Over thinking or suffocating? LONG

[wiggum2476]

Hey all,

 

I have a situation I would like some insight on. I am dating this girl for about 3 months. We have known each other for about 15 years. We used to be good friends. I was always into her and everyone around us knew it but either she was blind to that fact or simply wasn't interested. Well, back in like 2000 we were at a point where we hung out every day for three months, we fooled around a little (never had sex) and we constantly tell each other we love each other. Well I started to think things were going towards a relationship until one day she says, "I want you to meet this friend of mine." Well this "friend" was someone who, when I first met him, was close enough that she kissed him right away and didn't stop hugging him. I made my introductions and left. After that point we never really talked. This was a pattern for her. I would be the in between guy for all her boyfriends. This time hurt worse because of the "I love yous". Well a few weeks after that she calls me and asks what I'm doing and she wants to come spend the night. I say great. She never showed and she never called. I called her in the morning and she said she got drunk and passed out. True or not, didn't matter to me. She didn't have the decency to call so I was done. She then came into my work a month or so after that and gave me her number.

 

It was pretty obvious I wasn't happy so when she left I threw her number away and we hadn't talk since then until this past Easter when I found her on facebook and messaged her. We hung out a few times and on the second time I kissed her. We met up a few days later and we talked about the kiss over dinner. She said, she couldn't stop thinking about the kiss all week. After dinner I walked her to her car and kissed her again. She said, "What is this?". I said, "Just a couple of friends having a good time?". She then said she is looking for something long term. I was floored and said I never thought that would come out of her mouth and I would be willing to give it a shot.

 

Well things got really hot and heavy very fast. The texts were very heart warming. Things like, "You have made all the ****ty relationships I've ever been in seem worth it because they have all led me to you and I thank god for opening my eyes to you. I have never been this happy and at peace, you really do complete me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I would send similar texts, emails and conversations back to her. Thing were going great.

 

About a month into our official relationship she had given me a key to her apartment. One day I went over her house early (I told her I was going to do this) to surprise her with rose petals and candles on/around the bed. That weekend seemed to go wonderfully until Monday. I could just tell in her texts that something wasn't right and I asked her if she was ok. She said she is just psyching herself out. I said we need to talk about this so we met for dinner that night. She said she thinks we are moving too fast, there isn't another man, we should progress from here, and I offered to give her key back and she accepted because she said I was the first boyfriend to ever have her key.

 

Well a few days go by and things seem to be back to normal. "I miss you so much. I never want to leave you. I will ALWAYS be with you, etc...". Then a month goes by and she says that at the time when she got her key back she almost left me for her ex-boyfriend of 7 years, which it so happens the relationship ended quite close to ours starting. That kind of threw me for a loop but I'm an understanding guy. She said she made up her mind and that is to stay with me. She gave me a weird quote, "If it was anyone other than you and I would have been gone already." What the hell is that supposed to mean? In any event, things haven't been quite right since.

 

Fast forward to last week. We had gone to an out of town city to pick up a car for a family member. We made a weekend of it, saw the sights, hit some restaurants, etc. Well I said something that pissed her off. I didn't know it immediately but as the day went on I knew something was wrong and I even asked her about it and even gave the basic exact time where I felt things started to feel weird and was right. Well that next day she goes out to dinner with a friend of hers from work. In the early evening she texts me, "Are u good?" I replied saying I was great, going to dinner, call you later. I texted her twice doing the usual, "What's up? How's it going?" type stuff with no answer. I called and left a message saying basically the same and that to give me a call or text when she gets in to let me know shes ok. No response. I text her at 2 am saying I'm starting to worry and to text me to tell me she made it home safe. No response. At 5:30 am, I text her, "By the grace of god, I'm getting very worried about you, please let me know you are ok, aka not in an accident or in jail." Finally at 6:30 am she texts saying, "Good morning, I'm fine. sorry about last night. I hope your day is going good." Well I call her and she says that she just got drunk and came home around 7 and went straight to bed. Fine ok, I can live with that. Well all week, the texts are short non-emotional, very much the opposite of what I was getting from her the previous three months. Finally at the end of one of our phone conversations I flat out ask if everything is ok with her, to which she replied yes I'm just starting my period.

 

The next morning, she texts me, good morning and finally tells me why she's been mad and we should probably talk about it. All week I had been trying to firm up a day we would meet. Keep in mind, every weekend prior to this I was at her house for the entire time, so for her to say, maybe friday night or saturday morning depends on how I feel was bizarre but I didn't press the issue. So on Friday I ask her, what are the chances we can talk about this today even if it is just by phone. She says pretty good and when will I be going to sleep. I say, if it means getting to talk to her, whenever. She texts me later saying she is having a ****ty day and thinks its better to talk at a later time. I texted back, ok, can you at least tell me if we are ok and when I can see you next. She said, "Yeah, I think we will be fine and hopefully sometime this weekend." I replied, "SOrry if I feel like I am pressuring you, I just don't like the "unknown" and tomorrow is another day and another opportunity forget how ****ty today was."

