sooo self consicious!

[br0kinhart]

Im having trouble with my self-esteem lately, especially due to my size. I really should not be depressed because of my body, but I feel most women wouldnt even consider me due to this. Im 24 years old, 5' 7" and 145lbs. When I go out I'm used to being the smallest person in the room.... or am I? I ask myself the same question over and over again. I feel like I have the mind of a man and the body of a kid but I know im just being hard on myself. I feel I have a good head on my shoulders, I consider myself a genuinely nice person, im completely independent and I have a career to focus on. One half of me is confident and feels that Im a good catch and unique, the other half is completely self-conscious and kicks in usually when I'm about to make an attempt to start a conversation with a woman I dont know.. I guess Im looking for reassurance but all in all, its becoming depressing.

[carhill]

Think about what you have to share with someone; aspects of who you are which make you interesting and/or about which you are passionate. Then, look a particular lady in the eye and let it happen. Words are only part of the equation; sometimes a very minor part. It's how she feels in your presence which keeps her there.

 

You note that I didn't mention your size at all. It's irrelevant to my equation. Sure, some women, superficial women, will not be interested in you because of your 'size'. Aren't you lucky you can weed them out first and quickly? I think so Smile and move on.

[Els]

My bf has about the same height and weight as you. 5'7" is actually average for a guy, where I live.

 

I don't see any problems with it.

[Ronni_W]

Im 24 years old, 5' 7" and 145lbs. ... its becoming depressing.

It sounds as if you have the intellectual aspects of it figured out -- you are not JUST your physical shape and features. The challenge is that we live in a society that basically says, "Yes, you are! And here is how you 'should' look if you want to be considered 'attractive'."

Intellectually, we know that it's the message that is all screwed up...and then we beat-up on our psyches for buying into a message that we KNOW is false. It's a vicious cycle, to be sure.

 

If you do want to gain weight, it'll take dedication and hard work. Start educating yourself on safe ways to to that -- nutrition, work-outs, supplements, etc. Get a medical/physical to make sure that digestive and other systems, hormones, chemicals and enzymes are not impaired. There are safe ways to gain weight.

 

I'm not hearing what you're doing to make the most of what you do have, so that you can feel really excellent about that: You will gain more confidence when you can say, "I am the fittest, tonest, buffest, 145-pounds of hunkin' burnin' love on the planet!" Of course, you'll have to get there first, in order to prove it to yourself

[br0kinhart]

First and foremost, thank you for the encouragement and support... The truth is, as some of you may already know, Im "recovering" from a 3 yr relationship and since she left me, my self-esteem went on a downward spiral. Its been two months since we broke up but since I'm genuinely in love with her and it caused me much heartache and pain.

 

Only recently have I been waking up NOT feeling completely empty inside. I want to feed off of that energy and keep a positive mindset but I'm finding it to be a very difficult task.

 

Ronnie_W,

 

I think you have posted on my threads before and thanks for everything. Your last line really cracked me up! Thanks, its just what I needed.

 

Maybe, Im being a little too obsessive about finding a good woman to be with. Its just that I see some people in this world that are more then half-way through their lives and are alone and miserable. This is something that Im scared would happen to me. It truly is a battle of the psyche!

[Ronni_W]

I'm going to be looking for you to post that line...when it is the truth about you!

alone and miserable. This is something that Im scared would happen to me.

If I could caution about focusing on that kind of thing -- it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy!

In any case, from your posts it doesn't sound as if that's a realistic fear -- you've got way too much going for you right now...and can you imagine once you ARE the hottest thing on two legs, in your weight division? You'll be beating them off with a stick. (And if, by some weird miracle, that doesn't happen, you can use the stick on me. Fair enough?)

 

Now. Get thee to thine nutritional counselor and thine gym, young man!!!

[br0kinhart]

Ahhh the gym! Im looking into a suitable one for me now.

 

I actually went to my doctor (who is in sports medicine and a licensed nutritionist) because I thought that there really may be something wrong with me, but he said all was well. I just need to improve my eating habits by increasing my calorie intake. So Im going to obsess over this for some time so I can eventually be who I want to be! I will be sure to post a pic of my new dead sexy body for all to enjoy! lol! j/k thanks alot you really cheered me up today!

[kizik]

OP, I'm about the same height / build as you. While I occasionally struggle with self-esteem issues, through my work (music, writing, and film review) I have found an inner confidence that can't be stripped away by some woman thinking I'm unattractive. People who read my posts on here know that I'm a total advocate of finding your obsession - because once you do, and you're happy in your "work," the world's opinion of you is of little importance. Because you like you.