Do they ever come back eventually?

[mr.dream merchant]

Okay. Let me start this post off by letting you all know my breakup history. About 3 weeks ago ex told me face to face that she feels we need space and I need time to find myself. She said that she didn't want to break up but for us to take this time and space to get a breath of fresh air. That night, she went home and told her sister that we broke up. I didn't know that we were over until the following day when she said "I'm sorry, I just need my space. Hearing you, or seeing you will make it harder." Upon further questioning she told me it was over. She said that she didn't want anything to do with me, and that I treated her like ****, and that I was a sucky BF. Case in point, she doesn't want to be with me.

 

But I'm confused. If when she told me face to face that we needed space and time to find ourselves and that in a month or two we'll continue things, did she really mean that? Or was she trying to let me down easy and save her own ass? Its hard to say because she was upset with me the night after for not calling her the day we spoke (I didn't because I knew she was upset and didn't want to talk to me).

 

Anyways, its over from what I know, and from what her sister, friend, and the ex told me. Okay. I get it. It's over. But will she come back? This seems to be the question I ask myself alot now. Is she going to come back? She was very upset when I last spoke to her which is why most of those harsh words I've shared in this thread came out. There was alot of things that I did for her that I know alot of guys won't. Does she realize this? Is she remembering all the good times we shared? Or is she only remembering the bad times since she's so upset with me?

 

Now this is where my main objective, questions for you all (the readers), come in, mainly for the guys since I'm a guy. But female opinions are always appreciated, especially now more than ever.

 

1. How long were you and your ex together?

 

2. Did your ex have a lot of pride?

 

3. Was your ex afraid of being judged by their family?

 

4. When you and your ex broke up, were they highly upset with you? ie. "I want nothing to do with you. You were a sucky bf/gf. You treated me like ****."

 

5. Did you and your ex keep in contact?

 

6. Did your ex completely cut you off regardless of how bad you wanted to talk things over?

 

7. Did your ex want to have another shot at a relationship with you? If yes, after how long? Was there no contact in that period of time?

 

8. Did you take them back? Why or why not?

 

9. Did you expect them to come back at all (if they did)?

 

10. How long did it take before you were truly over your ex (if you were in love with them)?

 

Please try your best to answer these questions with as much detail as possible (paragraphs are highly appreciated lol..)

 

 

As for now, despite everyone saying she'll come back, I don't think my ex will. I knew her better than everyone else for 13 months. But why can't I stop wanting her to come back? Why does it kill me when I think of her enjoying her life so much more now? Why does it kill me to think of her not missing me at all? Or only remembering the bad times in our relationship instead of the plentiful good times we shared? She said my insecurities pushed her away but do you think she remembers the times where her insecurities were pretty bad? Like when she had me delete my myspace and facebook because she couldn't stand to see females leaving me comments? Or the time she told me she didn't like that I chill out at my homeboy's house because he has two little sisters in highschool? Will she remember that and then think of how I still loved her for who she is and wanted nothing more than to be with her? I'm a mess. Can't wait for this trip to Gainesville so I can party.

[wow123]

Well her reason for breaking up with you was that you were a shi--y boyfriend and treated her like crap. Is that true? What did you do? Did she complain about how you were treating her without you changing? We need more info. but if you treated her like crap her friends/family will be telling her not to go back.

[mr.dream merchant]

Well her reason for breaking up with you was that you were a shi--y boyfriend and treated her like crap. Is that true? What did you do? Did she complain about how you were treating her without you changing? We need more info. but if you treated her like crap her friends/family will be telling her not to go back.

 

No not at all. When she said all of this she was really upset with me. And she says alot of crazy things when she's upset. Was I the perfect and sweetest boyfriend in the world? No. But I was an honest guy, and I was always trying to make her happy. At the last days of our relationship she suspected me of cheating on her and the problems in our relationship that she had she wouldn't talk to me about. Instead she'd talk to her friend at work who probably knew she was insecure, and fed her a bunch of "If its too good to be true it probably isn't" bs.

