new boyfriend

[adie]

I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. Everything has been great. We are totally in love. The problem is, he accidentally referred to his ex-girlfriend as "my girlfriend"(they broke up about a year ago). Apparently, she still calls him for a "friendly" talk occasionally. He tells me when she calls. It really doesn't bother me that they remained friends until he said this. I know he isn't cheating on me with her because we spend every waking moment together. I am reluctant to make a big deal about it for fear of seeming insecure or immature. I just got out of one of those relationships after 4 years. I really feel like he's the one and he feels the same way. Should this bother me or am I used to reacting this way from my past relationship? I've had enough of bad relationships and I want to go in with my eyes wide open. What do you think?

[Angeleyes]

I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. Everything has been great. We are totally in love. The problem is, he accidentally referred to his ex-girlfriend as "my girlfriend"(they broke up about a year ago). Apparently, she still calls him for a "friendly" talk occasionally. He tells me when she calls. It really doesn't bother me that they remained friends until he said this. I know he isn't cheating on me with her because we spend every waking moment together. I am reluctant to make a big deal about it for fear of seeming insecure or immature. I just got out of one of those relationships after 4 years. I really feel like he's the one and he feels the same way. Should this bother me or am I used to reacting this way from my past relationship? I've had enough of bad relationships and I want to go in with my eyes wide open. What do you think?

Hey Adie, first of all, I'm no expert! But I will say this "been there, done that!" I know that this bothers you and you have every right to be upset. I don't blame you at all. I don't think that you're being immature or even insecure. If it bothers you-which we know it does-you should be able to calmly discuss it with your new boyfriend.

 

I'm not saying throw a fit, I'm saying calmly and casually bring up the subject and discuss it. Tell him that it kind of hurt your feelings or whatever the case may be. If he can't understand that, then there might be something more than a slip of the tounge where this ex-girlfriend is involved. There is one of two things that it may be: 1. maybe it was a genuine accident, slip of the tounge kind of thing.......or 2. maybe he still has feelings for her and referred to her as his girlfriend because it is sub-conscious wishful thinking!

 

So, my suggestion is, ask him how he feels about her and tell him that you were upset. If you or he can not be honest about your feelings, then you really do not have such a wonderful relationship!

 

Good luck, hope it helped!

[Tony T]

Just forget it and move on. Everybody is entitled to a slip and his tongue slipped, plain and simple. I'm sure it bothers him a lot more than it bothers you. I'm sure you expressed your displeasure at the time, that was enough, now just delete the whole episode from your hard drive.

 

In life, there are a lot of mistakes people make. Your boyfriend, your lover, your husband...anybody you spend time with...will make mistakes now and then. If you can't be forgiving and forget about them, you will be one unhappy camper in life.

 

You should have read the post last week from this poor girl who passed a big stink of gas while with a guy she had only been dating two weeks. Now, it does take a bit more energy to forget something like that...but human beings do produce flatulence and have a need to fart from time to time. You just have to forget it and move on. I know for a fact it sometimes just comes out without warning or effort and you just can't help it...just like slips of the tongue.

 

Now your boyfriend could have farted and called his ex "girlfiend" at the same time. How would you have handled that?

 

Chill out and be happy!!! Cut your boyfriend some slack!!!

[D.]

I must disagree with Tony, which is totally rare as his adivice is the best on the board.

 

The fact that your boyfriend still has communictions of any kind with his ex-girlfriend of a year ago means there is still something there, even if NOT romantic. Something within him (and her) continues the connection. It sounds as though he, she or both have not completely moved on with their lives. Do you know if she is dating happily or has boyfriend or fiance with which she is satistied? Hmmmm. Food for thought.

 

As far as him calling out her name, I would say that was most likely just a slip of the tongue and to dismiss it as though it never happened.

 

I would be far more concerned as to the reasons why they still comunicate regularly after a year. Had they been going together a long time before they broke up? I will tell you now that I am broken up with my ex and am still great friends, communicate with him, would still communicate with him were I seeing someone else (just not so much) and there is NO intimacy at all ... so the possiblity is there. I feel my case is the exception, though. I just do ... it is unusual. He has moved on with his life, new friends, probably dating ... so I make sure not to call him unless I know he is alone at home to chat and I only page him not in case of emergency only ... That way I give him the space he needs and privacy regarding dating and he does not have to feel guilty for not being able to return calls or pages as he is with another woman. I have discussed this with him and he is very appreciative.

 

I am wondering why your boyfrind and his ex do not have the same courtesy for you. Hmmmmmmmmm. Just thinking out loud.

 

Food for thought. Good Luck!

[magicklady]

I would not over react now, but be cautious I am one of those ex-girlfriends to a guy and he still talks to me on a daily basis by e-mail. You should just talk to him about it if it is bothering you, not in a accusing way however. You are going to need trust and honesty if this relationship is going to make it through the test of time.

I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. Everything has been great. We are totally in love. The problem is, he accidentally referred to his ex-girlfriend as "my girlfriend"(they broke up about a year ago). Apparently, she still calls him for a "friendly" talk occasionally. He tells me when she calls. It really doesn't bother me that they remained friends until he said this. I know he isn't cheating on me with her because we spend every waking moment together. I am reluctant to make a big deal about it for fear of seeming insecure or immature. I just got out of one of those relationships after 4 years. I really feel like he's the one and he feels the same way. Should this bother me or am I used to reacting this way from my past relationship? I've had enough of bad relationships and I want to go in with my eyes wide open. What do you think?