Why am I cheating?

[Hanabi]

I'm 21, and have been going out with a guy who's 12 years older than me for alittle less than 2 years. Everything's fine until we start to have long distance relationship half a year ago. I know that I will see him with me again when he comes back next summer and then we do not have to suffer from this long distance thingy again. All these time we argue alot because I always feel like he love me less, and which is true because we argue more and more, like a cycle. All I want was for him to pay more attention to me, but it seems that the more I try to be with him, the more he seems to be annoyed, almost as if he thinks that the long distance is a better idea because he need some space. When we first started going out, everything was great, and it's so difficult for me to accept that he has changed. We always argue over and over again about the same issue, like he doesn't give me enough attention or that I am just not so important in his life. About a couple of weeks ago, I met a guy who's 10 years older than me as well. Although I never intended to cheat on my bf (in fact I always worry that he'd cheat on me most of the time), I did something terribly stupid. I didn't sleep with him, but we still did something that my bf would not forgive. I feel so guilty now because first of all I don't think I'm really in love with this person, I wasn't even sure if I was attracted to him other than the fact that he is very fun to be around with, and very interesting to talk to over the phone (since i love to talk on the phone, whlie my bf can't stand talking on the phone for over 15 min). I just don't understand myself anymore, am I really in for cheating? I always thought I'd be faithful because during these 2 years I never even thought of another guy. 2ndly, what's worse is that although I Feel guilty, I don't seem to want to cut my connection with this other guy, almost as if I am just lonely. I thought I really love my bf, and I felt like that even just a couple of weeks ago, and now I feel like I don't even want to talk to him much. Am I really falling out of love with my bf just for a guy who I'm not even really that attracted to? Alot of friends would always say that I found something in other people that I can't find in my bf. Regardless, I really don't know what to do, I know my options but I Just don't seem to know how to take the steps. Please help.

[tredulce]

I think for women, cheating is indicitive of larger problems in a relationship. Obviously you have larger problems in your relationship of 2 years, and because you haven't done anything about it, you're kind of trying to catalize a change with this new guy. I know a lot of women who have done this, including myself.

 

Maybe you don't need to completely break up with your boyfriend, youcan always just say that becuase of the distance you want to see other people, it's just too hard, you're too lonley, etc. Those are all valid reasons. You don't have to tell him about the other guy if you do this. On the other hand, if you keep building towards a future this is going to be a big problem and it's going to be harder later on.

 

Do the right thing, and good luck!