shoregirl108 Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 Earlier this year I met someone who I thought was IT. He was everything I had ever wanted and more - as I was to him. We met 3 weeks before the blizzard here in NJ and wound up getting "stuck" for 5 days with each other helping out and digging out. We wound up spending every single weekend together for the next 3 months......But, let me rewind for a minute..... I met him on the internet - he was separated from his wife for only 3 months - she decided to leave him for another woman. That was problem number 1....then I found out that he didn't even have his own last name...to spite his family who hadn't spoken to in 10 years (because of her)....he decided to take her last name at their marriage ceremony. Problems number 2 and 3. She was the breadwinner and her job took her across the states and Europe. He didn't always have a job and relied on her. So, when they came home to the States after her bombshell....he decided it was time to reconcile with his family....3 weeks later he met me. I know that I was a breath of fresh air for him and what life had to offer was wonderful out there....believe you me - i am not tooting my own horn. What I'm trying to figure out and STILL get over is that he left me because things were "too good". He felt that he couldn't do the responsibilities and obligations of being in a relationship again. It killed me - i still felt that i did something wrong. I think about him night and day and wonder why - i still believe that he and i were meant to be together. I was engaged once and never did i feel with my ex that I did and do still with this guy. I have friends that say he's got too much personal problems - but I feel that there was something deeper there for the 2 of us. Am I crazy? We talk on line every once in a blue moon - and now he tells me that he's banging some married chick that he works with. He felt oh so natural in being able to tell me that.....for that reason i should hate him - but can't. Does anyone have any input they can give me? Link to post Share on other sites
GIZMO Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 Does this man know how you feel about him? Does he know and understand how much you care and love him? If so... What does he say about that? Link to post Share on other sites
mrmoose Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 this may not help. but i'll do my best. IMHO he's not worth it love, you offered him everything and he wanted none of it, the fact that he's telling you he's sleeping wiht the married lass shows how little he cares for your feelings, either that or it is some very extreme reverse psychology. You have had a lucky escape, if he has no scruples about destroying someone elses marrige what would he have done to his own. I know it's difficult to forget him (trust me i've had to forget many women who didn't even know i existed), but you will. One day you will wake up and forget to miss him. Anyone who breaks up a relationship because it is "too good" needs their head seeing to. Maybe your friends are correct, he does have too many personal problems, either that or he is terrified of commitment since his marrige break up, but that still doesn't give him the right to treat you like he is, you deserve better. I know it hurts, by god do i, but it'll get better, i promise. If you want someone to talk to, personal message me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shoregirl108 Posted November 4, 2003 Author Share Posted November 4, 2003 Unfortunately - he does know everything....and yet - tells me he can't handle it; nor does he want to deal with it. He's going to be 34 too. He said he had to turn his feelings off and he wants me to move on with me life. Messed up right? That's why i'm baffled so much. I just can't understand it - and i'm trying to so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
mrmoose Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 Stop trying, there will be one of two outcomes, either he will realise what an ass he has been and reconcile, or he will disappear. In the case of the latter, he obviously wasn't worth the heartbreak, don't let him control you from outside a relationship. As a man (i know, we're all bastards), o can say he is probalby enjoying the attention at the moment. I fhe was really interested then he would have done something by now, the fact that he is telling you to move on with your life is not good. On the other hand, he could be frightened of where it is leading, and think that you will betray him like his first wife did. This may be a sub-concious reaction. Have you tried re-assuring him about how much you care for him, and that you won't hurt him?.. maybe he just needs some coaxing out? I know that since one particularly bad experience, i hae suspected that all women are just playing with me, and ido at times beleive this, however irrational it may seem. So maybe this is his problem, he is so badly screwed up by his ex, it's going to take a lot of care to sort it. You sound like you care enough about him to do it, so maybe you should persevere with him. I realise that this is less than conclusive, sorry... doing the best i can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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