Pregnant by MM

[fooled once]

MANY states do 50/50 - Virginia being one of them. I have dealt with a lot of custody issues with various states.

 

My husband is one of those parents who does not have custody - at least physical custody. He had joint legal.

 

there were many statements in this 13 page thread which were obviously made by posters who don't have ideas about custody - such as "child support is for the baby, not the mother". Does anyone really think a court is going to have a check made payable to the order of the minor child?

 

Family income is not used in C/S cases in the cases where a wife contributes to the family income. The parents' income is used; not that of a spouse who had nothing to do with the sex which lead to the baby.

 

The father MAY change his mind. NO ONE KNOWS. After he tells his wife, THEY may come to the conclusion that they should raise the child. NO ONE KNOWS. All these extreme things of filing suit against him for sexual harassment, etc -- to me, those are only insighting things, not helping with the situation at hand.

 

As for the chances of 50/50 custody, again, it all depends on the father's decision after the child is born.

 

He is probably so freaking pissed right now that he is having a child thrust upon him; a child he didn't want. A child the OP said she would not have.

 

I get frustrated with (a) women having affairs with married men (b) those same women who fall for such stupid lines that men throw out © women who get dumped by MM and the lengths they go to for revenge (d) women thrusting unwanted children on men who state upfront they don't them (e) women using those children as pawns (f) children who are born out of these situations and get hurt their entire lives because their parents were so stupid and didn't think things through before deciding to bring a child into their drama and mess (g) married women who have to deal with their stupid cheating husbands (h) married women whose stupid cheating husbands knock up their mistress and now have to deal with the mistress for the rest of her lives (i) did I mention these poor children who will have to go through life without a parent because that parent didn't want to be a parent and that self esteem issues that child will have because of this.

 

I don't like how this went from a woman who got pregnant by the married man she was screwing to how to nail his balls to the walls in court because he was her boss and how to do that.

 

[DESTIE]

Another question is did you respond to those emails?

 

Yes I did. Something along the lines of, 'so you're trying to force me into have an abortion or lose my livelihood?' He never responded after that.

[NoIDidn't]

All these extreme things of filing suit against him for sexual harassment, etc -- to me, those are only insighting things, not helping with the situation at hand.

 

Agreed!

 

As for the chances of 50/50 custody, again, it all depends on the father's decision after the child is born.

 

But doesn't the man already have 50/50 custody once he is proven the father and just has to petition the court to make it legal?

 

I get frustrated with (a) women having affairs with married men (b) those same women who fall for such stupid lines that men throw out © women who get dumped by MM and the lengths they go to for revenge (d) women thrusting unwanted children on men who state upfront they don't them (e) women using those children as pawns (f) children who are born out of these situations and get hurt their entire lives because their parents were so stupid and didn't think things through before deciding to bring a child into their drama and mess (g) married women who have to deal with their stupid cheating husbands (h) married women whose stupid cheating husbands knock up their mistress and now have to deal with the mistress for the rest of her lives (i) did I mention these poor children who will have to go through life without a parent because that parent didn't want to be a parent and that self esteem issues that child will have because of this.

 

 

AMEN!!! All my relatives have "issues" because their father was married to someone else and didn't acknowledge any of them as his until right before he died. He might have felt that was okay, but they (and I certainly) didn't!!!

[NoIDidn't]

NID I wont t/j Desties thread with this but read this case. Woman gets pregnant as a result of an affair, bank fires her, she sues and wins. Bank appeals and she still wins (tho it was a close case but each case rests on the facts with that email we have a winner....)

 

 

902 F.2d 148

52 Fair Empl.Prac.Cas. 1444,

53 Empl. Prac. Dec. P 39,900, 58 USLW 2707

 

Wilma CUMPIANO a/k/a Wilma Cumpiano Sanchez, Plaintiff, Appellee,

v.

BANCO SANTANDER PUERTO RICO, Defendant, Appellant.

 

 

No. 89-2097.

United States Court of Appeals,

First Circuit.

 

(you can find it on google with cumpiano and title VII)

 

I read this case and this situation thus far does NOT match it at all.

 

It was a public affair that all the bank employees practically knew about (including the man's grown son that also worked there ). She had TWO children by him, and they fired her during the second pregnancy some years later.

 

This case was a mess. Truth seems to always be stranger than fiction, that's for sure. LOL.

 

Okay, enough of this.

[whichwayisup]

there were many statements in this 13 page thread which were obviously made by posters who don't have ideas about custody - such as "child support is for the baby, not the mother". Does anyone really think a court is going to have a check made payable to the order of the minor child?

 

I need to explain myself again then, I meant that the money is for the baby, not for the OP to just happily spend on herself. Ofcourse I didn't mean for the cheque to be made out to the baby. Though that is kind of funny if you think about it for a sec.