 

We had our fights, plenty of them. Alot of times they were because of miscommunication. Other times it was because when she was upset she wouldn't speak at all, just stay silent and when I offered to take her home seeing as how she wasn't trying to enjoy herself or talk about her problems, she would just take it the wrong way. Its sad to say but she had this false reality of me. She felt that she couldn't be herself around me. She said she didn't want to talk to me about things because I would get mad. But..lmao...how can that be? She never tried to talk to me. And when she did, she was very upset, and wasn't talking to try and compromise and work on things. She was talking to bitch at me and try to guilt trip me or make me feel bad.

 

Communication was her biggest weakness, next to her insecurity and jealousy issues. I can confidently say that 80% of our fights happened because she didn't know how to effectively communicate, especially when she was upset. I was always open about my emotions and things with her. When I was upset, I'd calmly speak to her. But fights would break out because she'd just add fuel to the fire by basically not talking to progress, but to throw our situation into a downward spiral. I won't lie. There's been times where our fights and my nerves got to the point where I had to raise my voice at her. And there's been times where I've cursed. But it was never unprovoked. And I regret it everyday since she left that I even spoke to her like that. But at the same time, when I was calm, she never took me seriously. If I calmy tried to talk about things, or say if she was upset and I calmy tried to talk to her, she would just blow me off with alot of attitude and make the situation worse. And then that's when I would get upset. Looking back on it, I wish I did just let her be when she was upset. But her happiness was so important to me that I tried everytime to talk to her when she was upset, and it mostly ended up in arguments.

 

So was I a ****ty boyfriend? I'll let you be the judge of that.

[boogieboy]

Heres the bottom line... you need to concentrate on for now. Dont worry about how she feels. You have to worry about what you might have done to make her say you were a shytti BF. Alot of that will not clear up in your head for a month or so.

 

You want to make her realize she misses you? Make sure you dont let her contact you for at least 1 months. She has to know she cannot contact you. You wont know anything until she really wants to talk about it. And by a couple months, you wont care. Dont make the mistake I did and let your gf keep texting you for months.

 

So heres my answers...

 

1. 5 months

 

2. Yes

 

3. No

 

4. No, mine wanted to still talk.

 

5. for 2 months, until I came to this board

 

6. I wish she did.

 

7. No

 

8. n/a

 

9. No

 

10. 1 more month, or a new GF and ill be there.

[Beeotch]

In my opinion: them coming back or not can't really be predicted. Some circumstances and individuals might make for it more likely while others are less likely but who knows for sure?

 

Therefore while hard, it is best to act like they aren't coming back. It is a win win situation....you move on and if they do come back you are in a better place and you can see how you feel about working things out, you may not even want them anymore OR if they do not come back, you have moved forward anyway.

[boogieboy]

MDM I didnt see your second post. My ex was like that, wasnt good at communicating. I think she wasnt being herself around me either. I never got a chance to get to know her to find out how to get around that. You make her sound like she was emotionally unstable. I think her saying you were a shytti bf was an excuse, but you might never know, and you cant worry about it now. You might get a chance to start over, try new things to get her to communicate better, but dont count on it.

[icepop]

You asked a lot of questions...lol...nothing wrong with that. However, I am going to concur completely with Beeotch.

 

The tough part is just after the break-up. I think you need to put a plan into place to :

 

a/ re-visit yourself and determine if you did anything that made her feel like you were/are a s*** BF. We all are works in progress, so don't be surprised if you need to work on a few areas.

 

b/ Try to get some physical exercise and get the juices flowing. This will help wash relationship toxins away and you'll feel better and start looking better. This is a great way to build confidence, too. We all have been through this so right now you need some ego boosting. Just don't over do it....lol.

 

c/ Do some soul searching. But try to keep the break-up in perspective and maintain your humor. Whatever you do, be yourself. Don't cave if she calls you.(aka don't be too available ) And don't fake the availability thing. Get busy and you will convey yourself as busy AND honest. Believe me, she'll know if you;re lying about this. Remember, this was her decision. Not yours. The ball is now in your court and really if she wants to come back the power is now in your hands. I wouldn't make-it easy or be so willing. By that I also don't mean to play games either. If you ever speak to her again, you will have to be real. By no means does she get a free pass. Right now, she really has to reach for you. By that I mean she really has to want to discuss the relationship and her plan. And, this must be face-to-face. So get your game together. And, limit the meeting to one-hour. Remember, this is YOUR life. You have choices. Especially, about allowing her back into your life again.

