She is IT!

[Shygirl15]

She is 'IT'?? She's married, that is IT.

[Trimmer]

A week after that a called her and just frankly told her I found her very attractive and her response was "mr. sensesfail, you have no problems with boundaries, do you?"

What she meant is you have no boundaries. And I think that's going to be a huge problem for you.

 

You get it, I am the "a$$".

Simple enough.

 

I feel for this woman, I really do.

I think she knows this, and she's going to chew you up and spit you out. Don't you think it's got to be an incredible ego-boost for her to be approached and praised and pursued by a handsome young buck? And believe me, she knows boundaries, although she's playing a dangerous game: she won't have coffee with you, but she'll exchange a few Emails and texts. She's got you right where she wants you: looking up at her with puppy-love in your eyes, convinced that she's the one you'll do anything for, even change your ways.

 

She's eating it up. It's boosting her ego incredibly, and as long as she can string you along, she'll keep baiting you to get that ego feed. You watch, she'll give you just enough to keep your interest going:

 

She said she enjoys talking to me, my texts, my emails!

 

...she answered "i can't". Why does she not answer "no"?

 

... because that keeps you squirming and flashing like a fish on a line, just how she likes her meals. I think she'll continue to use you for a supreme ego feed as long as it amuses and feeds her need, but keep you at a distance while expertly leading you to keep providing what she is hungry for. She'll dangle hope in front of you, exchanging Emails and texts, maybe with a little flirty undertone, and keep you thinking like this:

She is IT!

 

I really want to give this woman my EVERYTHING

 

I have finally found the woman I will give my wild ways up for for!

...yet all the while protecting her existing marriage and career very carefully - no date, no coffee even. Exchange business cards and a handshake. Very professional.

 

d@mnit, I even know I will be faithful to her! Sounds funny...

Yes it does, considering this:

A marriage certificate has no meaning to me, ma'am. I go for whoever I want.

If you are ready to give up your "wild ways" and can even imagine the outrageous possibility of being faithful (wow, good for you!!!) I think you may want to consider whether a marriage license, or fidelity, has any meaning to HER, considering her current behavior, and the behavior you are hoping to lead her into.

 

KInd of a catch, isnt' it? You're ready to give up your wild ways, give her everything, and buckle down and be faithful. But in order to do that, you have to convince her to take on wild ways, give up her "everything" she has established now, and be unfaithful. I don't see where there's a common point where you can meet in the middle....

 

I think she's going to use you, and while at first I was inclined to agree with you that you are an @ss, now I'm starting to think that you are just naive, and that you're going to get spit out at some point. Maybe there will even be an affair, but with this belief that you'll give here everything and give up your wild ways, and all that starry-eyed stuff, you're going to get rolled eventually.

 

I think she's the player here.

[WARREN86]

What she meant is you have no boundaries. And I think that's going to be a huge problem for you.

 

 

Simple enough.

 

 

I think she knows this, and she's going to chew you up and spit you out. Don't you think it's got to be an incredible ego-boost for her to be approached and praised and pursued by a handsome young buck. And she knows boundaries, although she's playing a dangerous game: she won't have coffee with you, but she'll exchange a few Emails and texts. She's got you right where she wants you: looking up at her with puppy-love in your eyes, convinced that she's the one to change your ways.

 

She's eating it up. It's boosting her ego incredibly, and as long as she can string you along, she'll keep baiting you to get that ego feed. You watch, she'll give you just enough to keep your interest going:

 

 

 

 

 

... because that keeps you squirming and flashing like a fish on a line, just how she likes you. I think she'll continue to use you for a supreme ego feed as long as it amuses and feeds her need, but keep you at a distance while expertly leading you to keep feeding her what she is hungry for. She'll dangle hope in front of you, exchanging Emails and texts, maybe with a little flirty undertone, and keep you thinking like this:

 

And all the while protecting her existing marriage and career very carefully.

 

 

Yes it does, considering this:

 

If you are ready to give up your "wild ways" and can even imagine the outrageous possibility of being faithful (wow, good for you!!!) I think you may want to consider whether a marriage license, or fidelity, has any meaning to HER, considering her current behavior, and the behavior you would like her to follow.

