Pregnant by MM

[Gamine]

This is just one example of many revealing the lifelong devastation affairs can have on lives. This borders on a bunny boiler strategy and my heart breaks for all concerned, especially the child born out of wedlock. A child of a man who does not want her. A mother struggling on her own. The broken heart of his wife and children. The psychological impact this will have on his children and the lifelong problems it will bring to their future life with their father and relationships. The man who thought he could romp, scott free, in another woman's garden and play... only to find that the price of admission was more than he ever could have contemplated.

 

She decided to engage in a relationship with a married man (with a family) with no strings attached. Then, stick to that bargain. Sure, the additional money would come in handy but before you go that route decide whether you want to get a check from a man who despises you and the child each and every month. You made a bargain now stick to it. That is the only honorable thing to do.

 

Yes, two people had sex. But this was a choice for a no strings attached tryst. If that was the bargain that was the bargain. And if she chose to have this baby on her own then she should have this baby on her own.

 

Before standing up and crying victim, look to your responsibility as a woman for your own choices. No one should be paying the piper for a choice made of one's own free will. You have chosen this path, now take it on your own. My mother had a saying when I was growing up.... and it went like this: "You made your bed now lie in it".

 

In other words, it is called self responsibility. Now, you have a choice to stand up and be noble... and if not for him do it for his children. I do not believe you have any 'rights' morally to financial and emotional support. You participated in something that you shouldn't have and it turned out badly.

 

There is a woman who has posted in these forums with three children from her MM. He keeps this family 'on the side'. I won't get into the sick dynamic of such a situation but will say this... don't take this man to court... if he willingly pays to support this child then so be it. If he does not, do not 'forcibly extract' this from him because it would be immoral to do so. You agreed to 'no strings' now deal with it.

[jj33]

what difference does he make whether he goes home and screws his wife 5 hrs from now or 24hrs from now? i'm perplexed by this '' sleep over only '' policy. what did that acomplish?

 

You dont see a difference between being a pit stop during the day and living with someone during the week? I did. that was what worked for me.

 

And he didnt go home to screw his wife. If they had that much communication, they probably wouldnt have led separate lives. But this thread isnt about me.

[MistyK]

You know, most of this thread is an arguement about whether or not Destie should be seeking support. One thing that has been overlooked is that any decisions she makes is FOR the child who can't make the decision herself. What right does Destie have to refuse to pursue things for the child's care? It isn't about what's best for either of these two adults.

[jj33]

I dont think people were actually arguing if she should it was if she was entitled (I know I am not a divorce lawyer I dont know if anyone else here is) but its this idea that she says she isnt going to go to court and is going to do it privately which is crazy.

 

As you said Misty she owes it to the child to enforce the childs rights. This is about the child not Misty.

[Awesome84]

This is just one example of many revealing the lifelong devastation affairs can have on lives. This borders on a bunny boiler strategy and my heart breaks for all concerned, especially the child born out of wedlock. A child of a man who does not want her. A mother struggling on her own. The broken heart of his wife and children. The psychological impact this will have on his children and the lifelong problems it will bring to their future life with their father and relationships. The man who thought he could romp, scott free, in another woman's garden and play... only to find that the price of admission was more than he ever could have contemplated.

 

 

I was just thinking that! Reading all this puts me back in my place whenever I feel sad about the 'almost affair' with MM.

[jj33]

Well they both gambled I dont think either of them ever contemplated that their romp would result in a baby but it did. And so they both have to take responsbility -- or they will both have to take responsibility if Destie decides to hold him responsible. It took years for the child support laws to be vigorously enforced. Now they are. Whether this is the case they were thinking of is another story.

 

But I dont see why the child should be penalized for the fact that his mother said she was happy with no strings attached sex. She didnt have sex with herself. Its his sperm.

[stillafool]

This is just one example of many revealing the lifelong devastation affairs can have on lives. This borders on a bunny boiler strategy and my heart breaks for all concerned, especially the child born out of wedlock. A child of a man who does not want her. A mother struggling on her own. The broken heart of his wife and children. The psychological impact this will have on his children and the lifelong problems it will bring to their future life with their father and relationships. The man who thought he could romp, scott free, in another woman's garden and play... only to find that the price of admission was more than he ever could have contemplated.

 

She decided to engage in a relationship with a married man (with a family) with no strings attached. Then, stick to that bargain. Sure, the additional money would come in handy but before you go that route decide whether you want to get a check from a man who despises you and the child each and every month. You made a bargain now stick to it. That is the only honorable thing to do.

 

Yes, two people had sex. But this was a choice for a no strings attached tryst. If that was the bargain that was the bargain. And if she chose to have this baby on her own then she should have this baby on her own.

 

Before standing up and crying victim, look to your responsibility as a woman for your own choices. No one should be paying the piper for a choice made of one's own free will. You have chosen this path, now take it on your own. My mother had a saying when I was growing up.... and it went like this: "You made your bed now lie in it".

 

In other words, it is called self responsibility. Now, you have a choice to stand up and be noble... and if not for him do it for his children. I do not believe you have any 'rights' morally to financial and emotional support. You participated in something that you shouldn't have and it turned out badly.

 

There is a woman who has posted in these forums with three children from her MM. He keeps this family 'on the side'. I won't get into the sick dynamic of such a situation but will say this... don't take this man to court... if he willingly pays to support this child then so be it. If he does not, do not 'forcibly extract' this from him because it would be immoral to do so. You agreed to 'no strings' now deal with it.

 

 

This is the best post I have read! Destie I am a MW and to answer your question as to whether I would want to know if my h had impregnated another woman - yes I would. But, not from the Ow I would want to hear it from my husband. Why do you feel it is your business to tell his wife? Don't you have enough to do with your pregancy? I feel sorry for your baby girl. I have seen the damage done to young women whose fathers didn't want them and how that impacted their lives. But, you can't be angry at MM for not wanting to be part of the baby's life the way he is with he and his wife's kids. Because after all you did go back on your promise but he doesn't want to go back on his promise. Like Gamine said, the only honorable thing to do is take care of her yourself. I don't think I would tell the baby that he even existed. I wouldn't want to tell her the truth that - yes your daddy is a MM and is across town and never wants to see you because he made it clear when we were having our affair he didn't want kids with me because he already had a wife and kids.

 

You say he should give you financial support? Why not tell him he can have the same arrangements as your other kids fathers? But, I still don't think he should have to give you anything.

[stillafool]

Well they both gambled I dont think either of them ever contemplated that their romp would result in a baby but it did. And so they both have to take responsbility -- or they will both have to take responsibility if Destie decides to hold him responsible. It took years for the child support laws to be vigorously enforced. Now they are. Whether this is the case they were thinking of is another story.

 

But I dont see why the child should be penalized for the fact that his mother said she was happy with no strings attached sex. She didnt have sex with herself. Its his sperm.

 

One could say the same thing about abortion laws.

[Athena]

Destie,

 

You are allowed to change your mind -- and I ask if you will consider giving the baby up for adoption? I know you said No, before...

You already have two children, you are raising them yourself, and largely on your own financially too.

 

If you let a married couple love and raise your daughter as their own, you would be bringing joy into a couple's life, and give your daughter a Wanted place in someone's lives.

Your MM doesn't want her. He no doubt does not want to support her either. You already are an unwed mother. You already have the joy of two children. Is this at all a possibility in your decision-making?

[DESTIE]

This is the best post I have read! Destie I am a MW and to answer your question as to whether I would want to know if my h had impregnated another woman - yes I would. But, not from the Ow I would want to hear it from my husband. Why do you feel it is your business to tell his wife? Don't you have enough to do with your pregancy? I feel sorry for your baby girl. I have seen the damage done to young women whose fathers didn't want them and how that impacted their lives. But, you can't be angry at MM for not wanting to be part of the baby's life the way he is with he and his wife's kids. Because after all you did go back on your promise but he doesn't want to go back on his promise. Like Gamine said, the only honorable thing to do is take care of her yourself. I don't think I would tell the baby that he even existed. I wouldn't want to tell her the truth that - yes your daddy is a MM and is across town and never wants to see you because he made it clear when we were having our affair he didn't want kids with me because he already had a wife and kids.

 

You say he should give you financial support? Why not tell him he can have the same arrangements as your other kids fathers? But, I still don't think he should have to give you anything.

 

As I have said in a later post I have no intentions of telling her. I agree that is something he needs to do. I will not lie to my child, if she gets to an age where she wants to find him then thats on her. What if one day in 20 yrs he has a change of heart and decides to track her down? Then I am in the wrong for lying her entire life.

 

As far as financial support goes, I attempted to make arrangements w/ him (as I stated before) and he felt he wanted to walk away. You feel he shouldn't have to support his child. What if this was a MM and his wife ended up pregnant even though they both agreed not to have children? Do you feel that since she knew from the beginning that he wanted no children he should be able to walk away from the situation no strings attached and not pay support or help out?

[DESTIE]

Well they both gambled I dont think either of them ever contemplated that their romp would result in a baby but it did. And so they both have to take responsbility -- or they will both have to take responsibility if Destie decides to hold him responsible. It took years for the child support laws to be vigorously enforced. Now they are. Whether this is the case they were thinking of is another story.

 

But I dont see why the child should be penalized for the fact that his mother said she was happy with no strings attached sex. She didnt have sex with herself. Its his sperm.

 

Thank you. I am being held responsible for my actions, I will have another child and I am fine with this. It really baffles me that people can justify him walking away b/c I knew of his situation. He knew of his situation also. Yet majority of these people are telling me to suck it up and deal with it. Like he should be able to walk away, no harm no foul. Like you said I did not do this alone.

[DESTIE]

You know, most of this thread is an arguement about whether or not Destie should be seeking support. One thing that has been overlooked is that any decisions she makes is FOR the child who can't make the decision herself. What right does Destie have to refuse to pursue things for the child's care? It isn't about what's best for either of these two adults.

 

You're right, I want what's best for my child. As one poster said, she was the child in a similar situation and her mother never persued support. I don't know if they suffered from this but its apparent she held some animosity about how it was handled by her mother.

[jj33]

Im glad you are not falling for that Destie. Dont let that guilt you. Its all hand in hand with the idea that boys will be boys and women have to pick up the slack and be the more mature sex. Its another point of view, but one to which I personally dont subscribe.

 

He should have thought of his wife, his children, his wallet and all the rest when he was releasing his motile little sperm inside you... You will bear your responsibility for the child and he must bear his.

 

Otherwise you are left in a position where he would be responsible for education including college (or his share) and what if something happens to him? You would also want him to have an insurance policy in place to pay support if he dies. There are all sorts of responsibilities that he isnt going to take on board unless you have a lawyer dealing with it. This is not a "nice" situation. He has already told you he isnt going to play nice. he is not the other person who fathered your other children. You have to handle this differently.

 

 

And go to a lawyer before you leave for sabbatical as you may need to tell HR before you go.

 

And you still never answered the question. Do you have the smoking gun email?

[Ms. Red]

 

 

 

 

 

And you still never answered the question. Do you have the smoking gun email?

 

Yes she did:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2255254&postcount=198

[DESTIE]

Im glad you are not falling for that Destie. Dont let that guilt you. Its all hand in hand with the idea that boys will be boys and women have to pick up the slack and be the more mature sex. Its another point of view, but one to which I personally dont subscribe.

 

He should have thought of his wife, his children, his wallet and all the rest when he was releasing his motile little sperm inside you... You will bear your responsibility for the child and he must bear his.

 

Otherwise you are left in a position where he would be responsible for education including college (or his share) and what if something happens to him? You would also want him to have an insurance policy in place to pay support if he dies. There are all sorts of responsibilities that he isnt going to take on board unless you have a lawyer dealing with it. This is not a "nice" situation. He has already told you he isnt going to play nice. he is not the other person who fathered your other children. You have to handle this differently.

 

 

And go to a lawyer before you leave for sabbatical as you may need to tell HR before you go.

 

And you still never answered the question. Do you have the smoking gun email?

 

Yes I have majority of our corresondence. At first they were cute little notes I enjoyed going back and reading. Then when this situation happened I thought it would be in my best interest to keep his hate mail too.

[jj33]

Oh good thanks Miss Red. And no you would never want to use that unless you had to. the problem is either (1) he scared himself and he will not toy with your employment; (2) he will toy with it and lie to the employer in which case you may need it or (3) he may tell HR and they will strategize.

 

Never make the mistake of thinking HR is on your side. HR works for the company not the employees. Thats why its called Human Resources Department (to distinguish us from the pencils, the financial assets and the copy machines) not Employees' Rights Department.

 

As NID said, its time to lawyer up. Not to do anything to get him in trouble, but to make sure all your bases are covered.

[DESTIE]

Oh good thanks Miss Red. And no you would never want to use that unless you had to. the problem is either (1) he scared himself and he will not toy with your employment; (2) he will toy with it and lie to the employer in which case you may need it or (3) he may tell HR and they will strategize.

 

Never make the mistake of thinking HR is on your side. HR works for the company not the employees. Thats why its called Human Resources Department (to distinguish us from the pencils, the financial assets and the copy machines) not Employees' Rights Department.

 

As NID said, its time to lawyer up. Not to do anything to get him in trouble, but to make sure all your bases are covered.

 

Yes I agree, I will start looking for a lawyer. Thanks for all your great advice.

[jj33]

Before you hire a firm or even tell them your story, you want to make sure they dont represent your employer. Lots of firms do both family and employment but very few of the really good ones represent employees because the big money is with the employers and dont go to a general practitioner who is basically a personal injury lawyer and real estate lawyer but does divorce employment and whatever comes along. That wont get you the kind of advice that you need.

 

You want a small/midsize firm that either specializes in family law or has a separate dept, ideally with an employment group that doesnt represent your company so you can coordinate how to handle whether or not to tell HR before you go on sabbatical and you wont have to hire 2 firms.

 

You might look at the american academy of matrimonial lawyers website and see which firms have employment groups.

 

Gee I hope that doesnt sound terribly bossy. Its not as dire as it sounds but if it were me I would want to know I wasnt missing anything because it was all so confusing.

[butcher's hook]

What can I say, I am mostly thinking of the baby here and it is a horrible situation for her to be in from that stand point that she will have to grow up knowing she was just a product of an affair, and unwanted by her father. The psychological ramifications are HUGE there have been studies of children of affairs and it is very sad. A life without a father and the knowledge that he wanted nothing to do with her will be very deep and scaring for her.

 

Having said all that you decided to have her anyway and because of this you owe it to her to give her the best possible life you can by dedicating your life to making this child's life the best it can me. Get her the emotional support she will need and possibly FOR HER SAKE not only yours, eventually find a man who will want to be her father and who will also love you in return. This is the BEST you could do for this child. Find a man who will love you sincerely and purely.

 

As per the douchebag who decided you were good enough to sleep with behind his wife's back but not good enough to take responsibility for not slapping a condom on his straying dick, I say TOUGH sht for him. Touch sht that things did not work out as he expected in his fantastical pact. Tough sht that he is faced with this awful dilemma, tough sht that he was not man enough to think with his big head when he was using his little head unprotected and carelessly in another woman behind the woman he vowed to respect and honor's back.

 

DUMP HIM, get rid of him, don't ever look back. This is who he is and this is the reality of the man you engaged in a relationship with in 2 yrs, the horrible sides of his less than human tendencies he is showing you now is who he is. Get rid of him now. Do not wait another single moment. Focus on your baby, then focus on your recovery in terms of mending your heart from this experience.

 

Focus on your baby's future, you chose to have her now this becomes your number one priority. If you do that you stand a chance to meet a real man who will be a true partner a true lover and true companion. Let the douchebag stew in his own crap but you have no place expecting anything more from him. Please move on, for your baby's sake.

[fooled once]

As far as financial support goes, I attempted to make arrangements w/ him (as I stated before) and he felt he wanted to walk away. You feel he shouldn't have to support his child. What if this was a MM and his wife ended up pregnant even though they both agreed not to have children? Do you feel that since she knew from the beginning that he wanted no children he should be able to walk away from the situation no strings attached and not pay support or help out?

 

The difference is this was your body to protect.

 

And -- he is still processing everything. He went from believing you; that you were going to terminate the pregnancy ~ then to you were going to do it all on your own ~ to now, with you making demands.

 

HE needs time to adjust; he needs time to figure out what he is going to do. You keep blaming him for wanting to walk away, but you said in your first post this was a "no strings" affair (although, how do you have a no strings affair when you are telling him you love him??? )

 

It isn't a crime that he doesn't want to be in her life. Many married men who have children with their wives treat those children that way. It is right? Hell no. But it is reality.

 

Reality -- he is only responsible for financial support. Whatever you two work out or the courts work out. That is ALL he is responsible for.

 

But, if you take it to court, be prepared for him to get visitation rights. Be prepared to maybe have 50/50 custody -- be prepared to have every other Christmas with this child.

