wild_cat Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 Ok...this is a long story. I am a 21 yr old guy who is gay and in a relationship with an older guy....say 26 yrs older. I love him with all my heart. But, sometimes he doesn't act the same. Theres soo much to this. First off. He has a bad porn addiction. I mean. I leave for a couple hrs and i come back to see on the computer history that he's been watching porn. And when i ask him if he masturbated, he gets all defensive and ****ty with me. He's only like this when he's sober sometimes...and on sundays (he's sober). He says he doesn't have a problem with the age difference...when were in public he says people think i'm his son. Which...all that should really matter to two people in a relationship is that they have eachother and are happy together right? He's told me several times (mostly when he's drunk) that he thinks i should be with someone younger, but he loves me and he wants me to be happy, also that he's going to die before me and doesnt want me to get hurt. Eventhough I've already told him that as long as I can be a part of his life till his (or my) end. Since no one knows when they're gonna die in all reality. He gets distant with me especially on Sundays. He doesn't drink on Sundays since he has work the next day. He talks **** about me to my face and then tries to play it off like a joke. It hurts but I love him soo much and want to be with him. Just even being close to him makes me happy (when things are going well with us). He says he's stressed out about work...but that's no reason to be nice and happy around all his friends and even mine, but ignore and talk **** about me. Its beyond not fair. I try my best to show him and tell him that I love him all the time. But its hard when he acts his certain ways. But, theres soo many great times we've had. And...theres a few more personal issues with our sexual relationship that I cannot discuss due to some of the graphic content of the situation. Basically, theres something he won't do with me that he's done with several of his exes in the past...even his last one before me. He just makes up excuses on why he can't. He says he loves me and all that other stuff... and occasionally will tell me he wants me to move in with him once he gets his own place and out of his credit situation. But, he doesn't act like it most of the time. And...he's usually always talks really sweet to me when I'm up on the comp or whatever at night when he's asleep and then wakes up to see that I'm still up. I don't understand him at all?!?!?!? I love him and do want to be with him. I can't talk to him unless he's drunk...if he's not...he gets defensive about everything and gets ****ty with me and always starts a fight. I don't know what to do? I love him with all my heart and want to be with him...but he hurts me soo much. I don't want to have to leave him. And. The last time we had a big fight, he could of easily left it at what he said to me before he left work and we would of broke up. But, he called me the next day while at work and told me that he was sorry and..."did you ever think my problem isn't really with you...that I am crazy and need to go back on Prozack" But, it's been several weeks since then and we've been to florida and he hasn't mentioned going back on Prozack since then. I don't know what to do???? Can anyone help??? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 Sorry to say this, but your relationship with him sounds unhealthy. This isn't because of the age difference, but because he's got an addictive personality - The porn watching and what it's doing to you. He drinks, another addiction going for him. This isn't about love, this is now about your wellbeing. He isn't good for you, he brings out a sad and untrusting side in you because of his behaviour. I really hope that you can find the strength to end it with him and walk away - Heal and find a man who is gonna love and adore you, treat you with respect.. Link to post Share on other sites
ms.stressed Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 You deserve someone who will show you off with pride and can talk to you with an unclouded and sober mind. It could be a mental condition or he could really love you and just have problems with expressing those feelings. If you love him, then it's worth working out. Then again I am a hopeless romantic... Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 I'm with them. It doesn't seem healthy at all and the only time you feel like you can talk to him is when he's drunk. That's not good. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 This isn't about love anymore, this boyfriend of his has an addiction personality aka the porn and booze. Does he do drugs as well? The porn and booze are his priorities - The disease will always win..Until he realizes he has a problem and seeks help to change and get better, healthier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wild_cat Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 Thank you guys! This is really hard for me. It's hard to break up with someone you love soo much. We've only been together for almost a year now. And Another thing is he openly tells me what other guys he thinks is hot. It hurts me soo badly because all he seems to think about is sex and it makes me afraid he's thinking of other guys during our time together. He says he broke up with one ex because he cheated on him and for being a compulsive liar...but he seems to be one himself. I don't get it. I wish I could talk to him.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wild_cat Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 The only other drug he uses is marijuana. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 That you know of.. Bottomline is, this guy makes you feel like crap now. You don't fully trust him and he treats you poorly. I know you love him but don't stay with him because of that one reason. When the bad outweighs the good in a relationship, it's time to detach abit and think things through.. If you could talk to him, what would you want to say to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wild_cat Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 I would like to tell him about everything that hurts me that he does...but, I know I can't withought him either saying "thats my problem, he's doing nothing wrong" or just starting a fight and trying to throw stuff in my face that has nothing to do with the subject...like he's done before. He has a superiority complex too. He thinks that because I'm younger, I know nothing about life. Even after telling him that age make no difference of the intelligence or the experiences of life. There are things others go through at a younger age that they would never want to experience even in their most whorrible nightmares. He also has the "favorite child" complex that has carried into his later years. He thinks that everyone loves him and that he's the best thing ever. Thus, giving him a big head and making him always have to be at the center of everyones attention. He also seems to have alot of built up anger that only comes out when he doesn't like something...he gets mad and screams obsenities while driving. But, he does it with the windows up and sometimes will hit his window...and then just look at me and smile and say "im joking/kidding". He thinks I'm stupid apparently. This really sucks! And is really hard...we were planning on moving in together as soon as we are able to. And, thats what I wanted most. I've even thought about is if we did move in together, then maybe it would work out. He constantly tells everyone that he's depressed about his work and about him having to live in the basement with 1 nut-job alcoholic who is drunk 24/7 and hates me because he's jealous i'm with my boyfriend (he wants him). And I guess his work isn't going good (company is falling slowly). I've thought soo many times "what if he gets away from all the stress?" ... "will he change". When we were in Florida (just us 2), everything was great between us. I'm not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
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