 

KInd of a catch, isnt' it. You're ready to give up your wild ways, give her everything, and buckle down and be faithful. But in order to do that, you have to convince her to take on wild ways, give up her "everything" she has now, and be unfaithful. I don't see how you're going to meet at a common point in the middle.

 

I think she's going to use you, and while at first I agreed with you that you were an @ss, now I'm starting to think that you are just naive, and that you're going to get spit out at some point. Maybe there will even be an affair, but with this belief that you'll give here everything and give up your wild ways, and all that starry-eyed stuff, you're going to get rolled eventually.

 

I think she's the player here.

 

I concur! LMAO!!

[whichwayisup]

WTF? you know she's married, you know her husband, they work together and have a practice - She has NO interest in you, yet you won't leave her alone, you don't care she's married, already taken.

 

Sorry to be harsh but I hope her husband finds out as you need to learn to respect someone when they say NO. STOP going after her, she's not a free woman. And, she is NOT into you. If anything, you feed her ego, that's it. She likes the attention but she has no real interest in pursuing something with you.

 

Find someone else who can give love back to you - Someone who isn't married.

[tami-chan]

My kind? man, sounds really bad. Are you an MD? Nurse? Work in a medical office? I wish it was as simple as "obsessing" about her because she is playing hard to get-it's not that, I feel for this woman, I really do.

 

Are those your lips? D@mn girl, those are incredible, beautiful lips! Too bad I cannot send you a private message! lol, j/k about the private message.

 

sensesfail, it is apparent common sense has failed you, but Trimmer above has laid it out for you clearly. Here's hoping you will heed the advice and change your ways.

[lkjh]

if this isn't fake the you are one pathetic person

[sensesfail]

Trimmer-man, that was harsh, but you COULD be right,so I will lie low. I am not about begging and all that stuff. I am going to make this woman come to me, man, and when she does, all bets are off!

 

Whichwayisup-damn dude, is there a shorter name than that? anyway, married woman, knowing the husband, etc. those things are not deterrents to me. Anyway, I have been "given love back", man- by single women and married women alike. I am seeing an engaged woman right now ( noooooo, she is NOT engaged to me!). To tell you the truth, I don't know why women do the things they do, esp. married women-I don't ask, I just enjoy the company.

 

Tami-chan-I usually have common sense,usually. This woman has turned me right side up. By the way, is there a pretty face the goes with those gorgeous lips? Sorry, not trying to be fresh here, just trying to be upfront.

[sensesfail]

if this isn't fake the you are one pathetic person

 

I agree with you. I am pretty pathetic. Like I said earlier, as I was typing my initial post, I was thinking to myself "what a loser". Ok, thanks y'all! I gotta hit the tracks!

[whichwayisup]

I'm not a dude, man. It's dudette.

[Reggie]

Sounds like you do not have enough "game" to compete with her husband. She would be downgrading, big time, in many ways. You are a "detail" man, a pharmecutical rep, which is fine. Know your limitations, though. She probably enjoys the ego stroking to some extent. But, why would she downgrade like this?

[Trimmer]

Trimmer-man, that was harsh, but you COULD be right,so I will lie low. I am not about begging and all that stuff. I am going to make this woman come to me, man, and when she does, all bets are off!

Oh, I don't think you'll end up begging. She'll draw you in just enough to keep in contact, to tittilate you, and you'll enjoy it.

 

 

Whichwayisup-damn dude, is there a shorter name than that? anyway, married woman, knowing the husband, etc. those things are not deterrents to me. Anyway, I have been "given love back", man- by single women and married women alike. I am seeing an engaged woman right now ( noooooo, she is NOT engaged to me!). To tell you the truth, I don't know why women do the things they do, esp. married women-I don't ask, I just enjoy the company.

And if all you want is "company" before you move on, then fine, you can have that, as distasteful as your methods and outlook may seem to some others.

 

But once you find someone to whom you want to "give everything", someone for whom you would even pledge fidelity, someone who is "IT" in all caps, then you're looking for more than just company. And what happens if all she's looking for is some "company" before she goes back to her comfortable life?