[DESTIE]

I get frustrated with (a) women having affairs with married men (b) those same women who fall for such stupid lines that men throw out © women who get dumped by MM and the lengths they go to for revenge (d) women thrusting unwanted children on men who state upfront they don't them (e) women using those children as pawns (f) children who are born out of these situations and get hurt their entire lives because their parents were so stupid and didn't think things through before deciding to bring a child into their drama and mess (g) married women who have to deal with their stupid cheating husbands (h) married women whose stupid cheating husbands knock up their mistress and now have to deal with the mistress for the rest of her lives (i) did I mention these poor children who will have to go through life without a parent because that parent didn't want to be a parent and that self esteem issues that child will have because of this.

 

I don't like how this went from a woman who got pregnant by the married man she was screwing to how to nail his balls to the walls in court because he was her boss and how to do that.

 

 

I understand your frustration but you seemed pretty biased. Do you not hold the DH responsible at all for his actions? All of your points start w/ the OW. True indeed morally I was wrong for what I did and I will take responsibility for that. I'm pretty sure that he was the one standing at the alter repeating vows not me.

[whichwayisup]

I think some of fooled's frustrations are from reading all the situations here on LS. I'm pretty sure she holds her H responsible for everything he did.

[DESTIE]

Destie,

 

I just read through this thread and I'm sorry to see you and the MM are in this predicament. I think you are on the right track with your thinking and don't agree with all the moral judgments being thrown around. There was one poster at the beginning, LuceziaBorgia who summed up the situation and suggested the best course of action.

 

At this point, you just need to be level headed and think about what's best for your child. Forget about the MW, as that is not your problem. However, you should go through the courts to get support, even if that means she will find out. Were something to happen to the MM, you would loose your support if it were not established in legal terms. Also, any will or college savings (which MM can be made to contribute) should include your child.

 

I feel for the MM's side also but it is his child, and regardless of what anyone thinks SHOULD be, legally he is responsible and he needs to pay. He may loose his marriage over this, but hopefully he won't loose his job. That would be much worse for all involved.

 

Thank you, all I want in the long run is what is best for my child.

[whichwayisup]

One thing that was brought up earlier, but never answered. You never sought out CS from your previous husband for your other kids, so why would you with the MM?

[fooled once]

Actually, the person who receives c/s can do whatever they like with the money. Sad, but true. When I received c/s, I could wall paper my bathroom with it. I could use it to get my nails done, to get my hair done, etc.

 

Remember, it is a reimbursement to the custodial parent for expenses.

 

Destie, I was an OW. Do I hold the MM responsible for his actions? Damn straight. But as a WOMAN, there is no way I would let a man who isn't my H stick his penis in me with out a condom -- especially a MM. When I had my affair, yep, he used a condom. Granted, in the 2 years we dated, we only had actual intercourse three times (performance anxiety).

 

Technically, I guess a father does have 50/50 custody once the baby is born. The CUSTODIAL parent would need to file papers to get that changed. **I THINK**

 

Again, it varies from state to state on how this is handled. I think for the first year of a child's life, the mother retains custody for the most part, especially if she is breastfeeding. BUT there have been cases where a breastfeeding mother has had to pump breast milk FOR THE FATHER when he has his parenting time. And that is the new terminology per say. Visitation is now parenting time. Especially in the cases of 50/50.

 

Some states determine c/s based on the amount of overnights the non custodial parent has.

 

IF this man decides he wants to be in his child's life (NOT the mother's life, but the child's life), there is little the mother can do to stop that.

 

Destie, I was an OW, I am ashamed to say. I just wish more women respected themselves enough to not be a mistress/side screw/other woman -- whatever term you want to throw on it. I wish more women refused a MM's advances. I wish more women didn't think it was fun and exciting to sneak around with someone else's husband. I wish more women didn't get all wrapped up in the fantasy of 'stealing' another woman's husband. I wish more women had more respect for themselves, their bodies and their hearts.

[NoIDidn't]

I think some of fooled's frustrations are from reading all the situations here on LS. I'm pretty sure she holds her H responsible for everything he did.

 

I don't think fooled was the BW, though.

[fooled once]

I think some of fooled's frustrations are from reading all the situations here on LS. I'm pretty sure she holds her H responsible for everything he did.

 

I am confused ........ I have not been married to a man who cheated.

[DESTIE]

Destie, I was an OW, I am ashamed to say. I just wish more women respected themselves enough to not be a mistress/side screw/other woman -- whatever term you want to throw on it. I wish more women refused a MM's advances. I wish more women didn't think it was fun and exciting to sneak around with someone else's husband. I wish more women didn't get all wrapped up in the fantasy of 'stealing' another woman's husband. I wish more women had more respect for themselves, their bodies and their hearts.

 

I agree with you completely. I never thought I would find myself in this situation yet here I am.

[whichwayisup]

No, I'm the one who is confused. My mistake as I am getting some people mixed up with others, sorry fooled.

[DESTIE]

Technically, I guess a father does have 50/50 custody once the baby is born. The CUSTODIAL parent would need to file papers to get that changed. **I THINK**

 

Again, it varies from state to state on how this is handled. I think for the first year of a child's life, the mother retains custody for the most part, especially if she is breastfeeding. BUT there have been cases where a breastfeeding mother has had to pump breast milk FOR THE FATHER when he has his parenting time. And that is the new terminology per say. Visitation is now parenting time. Especially in the cases of 50/50.

