Pregnant by MM

[sugarmomma]

I love this post, I was going to quote exaxtly that.

 

I mean honestly, why would you offer such an agreement originally? I mean DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Sorry, but not really- it just seems so completly foolish to have offered such an arrangement.

 

And hell no you shouldn't tell his wife! You don't want to wreck a home... please... what do you think is going to happen? "Sure, you sweet little thing... I'll pay for my husband's love child!" Uhh hell no that's not going to happen. How old are you? You seem so young.

 

And I'm not sure where you live, but there is probably no way, no how that man is going to want to take care of you or be any part of that childs life, and to force it is so much worse.

 

I'll be willing to bet that he thinks of you, and that baby as the biggest mistake he's ever made.

 

I'm sorry, but I have not one ounce of sympathy for you. At first you sounded mature, like a strong woman who can handle her mistakes and take care of what needs to be taken care of. Then you say no way I'm going to go milk my baby's daddy.

 

 

He should have worn a condom. How dare you put all the blame on her! So unfair!!

 

Wreck his home? He should have thought about wrecking his home when he was cheating on his wife!! UUUGGGHHHH.

[MistyK]

Y. If you allow yourself to get pulled into this, he and his wife might just take your child away out of spite and make you pay child support. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened.

 

I was thinking that too, but didn't want to freak her out...

 

I can see from his POV why he has hatred and revulsion for you. You led him to believe the one thing that could have kept his ass out of a sling, and then reneged and basically turned his life permanently upside down. Of course, he is as responsible because of his whining about not wanting to use a condom but in his mind, you are deliberately f*cking up his life.

 

You're the woman who promised to change the F on his report card to an A, but then had an attack of conscience about it. Sure, he's going to be pissed, but that doesn't negate his responsibility for getting an F in the first place. But don't be surprised if he resorts to trying to destroy the report card. He's acting like a scared, temper tantruming child.

 

I don't think you are. But what I think and what others think does not matter. You are up against an angry and scared man now, and angry and scared people can do some drastic things.

 

There are plenty of news stories about men killing their kids to save themselves the trouble of paying support. Involving his wife makes it more likely he'll get nutty. Don't go there.

 

I'd damned sure be on the horn with a lawyer, like yesterday documenting all of this.

 

In most places you can't file for support until birth, but you may want to check and see what the rules are in your area.

[Left in a Lurch]

Exactly, we got on the subject of protection but HE said how much he hated them, I am not married nor in a relationship so I had no one to answer to. I knew that BC was not 100%.

 

Unless he forced himself on you, it is up to the woman to say no if he does not wear a condom.

 

You're the ones that could get pregnant, not the guys. You have a bigger stake in all of this, his part would only be financial, but you chose to sit on his stick without a condom and now you have a lifelong commitment.

 

I love how sugermomma said he "dipped his stick" like she just sat there helpless, while he did everything and refused to wear a condom. She had the responsibility to say no and she may well have been the aggressor.

 

All I know is if I could get pregnant, I would only blame myself if I got pregnant unintentionally. But now days everyone has to have someone else to blame so someone else can pay for their mistakes.

 

To women against father's rights, you should try to see the other side of the issue too. Imagine if you had a one night fling with a guy and never saw him again. A year later the guy adopts a kid and says you owe him $1500 a month for the next 18 years because your one night stand inspired him to adopt the kid. You wouldn't like it either and guess what, you'd have no say and no rights, just a financial obligation.

 

She already had kids, was a single mother, and indicates this will be a financial burden on her. Guess what, SHE and SHE alone ALLOWED herself to be in this position. She is way more at fault than the guy because she had more to lose and made a CONSCIENTIOUS decision to ride his pole. Maybe next time she will make the right decision before she mounts the rocket without protection.

[Ariadne]

I'm not sure I get your post? Are you agreeing?

 

I'm agreeing that she should not get "a dime".

 

They agreed to have sex, fine.

 

But they did not agree to have a baby.

 

It was not consensual.

 

She cannot make him responsible for something he never wanted in the first place.

 

Her birth control didn't work (or so she says) and she didn't want to have an abortion.