 

So I'm not sure if all this "want to give her everything" and "be faithful" and "change my wild ways" is all that genuine. Do you really believe you and she are good candidates for a faithful, meaningful life together? Do you really believe, based on the character each of you is displaying, that you will both find common ground, that you can "change yourself" for her like that?

 

I think it's likely to happen - for both of you - that fundamentally, you are who you are; you will stay at this as long as you get some excitement out of it, however far it goes. And once the boredom (and/or risk, for her...) exceeds the benefits - whether that happens to one of you first or to both of you around the same time - you will both eventually revert back to the people you are inside.

 

In other words, if she's the only reason you want to change your ways, be faithful, etc. then I don't think it's genuine, and don't see how it's gonna stick. There are no athiests in foxholes.

[Reggie]

It is extremely telling that after these brief, inconsequential encounters, you feel you are in love with her and want to completely change your lifestyle. Big red flag for someone being rather nuts.

[2sunny]

you really don't even know her - you just like the way she looks, acts... she knows this. believe me - beautiful women get used to letting men down gently.

 

she's told you in a nice way she's unwilling to consider your offer for "coffee" - she knows it's not for coffee.

 

find a gal that is available... i think this is part of your reason for the attraction to begin with.

[stillafool]

Hi, I am obviously new here but have read some of the entries and I am hoping to get some advice from people who have walked the path I am walking right now.

 

I am a 32 year old, single guy. I work in a highly competitive field of the drug industry ( the legitimate, legal kind lol). I travel a lot in my line of work and meet a lot of people in the pharm and medical industry--along the way I have had my share of relationships/affairs. I never thought of myself as the "marrying kind". Amongst my friends I am always incharge of the "bachelor party" days before any of my friends take "the plunge". You get it, I am the "a$$".

 

But few months ago, I met THE most beautiful, incredible woman I have ever seen in my life! I know, even typing this I am thinking to myself "what a lo$er!". She is a doctor, married to a doctor. They share a practice. She is way younger than him, but I have to admit he is in good shape.

 

I had to do a presentation at the hospital that they are affiliated with and I invited both of them. The husband could not attend but she did. After the presentation I hastily made my way to talk to her, she was very polite and ONLY talked about the drug my company was trying to convince them to use. That did not deter me and I asked if I could buy her coffee sometime and she said, she did not drink coffee. BUT we exchanged business cards.

 

A week after that a called her and just frankly told her I found her very attractive and her response was "mr. sensesfail, you have no problems with boundaries, do you?" and I said "not when I want something/someone so bad". Since then, we have exchanged occasional texts, phone calls, emails but she refused to go out with me even though she admitted she also finds me attractive!

 

I have never pursued any woman like this. I know this is crazy but sometimes I even think I am in love with her! And the texts and emails that I send her? sometimes it takes her a day or two to respond. Do you think she is playing a game? I have asked her if she likes me, she said "yes", and then I asked her, would you go out with me, she answered "i can't". Why does she not answer "no"?

 

What gives?

 

 

If you are not a TROLL....which I doubt, you are indeed one of the most selfish people I have ever encountered. No, she is not going to leave her husband for you! Got it? Now, may life give back to you what you do to others.

[bentnotbroken]

As I read the OP words, I was feeling a little sick at the stomach. Thank you. Your words cleared that problem right up. Nothing like a laxative to take care of certain problems.

[fooled once]

Isn't it funny how this warren dude has decided what is and isn't going on in this person's marriage, and how the OP eats that right up?

 

She is trying to be professional and polite by not telling you off. Keep it up, and she may call the police on you for stalking.

[sadintexas]

You see, the way she says " I can't" is so full of regret. Life is too short for regret. She should go for what she wants, what would make her happy, dontya think?

 

Don't mean to be insensitive, but you're being a little delusional by trying to analyze the meanings of the words "no" and "I can't" to gain some hope for your pursuit. She's not interested, but she very well might be enjoying the attention/chase. If you want to find out if she wants something with you, quit contacting her. Nothing at all. She'll come looking for you if she wants something. She'll find a reason to start it again. Still doesn't mean she is interesting in having an affair or relationship with you, but you'll at least know she's not just being polite by responding to you.

