wow123 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 There was no question in your text. It doesn't seem like there is anything for her to respond to. You didn't ask, "how are you" you wrote "hope your'e doing well". Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 When your partner wanted you in the beginning they would phone you, actively pursue you, you knew exactly what they wanted and that was U!!! You didnt run around looking for hidden messages that they wanted you, you knew it cause they made it clear, now why on earth when they leave you, when that is what they want, would they leave some secret hidden code that you have to descifer that they want you back!!? Makes so much sense. Swallowing this bitter reality pill and moving on. Gypsi: Yes it makes so much sense, but realize this also applies to you too... is there some secret hidden code in "im gr8 hope you well" that she's supposed to decipher? Wow123 is right, if you asked ""how are you" your message would have been more clear to her that you want a response. What's with all this text messaging anyway? What ever happened to picking up the phone and talking on the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gypsi Posted July 4, 2009 Author Share Posted July 4, 2009 im not playing games she knows i want her back If she wanted to chat and found out more about me she would have responded i mean its bin a month! I know how are you would have been better, i dont want to seem like im still madly in love with her, i wanted a non chalant message...damn my message is full of hidden codes lol. I dont want to phone her because the last time i heard her voice i was back to square one of trying to get over her i was a big mess. Link to post Share on other sites
SierraRose Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 She tossed out a baited hook, and got the fish to bite. Let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Your text didn't require a reply...it's not the kind of text someone would think they'd need to respond to. It just sounds like she was being friendly to you, and you were friendly back, and that's that. She didn't do anything bad, and you sent a really appropriate text which was light and breezy and made her feel you were doing well, so she's probably stopped worrying about you now and hence isn't sending you a bunch of texts. Link to post Share on other sites
asuman Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 im not playing games she knows i want her back Stop wanting her back. She controls the situation as long as she knows that you want her back. And you can't fake it so don't even try that. You have to genuinely stop wanting her back. Link to post Share on other sites
icepop Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 gypsi : Women and attraction is a funny thing. Most, if not all men have been in your situation at least once. A woman's attraction level rises and falls on her view of you and your actions. If you act needy, too attached or like she is the end all and be all of life, it is likely that her attraction level will fall to a point where she breaks up with a man. The biggest mistake we make is hanging around. Don't. Get busy improving you in whatever way that may be. The upside to this is that you improve, get your mind off of her and place yourself in a better frame of mind. What she doesn't realize is that she has just handed you the keys to the future of the relationship. You can now decide if you really want to re-involve yourself with her. And, if get busy working on you, she will see it or know it. This is why when a man is truly moving on, often the ex senses this. How do they sense this ? By the very fact that you are remaining incommunicado. And the longer this occurs, the more they know that this is likely true. The attraction level rises and they begin to try to re-contact. Much of what I have said is generally only true of relationships that are LT. At least a year or more. This is because you have developed a history together. If you have had a decent relationship and have ended on reasonable terms there is a higher probability of her wanting to explore you one more time. In the meantime, work on gypsi and if she does re-new interest then the power is completely in your hands as to whether you want to re-visit the relationship. And, if it reaches that stage,YOU, gypsi dictate the terms by which any of it, if at all, can happen. Link to post Share on other sites
icepop Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Stop wanting her back. She controls the situation as long as she knows that you want her back. And you can't fake it so don't even try that. You have to genuinely stop wanting her back. What asuman has said is right on target and dovetails with what I said. Listen to what he says. He speaks the truth. And notice, he used the word genuine. Very important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gypsi Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 Hey icepop Thanks for you advice i really appreciate it, thing is she had more than enought reason to leave me i messed up really bad!! Was my first relationship i took her gor granted. Do you think a woman would ever change her mind once you've hurt them so much? I honestly am trying to improve myself, i have changed so much already. She is still extremely attracted to me, we were intimate for a whole month after the break up, she just doesent think we are meant to be togheter and says love is not enough. Link to post Share on other sites
wontgohomewou Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Hey icepop Thanks for you advice i really appreciate it, thing is she had more than enought reason to leave me i messed up really bad!! Was my first relationship i took her gor granted. Do you think a woman would ever change her mind once you've hurt them so much? I honestly am trying to improve myself, i have changed so much already. She is still extremely attracted to me, we were intimate for a whole month after the break up, she just doesent think we are meant to be togheter and says love is not enough. And after all that you're still pining for her? I made the same mistake you did and my ex had ALL the power. I was even intimate with her 2 months after the break up. I told her I'd wait for her and did all those mistakes while she said that she wanted to explore her options. Honestly dude, take icepops advice. When you just stop talking to her, delete her emails, texts(without reading them), ignore her calls, when you do ALL that you will feel like a better person and you will realize that you don't need your ex in your life, heck you'll even realize that you don't want her in your life. And that is usually when they want you again, when you are on your own two feet again and just love yourself more than you love anyone else. Trust me man, just let her be for a couple of months, work on yourself, and I'll bet you that she will be attracted to you all over again. BUT the best part is that by that time you will be moved on and won't even want her back. You might meet someone even better for you than she was. Good Luck with everything! Link to post Share on other sites