If she wants to talk only, she wants her cake and eat it , too. Don't be her " training wheels " to help her through this. That is a sure-fire way to lose her, forever. Stay calm, cool and collected. If she calls, be casual. I don't mean rude or mean. Think of it like you are taking a phone call at work from someone who is calling you for the first time and you have a professional friendly attitude. Exercising helps tremendously here.

 

Do not let her call you to BS or cry on your shoulders. Be strong. Remember, if you want her back, you must pave the way.

 

But, you must improve yourself first. Do this for yourself, not her. Be genuine. Women have great radar. She'll know if you're faking it.

 

Remember, she chose to leave. Now, the decision to allow her back into your life is purely yours. And, under the conditions you set. This what I meant earlier in part, by reaching.

 

Do not get mushy in front of her. Do NOT tell her you MISS her. Do NOT tell her you love her or anything else like that.

 

You want to stay calm and in control of yourself. Do not make her jealous in any way.

 

And finally ( panting...lol ), DO NOT SPEAK TO HER FRIENDS, FAMILY OR ANYONE ELSE ABOUT HER OR THE RELATIONSHIP. LOOSE LIPS, SINKS SHIPS.

 

Capiche ?

 

Good luck.

[asuman]

I won't lie. There's been times where our fights and my nerves got to the point where I had to raise my voice at her. And there's been times where I've cursed.

 

I don't know about most people, but I've never cussed at a girlfriend in my life. Oh I have behind their back to my buddies when I'm pissed off, don't get me wrong. Who hasn't, to vent. But I've never cursed at someone I loved. I consider that a form of verbal abuse. You may want to consider the role your behavior has played in creating the present situation. I've noticed that you lay pretty much 100% of the blame for everything squarely on your girlfriend, everything from her poor communication skills to the fact that she's insecure and jealous. If she's got so many problems, as you see them, why do you want her anyway?

 

On to your questions:

 

1. How long were you and your ex together? 3 yrs.

 

2. Did your ex have a lot of pride? Yes.

 

3. Was your ex afraid of being judged by their family? I guess

 

4. When you and your ex broke up, were they highly upset with you? ie. "I want nothing to do with you. You were a sucky bf/gf. You treated me like ****." No.

 

5. Did you and your ex keep in contact? Yes.

 

6. Did your ex completely cut you off regardless of how bad you wanted to talk things over? No.

 

7. Did your ex want to have another shot at a relationship with you? If yes, after how long? Was there no contact in that period of time? No, I wanted another shot at a relationship with her. She tried briefly, but it didn't work and we gave up. We're friends now.

 

8. Did you take them back? Why or why not? See above.

 

9. Did you expect them to come back at all (if they did)? n/a

 

10. How long did it take before you were truly over your ex (if you were in love with them)? About 6 months. I didn't date again for one year.

[lamaman3]

Mr. Dream Merchant,

 

Why are you posting here when you should be posting and getting advice from REAL MEN who understand women and relationships at the site that I gave you? They will give you the proper ass kicking and tough love to get your head on straight. Here they will sit and cry with you and pat you on the back and tell you how sad it is that life isnt fair.

 

A few points:

 

Your ex was absolutely correct. You have some major internal issues with your confidence you need to work on before you can be a truly attractive boyfriend to a woman.

 

Case in point - just about a month ago someone posted, how soon does it take you to get over an ex? and you replied, "The moment they say they don't want to be with me."

 

You even mentioned that said that to your gf on the phone - the irony is that if she felt that you REALLY MEANT IT - you would probably still be together. Instead, you pose like some big tough guy - talking about "hoes" you used to f*ck and the big man whose going to kick some ass - when the reality of the situation is you have some terrible insecurities that make you seem more like a scared little boy.