 

Well finally that next day we talk about what happened over the phone. I apologized for upsetting her. I said where do we go next and she said that I said all the right things and we just move past it and continue. We meet up that night and go to dinner and she tells me that she thinks that SHE rushed into this relationship too fast and feels nervous since this is my first real relationship and that I don't know what I want. To which I said, I know exactly what I want and you know what that is. I told her flat out, using her exact words, that she has never been with someone who cared for her and did things for her like I do and it made her so happy. She will have a very hard time finding that again so when I hear that she was close to leaving for this other guy who "treated her like dirt" and texts her very nasty things continually, blew my mind. We talked some more and she something along the lines of, this is her way of ****ing things up. We made an agreement, that if she doesn't **** it up, then I won't **** it up because I have a tendency to do that as well by being too suffocating. I spent the night at her house that weekend and things seemed to be ok. There def felt like there was something in the air that just wasn't quite right but I didn't question it because I felt I had asked enough if she/we were fine.

 

When I left for the weekend we hugged a lot. We said our I love you's, and both said that I didn't want to leave and she didn't want me to leave. I also said, please don't wait a week to tell me you are pissed and some other things that concerned her a little like reiterating that I know exactly what I want.

 

I was on the road again for work so we texted a little. Some I miss you's and I love you's but I tried to keep things "normal" and not over bearing. She tells me she is going to dinner with a friend of hers and I tell her to have a wonderful time and to say hi to her friend for me. She texts me saying that she headed to dinner. About an hour and a half later I get a "I miss you so much" text. I said I missed her to, how was dinner, how was her friend. There were a few other quick texts in 15-20 time frame then it stopped on her end. She replied to my last text at like 10:45 (2 hours after I sent it). I couldn't sleep so I texted her right back, "yep, I'm bored and can't sleep. What are you up to?". No response. Keep in mind I sent my reply no more than 1 minute after getting hers. I didn't text her anything back the rest of the night. What's going through my head is that she went to dinner with her ex-boyfriend and the 15-20 minute block was when she was driving over to his house when he obviously wasn't around and the 10:45 one was when he wasn't in the room for whatever reason.

 

This next part is one that I am not proud of in any way and may very well be damaging to this relationship. A week ago we were on the internet looking for sights to see on our trip and as I typed in http://www.google.com the auto complete bar flashed myspace.com with her boyfriends name there. I asked her about it and she was like, "We were together for 7 years and those feelings are hard to let go." I'm very understanding so I say ok. Well, I checked the history on the computer and she went to his myspace page every single day that week. The next weekend I check it again, and once again she was on it every day of the week. That was a breach of trust and I fully know that was wrong for me. This next part is worse. After seeing her visiting that site I get really paranoid and look at her phone log. What I saw didn't excite me a whole lot. I found a picture of a co workers penis that he sent to her when we were in Pittsburgh and many follow up texts saying things like, have you looked at it today. This guy is about 18 years older than she is, married and has a kid. In her defense, one of her replies back was, no you didn't scare me I'm just really busy at work. I took that to be a nice way of not really addressing the fact that he sent it to her. Then I saw a text from another guy (18 years older than her and married with three kids), her "best friend" saying, "OMG thanks for that, it's been a long time since I've seen one of those. Makes the 10 years worth it, make sure I"m on the pic of the week list." She has taken pictures of her breasts and vagina and sent them to me before and now it sounds like she sent them to this guy as well. Then I also see two pictures of her ex-boyfriends penis that he sent to her the day before she asked for my key back a few months ago.

 

I know this is VERY long, but I am at a loss of what to do now. Some of my friends say that she might be scared of a good relationship and to give her space. Which I am doing. I'm just not good at evaluating things when I am in them and want to know if it sounds like I'm being played or what.

 

Is there anything I should say or do? It's driving me crazy but I don't know what to do. The "anticipation" and "unknown" is killing me.

[Stark]

This girl, is a liar, cheater, and is mentally unstable and seems like a bit of a attention seeker. You're too soaked up with love, seem like you have no backbone when it's regards to her. Do you even know who her dates are with? If I had a girl who continiously had dinner dates I'd be a bit concerned which "friends" they are.

 

She is speaking to exs, they are sending her pics, you suspect her of sending pics, she looks at his myspace daily, phones them constantly, has a lot of excuses about being passed out drunk, dinner dates with friends, is emotionally unstable, you may not have proof but I wouldn't put it past cheating or at least being emotionally involved.

 

Do yourself a favour and walk away, don't even say anything or explain it and give her the chance to warp your mind, just walk the **** away. I've had enough experiences with girls like this to know that they are addicted to the attention of being wanted by multiple people, are not shy about sexuality, have no morals and won't blink twice about lying or cheating with their best friends boyfriends if its what they desire.

 

You have nothing to gain in this, and you need to stop pretending to be the understanding caring person, because she will abuse you for it knowing that she can get away with it.