[sensesfail]

Reggie-i hear what u r saying, man, u think I am not good enough for her because I am just a "pharm rep", that really hurts man. I will try and date only women from my social class.

 

Trimmer-ur right about all that. I am just saying this woman has done me good, man. If she gives me a chance, I sure as hell will give it my best shot. I sure don't know if I am in love or what not, I am just saying it feels like it, man, although how would I know I have never been in love. I can certainly walk away from it, 'just saying why doesn't she just say "stop contacting me" and I guess ur right, i've been played! There are far too many women to waste my time on this one.

 

2Sunny-available women are a dime a dozen. They are less interesting. No offense.

 

SadinTexas-oh man, why are you sad? anyway, u r right. I am just nit-picking and putting too much meaning on things. Just that on the times that we have talked on the phone, her voice is so sweet and soft and she told me that she and her husband are busy with their practice they cant seem to find time to start a family. D@mn! i'll find time to start a family with her! She's my age, her husband is some old dude, almost 50 or something. Whatever man, today I stayed home cuz I was drunk yesterday and was really bummed out about this woman ( I guess it was alcohol-induced sadness?). I thought there were people here going through the same $hit I am going through.

[Reggie]

I think you should stay drunk for a while and keep fantasizing. You need more education and $$ if you are going to chase women out of your league. What would you guys talk about?

[2sunny]

either you are a troll or you don't know what reality looks like.

 

how could you possibly be in love with someone when you briefly spoke to them in a business meeting. be truthful - you liked the way she looked/acted. that's it.

 

and THAT is not reality. you really don't know enough about her or her life or lifestyle to even know yet if you would even like her. this is the delusional part... you've made up in your mind this fantasy of her based on the fact that you like the way she looks in a business setting.

 

THAT is not reality - or even close.

[sensesfail]

I think you should stay drunk for a while and keep fantasizing. You need more education and $$ if you are going to chase women out of your league. What would you guys talk about?

 

Nah,man. I don't drink much and I don't worry much about $$, but I might go back to grad school. I don't really chase women out of my league, to tell u that truth there are no women I consider out of my league-if I meet them, and they are attractive, they are fair game. This woman I am talking about here is not the only doctor I have been attracted to. I have dated a few, most are married. Not a big deal. But she is the only one who has frankly, blown me away!

[sensesfail]

either you are a troll or you don't know what reality looks like.

 

how could you possibly be in love with someone when you briefly spoke to them in a business meeting. be truthful - you liked the way she looked/acted. that's it.

 

and THAT is not reality. you really don't know enough about her or her life or lifestyle to even know yet if you would even like her. this is the delusional part... you've made up in your mind this fantasy of her based on the fact that you like the way she looks in a business setting.

 

THAT is not reality - or even close.

 

what is with the troll talk? and who said i was in love? I said sometimes i think I am in love and that I know this is crazy! D@mn, what is with the static?

 

I already said, i agree this is pretty much a done deal and I will lie low, y'all are just haters or u don't read the whole exchange.

[whichwayisup]

BUT SHE IS MARRIED and NOT available to you so what is the point of chasing her or trying to woo her away from her Dr husband? She isn't going to leave him for you and mess her life up, let alone his and their practice.

 

Get over it and find someone else.

[sensesfail]

BUT SHE IS MARRIED and NOT available to you so what is the point of chasing her or trying to woo her away from her Dr husband? She isn't going to leave him for you and mess her life up, let alone his and their practice.

 

Get over it and find someone else.

 

whichwayisup, dudette, i already said that i will lie low and give it up, don't u read? I don't need to find someone, i have someone, but I might have to find someone new now that this girl I am seeing is talking about breaking her engagement.

[Reggie]

Perhaps her H is better looking and more skilled at lovemaking than you, in addition to occupying a higher financial and social status. It's just too big a drop off for her.

All specualtion, but, bottom line , I just do not see a married doctor taking you seriously, particularly if you are so naive as to think this may be love. If she is a psychiatrist, perhaps she can refer you to a colleague.