tojaz Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Be careful man, I can relate to your need for answers, but thats a good way to get a restraining order put on you if she catches you. Or be labeled a stalker and push her further away if it is innocent. Either way it can be bad in the divorce, should it go that way. Tread lightly my friend! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author man_of_ability Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 Yes I just realized that.....you know what I am not going to do that again anyways. It's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I have a feeling the car that was there all night is a lover she has been with before or one of the reasons she moved out. I am a woman and I don't think for one minute this guy is just someone she met and took home that night. It never fails on LS when someone's SO says they want to move out (to get themselves together, or whatever) there is always someone waiting in the wings. Link to post Share on other sites
TroyNJ Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Yes I just realized that.....you know what I am not going to do that again anyways. It's not worth it. Bro, from the rest of this Thread I can almost guarantee you she's is & has been cheating, this is typical behavior...She is stringing you along to use you as a backup plan in case it doesn't work out with who she is cheating with. I hope I'm wrong but from experience this is the way it looks. Shut her out of your life, if she feels she may lose you this may be the only thing that may bring her around, at this point it's a long shot but it's all you got. Take care of yourself, don't do anything stupid and keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Yes I just realized that.....you know what I am not going to do that again anyways. It's not worth it. Good idea, I had the displeasure of discovering the wife and suspected OM at a bar shortly after she was "taking her space" I don't know how i kept my cool and didn't go to jail that night. the story is in one of my threads somewhere. Sometimes it's better not to know! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 If you need to know who it is look into hiring a PI. It would probably be expensive, but he can get you all the proof you need. And not have to worry about getting in trouble. If you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Whenever Marines go out in harm's way? We get handed these little handy~dandy cards titled "Rules of Engagement" which tell us when we get to open fire and kill people from other countries we don't know nor exchange Christmas Cards with each year! If your SO has moved out of the house/apartment? They're either cheating on you or has someone in mind! If your SO has withdrawn emotionally from you? He or she has someone in mind or is cheating on you! If the "I love you's" have fallen off? They're either cheating on you? Or have someone in mind! If the sex has fallen off? They're either cheating on you? Or have someone in mind! If the touching, affection, etc has fallen off? They're either cheating on you? Or have someone in mind! Me? Nineteen years the other side of it? Yahooooooooooooooooooo! Being married to the XHEX was like dragging a dead horse and saddle around everywhere I went! Or trying to push a dead cow up a hill! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Sorry! Too much Scotch Whiskey & PTSD! Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 scotch or not, you still have great wisedom. Link to post Share on other sites
NoseOverTail Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Man of Ability, I just want to let you know that I have been following your posts and I am really proud of you for being stronger and for the last few posts you made. I'm sorry for what you have been going through but I think you are on the right track mentally now. Your wife has been keeping too much of her life a secret, and I don't think you should feel bad for moving on. I know it's hard, but hopefully over time it gets easier. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Sorry! Too much Scotch Whiskey & PTSD! You got anything left in that bottle? Pass it over please. I have plenty of PTSD though, so don't need anymore of that. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 H&D if you add me to contacts I have pics up now! Sorry to thread jump Man. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I am not harassing my spouse or making unannounced visits or calls. I have occasionally done a covert drive by. I would rather try to figure this out myself rather than pay a private investigator. It's probably not worth the $$ at this point. Let's just hope you don't get caught doing the drive by. What would you have done if you had seen a man leaving her place and getting into the car you were scoping out? It very well could be worth the $$$ at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 H&D if you add me to contacts I have pics up now! Sorry to thread jump Man. I've seen your pics Lisa, and you look fabulous. I've added a few more of my own, even 2 of H, have a look. Link to post Share on other sites
Author man_of_ability Posted July 19, 2009 Author Share Posted July 19, 2009 I am not harassing my spouse or making unannounced visits or calls. I have occasionally done a covert drive by. I would rather try to figure this out myself rather than pay a private investigator. It's probably not worth the $$ at this point. Let's just hope you don't get caught doing the drive by. What would you have done if you had seen a man leaving her place and getting into the car you were scoping out? It very well could be worth the $$$ at this point. It could be. At this point I am undecided about what to do. I am not doing any more of that myself, I know that. I have some ideas about what might be going on. Someone mentioned it could be a coworker and I previously discounted that....well I am beginning to think I was being very naive. This event she went to was work related. A coworker would be very discrete for her because anything showing up on phone bill I have always just assumed was work related. Anyone seeing them at an event together wouldn't suspect anything because they are coworkers. I have an idea of who this person could be. I found out more about the event and who attended from her company. I should be able to verify if I am correct by learning what type of car this coworker guy is now driving. One final thing. If I am right about who this is, there could never be a relationship with him out in the open. The fallout of that from where she works would be disasterous for both of their careers. It would have to be kept very secret. I mention this because this person is not a guy she could leave me for and openly be dating sometime in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I've seen your pics Lisa, and you look fabulous. I've added a few more of my own, even 2 of H, have a look. That is one large beer you got there h&D! You weren't kidding baout the coping strategies then? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 It could be. At this point I am undecided about what to do. I am not doing any more of that myself, I know that. I have some ideas about what might be going on. Someone mentioned it could be a coworker and I previously discounted that....well I am beginning to think I was being very naive. This event she went to was work related. A coworker would be very discrete for her because anything showing up on phone bill I have always just assumed was work related. Anyone seeing them at an event together wouldn't suspect anything because they are coworkers. I have an idea of who this person could be. I found out more about the event and who attended from her company. I should be able to verify if I am correct by learning what type of car this coworker guy is now driving. One final thing. If I am right about who this is, there could never be a relationship with him out in the open. The fallout of that from where she works would be disasterous for both of their careers. It would have to be kept very secret. I mention this because this person is not a guy she could leave me for and openly be dating sometime in the future. Is there a safe way to verify it is him or his car? Link to post Share on other sites
Author man_of_ability Posted July 19, 2009 Author Share Posted July 19, 2009 Is there a safe way to verify it is him or his car? I haven't figured that out yet. One option is hire an investigator. Another is somehow get the info from state records, but I don't know if that's possible. Or I could try casually asking my wife if the guy is still driving a so and so type car and work it into a conversation in a way that doesn't arouse any suspicion. I guess if I really wanted to be vengeful I could go for concrete proof from an investigator and then expose that for the whole world to see. That would really screw her life up!! But I am jumping ahead because nothing is really known at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I completely understand you wanting to know for sure if she's seeing this guy you have in mind, or someone else, for that matter. However, that you are now even considering that this is a possibility is a giant leap forward from where you were a short while ago. It's good that you are seeing there is more to your wife moving out than needing "space" because that is NOT what married people do! People who are having marital issues don't just move out as a FIRST resort. That's what they do as a LAST resort AFTER trying everything else to work on their marriage. It may hurt, but facing the reality is better than hoping for the best. Whether you choose to try to get proof or not, you should consider what you want to do about your marriage now AS IF it is true and she's seeing someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 If it is who you suspect, expose it for all the world to see! Well, when the time comes, if it does, do what you feel is right. Hope you get your answer soon. Knowing what and is will go a long way in healing. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 It's amazing how our wives have taken our unconditional love & trust & mistaken it for sheer stupidity. My wife claims OM ended relationship with her because she lied to him. well for someone who just lost their marriage & the man she risked that marriage for she is holding up quite well. Too well if you asked me. My 3 yr old son tells me he "hugged (om's name) goodbye" He asks if he's going to "mommy & (om's name's) house" He tells me "mommie sleeps on the couch, (om's name) sleeps on the couch" Couch was what he called the futon when it was here at my house my wife calls it her bed these days. She also always insists she picks up the kids when I offer to drop them off. That tells me OM has been crashing there. Probably because his parents told him she was no longer welcome at their house. I'm betting when it comes to final signing for divorce papers things will go bad with him & she'll come crawling through the proverbial broken glass to me. I actually hope she doesn't because It will get ugly when I tell her no & she gets pissed because I won't give her Chance #100. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I haven't figured that out yet. One option is hire an investigator. Another is somehow get the info from state records, but I don't know if that's possible. Or I could try casually asking my wife if the guy is still driving a so and so type car and work it into a conversation in a way that doesn't arouse any suspicion. I guess if I really wanted to be vengeful I could go for concrete proof from an investigator and then expose that for the whole world to see. That would really screw her life up!! But I am jumping ahead because nothing is really known at this point. Joey Greco. He's the best. If you're thank determined to find out what's going on, and in my opinion you deserve to know the truth, then by all means hire a PI. If it does turn out to be something with this guy at work, then buy a full paged ad in the paper, rent out a billboard, F# it. Let everyone know. In your healing process, short term you're gonna take a hit. But I think in the long term it well help you to KNOW what the h#ll's been going on, and why she's acting the way she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 For $29.95 you can run it through NetDetective? Of course? In theory? You can find out down at the local court house, as car tags are a matter of public record. (For example ~ "Excuse me but I dented this car at the WalMart parking lot the other day. I left a note, but they've not contacted me? Here's the tag number, so I can find out who own's this car so I can just do the right thing and get this thing settled?" ;) ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Joey Greco. He's the best. Whenever I get to thinking I want to get married again? I watch: Cheaters Divorce Court and the Jerry Springer Show! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Author man_of_ability Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 For $29.95 you can run it through NetDetective? Of course? In theory? You can find out down at the local court house, as car tags are a matter of public record. (For example ~ "Excuse me but I dented this car at the WalMart parking lot the other day. I left a note, but they've not contacted me? Here's the tag number, so I can find out who own's this car so I can just do the right thing and get this thing settled?" ;) ;) I tried net detective already. Unless I am missing part of the website, it can't be done there. Courthouse is a good idea! I will probably try that. I have this suspected guys name so I don't have to do a reverse search. I only need to look up by car registrations by name and see if what I am thinking is correct. Link to post Share on other sites
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