gorgio Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Hey icepop Thanks for you advice i really appreciate it, thing is she had more than enought reason to leave me i messed up really bad!! Was my first relationship i took her gor granted. Do you think a woman would ever change her mind once you've hurt them so much? I honestly am trying to improve myself, i have changed so much already. She is still extremely attracted to me, we were intimate for a whole month after the break up, she just doesent think we are meant to be togheter and says love is not enough. Read a few of my posts, I was in your shoes a few weeks back. Stop blaming yourself realize: 1. You hurt her because she let you 2. There is a reason you did not value her at the time 3. Getting her back requires that both of you change and move on In regards to her text, don't over analyze. Just pretend she is another girl trying to contact you, what would you do? Maybe you will respond, maybe not but if you do you won't over analyze. Don't wait for a response, move on. It doesn't matter why she sent you that text; imagine you gave your # to 10 girls last week and one of them texts you, how would you respond? Will you even take the time to analyze her message knowing that there are 9 more lined up? You probably won't. I actually think it's ok that you didn't give her a chance to respond. That way she understands that you don't care if she sends you another text or not - perfect in my opinion. Get out there and meet new girls. I met a great girl last night and we even had a few moments where we made eye contact for a few seconds and smiled and I felt 'I can really fall for a girl like that!' This is the way out, realizing that there are many better girls for you out there. Turn your ex into another # work on your thoughts, I think this is a more powerful strategy than NC / LC whatever. Put her back where she belongs IN YOUR THOUGHTS. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gypsi Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 oh yes a few months later she told me she was angry at herself for allowing me to hurt her so much she said "if she took me back she would lose apart of her soul" (and here i am still wishing she would come back, thats pritty much a nail in the coffin) Now you dont understand how those words haunt me. She wont take me back, all i can do is live with regret that i lost her. I am just numb right now i cant feel anything for other girls even if they are super hot!! I am trying to cope with breaking her heart and mine and live with this tremendous guilt for my irrational behaviour that hurt her so much think its driving me crazy Link to post Share on other sites
gorgio Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 oh yes a few months later she told me she was angry at herself for allowing me to hurt her so much she said "if she took me back she would lose apart of her soul" (and here i am still wishing she would come back, thats pritty much a nail in the coffin) Now you dont understand how those words haunt me. She wont take me back, all i can do is live with regret that i lost her. I am just numb right now i cant feel anything for other girls even if they are super hot!! I am trying to cope with breaking her heart and mine and live with this tremendous guilt for my irrational behaviour that hurt her so much think its driving me crazy Again, very similar to my situation she was afraid to take me back. It's not only your fault: 1. If she 'loses a part of her soul' with you then she is lacking self esteem. Do you want to be with such a person in the first place? She needs to sort out some of her issues as well. 2. Stop regretting that you lost her. If she follows my ex's pattern she will end up with someone who is 'less' than her so that she can feel better. You don't want a girl like that We need to change, but our ex's need to grow up as well. There is a reason we took them for granted; they probably let us do so because they did not value themselves first. I know where you are at, I was there a few months ago and spent so much energy trying to get her back. I realized that it wasn't only me who wasn't ready but her. She needs to grow up or end up with someone who is less than her so that she could feel comfortable. Please answer this question in your next post: what are the reasons that you took her for granted? If you are true to yourself you will realize that there are valid reasons for what you did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gypsi Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 Well it was a LDR very hard to do in the first place, i was going thru an extreme party phase i would drink alot and treat her like crap all my friends said i was way out her league....and now all those single friends who had something to say are all in happy relationships and dont even bother to keep in contact with me anymore! Never in my life will i listen to other people again im still young guess i had to learn these things. And yes she was very insecure she always said i could have anyone why do i want her?? I was very much in love with her and still am i was just inexperienced in the love front. I do think she wants someone who is less than her, i think i was a bit much to handle she is an easy laid back girl from a middle class family and i come from money so all of these things bothered her she said she doesent fit in my world, which hurt that the person i fell in love with wont try to make it work she just gave up. Link to post Share on other sites
lilria Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Both you and her need to move on and change.. PLEASE do yourself a favor.. do not jump every time something happens with her... and move on no matter what.. she needs to know you are not going to jump every single time something happens.. I know easier said then done.. but it needs to be done.. PS. IcePop, good advice giving Link to post Share on other sites
Author gypsi Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 yes i know we should, but my heart just wants her...i have this uncontrollable urge to text her, i dont want her to forget about me! It also sux not knowing if she has someone new or slept with someone already..if i knew these things then it would make it easier to move on for me. I dont have a clue if she's happy and enjoying life or if she's also a bit miserable and missing me! Im so frustrated right now im a complete mess again. Link to post Share on other sites
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