Right in front of me

[sBlayes]

A commitment-phobe i've been seeing for months just said something last night that kinda threw me for a loop. I suppose he's not totally a CP. We've been on a few dates here and there, but right now...when it comes down to it he just calls me everyday and we sleep together. I feel like our conversations are starting to just leave me with false hope. He cares about me. I know that, but maybe just not enough to take it to an exclusive relationship level.

 

All is fair in love and war. However, my feeling have been laid out on the table so there should at least be some level of respect between us. The respect is usually there, but he had a party last night, which he did invite me to (several times). I kept saying maybe because I wasn't sure if i wanted to go considering the situation. He kept calling during the party to ask if i was gonna come so I eventually went with a few friends. Everything was fine. He sat with me...greeted my friends...offered to get us all drinks.

 

While I was hanging out with a girl (i'll call her Sally) who dates his friend, and who I've known quite well for a couple years, he came up and said "Hey Sally can you hook me up with (whatever the girls name was)?" RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! He walked away and Sally and I just looked at eachother in confusion. I kept my cool, but mentioned it to him later in private. All he said was that he wasn't serious and Sally wouldn't do it anyway.

 

I tried to brush it off. I stayed with him and helped him in the AM cleaning and such. It was fine and i decided not to bring anything up because i'm not one to harp, but it really did hurt me. He called me later after I was home for a few hours just to see if i had a good time.

 

Should I even talk to him anymore??? I'd hate to lose him as a friend, but I would really like to be more than friends. Sometimes it feels like its worth sticking it out, but how many times is he going to hurt me like that in the mean time.

 

I thought about saying something like: "You know how I feel and you made it clear that there is no future here. Therefore, I can't pretend it doesn't hurt so you need to leave me alone."

 

Any input?

[sugarmomma]

He will keep hurting you as long as you stick around for it. I would dump him and please stop having sex with this guy.

 

Ge totally disrespected you in front of your friends. He will do it again but the next time will be worse.

 

Then he'll say he's sorry and you can start all over doubting reality.

 

He doesn't need to leave you alone. YOU need to leave him alone.

 

 

Why are you wasting time with a commitment phobe? What is your issue?

 

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

 

Drop his azz!!!

[sBlayes]

I completely agree, but i just wish it was that easy. My issue??? I'm very picky. I want that perfect guy that is good looking, cool, successful, friendly, domesticated, intelligent etc. He is ALL of those things and more. The problem with this guy is that I DO leave him alone...like I said he's always the one to call me and sometimes its just to ask me about my day yadda yadda yadda and that creates that false hope that he may see me for more than just a steady hook up. Only time will tell. I guess i could just be his friend and not sleep with him. But what would it mean if he continued to stick around? It could be that he's just trying to get back in my pants lol. relationships and dating are so much more complicated these days....

[westrock]

"Hey Sally can you hook me up with (whatever the girls name was)?" RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! He walked away and Sally and I just looked at eachother in confusion. I kept my cool, but mentioned it to him later in private. All he said was that he wasn't serious and Sally wouldn't do it anyway.

 

No one who is seriously interested in a relationship would act this way. He may not have been serious about hooking up with the other girl, but he was serious about making it known where the two of you stand. Rather than tell you directly and privately, he chose to do it in this passive aggressive way so that not only do you know, but so do other people.

 

I want that perfect guy that is good looking, cool, successful, friendly, domesticated, intelligent etc.

 

Add to the beginning of your list of wants: respectful and caring. His actions were neither respectul nor caring towards you. Without those two qualities, everything else doesn't count.

[sugarmomma]

I completely agree, but i just wish it was that easy. My issue??? I'm very picky. I want that perfect guy that is good looking, cool, successful, friendly, domesticated, intelligent etc. He is ALL of those things and more. The problem with this guy is that I DO leave him alone...like I said he's always the one to call me and sometimes its just to ask me about my day yadda yadda yadda and that creates that false hope that he may see me for more than just a steady hook up. Only time will tell. I guess i could just be his friend and not sleep with him. But what would it mean if he continued to stick around? It could be that he's just trying to get back in my pants lol. relationships and dating are so much more complicated these days....

 

 

You don't seem picky at all to me. You seem shallow. Your description of the perfect guy seems to be the problem. The perfect guys is loving, committed, faithful, generous, kind, caring, respectful, attentive, affectionate, honest and trustworthy.

 

You seem adamant about staying with someone who treats you like crap. Have at it. We can't deny you the pain that you are entitled to for staying with someone like that.

 

Good Luck.