 

She can keep the baby, that's all her right, but she should leave him out of it.

 

It's the right thing to do.

 

(Regardless of what the law says, which was written in case men would walk away on their wives in the first place and never got ammended)

[sugarmomma]

They are both equally to blame in my opinion.

 

She knew she could get pregnant and may have wanted a baby with him.

 

If he didn't want to have a baby he should have worn a condom and not depended on what she "said" about being protected.

 

Now they both have to pay the piper!!

[MistyK]

My problem does not lie in changing her mind, my problem lies is the foolishness of such a initial decision. Why on God's green earth would she even think of such an absurd situation- don't worry, you can walk away scotch free not a penny paid, not a memory remembered. I mean she HAS kids she KNOW how expensive they are, she KNOWS how much work it is and how hard single parenting is yet she still offers such an arrangement. I mean s-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y? [/Quote]

 

I get it, but we all make bad decisions, and this one can't be un-done. Point is there's no use yelling at her for the past, it's over, she's looking at the future here.

 

I'm not going to get into the aborition thing had it happened, I wouldn't be screaming 'poor decision' so I don't even have to aknowledge that argument.

 

Not necessarily you, but still I bet there would be plenty of nasty comments about that if it happened.

 

Why should I giver her a break? She asked, I'm answering, she didn't say please be nice. I'm giving it hard, affairs like this often are recieved harshly, TOUGH (just like you said.)

 

I also don't recall her saying "please bash the ever-loving sh*t out of me for something I can't undo right now." What good does that do? She's asking how best she can protect her child and yet not increase the drama in her life, I'm sure she's fully aware and already terribly regretful of getting involved with this jacka*s, let alone getting pregnant.

 

I don't think she's harboring any illusions this move to not abort would force him to be with her. Nor does she think he's going to be a father. And honestly, it even sounds like she's concerned to some degree about the BW because she asked for BW input.

[sugarmomma]

Maybe next time she will make the right decision before she mounts the rocket without protection.

 

And so will he.

[Jilly Bean]

Destie - a great point has been raised, that you should seriously consider.

 

He could stand a very good chance of suing for full custody of the child.

 

You, as a single mother, with limited finances, job prospects of ? (not sure, you said you were leaving your current job soon), and two children already at home versus a husband and wife, in a home, with other children...

 

You could end up losing this one big time. All it would take is a really good lawyer on his part to show you are an unfit mother, do not have adequate resources to raise this baby, and boom - he has full custody and you have visitation rights.

 

So, don't automatically assume that you will reign victorious in this. Sure, courts like to keep a child with the Mom, but considering that the MM is in a better position to actually raise and care for the child, this could blow up big time.

 

Also, don't assume that you will just get money from him and he'll walk away. If you sue him for support, then I'm certain he will sue you for custody.

 

Lastly, you also really do need to consider how far he would go to protect his life. Sorry to say, but it doesn't sound like the two of you had too intense of a connection. Not just his feelings, but yours towards him aren't too deep, either. So, backed against the wall, who knows how far he would go to remove this situation from his life...

[sugarmomma]

I'm agreeing that she should not get "a dime".

 

They agreed to have sex, fine.

 

But they did not agree to have a baby.

 

It was not consensual.

 

She cannot make him responsible for something he never wanted in the first place.

 

Her birth control didn't work (or so she says) and she didn't want to have an abortion.

 

She can keep the baby, that's all her right, but she should leave him out of it.

 

It's the right thing to do.

 

(Regardless of what the law says, which was written in case men would walk away on their wives in the first place and never got ammended)

 

I can't believe a woman really thinks like this!!!

 

When two people agree to consenual sex they know that there is always a possibility of a pregnancy. The BOTH have a responsibilty to protect themselves and neither of them did. So now they have a little bambino that did not choose to come here and the BOTH should own their sh*t.

[MistyK]

Again, WHO CARES who is at fault for it happening? IT HAPPENED. Now it's time for damage control. The MM can have his rights terminated if he desires to pretend this didn't happen, just like destie can put the child up for adoption. They still each have a choice, just like they did in the beginning.

