jj33 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Hes the employee equivalent of that stupid Enron person who said dont shred the documents:cool: when he knew that the SEC wanted them in discovery. The things you see when you dont have your gun eh? The employer would never want to risk taking this to a jury with an email like that as evidence. And an email like that would allow the pleadings to withstand a motion for summary judgement even tho there was a consensual affair. Discovery is expensive. no employer wants that... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 I don't have a problem telling my family. They never knew of him b/c we were not dating, and it's none of my families business who I choose to have sex with. I have been having an ongoing affair with my married boss for close to 2 yrs. We were good friends and we were in love with each other. Even though I am in love with him I never expected him to leave his wife or for us to be together. I loved the time we did have but I also enjoyed my freedom. OK, not dating, but having an affair. It wasn't just sex, you were/are inlove with him. If you want MM to own up to his part in this, you need to as well. If he is going to face the music to his family, kids, wife, friends - Don't you think you should as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 If you want MM to own up to his part in this, you need to as well. If he is going to face the music to his family, kids, wife, friends - Don't you think you should as well? Yeah, especially since telling your family that the Father Wants Nothing to do with the baby, they are likely thinking $hitty things about him, but that's only because they don't know the whole truth. And -- if it's none of your family's business WHO you choose to have sex with, why is it any of your business to tell MM's family?! hmm Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Okay, looked it up and came across this tidbit from the EEOC site: Based on this alone, she'd be hard pressed to make a case of harrassment considering it grew out of a consensual affair. But his threats, his written threats, will cause him to lose his job and the employer would be willing to pay her to keep the rest of it quiet. This is quite a mess. They always say 'don't shxt where you eat'. And I say this concerning HIM. What was he thinking when he sent those emails?!!! I can understand feeling that way, but not putting in an email and hitting 'Send'. Yeah that is the standard SH prevention stuff that they tell people. But the cases are far more varied and the unsettled cases even more varied. Trust me she would have no problem if he gets nasty with her and tries anything. But it would have to be a last resort if he plays with her employment. I think you and I both agree that suing your employer is not a great career move. Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Hi Destie, I am a BW whose H may have got his OW pregnant. I am a firm believer in knowing all the facts and I think a paternity test is necessary so it's clear in everybody's mind exactly who the father is. I realise you probably know for sure who the father is but the same doesn't apply to others especially the MM, his W and other family. See: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t192649/ for recent discussion about the merits of getting a paternity test. As you can see from your own thread and mine, there are divergent opinions on it. Secondly although I'm probably not in the same country as you, the fault and blame for this (ie whether either you or the MM intended to get pregnant or mislead the other etc) is irrelevant. If the 2 of you created a child together then there are potential responsibilities of both of you (ie child support) and potential rights of both of you (access etc). You may both choose not to exercise these rights or enforce responsibilities but they are nevertheless there and you should be aware of them. I don't believe for an instant that it is normal for the MM and his BW wife to want to take the child away from you and nor would it be simple. I think those that suggested it are trying to scare you. Just because he says now that he doesn't want anything to do with you and the child don't assume that he won't change his mind - people are allowed to do that. He's most likely worrying that his W will find out. As it's almost certain she will find out, he may feel differently later. Good luck S Link to post Share on other sites
Author DESTIE Posted July 4, 2009 Author Share Posted July 4, 2009 OK, not dating, but having an affair. It wasn't just sex, you were/are inlove with him. If you want MM to own up to his part in this, you need to as well. If he is going to face the music to his family, kids, wife, friends - Don't you think you should as well? Yes I agree. Like I said I don't mind telling my family and I will. It's going to get out regardless once she's here. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 NID I wont t/j Desties thread with this but read this case. Woman gets pregnant as a result of an affair, bank fires her, she sues and wins. Bank appeals and she still wins (tho it was a close case but each case rests on the facts with that email we have a winner....) 902 F.2d 148 52 Fair Empl.Prac.Cas. 1444, 53 Empl. Prac. Dec. P 39,900, 58 USLW 2707 Wilma CUMPIANO a/k/a Wilma Cumpiano Sanchez, Plaintiff, Appellee, v. BANCO SANTANDER PUERTO RICO, Defendant, Appellant. No. 89-2097. United States Court of Appeals, First Circuit. (you can find it on google with cumpiano and title VII) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 What if it was stated clearly in rules of the company that employer and employees cannot 'date'? Is he just to blame or is she as well? This situation is going to be very messy. Only use those emails as a last resort, if he tries to screw you over.. But, something tells me he won't because he KNOWS he screwed up himself by emailing you that stuff. How stupid of him to actually put that into words and basically hand you a smoking gun. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 It is incredibly easy to see who all has never dealt with the courts and child support. What the BW makes has NO bearing on any c/s Destie would be entitled to. And yes, Destie is the one who would receive the c/s because c/s is reimbursement to the custodial parent for money spent for the child. It can be used ANYWAY the custodial parent chooses - to pay the mortgage, to pay the electric bill, to pay the daycare, etc. C/S determination varies from state to state. The other child the MM and his wife have WILL be taken into consideration before c/s is determined. People really should know more about things before they spout them out. As for custody, very few states allow sole custody anymore. IF the MM decides to acknowledge his child, it is very likely that custody wll be 50/50. In many states, the mothers income is also taken into consideration in determining c/s - so depending on the salary Destie is CAPABLE of earning, if 50/50 custody is awarded, there may be NO child support. And it amazes me that Destie has allowed the father(s)? of the other 2 children to NOT pay c/s. Makes me think Destie is financially okay. And makes me wonder why that father is able to walk away, yet she wants this MM to pay ??? It is NOT Destie's job to inform the wife and to imply otherwise is just insane in my book. That is more of a revenge move, not of a move of a concerned soon to be mother. IF the courts award 50/50 custody, Destie has NO SAY in anything regarding the MM's household. MOST courts do not allow a father to sign away his rights unless there is another man ready to adopt that child. Lots of misinformation on this thread -- lots. And Destie --- you weren't dating him? But you were "in love" and together for 2 years? So it obviously wasn't just sex - if you "in love". Get the story straight. YOU chose to get involved for 2 years with a married man. You loved him. And are you saying it never, EVER entered your mind to have a future together with him -- minus his wife? Sorry but I call bullsh*t. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DESTIE Posted July 4, 2009 Author Share Posted July 4, 2009 Yeah, especially since telling your family that the Father Wants Nothing to do with the baby, they are likely thinking $hitty things about him, but that's only because they don't know the whole truth. And -- if it's none of your family's business WHO you choose to have sex with, why is it any of your business to tell MM's family?! hmm Its not I am leaving it up to him, I am not walking away from it like he is trying to do. I didn't go to his family and tell them of the affair b/c its none of their business who he is having sex with. But I can not hide the fact that I am having another child from my family, thats a luxury only he has apparently. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 WWIU that was the case in Cumpiano. They had violated bank rules... Plaintiff still won. Im sure it wont come to that. he knows he was an idiot. He knows he cant get her fired. But still. Its nice to know that if he get arrogant and tries to mess with her employement, she has that protection. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Fooled Once - what do you think the chances of 50/50 custody are? Id say next to nothing. He doesnt want anything to do with the child. So the idea that there will be no child support may be theoretically correct but unlikely in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 My comment was to Des and her company actually.. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 If worse comes to worse and she needs to use the email their rules wont matter. He would have lied to the company to get her fired (or someone would have conspired with him if he told the truth) it would all be a mess and they would pay her to make it all go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Montclair0011 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Destie, I just read through this thread and I'm sorry to see you and the MM are in this predicament. I think you are on the right track with your thinking and don't agree with all the moral judgments being thrown around. There was one poster at the beginning, LuceziaBorgia who summed up the situation and suggested the best course of action. At this point, you just need to be level headed and think about what's best for your child. Forget about the MW, as that is not your problem. However, you should go through the courts to get support, even if that means she will find out. Were something to happen to the MM, you would loose your support if it were not established in legal terms. Also, any will or college savings (which MM can be made to contribute) should include your child. I feel for the MM's side also but it is his child, and regardless of what anyone thinks SHOULD be, legally he is responsible and he needs to pay. He may loose his marriage over this, but hopefully he won't loose his job. That would be much worse for all involved. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 It is incredibly easy to see who all has never dealt with the courts and child support. What the BW makes has NO bearing on any c/s Destie would be entitled to. And yes, Destie is the one who would receive the c/s because c/s is reimbursement to the custodial parent for money spent for the child. It can be used ANYWAY the custodial parent chooses - to pay the mortgage, to pay the electric bill, to pay the daycare, etc. C/S determination varies from state to state. The other child the MM and his wife have WILL be taken into consideration before c/s is determined. People really should know more about things before they spout them out. As for custody, very few states allow sole custody anymore. IF the MM decides to acknowledge his child, it is very likely that custody wll be 50/50. In many states, the mothers income is also taken into consideration in determining c/s - so depending on the salary Destie is CAPABLE of earning, if 50/50 custody is awarded, there may be NO child support. And it amazes me that Destie has allowed the father(s)? of the other 2 children to NOT pay c/s. Makes me think Destie is financially okay. And makes me wonder why that father is able to walk away, yet she wants this MM to pay ??? It is NOT Destie's job to inform the wife and to imply otherwise is just insane in my book. That is more of a revenge move, not of a move of a concerned soon to be mother. IF the courts award 50/50 custody, Destie has NO SAY in anything regarding the MM's household. MOST courts do not allow a father to sign away his rights unless there is another man ready to adopt that child. Lots of misinformation on this thread -- lots. Please tell me how you came to the conclusion that there is a lot of misinformation in this thread. You are correct that CS determination varies from state to state. In some states, a child in the marriage is NOT considered because the state only considers the case before them. In some states, the spouse's income is considered as the state looks at "household" income, not just that of the people on the filing. In most states, if not all, the mother's income is taken into consideration. And not just her income, but her ability and possible income level given her education. Beyond the above, I do agree with you on the curiousness that the other father's aren't paying child support but somehow she wants the MM to do so. A court WILL be very interested in this fact as well. I imagine she would not get much child support given that her other kids aren't getting any because the court is going to avoid making it appear that he is paying for the other children too - unless of course, he makes a ton of money. BTW, I think she should tell the W, not out of revenge, but because I think the W should have the opportunity to separate her finances (if she can) from this moron to protect herself and their son. And do remember, I said there are legal and illegal ways to do this. I'm not promoting the illegal, I just know that they do exist. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Fooled Once you make some very bold statements there. Noone said anything about him signing away his rights to paternity but there are lots of fathers that dont have custody of their children. Its not unusual at all. And why are you so angry about it? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 If worse comes to worse and she needs to use the email their rules wont matter. He would have lied to the company to get her fired (or someone would have conspired with him if he told the truth) it would all be a mess and they would pay her to make it all go away. Yes, he totally shot himself and their employer in the foot with those emails. Unfortunately for his W, the W I was hoping would be able to protect herself, he's ruined EVERYTHING with those Emails. Maybe that is why the OP wants to "make him pay"? I could say she should consider his W and child, but he should have too. I could say she should take the high road (while still filing for support), but who knows what new low his behavior could reach. Lawyer Up, Destie. And soon. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 I agree with you NID. There is no value in using that email unless someone tries to force her out of the job. The high road is best. But he sounds really slimey so taking the high road but being prepared for the worse seems sensible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DESTIE Posted July 4, 2009 Author Share Posted July 4, 2009 It is incredibly easy to see who all has never dealt with the courts and child support. What the BW makes has NO bearing on any c/s Destie would be entitled to. And yes, Destie is the one who would receive the c/s because c/s is reimbursement to the custodial parent for money spent for the child. It can be used ANYWAY the custodial parent chooses - to pay the mortgage, to pay the electric bill, to pay the daycare, etc. C/S determination varies from state to state. The other child the MM and his wife have WILL be taken into consideration before c/s is determined. People really should know more about things before they spout them out. As for custody, very few states allow sole custody anymore. IF the MM decides to acknowledge his child, it is very likely that custody wll be 50/50. In many states, the mothers income is also taken into consideration in determining c/s - so depending on the salary Destie is CAPABLE of earning, if 50/50 custody is awarded, there may be NO child support. And it amazes me that Destie has allowed the father(s)? of the other 2 children to NOT pay c/s. Makes me think Destie is financially okay. And makes me wonder why that father is able to walk away, yet she wants this MM to pay ??? It is NOT Destie's job to inform the wife and to imply otherwise is just insane in my book. That is more of a revenge move, not of a move of a concerned soon to be mother. IF the courts award 50/50 custody, Destie has NO SAY in anything regarding the MM's household. MOST courts do not allow a father to sign away his rights unless there is another man ready to adopt that child. Lots of misinformation on this thread -- lots. And Destie --- you weren't dating him? But you were "in love" and together for 2 years? So it obviously wasn't just sex - if you "in love". Get the story straight. YOU chose to get involved for 2 years with a married man. You loved him. And are you saying it never, EVER entered your mind to have a future together with him -- minus his wife? Sorry but I call bullsh*t. I am looking to be the custodial parent, where she will stay with me w/ visitation if he wants it. But seeing that he doesn't want to acknowledge she exist I doubt that will be an issue. Yes we fell in love with each other, or maybe I should say I fell in love with him. We talked at work all day every day by IM and email, and on the weekends he would come over from time to time. We were sexually involved for close to 2 yrs so yes emotions got involved. We were there for each other through a lot but we never once "dated". Again I am not going into how I feel about us being together, you will all reach your own conclusions on that. Let me just say if having him to myself was something I really wanted I could of went to her a long time ago with the affair and I would of ran to her with news of my pregnancy. As far as the father of my other 2 children we agreed that we would not get the courts involved. We were able to sit down and come up with when and how he would contribute. Not sure if you have read all my post but this was the original option to MM. And I want no say at all in what goes on in his household I could care less. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Destie do you still have those emails? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 But seeing that he doesn't want to acknowledge she exist I doubt that will be an issue. Keep in mind, he could easily change his mind. And, he's allowed to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DESTIE Posted July 4, 2009 Author Share Posted July 4, 2009 Destie do you still have those emails? Yes, but only b/c I feared for my job. I never intended to use them unless he was to fire me. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Destie do you still have those emails? Another question is did you respond to those emails? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DESTIE Posted July 4, 2009 Author Share Posted July 4, 2009 . Keep in mind, he could easily change his mind. And, he's allowed to do that. Yes he is and I would prefer it if he did. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts