ALOHAGIRL Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 My husband walked out when i told him to leave if he did not want to treat our marriage or me with respect. He stop paying bills and started to stay out late. He is 60 years old. We divorced years before and remarried. He came back begging and pleading for forgiveness. He left before and i divorced him in 90 days. He always try to get lots of people mad at me when we disagree. His mother believes everything he says. He started to talk about all his new friends and how everyone loved him. I have a phd and he has a ged. I make lots of money. He even said that i should not ask for bill money because i could handle the finances all by myself. He always dreams about being a doctor. He can barely pass his college entrance exams. He told outsiders that i dont want him to succeed. I have tried to tutor him. He left 6 weeks ago. I did not call him and he did not call me. He is living in a rooming house. He tells everyone that will listen how happy he is. I finally call and told him i need closure and i want him to sign divorce papers. He sound angry and said he could not afford a lawyer and he would do it if i paid for it so i agreed. I asked him what really happen and he said i was fussing at him and he left the marriage. I asked the man to be a man and help with the household expenses and not be out late at night. Did this man have a woman or is the man immature and do wants to do as he please without his wife being at odds. What really happen? Of course he will not tell me. What grown man walks out on a marriage because his wife is telling him to pay bills. I dont understand him. He did this to his first wife and she divorce him because he wanted to be a rock star. Help me to understand. I am mad at myself for remarrying this liar.What really is going on with him.? Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 My husband walked out when i told him to leave if he did not want to treat our marriage or me with respect. He stop paying bills and started to stay out late. He is 60 years old. We divorced years before and remarried. He came back begging and pleading for forgiveness. He left before and i divorced him in 90 days. He always try to get lots of people mad at me when we disagree. His mother believes everything he says. He started to talk about all his new friends and how everyone loved him. I have a phd and he has a ged. I make lots of money. He even said that i should not ask for bill money because i could handle the finances all by myself. He always dreams about being a doctor. He can barely pass his college entrance exams. He told outsiders that i dont want him to succeed. I have tried to tutor him. He left 6 weeks ago. I did not call him and he did not call me. He is living in a rooming house. He tells everyone that will listen how happy he is. I finally call and told him i need closure and i want him to sign divorce papers. He sound angry and said he could not afford a lawyer and he would do it if i paid for it so i agreed. I asked him what really happen and he said i was fussing at him and he left the marriage. I asked the man to be a man and help with the household expenses and not be out late at night. Did this man have a woman or is the man immature and do wants to do as he please without his wife being at odds. What really happen? Of course he will not tell me. What grown man walks out on a marriage because his wife is telling him to pay bills. I dont understand him. He did this to his first wife and she divorce him because he wanted to be a rock star. Help me to understand. I am mad at myself for remarrying this liar.What really is going on with him.? It sounds like you know exactly whats going on. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author ALOHAGIRL Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 Topaz, please explain what you mean.i am truly confused. Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 He's saying you could do better. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 What's going on is that you've put so much into your intellectual pursuits? You've neglected in pursuing the love of 'self' which is what you need to now need to be pursuing and seeking! You've the exact opposite problem narcissistic people have ~ you don't love yourself enough! In a phrase? Your too loving to a fault? You need to forget this loser, and you can't do so fast enough! Your over compensating and need to find balance in your life with someone your equal! Although not your complete equal. Someone who challenges you, you is a mental, intellectual, challenge to you. Someone who completes you, and makes you whole! Not necessarily someone competes with you. Someone who seeks knowledge for knowledge sake, who seeks wisdom for wisdom's sake? A scholar! I can assure you that your having a PhD and his having a GED will never work. Its the same argument. You've "no common sense" nor "street sense" BECAUSE your college educated. And yes! There's a such a thing as having common sense educated out of oneself! It very much becomes a case of not being able to see the forest for the trees? Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Topaz, please explain what you mean.i am truly confused. Read the quote of your OP. Look at the bold parts. Is this what you want? TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author ALOHAGIRL Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 I found out that my husband has a girlfriend and that he has been telling his family that we are divorce. I confronted him and his girlfriend finally. They had been hiding from me. I had begged him when he left to meet me to sign divorce papers. I have tried to set up times and he runs off and will not answer my calls. Yet he has been telling people that he is not married. I got his phone number and i called. His girlfriend answered the phone i told HER i was his wife and need to talk with him and if she was aware that i was his wife. He hangs up the phone and call him back . He hangs up again and i leave a voicemail saying i know about them and i need to meet and for them to do the right thing and sign the papers. I did not harrass them. I just think its crazy for his 60 yr old butt to be living a student doRM with a woman pretending to be single and he is married to me. They get together and go to the police and tell the police that they are scared for their lives. I asked the police did they have me tape recording and the police said it just sound like i was telling them that my husband need to man up and take care of business. I told the police that my attorney will contact them i will noT lower myself to interact with these people because they are trying to get mE in trouble with the law. My husband was fired from his job recently according to his brother. I was not aware of it. I told my husband that he needs to stop his mail since he has abandoned me for 3 months and send his mail to his new residence. My question is how do you get over the betrayal when you have done all you can in a marriage and your husband cheats on you and tells everyone that you are this bad mean wife. His children live in my home that i purchased all by myself before my marriage for free.IF I am such a horrible person would i allow my step kids to live in my home in another state for me. Hellllllllp. HOW DO I STOP MY HUSBAND FROM LYING TO STRANGER AND FAMILY ABOUT ME Link to post Share on other sites
CheatedOnHusband Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Hi Alohagirl, I don't think you need to worry about your husband is saying about you, as you can't stop people from saying things, save taking action re: defamatory. Well, as you have realised the disparity between the 2 of you is so great, it is like day and night ... what do you guys talk about whilst in the relationship? You should know that birds of the same feather flock together. Get your attorney to serve him the D papers and get someone who is intellectually challenging. That should be your main focus. Looks like you live in a small town hence the worry of what he is saying and/or you have self-esteem issues. Either way, you can do much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Aloha - Is it worth it? The mere fact that the police were involved signals that you have to stop right there and think! Do you want to make your situation worse than it is? I am assuming that you are a mature successful woman. You certainly don't want to destroy what you have worked for all your life for this loser who is long gone! Stop it here! Complete No Contact! File for divorce. Heal. It will take time, but you will get there. Apply your intellect to the situation. I know it is easier said than done. Start a new page, of a new book. The first chapter will be painful, but revealing and self-reflective. The remaining chapters are full of possibility. You have to look forward and stop looking back. Looking forward brings with it hope and endless possibilities....not with the loser of course. Start right here. This is the first day of the rest of your life. It will be wonderful if you allow it to! Good luck Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ALOHAGIRL Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Thanks for all the advice. I was so shocked that the two cheaters went to the police and made the police think that they are scared of me. I should be scared of these two lowlives. I know with the grace of god i will survive and be able to live a happy wholesome life . I was drawn into this drama with my husband the drama king unwillingly and when i finally got tired of the stepping on me as if i am a piece of garbage i finally got angry and told them i was aware of the affair. They retailiate and call the police . I can not understand my husband going to the police with his girlfriend and i am his wife. He has no respect for me . I never knew he was so heartless. I am having a problem understanding any of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Auroracoladybug Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Aloha...you can so tell you are Hawaiian with your vocabulary...Everyone is right and you already knew that you had to go this way...Nomad hit it on the head and Cheated on husband asked exactly what I was thinking...what in the world would you two have to talk about...what an A$$ and it doesn't matter how old he is! Okay so you married him twice? Well don't beat yourself up, you are as gunny said someone who is the opposite of a narcissist and willing to give a second chance... You said his kids live with you? How old are they and how are they doing? Do you plan on letting them stay...I think without knowing that you are a overly caring individual and are willing to put up with peoples faults because you care about them (I am so in that boat sista) DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP, FIND YOU, AND GET BUSY LIVING...You are smart and caring and we need more people like that...not idiots like him! Link to post Share on other sites
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