Dealing with OCD/Whose House?

[Sceptre4444]

Hello my GF and I are not married, but it seems like the appropriate forum since we're dealing with domestic issues.

 

The issue is that my GF and I have different cleaning standards and ideas when to clean the kitchen. We're in our 30s and have been together for 1 year.

 

We both like to have a clean Kitchen. I like it clean she likes it very clean. She says that she is OCD and struggles to even let me do any task in her kitchen. She is especially fussy when it comes to her floor. Her family even gives her gentle jabs about this.

 

I like to clean the whole kitchen at once. Whereas she likes to not let her kitchen get dirty. The problems appear at her house, not mine.

 

I want to carry my share of the cooking and cleaning. But I'm afraid to be in her kitchen. In my house I'm not terribly concerned if something falls on the floor, but to her it's a major issue (in her house). She gets mad when a drop of water goes on her floor (she has laminate floor in the kitchen). She gets mad at me, and herself. The most difficult thing is she gets snappy when it appears like something could end up on the floor. In other words, I get in trouble even if I don't actually get something on the floor.

 

This is frustrating because we have a great relationship. At my house we both cook/clean together, but at her house I am helping less and less. We have talked about moving in together, but we don't get very far. I don't want to try living in her house, it seems doomed from the start. Anyway, I don't know how our relationship can progress. I don't want to live at her house, she doesn't want to live at mine (and can't imagine ever renting out her house - because no renter could ever keep it to her standard).

 

Because of her cleaning habits I don't want to think about marriage or anything until I know we can get along domestically.

 

Stuck.

[sunnylu]

You sound SO nice and kind of stuck. It does sound like she has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...... if she realizes that she has this (and doesn't just joke about it) then, she must realize that it IS a disorder and she can get help to recover from it, or at the very least, make it less of an issue.

 

OCD is a horrible affliction. I can't imagine being so worried that something "might possibly" drop onto my floor. Imagine the anxiety she is feeling? Obviously, she does need some intervention...probably psychologically and medically (antidepressants - anti anxiety meds).

 

I have a feeling - judging from your post - that she's pretty cool, except for this OCD stuff. If she can get in to a doctor, get diagnosed and try to heal or deal....then, maybe you can move in with her? If she's not willing to accept the fact that she seriously does have OCD and isn't willing to try to heal from it.... I would reconsider even dating her. It will only get worse. OCD is real.... she can get help.. probably medically as it is usually a chemical imbalance.

 

If you don't want to tell her, "Hey you need to go to the doc cuzza you're nuts".... then, maybe tell you go get a physical and tell her maybe she should too. You can call her doctor's office beforehand and let them know of your concerns in case she doesn't bring it up to the doc. You may even be able to accompany her into her appt. Maybe... you're the one in her life that's supposed to help her? Sorry if this sounds too "deep" but, this could be the reason you're with her.

 

Good luck! Please post back if you DO get a handle on the situation, OR if you decide to run in the other direction. I think this is pretty common.

 

;)sunnylu

[Heroic]

Run, run and run some more. OCD does not go away. It will creep out of the kitchen into ever aspect of her life.

 

She will wake up in the middle of the night to clean that one lil spot. Not a bit of your feelings, life or health will come between her and her obsessions.

 

I dated a gal for years who had OCD. She had a list of 10 things she wanted in a husband. I had 9. She met a guy who had all ten. Left me for him.

 

Interestingly enough, love was not on her list.

 

She told him the day before they got married that she still loved me with all her heart.

 

Soooooooo glad I dodged that bullet.

 

A coworker of mine married a guy with OCD...her life is a living hell.

 

He actually has to smooth out the couch when you stand up to go to the bathroom........

[Lauriebell82]

My fiance has OCD, especially about neatness/cleanliness. As a have posted before, I call him "Gary Poppins" because he uses the phrase "let's tidy up" religiously.

 

Anyway, I try to lighten his mood by cracking a joke or something when he gets all worked up. When I can tell he is getting anxious I try to help him clean as best I can, or I just leave him alone and let him do it. After some arguments over the issue upon first moving into together a year ago, we tried to come up with a compromise where he wouldn't get extemely anxious and I wouldn't get annoyed.

 

My suggestion is sit down and talk to her about it. Ask her what you can do to work out the situation because it is now the two of you. If she expects not to live alone the rest of her life she will need to address the issue at some point.