Scarlett513 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 We've all heard how men love the thrill of the chase. But what about women? In doing some thinking about my past relationships, I think I've realized that I very well could be just as bad guys with this, at least at times. Girls, do you love the thrill of the chase? Guys, happy to hear your opinions too... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I hate the chase, yet in the past I found myself doing it a lot. I don't think it's because what I prefer though, I think it's because I've always went after emotionally unavailable men. Link to post Share on other sites
lora22 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I went through a phase where I was over a guy as soon as I knew I "had" him. It was never with anyone who I was particularly interested in, more like I just had to keep pushing to see what could happen, and then, what next? And on and on, until the guy wants me and I don't want him anymore. I didn't realize I was doing it at the time; now I see that that's basically what I was doing. Just a curiosity, like "Hm, can I get THIS guy? What about him?" Not very nice of me. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I went through a phase where I was over a guy as soon as I knew I "had" him. It was never with anyone who I was particularly interested in, more like I just had to keep pushing to see what could happen, and then, what next? And on and on, until the guy wants me and I don't want him anymore. I didn't realize I was doing it at the time; now I see that that's basically what I was doing. Just a curiosity, like "Hm, can I get THIS guy? What about him?" Not very nice of me. I've done this too. Although at points I thought I wanted him, until I had him. Then he wasn't what I wanted. Through my life I had experienced rejection from male figures in my life. I was used to it. I've self destructed many quality relationships due to this too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlett513 Posted July 2, 2009 Author Share Posted July 2, 2009 I seem to enjoy the chase - which is weird because I never thought that I did. It's not that I ONLY enjoy the chase - but it seems that if I don't have to chase him I feel that he must not be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 the only men that love the chase are the guys that probably want to get in your pants, then become uninterested once they got in them. I don't chase whatsoever. Either a woman is interested in me or not. I'm not about to play silly little games. If a woman is the type to make me chase, I lose interest and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
lora22 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 If a woman is the type to make me chase, I lose interest and move on. This made me laugh - back in the day you would've been quite the challenge Dexter! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 This made me laugh - back in the day you would've been quite the challenge Dexter! no challenge at all. I dont make women chase. If I like someone, I don't play games with her head. as far as challenging because I won't take the bait a game player puts out there....its more like a futile endeavor. too many people in this world simply can't refrain from being shallow, and just tell people how you feel instead of playing stupid games. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I seem to enjoy the chase - which is weird because I never thought that I did. It's not that I ONLY enjoy the chase - but it seems that if I don't have to chase him I feel that he must not be worth it. I guess I'm not worth it then since I don't like games. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I read somewhere that men often do the initial chasing, but when the girl gets emotionally invested she is the one that starts doing the pursuing, and this is often when the relationship starts going bad and doesnt get past a few dates. I think girls should make sure they don't start pursuing when the guy pulls back a bit...retain your cool at this stage! As for me, I like straightforward people....if I am into a guy and he is into me, it is great if we can be upfront and honest about it... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I read somewhere that men often do the initial chasing, but when the girl gets emotionally invested she is the one that starts doing the pursuing, and this is often when the relationship starts going bad and doesnt get past a few dates. I think girls should make sure they don't start pursuing when the guy pulls back a bit...retain your cool at this stage! As for me, I like straightforward people....if I am into a guy and he is into me, it is great if we can be upfront and honest about it... I wish it could always be this way, instead of the back and forth crap! Link to post Share on other sites
lora22 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 as far as challenging because I won't take the bait a game player puts out there....its more like a futile endeavor. too many people in this world simply can't refrain from being shallow, and just tell people how you feel instead of playing stupid games. I wholeheartedly agree. I think often it's just a maturity thing. For me it was at any rate. Link to post Share on other sites
Noos Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 I hate the chase. I want men to be upfront about whether they like me or not and for them to stop wasting my time. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 When I guy tries to get me to chase him I quickly lose interest and find someone more mature. Someone that doesn't have a need to validate his worth by having me chase him. Also if a guy likes me I don't make him chase me however, I don't make myself completely available and put my entire life into a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 I think the chase is a game of cat and mouse that only draws in those who are not the most rational, intelligent, or mature of folks. I like the men who like me and treat me well. Always have. If a man pushes my buttons or tries to make me work hard all the time, I'm not interested at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 The only way for most women to truly be attracted to a man is to chase him. She has to want you more than you want her or else she will get bored. Link to post Share on other sites