[girl68]

He should have worn a condom. How dare you put all the blame on her! So unfair!!

 

Wreck his home? He should have thought about wrecking his home when he was cheating on his wife!! UUUGGGHHHH.

 

All wrong, I'm not solely blaming her. Yes, I am reaming her out for it but he is to blame for knocking her up. Did you read my latter post saying that she should sue for support? Because I totally vote in favor of such, it's just pathetically immature to think that he's going to love paying, and his wife will be thrilled to have a love child.

 

SHE is the naieve little girl who thinks by telling the wife she's been fooking her husband for multiple months and now she's having thier love child that she ISN'T going to be home wrecking- WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM where you think the wife is going to be cool with that?

 

OP- just out of curiosity how did you end up with 2 children with no father in the picutre? Have you made 2 going on 3 of nearly the same mistake?

[Left in a Lurch]

And so will he.

 

Sure, but he did not get pregnant as a single mother already.

Her actions put her and her existing children in a much worse position than his actions put him. He has no obligation to consider her current children's best interests, that responsibility belongs to solely her.

You can't tell me her taking the actions to get pregnant were in the best interest of her current children. She was thinking with her vagina and not her head.

[MistyK]

You can't tell me her taking the actions to get pregnant was in the best interest of her current children. She was thinking with her vagina and not her head.

 

Again, so was he.

[sugarmomma]

Destie - a great point has been raised, that you should seriously consider.

 

He could stand a very good chance of suing for full custody of the child.

 

You, as a single mother, with limited finances, job prospects of ? (not sure, you said you were leaving your current job soon), and two children already at home versus a husband and wife, in a home, with other children...

 

You could end up losing this one big time. All it would take is a really good lawyer on his part to show you are an unfit mother, do not have adequate resources to raise this baby, and boom - he has full custody and you have visitation rights.

 

So, don't automatically assume that you will reign victorious in this. Sure, courts like to keep a child with the Mom, but considering that the MM is in a better position to actually raise and care for the child, this could blow up big time.

 

Also, don't assume that you will just get money from him and he'll walk away. If you sue him for support, then I'm certain he will sue you for custody.

 

Lastly, you also really do need to consider how far he would go to protect his life. Sorry to say, but it doesn't sound like the two of you had too intense of a connection. Not just his feelings, but yours towards him aren't too deep, either. So, backed against the wall, who knows how far he would go to remove this situation from his life...

 

The likelyhood of this happening is very slim. Most courts do not take children from the mothers. also his W is probably not going to want to raise his love child. Really!

[Ariadne]

I can't believe a woman really thinks like this!!!

 

You mean, not entitled and fair?

 

What a surprise!

[MistyK]

All wrong, I'm not solely blaming her. Yes, I am reaming her out for it but he is to blame for knocking her up. Did you read my latter post saying that she should sue for support? Because I totally vote in favor of such, it's just pathetically immature to think that he's going to love paying, and his wife will be thrilled to have a love child.

 

SHE is the naieve little girl who thinks by telling the wife she's been fooking her husband for multiple months and now she's having thier love child that she ISN'T going to be home wrecking- WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM where you think the wife is going to be cool with that?

 

OP- just out of curiosity how did you end up with 2 children with no father in the picutre? Have you made 2 going on 3 of nearly the same mistake?

 

 

I didn't get anything from her posts suggesting that she expects the wife to be ok with it. I think it's just that she recognizes that the possibility is very likely that the W is going to find out about the child and wants to know what to do from there.

 

Bear in mind also that this guy has other kids and he wasn't considering that his having to potentially pay supportcmight affect them. It goes both ways. No reason to put ALL of this on destie.

[sugarmomma]

 

SHE is the naieve little girl who thinks by telling the wife she's been fooking her husband for multiple months and now she's having thier love child that she ISN'T going to be home wrecking- WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM where you think the wife is going to be cool with that?

 

 

Did I say that the wife would be cool with what he did? NO!

 

He wrecked his own home when he decided to disrepect his W and M for a fling with Destie! He was thinking only of himself and look what it got him.

[girl68]

WAIT!