 

Be careful of what you wish for.

 

And remember, if he decides to be in his daughters life, it isn't YOUR life he wants to be a part of.

 

And also remember, if his wife decides to forgive him, she will be the stepmom to this child. She will be doing things with this child. She will be bonding with this child. This is the same woman whose husband you had a 2 year affair with and who you admit that you love. They may end up playing cozy family with your daughter.

 

So condemn him if it makes you feel better, but if you had chosen to NOT sleep with a married man, then this all would not have happened. I hope in the future, when you date again, it is with single men. I can't image explaining to my child that she is the product of an affair.

 

And comparing this to a married couple is comparing apples and banana's. The married couple aren't two people sneaking around. Totally different. The child they make is made from the love they share, the commitment they made to each other. There are many "oops" babies in the world; but that doesn't mean the father walks away from his wife and family.

 

I really think you thought that this child would bring you two closer together and yes, that he would leave his wife. I know you say you 'never wanted him to leave his wife', but how do you love someone and yet be okay with them sharing a bed and life with another person?

[DESTIE]

What can I say, I am mostly thinking of the baby here and it is a horrible situation for her to be in from that stand point that she will have to grow up knowing she was just a product of an affair, and unwanted by her father. The psychological ramifications are HUGE there have been studies of children of affairs and it is very sad. A life without a father and the knowledge that he wanted nothing to do with her will be very deep and scaring for her.

 

Having said all that you decided to have her anyway and because of this you owe it to her to give her the best possible life you can by dedicating your life to making this child's life the best it can me. Get her the emotional support she will need and possibly FOR HER SAKE not only yours, eventually find a man who will want to be her father and who will also love you in return. This is the BEST you could do for this child. Find a man who will love you sincerely and purely.

 

As per the douchebag who decided you were good enough to sleep with behind his wife's back but not good enough to take responsibility for not slapping a condom on his straying dick, I say TOUGH sht for him. Touch sht that things did not work out as he expected in his fantastical pact. Tough sht that he is faced with this awful dilemma, tough sht that he was not man enough to think with his big head when he was using his little head unprotected and carelessly in another woman behind the woman he vowed to respect and honor's back.

 

DUMP HIM, get rid of him, don't ever look back. This is who he is and this is the reality of the man you engaged in a relationship with in 2 yrs, the horrible sides of his less than human tendencies he is showing you now is who he is. Get rid of him now. Do not wait another single moment. Focus on your baby, then focus on your recovery in terms of mending your heart from this experience.

 

Focus on your baby's future, you chose to have her now this becomes your number one priority. If you do that you stand a chance to meet a real man who will be a true partner a true lover and true companion. Let the douchebag stew in his own crap but you have no place expecting anything more from him. Please move on, for your baby's sake.

 

Yes I agree with you. I have a friend who was the product of an affair. I told them of my plans to walk away and tell the child that its father was dead. They told me that was the wrong way to go. That I should be honest and upfront and hide nothing once the child is old enough to understand.

 

I will do everything in my power to make sure that this child has the best life possible and I have ended things with him completely.

[DESTIE]

The difference is this was your body to protect.

 

And -- he is still processing everything. He went from believing you; that you were going to terminate the pregnancy ~ then to you were going to do it all on your own ~ to now, with you making demands.

 

HE needs time to adjust; he needs time to figure out what he is going to do. You keep blaming him for wanting to walk away, but you said in your first post this was a "no strings" affair (although, how do you have a no strings affair when you are telling him you love him??? )

 

 

***Yes it started out as a no strings attached affair. I was keeping my distance and fine with things as they were. He came to me telling me that he was in love with me.***

 

It isn't a crime that he doesn't want to be in her life. Many married men who have children with their wives treat those children that way. It is right? Hell no. But it is reality.

 

Reality -- he is only responsible for financial support. Whatever you two work out or the courts work out. That is ALL he is responsible for.

 

 

***As I have said, I know I can not force him to be in her life. Would I love it if he could be? Yes. But I realize that's not up to me, and you're right the only thing he is legally responsible for is supporting her financially.***

 

But, if you take it to court, be prepared for him to get visitation rights. Be prepared to maybe have 50/50 custody -- be prepared to have every other Christmas with this child.