burningashes Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Oh yeah, I do some chasing and then let him chase. It's a 2 way street, but I like to let the guy ask me out I let them know I like them, even if I have to spell it out and let them ask me out. I'm usually the one who goes in for the killing kiss at the end of the date Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Completely untrue, Woggle! - A confident woman will not want to play games and will have the self respect to want to be with a man who makes her feel wanted. People who perpetually need to chase are just after validation/not yet that mature or secure in themselves. If the chase is 100% what interests you, then it isn't even genuinely about the person that you're chasing! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Completely untrue, Woggle! - A confident woman will not want to play games and will have the self respect to want to be with a man who makes her feel wanted. People who perpetually need to chase are just after validation/not yet that mature or secure in themselves. If the chase is 100% what interests you, then it isn't even genuinely about the person that you're chasing! You have just described a large portion of the female population. Many of them are pretty much bottomless pits when it comes to emotional validation. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 So many people say they hate the chase, but then talk about how they do it anyway. Maybe it's one more reason why women run from me. I can't accept that dating is supposed to be some game. Link to post Share on other sites
butcher's hook Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 So many people say they hate the chase, but then talk about how they do it anyway. Because the bottom line is that there has to be certain level of chase in order for passion to stay alive, and a healthy level of uncertainty that is what differentiates a mundane friendship with no sexual spark from a romantic one. This stays true pretty much all throughout the longevity of a relationship if you truly want the "spark" to be alive. So the chase is not necessarily a bad thing. BUT having said that, the deal is that the chase should happen on both ends not one-sidedly in the form or an unrequited love. I think Torranceshipman said it the best, once the female is emotionally invested she becomes the pursuer, this is fine so long as the man was in it for all the right reasons. The role reversal should be fine and if the relationship is healthy you will both take turns doing the chasing and being chased. When one person bails it means they are solely after the chase and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Women love the chase. I have been doing something for the past 2 weeks that has shown me this. When a girls messages me or txt's me..i wont reply. I use to always relpy right away but now i am trying something. When i dont reply...i always get more messages or txts from her...then i will send a quick reply like a yes or a no...then they STILL come back with more and more. When i would reply and ask them quesitons..it seems as if they didnt care...but when i am not avaliable..they all of a sudden care. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Because the bottom line is that there has to be certain level of chase in order for passion to stay alive, and a healthy level of uncertainty that is what differentiates a mundane friendship with no sexual spark from a romantic one. This stays true pretty much all throughout the longevity of a relationship if you truly want the "spark" to be alive. So the chase is not necessarily a bad thing. BUT having said that, the deal is that the chase should happen on both ends not one-sidedly in the form or an unrequited love. I think Torranceshipman said it the best, once the female is emotionally invested she becomes the pursuer, this is fine so long as the man was in it for all the right reasons. The role reversal should be fine and if the relationship is healthy you will both take turns doing the chasing and being chased. When one person bails it means they are solely after the chase and nothing more. I have no idea what "a healthy level of uncertainty" means. At some point I want to know if there is a relationship or not. There can't be half a relationship. I want to enjoy time with a person and that is impossible if I don't know if there is something forming or not. I've failed every time I've tried so far. One wrong word over the phone and bye bye before I even meet them usually. I've never felt a spark with anyone and I don't know if I ever will. Maybe when I'm 40, but thatscoming before I know it. People I know say I "try too hard" but I always end up just arguing with them. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Women love the chase. I have been doing something for the past 2 weeks that has shown me this. When a girls messages me or txt's me..i wont reply. I use to always relpy right away but now i am trying something. When i dont reply...i always get more messages or txts from her...then i will send a quick reply like a yes or a no...then they STILL come back with more and more. When i would reply and ask them quesitons..it seems as if they didnt care...but when i am not avaliable..they all of a sudden care. I won't do that to a woman just replying yes or no. I guess being rude to some women turns them on. I will never get it. Maybe that's why I'm a complete failure at this. Link to post Share on other sites
Bayern Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 I thought it was the other way around (or at least the common theme was). I always figured the woman enjoys the chase, not the man. Link to post Share on other sites
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