 

Would someone who would get over his gf with the snap of a finger be OBSESSING over whether his gf, before he even met her, found a security guard at the mall attractive and want to hook up with him? You couldn't fathom the fact that your gf was "one of those girls" - because you divided girls into 2 categories - "hoes" and "housewives" - Madonnas and Whores - because you were terrified that if your gf had a free sexuality - you just wouldnt be able to compete with all the other men - so you hoped and kept saying, shes not like that - shes a "housewife" a "madonna" - in other words, you wanted a replacement MOMMY to tell you shell always be there and love you forever unconditionally, to soothe your insecurities away - and any thought of competing with other guys that your gf found hot - whether it was a security guard or some celebrity like Julez Santana TERRIFIED you to the point where you thought of making her take a lie detector test!!

 

Thats why you were so upset at her sister and judged her sisters behavior when it was none of your business - at first you tried to make it like you were concerned about her - but when you realized she was fine and didnt care and was having fun, you hated her even more - even writing that you "despise" her - because she was your gf's twin, and made you remember that your gf has a sexuality independent of you and wasnt going to be there for you always like MOMMY. And what girl thinks of the man of her dream as a little boy who settled for her because of his own insecurities? You didnt like her in spite of her "crusty toe." You liked her BECAUSE of it - just sexy enough for you, but not sexy enough where youd have to compete with MEN for her, and where shed stick around with you forever.

 

Now you think youve learned, saying, I now trust her, I trust shes not doing anything but I wish I had the same feeling when I was with her. Guess what, you havent learned. You were right - she did want to f*ck that security guard, and she did want to f*ck Julez Santana, and when she told you "sometimes you accuse someone of cheating so much you drive them to do it" what do you think she meant by that? Dont think too hard - its plan ENGLISH bro - it means she was thinking of riding someone elses baloney poney. IDK if shes doing it now - but the fact that you ACTUALLY care shows you havent learned. For all intensive purposes, assume shes getting gangbanged by the local football team. YOU yourself said you are going to "party hard" this weekend. And what makes you think shes not thinking the same exact thing??? And shes the one who actually WANTED to be single! And you keep asking - well, didnt she have insecurities too? how can she hold that against me when she was the same way? Welcome to life lesson #1 son - women arent fair. Most women are also insecure - but the MEN they are attracted to arent. Women already have one p*ssy, what makes you think they want another one? Should have told her that you wouldnt delete your myspace and that she was being ridiculous - she wouldve respected you more, but if you cant understand why that is then you have alot to learn about women.

 

I predicted months ago that your insecurities would be the downfall in this relationship - I didnt post because its normal for you to feel ****ty sentimental and romantic after a break up but now you need a swift kick in the ass for your own good. If you were good with yourself - you wouldnt be wondering about getting back with a girl who treated you like garbage towards the end of the relationship and was spoiled and bitchy enough to make you pay for everything when you were a broke student and had the gall to whine and bitch about it. (Although with women, your behavior is also partly to blame - be honest for a second - would she be "DEMANDING" that Jules Santana be paying for her in order to be her bf? - and what does that say about how she SAW YOU?)

 

Despite all this, you might be sad about the breakup, but you would appreciate the good moments you had, and move on to a woman who can have a modicum of respect for you when youre talking on the phone - but then again, thats assuming you can land a woman like that - not an easy task when youre racked with insecurities.

 

So please, for your own good, stop posting here and post at that site I gave you so you can start rebuilding yourself from the ground up into a REAL MAN instead of a poser.

[M2ZND]

Mr. Dream Merchant,

 

Why are you posting here when you should be posting and getting advice from REAL MEN who understand women and relationships at the site that I gave you? They will give you the proper ass kicking and tough love to get your head on straight. Here they will sit and cry with you and pat you on the back and tell you how sad it is that life isnt fair.

 

 

 

Are you in a relationship Iamaman3? Just curious.

[lamaman3]

Not currently,

 

But I was in a 3 year relationship and I'm still friendly with my ex. I also date alot.

[mr.dream merchant]

Iamaman3, you may be right about why she left me, the reality is nobody knows except for her. But I'm not going to assume things about her that wasn't even remotely her character. Yeah it would help me move on no doubt, but I'm not going to lie to myself to do so. I'm certain her leaving me had nothing to do with another guy. She was unhappy because she felt I didn't love her since the lack of trust on my part was there. When she told me my insecurity was too much to handle, she meant my lack of trust in her. When she told me that whole deal about people being accused of cheating so much that one of the partners end up doing it, she wasn't telling me that she was cheating or was going to, she was telling me that she didn't want to see us come to that. She didn't want to see me end up cheating on her.