 

Some states determine c/s based on the amount of overnights the non custodial parent has.

 

Oh and yes you are right, at least in my state. I live in NY and neither parent has custody when the child is born. If the father decides one day he wants to come get the child and take him/her home he can b/c legally they both have a right to the child until a judge says otherwise.

[DESTIE]

One thing that was brought up earlier, but never answered. You never sought out CS from your previous husband for your other kids, so why would you with the MM?

 

As I said earlier me and my ex decided to handle things outside of the courts. We were able to decide on what he would contribute, how often and visitation. I also stated earlier this was an option to MM. He decided he wanted no parts, no responsibility and to walk away from the situation. I prefer to not go to court.

[fooled once]

I am under the impression, the the US courts, a parent cannot "choose" to not financially support the child.

 

In my case, my ex and I agreed to below the state guidelines for support (and I was INCREDIBLY STUPID for doing this). But c/s was written into the divorce documents.

 

Were you not married to the father of the 2 children?

[DESTIE]

I am under the impression, the the US courts, a parent cannot "choose" to not financially support the child.

 

In my case, my ex and I agreed to below the state guidelines for support (and I was INCREDIBLY STUPID for doing this). But c/s was written into the divorce documents.

 

Were you not married to the father of the 2 children?

 

No we were not married. We were together 8 yrs and the breakup was not horrible. Unless you're married and it's written into your divorce decree CS it is not something that is automatically established. You would have to go to court to initiate a CS order.

[fooled once]

Now I understand.....

[Athena]

Destie, I was an OW, I am ashamed to say. I just wish more women respected themselves enough to not be a mistress/side screw/other woman -- whatever term you want to throw on it. I wish more women refused a MM's advances. I wish more women didn't think it was fun and exciting to sneak around with someone else's husband. I wish more women didn't get all wrapped up in the fantasy of 'stealing' another woman's husband. I wish more women had more respect for themselves, their bodies and their hearts.

 

Hmm, having a H who has had multiple affairs, and his having spoken about his tactics in getting a new OW to sleep with him, I can say that it must be more difficult to reject a MM who is turning on the Charm Full Power, than a cautious, normal, Single Man who has to be careful about not promising more than he can deliver... in contrast, a MM doesn't care about using ANY tactic, and that may include making, or insinuating, promises that may mean a lot to the OW.

 

What I am saying is that I can understand why some single women get sucked in by a lying, cheating, manipulative MM.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I can say that it must be more difficult to reject a MM who is turning on the Charm Full Power, than a cautious, normal, Single Man who has to be careful about not promising more than he can deliver... in contrast, a MM doesn't care about using ANY tactic, and that may include making, or insinuating, promises that may mean a lot to the OW.

Thats because he ALWAYS has the perfect excuse. And no one else understands him. A single man can't stop by for a shag and have an excusable reason to jump ship afterwords, a married man's gf is left feeling sorry for him because he HAS to go home. No single man could get away with the things a MM gets away with, because the AP knows the rules up front.

[jj33]

I dont know. I NEVER let him stop by for a shag. I didnt allow that in my rules. I had a sleep over only policy. I just couldnt do that - have someone stop by for a quikcie and go home to the W. But everyone is different.

 

And as for financial support no he doesnt have an option unless you give it to him.

[fooled once]

I dont know. I NEVER let him stop by for a shag. I didnt allow that in my rules. I had a sleep over only policy. I just couldnt do that - have someone stop by for a quikcie and go home to the W. But everyone is different.

 

And as for financial support no he doesnt have an option unless you give it to him.

 

Ditto jj. My xMM always spent the night......

[MistyK]

Someone said something about MM being on birth certif. More than likely, that WON't be the case. Generally when children are born to unwed mothers, the father is required to sign an acknowledgment of paternity to get on the birth certif. I'm guessing this guy won't do that.

 

Secondly, Since he is refusing to acknowledge this child at all right now, he has no rights right now. And legally, until there is a baby outside the womb, he has no "father's rights" because there is no child.

 

It was me that suggested that he could petition to have his rights terminated if he felt so strongly about it, but yes FO, the chances of him being victorious on that point unless there is someone else stepping up to adopt is about nil. Nevertheless, he has the power to file if he so chooses, or if Destie is later involved with a man who wants to adopt the child and MM continues to have no involvement, she can petition to terminate MM's parental rights (which it sounds like he will welcome with open arms.)

 

(For the record, this is info based on my many years as a child welfare worker, in court ALL the time, not my xMM lawyer - wanna guess how we met ?- ha).

[lovebubble]

I dont know. I NEVER let him stop by for a shag. I didnt allow that in my rules. I had a sleep over only policy. I just couldnt do that - have someone stop by for a quikcie and go home to the W. But everyone is different.

 

And as for financial support no he doesnt have an option unless you give it to him.

 

what difference does he make whether he goes home and screws his wife 5 hrs from now or 24hrs from now? i'm perplexed by this '' sleep over only '' policy. what did that acomplish?