as the weaker sex, in need of protection from violent males. In my view, the violence of the affair on the person, any children involved is as bad as unacceptable as any physical violence.

 

Dwiz, cut your losses man. Walk away. At least you don't have any children with her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Grow some and kick the Dwitch to the curb, where she belongs.

 

Good luck man

 

Nomad1

[LisaUk]

I apologise if I misunderstood your words Wiz.

[digitalwizard]

I don't think she responded on whether she knew the man before the split & how long before she was in bed with him.

 

Look, I don't know why people keep saying she is sleeping with the OM. He is nowhere in the vicinity or even the same time zone. So, please read my lips....

 

SHE HAS NEVER PHYSICALLY BEEN WITH THE OM OR ANY OTHER MAN BUT ME. IT IS A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. PLEASE READ THE POSTS ENTIRELY BEFORE RESPONDING.

 

FURTHERMORE, I WAS ONLINE WITH HER THE DAY WE MET THE OM ONLINE AND WE PLAYED TOGETHER AS A BAND. AT THIS POINT, I HAD ALREADY BEEN TOLD TO LEAVE A FEW WEEKS PRIOR, BUT WAS REFUSING TO DO SO. IT WASN'T UNTIL AFTER I FINALLY MADE MY DEPARTURE THAT SHE MADE PHONE CONTACT WITH HIM.

 

-Wiz

[tojaz]

Look, I don't know why people keep saying she is sleeping with the OM. He is nowhere in the vicinity or even the same time zone. So, please read my lips....

 

SHE HAS NEVER PHYSICALLY BEEN WITH THE OM OR ANY OTHER MAN BUT ME. IT IS A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. PLEASE READ THE POSTS ENTIRELY BEFORE RESPONDING.

 

FURTHERMORE, I WAS ONLINE WITH HER THE DAY WE MET THE OM ONLINE AND WE PLAYED TOGETHER AS A BAND. AT THIS POINT, I HAD ALREADY BEEN TOLD TO LEAVE A FEW WEEKS PRIOR, BUT WAS REFUSING TO DO SO. IT WASN'T UNTIL AFTER I FINALLY MADE MY DEPARTURE THAT SHE MADE PHONE CONTACT WITH HIM.

 

-Wiz

 

Wiz, why defend her so much. Regardless of the nature of their relationship it is hurting your marriage by your account. Folks here have a hard time keeping the hundreds of threads straight. Don't sweat the little details and look at the big picture. An OM is fulfilling emotional needs for your wife and stands as an obstruction to your reconciliation. Focus on the task at hand and be greatful for the people that are trying to help. Otherwise you are likely to find yourself posting alone.

TOJAZ

[digitalwitch]

As far as anger management goes, he has canceled every appointment that he has ever made over the last year. When I was going to leave him a year ago, he swore up and down that he would go to anger management, and to his credit, he set up an appointment to do so, but canceled b/c he couldn't take time off from work, but then a week later he took a day off just to relax and play games at the house. That has been the case every time since then, which I believe the count is 3. This last appointment was canceled to pay some of the bills, but he has yet to make another appointment. I do not think he is afraid to go, in fact, I do not understand if he wants me so bad why he isn't going. Anger management isn't going to attack him and make him feel like ****; it is a way for him to express how he feels and blow off steam, while learning how to control his anger. There is no pain involved on his part. So, why doesn't he just go already? I have specifically stated here that if he does, then we can try to move from there, but why should I put my life on hold when he isn't taking the first steps?

 

Regardless of the above, and him not going, I went ahead and told the 'OM' that we can no longer talk on the phone. I'm giving the Wiz one more chance to prove that he is going to do it. All he has to do is take action; SO, I AM WAITING.........once again....

 

The "WITCH"

[tojaz]

Balls in your court Wiz, what you gonna do with it?

Witch, Anything less then total NC with OM dosen't count. That includes video games etc. As far as putting your life on hold, I think that statement trivializes your relationship with Wiz. Not the best motivation for him to take steps to better himself for you.

TOJAZ