Ashbash11 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Hi guys Here's a little snippet of advice that I read online when I was first starting my LDR and having a really rough time with being separated from my BF. This idea of "compartmentalization" is really important, and it's something that has helped me a lot. Just wanted to share!! Couples in LDRs often talk about something researchers have called “compartmentalization.” This refers to psychologically breaking their life up into distinct compartments – one the life they have when they’re together with their partner, and the other the life they have when apart. When they are separated they move into the “apart” compartment and focus on work or self-improvement or socializing; thoughts about the partner are present but not paramount or all consuming. This helps them psychologically deal with the separation. Those who just “sit by the phone” have not developed an “apart” compartment and they still try to live in the “together” world even when they’re not. This uses a tremendous amount of psychological energy that could be used in much better ways. When I work with someone who is truly devastated by an LDR it often involves teaching them how to develop an “apart” compartment and how to move away from the “together” world and into this new compartment at appropriate times. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Those who just “sit by the phone” have not developed an “apart” compartment and they still try to live in the “together” world even when they’re not. This uses a tremendous amount of psychological energy that could be used in much better ways. When I work with someone who is truly devastated by an LDR it often involves teaching them how to develop an “apart” compartment and how to move away from the “together” world and into this new compartment at appropriate times. So very true. I struggled in the beginning when our relationship changed into an LDR. I had never heard this or sought assistance but this is eventually what happened and how I deal with it even today. I find I live in the "other compartments" all the time now even when I speak with him, etc. The RARE occasions when I go into that place where all of that sits I burst into tears and weep uncontrollably with tears just streaming down my face. Sometimes it happens when I am talking to him or sharing - really sharing - about how I feel all the time. It takes a while to harness it all and put that back in it's place. If I sat in that frame of mind all the time I couldn't function because of despair. And that isn't productive for me or for my relationship - it certainly doesn't help him but in fact makes things worse for him. So I just try to stay away from all of that angst and sorrow. It always exists but I have to shove it aside and force it into it's place in the back dark corner so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggs Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Wow what an interesting statement...and so very true! My fiance and I do that exact same thing. I often wondered why I seemed to more or less just get on with things when we were apart and didn't get depressed. The first couple of days after we end a visit, it's really tough. Both very upset, in tears, despondant. Then we're back to 'normality' again! Thanks for that....was great to see my feelings put into words. Link to post Share on other sites
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