 

***As I have said, I am fine with whatever role he/they want to play in her life if it comes to that. I understand that she will be step mom and as long as my daughter is loved and treated as she should I am fine with it.***

 

Be careful of what you wish for.

 

And remember, if he decides to be in his daughters life, it isn't YOUR life he wants to be a part of.

 

And also remember, if his wife decides to forgive him, she will be the stepmom to this child. She will be doing things with this child. She will be bonding with this child. This is the same woman whose husband you had a 2 year affair with and who you admit that you love. They may end up playing cozy family with your daughter.

 

So condemn him if it makes you feel better, but if you had chosen to NOT sleep with a married man, then this all would not have happened. I hope in the future, when you date again, it is with single men. I can't image explaining to my child that she is the product of an affair.

 

And comparing this to a married couple is comparing apples and banana's. The married couple aren't two people sneaking around. Totally different. The child they make is made from the love they share, the commitment they made to each other. There are many "oops" babies in the world; but that doesn't mean the father walks away from his wife and family.

 

***That's not what my scenerio was. I said if a man is married and they both agreed they didn't want children and he walked away wouldn't she still be entitled to support? I have seen it before. Married men leaving pregnant wives, so it happens. I was comparing only the financial aspect of this debate. Nothing else.***

 

 

I really think you thought that this child would bring you two closer together and yes, that he would leave his wife. I know you say you 'never wanted him to leave his wife', but how do you love someone and yet be okay with them sharing a bed and life with another person?

 

***Yes I loved him, and in some ways still do. But no, I never wanted him to leave. We both joked about how we could never be together b/c we bumped heads to much. It would of never worked.***

 

I am giving him time, I know that this is a lot to deal with.

[child_of_isis]

As far as the courts favoring the mother, those days are long gone. There is a thing called "fathers rights" that is leaning more in favor of the father.

 

I work in the system. It is getting down right ugly for women. No way would I ever file for support in this day & age.

 

Men who have never wanted to be fathers can become right down paternal when a huge chunk of their check comes missing.

 

Destie - a great point has been raised, that you should seriously consider.

 

He could stand a very good chance of suing for full custody of the child.

 

You, as a single mother, with limited finances, job prospects of ? (not sure, you said you were leaving your current job soon), and two children already at home versus a husband and wife, in a home, with other children...

 

You could end up losing this one big time. All it would take is a really good lawyer on his part to show you are an unfit mother, do not have adequate resources to raise this baby, and boom - he has full custody and you have visitation rights.

 

So, don't automatically assume that you will reign victorious in this. Sure, courts like to keep a child with the Mom, but considering that the MM is in a better position to actually raise and care for the child, this could blow up big time.

 

Also, don't assume that you will just get money from him and he'll walk away. If you sue him for support, then I'm certain he will sue you for custody.

 

Lastly, you also really do need to consider how far he would go to protect his life. Sorry to say, but it doesn't sound like the two of you had too intense of a connection. Not just his feelings, but yours towards him aren't too deep, either. So, backed against the wall, who knows how far he would go to remove this situation from his life...

[Jilly Bean]

Destie - why are the fathers of your other two children not paying you support and get a total pass, yet this guy is expected to foot the bill? Just curious as to the separate circumstances and rules.

 

I would think if you take this to court, then your entire romantic and sexual past will come into play. Having two other children out of wedlock won't work in your favor. I would also think the courts would question why the other dads don't pay for the first two kids as well. It makes it look like you have an ax to grind with the MM.

[DESTIE]

Destie - why are the fathers of your other two children not paying you support and get a total pass, yet this guy is expected to foot the bill? Just curious as to the separate circumstances and rules.

 

I would think if you take this to court, then your entire romantic and sexual past will come into play. Having two other children out of wedlock won't work in your favor. I would also think the courts would question why the other dads don't pay for the first two kids as well. It makes it look like you have an ax to grind with the MM.

 

As I have said in about 15 seperate posts. The father (not multiple) of my children and I worked out a agreement outside of the courts. It has been working fine for the past 4 yrs. I have tried to work this out with MM, he has not budged and as I have also posted I have documentation of this since I have been saving all our correspondence regarding my pregnancy.

 

Also, my romantic past is nothing I am ashamed of. He has been the only man I have been involved with in the past 2 yrs yet he had an affair on his wife. So how will his romantic and sexual history come into play?