losingpatients Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Im a 32 year old fit , healthy, attractive(not big headed) fun(well used to be) woman and me and my partner met 4 years ago. He mvoed in straight away as he live iin the north and im down south. Basically he proposed 2 years ago. We bought a house to renevate and sell on 2 years ago and this has taken it out of us alot. We are a happy couple in general, although my partner can be jealous unecessarily which i hate as im so loyal, we dont argue much. Basically we kiinda agreed to set a date 2 years ago, he was wellup for it. I talked to the vicar, looked at venues but somehow i couldnt get him to actually set a date? i did find this weird but he assured me its only money side of things, so when we save more money we can then book. Anyway i then tried for 2 more dates the year after and none of them would he commit to. So i got fed up and said i need something to look forward to, life is so boring as the house is just a mess and all we do is work, evreyday!! I reallly want to marry himm soooo badly, cant explain this urge but ireally want to be his wife and be proud of him as my husband. Then he started blaming the house,he does have a good reason to i know as its costing us every pennyto fix it up but i wanted to put the house a side for little while and concertrate on us getting married, then he said he wants a nice house to be our marital home not this one??? The thing is he then said none of the money we make form the house will go towards the wedding, its only for our next investment...but then we are in the same boat arnt we?? still strugling as were not gonna make too much from this house so we will never have the money to get married. Anyway i actually got him to book a date last year for this year. I was so happy. Then i got ill and had to take months off work which put us behind on our wedding budget..he didnt hesitate..he cancelled it. I did agree as i could see he really wanted to get out of it so i just kept quiet. He assures, no he has said, not assured me thats different, me he does want to marry me but when we have the money. He then started saying that he would prefer to get married abroad (knowing i didnt) Then friends of mine just come back from cyprus and i did a bit of research and ive fallen in love with cyprus, the photos, the views, the hapy faces, the happy couple all looked fabulous. I rang my partner and said guess what we can go and get married, no hassle for less than £3000!!! I was gob smacked and thrilled as it thought this might be the clencher. I got brochures to show him pics as he said maybe we could look into it. He come home from work and did take any notice ofthe brochure and i asked him what he thought of getting married for so cheap? he was not excited put it that way but tried to laugh it off. I already told him that im not waiting any longer as were not engaged with no pending wedding so im taking off my ring until we actually book soemthing!! He started with what i now know have been excuses all along. He siad maybe look into next year or even the year after...2011.!!!! Bearing in mind i have fertility probs and will need help getting pregnant so we both know we should not leave things too late. He has also said he would rather start a family first...knowing im dead against that. No offence but i want our wedding tobe about us and no children to worry about. Then he is maoning about why book something so far in advance anyway?? There is alot more to it but i dont have all day, am i being a spoilt brat, do i have the right to moan as he did aske me to marry him and every year he is putting off til the next year..now maybe 2 years..i dont wanna be a late 30's bride. I feel he has had not intention and he is not being clear with me! He has also now told me that he felt pressured into proposing tome, says he wanted to but not right then when he did, he felt pressured as i organised a party for my 30th so he knew i would of like it then...but he was under no pressure..i didnt ask him tooo? my head is screwed up i just wanna leave right now. Someone please tell me what they think. ? Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 He has a commitment phobia... can be cured... but it will take a lot of effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Author losingpatients Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 But how can he have a phobia when two years ago he said he couldnt wait to marry me. How can it be cured then? Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 it's called "gamophobia", an irrational fear of marriage. Doesn't matter what he said two years ago... it's when it comes to to the crunch... read this thread, there's lots of useful info there... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t193644/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author losingpatients Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 thankyou your a champ...lets hope it helps. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author losingpatients Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 Thank you...but im stilla little confused. Its good to read it from a mans point of view. So basically this will not change unless i threaten to leave..or do leave? He works such long hours and our relationship does nothing more than stay in doors as we are too tired to go anywhere. he will not take a day off work to spend with me as he wants as much money as he can to finish the house but then he wants to buy another to do up and sel on so this is a vicious circle? He is a mans man and if i threatened to leave he is too proud to ask me to stay? Dont knkow what to do but im so unhappy. I keep telling him, especially with my cancer scare two years ago, that we only live once and he really needs to do more for US. He just does not listen though and just works all day every day!!! MEN!! lol x Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 maybe you should try MC (marital counselling)? Link to post Share on other sites
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