 

The whole security guard thing, and all that Juelz Santana bull****, that stopped awhile back. It was no longer an issue. I grew out of that. Looking back on it, I was slowly becoming less insecure. But the lack of trust is what ultimately led to the end of her and I.

 

The lie detector test? That wasn't in regards to us. I thought I stated that in the thread? I can't convince you anymore than that. It had zero to do with us.

 

I appreciate the advice for the most part Iamaman3. I know you're only trying to help. That website was good stuff but all those methods did for me was push my ex further away from me. And it would be best to assume she's moved on, for my own health and happiness. But the reality of it is, I know she hasn't. She knows she hasn't. That's why she's NC right now. And I'm confident enough to say that there probably won't be another guy in the picture for awhile. Not because its wishful thinking, but because I know her. And I know how she is. I just wish I knew so well while I was still with her lol.

 

All of this doesn't matter though. I made this thread with purposes of seeing what my chances of getting her back are. I know they're slim to none. I do want her back. Why? I don't know. She wasn't the greatest GF. But I enjoyed her company. And I do love her alot. But I know that if she ever happens to come back, I'll give it another shot. Well I'm saying that now, but that's how I feel.

 

All in all, I'm not upset with ya Iamaman3. You're just doing what anybody else would do, and that is to offer your perspective on things. Just know that I did visit that PUA website. And I stopped going because I realized it wasn't doing my relationship any good, just causing an even bigger rift between us.

[lamaman3]

If you visited the PUA website and it caused a greater rift between you and your ex - you werent applying it correctly. It was probably due to an incongruency. Women can smell incongruency in an instant - if you try to act confident, they will test you to see if you really are and will know if you are faking it. I didn't say she left you for another guy - thats not the way it usually works - but she left because she felt like you were smothering her and her attraction for you was waning and obviously she felt some theoretical future guy would be better for her. Thats what happens when a girl starts treating you badly. And you're dead wrong about that statement about cheating being about YOU cheating. She obviously didn't seriously think you were going to cheat, because you were way too busy worried about her cheating. You don't break up with someone who desperately wants to be with you because you think THEY will cheat on you - the one that breaks up is the one that wants to be single and dosent want to be constricted. Of course she knew that you "loved" her. You were obsessed with her. All of that jealousy and insecurity came from your "love" for her. You yourself always was saying **** like, "I banged some hoodrats back in the day and never cared what they did, but with a girl i wanna wifey up i want to know xyz."

 

Of course she knew this. Think for a minute. Do you care about the past or what a girl is doing when you don't give a **** about her? You problem was you loved her TOO much. You should know this because you seem to think it has something to do with you not marrying her or not loving her enough when its the exact opposite. She dosent want you to marry her - if she did shed be with you right now and worried about keeping you satisfied. A girl who is truly worried about her man cheating does everything she can to keep him happy and satisfied - not treating him like garbage and with disrespect. A girl that isnt happy with you and feels like your smothering her and dosent want to be with you treats you like crap and then breaks up with you.

[CaliGuy]

Not even thinking about my exs anymore. Not worth my time or effort. I've got better things to do.

 

And who cares of they come back? You should hopefully have moved on and met someone else.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Do they come back????

 

WTF why would you want them to, if they leave?

 

In my book once you leave, stay gone.

[NopeNah]

Do they come back????

 

WTF why would you want them to, if they leave?

 

In my book once you leave, stay gone.

I agree 100%. OP, If you're talking about a dumper.. In my experience, "SOME" do, "MOST" don't. When I say some do, It's soely for their own ego stroke,needs,greediness,closure,whatever, who cares? I've never had a relationship that went south,last! It's the same thing when you get "back together". Unless some serious changes have been made by both people. Sh*t's the same! Same bitchy/dick attitude,same traits, everything. that's the reason's it obviously didn't work to begin with. In most case the two parties try to reconcile WAY,WAY to soon. Same shi*t different day/month,whatever.