 

The wife could totally leave him, in that case you shall live happily ever after with a man who thinks you're the biggest mistake he's ever made.

 

My vote stands: sue his ass for support. and know this: YOU ARE A HOMEWRECKER.

[girl68]

Did I say that the wife would be cool with what he did? NO!

 

He wrecked his own home when he decided to disrepect his W and M for a fling with Destie! He was thinking only of himself and look what it got him.

 

 

Actaully I meant that for the OP. But still, she is a homewrecker.

[MistyK]

For crying out loud, Destie is a Accomplice to homewrecking. That MM had the home, chose to risk it, and now you blame her solely? Why is it assumed that men can't think except with their dicks so when it gets them into trouble we always blame the women who should've known better. If I was a guy, I'd be a little insulted.

[sugarmomma]

WAIT!

 

The wife could totally leave him, in that case you shall live happily ever after with a man who thinks you're the biggest mistake he's ever made.

 

My vote stands: sue his ass for support. and know this: YOU ARE A HOMEWRECKER.

 

 

His W should leave his cheating, lying azz! He played a part is the wrecking of his home. A bigger part than Destie because he is the one that is committed to his W.

 

Yea Destie should have not got involved but she didn't do it alone. No telling what kind of lies he's been telling the both of them. He is a loser and got just what he deserved. Low Life!!

[Left in a Lurch]

Again, so was he.

 

Again, he can't get pregnant so he has less at stake, and he is not the one with financial difficulties. He would not have to take months off work, days off to go to the doctor, eat more etc.

 

She couldn't get pregnant either if she did not allow him to have sex with her. It's her body that gets pregnant, why did she allow it to get pregnant?

 

If you can't control when you get pregnant, why should it be in your control whether or not to get an abortion?

[hoping2heal]

"I told him I would do it alone and he could walk away no strings attached"

 

Now you are changing the rules severely to:

 

"I refuse to be a single mother w/ no financial help. He played as much a role in this as me how should he be able to walk away and not suffer any consequences."

 

I won't even get into the whole affair thing, because it's irrevelant to the fact that you have gone back on your original agreement. Maybe you can explain the drastic 180 reversal of terms and also if you can understand him being pissed at you doing so.

 

 

More than likely, she didn't realise what she was getting herself into when she said that. Now, it's probably hitting her that she is going to need the financial help, it's much like she believed she would abort the baby, and when it was go time, she realised what she really was going to do, and couldn't go through with it.

 

MM would be pissed regardless no matter the outcome. From the sounds of it he's a complete slimeball, he'll have sex with you as long as he can until the baby comes and then drop you like a hot rock? Honey, this man doesn't give two ****s about you, and he's a creep so you're not missing much. I feel really badly for you that you're about to have a baby with such a self centered person. I hope you will have other sources of solid support around you and people who actually care about you.

[Left in a Lurch]

His W should leave his cheating, lying azz! He played a part is the wrecking of his home. A bigger part than Destie because he is the one that is committed to his W.

 

Yea Destie should have not got involved but she didn't do it alone. No telling what kind of lies he's been telling the both of them. He is a loser and got just what he deserved. Low Life!!

 

You call him a loser and excuse her. You are just anti-man.

 

Destie is a homewrecker and allowed sex without a condom which resulted in her getting pregnant. Why did you not call her a loser? Or a homewrecker? Or irresponsible for not making him wear protection?

 

You totally excuse her for doing the same thing you call him a loser for, why are you being hypocritical?

 

My guess would be you had a guy cheat on you are all about revenge.

[sugarmomma]

You call him a loser and excuse her. You are just anti-man.

 

Destie is a homewrecker and allowed sex without a condom which resulted in her getting pregnant. Why did you not call her a loser? Or a homewrecker? Or irresponsible for not making him wear protection?

 

You totally excuse her for doing the same thing you call him a loser for, why are you being hypocritical?

 

My guess would be you had a guy cheat on you are all about revenge.

 

 

I said that she should not have gotten involved with him.

 

She is willing to take responsiblity for her actions.

 

He is not!

 

Which makes him a LOSER!!!

 

You don't know anything about me so don't make an azz out of yourself.