 

 

That's why it's so important to "fix" yourself at this time. Realize your short comings and grow from it. Make yourself better for the next one, whether thats your ex or a completly better person for you, thats blows your ex out of the water!

 

I've also found out, from my life, that cheaters come back more so than a "honest" person does..but, who the hell wants a cheater back?!?!

[waitingpatiently]

I agree 100%. OP, If you're talking about a dumper.. In my experience, "SOME" do, "MOST" don't. When I say some do, It's soely for their own ego stroke,needs,greediness,closure,whatever, who cares? I've never had a relationship that went south,last! It's the same thing when you get "back together". Unless some serious changes have been made by both people. Sh*t's the same! Same bitchy/dick attitude,same traits, everything. that's the reason's it obviously didn't work to begin with. In most case the two parties try to reconcile WAY,WAY to soon. Same shi*t different day/month,whatever.

 

 

That's why it's so important to "fix" yourself at this time. Realize your short comings and grow from it. Make yourself better for the next one, whether thats your ex or a completly better person for you, thats blows your ex out of the water!

 

I've also found out, from my life, that cheaters come back more so than a "honest" person does..but, who the hell wants a cheater back?!?!

 

And I agree 100% with this post. 9/10 it's not even worth taking them back. Sure you could have changed for the better, but chances are your ex SO is still the same(because they weren't perfect either), and that only leads to a path of destruction. Take your "new and improved" self to someone who will appreciate it and not take it for granted!

[mr.dream merchant]

Yeah, I've been doing alot of thinking. While I was far from the perfect boyfriend, she didn't really know how to treat or appreciate her BF. Her love was a one way street, and I was doing all the driving. All the times I felt unappreciated. The times where I felt she wasn't making any effort. The times I didn't feel as loved by her. I guess it was all true. And the lack of trust was probably my gut telling me to dip because she wasn't worth it. My friend always had this saying. "If you keep worrying about something, it'll become a reality" He always told me that you control your destiny. I was so worried about being left in the dust that eventually it happened.

 

When I made this post, I was at the peak of my heartache and loneliness. But now when I look back on things, everyone is right, why would I want to take her back? She treated me like ****ing garbage. I mean, I was the mule in the relationship, with the relationship on my back, and her next to it with her feet up and an ice cold lemonade in her hand. **** that. **** that **** that **** that. I'm a great looking guy. My dick game is on point. And now that I'm not with her, my confidence is back, and my insecurities are non-existant. I always thought it was a bull**** saying that if someone is causing you to feel insecure, there's probably good reason you shouldn't be with them. I was so busy feeling unloved and unappreciated by her that it sparked my insecurity of being left by her, or being replaced, or not good enough for her. Now that she's gone, that insecurity is gone. I realize now, that while it was somewhat me, yes, it was also her. She didn't love me like I loved her. And that was the foundation for alot of problems. Thank god and good riddance. I have alot of love for her, she'll always be my babygirl, but I deserve better.

[Exit]

I'm in the same boat right now. I'm balancing right on the edge of still wanting her back yet starting to realize with each passing day that I deserve better too. The last letter she sent me said I didn't appreciate her, what a JOKE. I did everything! I showed my love for her in a million different ways! Meanwhile half the time she'd come over here, eat my food, fall asleep, and then go home.

 

I know I have changed a TON already and I'm finally taking better care of myself. I know I could never take her back unless she convinces me that she has improved just as much.

 

It's tough. When they break up with you it's out of your control. But at some point you still almost have to break up with them, or the idea of them, in your own heart. It's hard to let go. But I know when I sit here missing her, I'm not being realistic about all the stuff she did wrong to me.

[asuman]

Dick game?

[mr.dream merchant]

Dick game?

 

 

Lol, sex. Sorry, sometimes I can't keep the slang at bay.

 

The relationship was like a constant me proving to her that I'm worth it. **** that. She better know I'm worth it. See, looking back on it, man, I was a dope. Iamaman3 was right. I should've told her to kick rocks a long time ago. But I had a soft spot in my heart for her, and she took full advantage of it. Its whatever though. I know this whole thing is going to make me a better person because I'm taking the more difficult route. She isn't going to make any progression or self changes because she took the easy way out and felt there was nothing wrong with her. She's in for a rude awakening.

[Exit]

I should've told her to kick rocks a long time ago.

 

Me too! Even her own mother agrees with me that her spoiled attitude stems from the fact that nobody has ever dumped her or broken her heart. Looking back, I should have been the one to do it.

 

I know this whole thing is going to make me a better person because I'm taking the more difficult route. She isn't going to make any progression or self changes because she took the easy way out and felt there was nothing wrong with her.

 

I like the way you worded that. I agree completely. I'm already a better person after 2 months and I'm still getting better every day. Meanwhile in the last letter she sent me, she said she's learned to respect herself more. WTF? She was already in love with herself. All she's done is increase her ego. I know for a fact she doesn't spend as much time "looking in the mirror" and trying to analyze what she could do better as a person. Oh well. Some day she'll figure it out. Right now it's still all about her. I'm glad she's learned to love herself even more, she'll be keeping herself company for a while.

 

It's funny, I'm not worried that I'll never be good enough for anybody again. It's the complete opposite, I've matured so much through this situation that I'm worried no girl will be at the same level of understanding that I'm at.

[boogieboy]

Im completely the opposite of everyone. I was a pretty bad bf, thats why mine left me. I didnt appreciate her like I should have. She appreciated me pretty good. She had a good reason for leaving me. If she wnted to come back, im still deciding if I would take her, I actually could do better for her. But I dont think mine would come back.

 

She still texts me the bullshyt "how are you? what r u up to?" every week. While shes with the new guy. I dont answer. Im not stroking that ego.

[WTFO]

If you visited the PUA website and it caused a greater rift between you and your ex - you werent applying it correctly. It was probably due to an incongruency. Women can smell incongruency in an instant - if you try to act confident, they will test you to see if you really are and will know if you are faking it. I didn't say she left you for another guy - thats not the way it usually works - but she left because she felt like you were smothering her and her attraction for you was waning and obviously she felt some theoretical future guy would be better for her. Thats what happens when a girl starts treating you badly. And you're dead wrong about that statement about cheating being about YOU cheating. She obviously didn't seriously think you were going to cheat, because you were way too busy worried about her cheating. You don't break up with someone who desperately wants to be with you because you think THEY will cheat on you - the one that breaks up is the one that wants to be single and dosent want to be constricted. Of course she knew that you "loved" her. You were obsessed with her. All of that jealousy and insecurity came from your "love" for her. You yourself always was saying **** like, "I banged some hoodrats back in the day and never cared what they did, but with a girl i wanna wifey up i want to know xyz."

 

Of course she knew this. Think for a minute. Do you care about the past or what a girl is doing when you don't give a **** about her? You problem was you loved her TOO much. You should know this because you seem to think it has something to do with you not marrying her or not loving her enough when its the exact opposite. She dosent want you to marry her - if she did shed be with you right now and worried about keeping you satisfied. A girl who is truly worried about her man cheating does everything she can to keep him happy and satisfied - not treating him like garbage and with disrespect. A girl that isnt happy with you and feels like your smothering her and dosent want to be with you treats you like crap and then breaks up with you.

 

Well said bro. Most people don't want to hear these words, but I have to agree. By the way are you related to gunny???...lol

[mr.dream merchant]

Me too! Even her own mother agrees with me that her spoiled attitude stems from the fact that nobody has ever dumped her or broken her heart. Looking back, I should have been the one to do it.

 

 

 

I like the way you worded that. I agree completely. I'm already a better person after 2 months and I'm still getting better every day. Meanwhile in the last letter she sent me, she said she's learned to respect herself more. WTF? She was already in love with herself. All she's done is increase her ego. I know for a fact she doesn't spend as much time "looking in the mirror" and trying to analyze what she could do better as a person. Oh well. Some day she'll figure it out. Right now it's still all about her. I'm glad she's learned to love herself even more, she'll be keeping herself company for a while.

 

It's funny, I'm not worried that I'll never be good enough for anybody again. It's the complete opposite, I've matured so much through this situation that I'm worried no girl will be at the same level of understanding that I'm at.

 

Took the words right out of my mouth.