English girl problem-have boyfriend back home but like a guy at Uni

[1985]

I am currently away at University (I live in England) and i therefore left my boyfriend back home. He is about an hours drive away from me. Previous to going to University, i got back with boyfriend (only two weeks before) We had been together a year, spilt up for 6 months, then got together again(we spilt up because he was smoking pot a hell of a lot and was putting it before our relationship.) I was adviced not to bother getting back with him, at least not till seeing what relationship oppurtunities were available at Uni, but i ignored that advice.

 

 

 

Therefore this situation has come about- i really like a guy at University. We met at a party 5 weeks ago and its been all good since then. We can talk for hours, and he is also a very sensitive, emotional person which i like. To be honest, things have gone further than it should have, though we have not slept together and dont plan to.

 

 

 

It is definitely a deep emotional bond between us, ive never felt it before to my knowledge. The other week we just lay in bed not touching, but talking until 6 in the morning.

 

 

 

I know he has strong feelings for me, because he asked me to make a decision between him and my boyfriend. Today i sent him a text (after a week of deciding which was really hard) and said i wanted to work things out with my boyfriend.) Now its going backwards and forwards again. He knows i have a boyfriend,and i know it bothers him, because he got very upset the other night.

 

 

I know i cant keep messing my boyfriend about, he has no idea of all this and i know he wouldnt never do a thing like this to me. But i cant seem to control my feelings for him and keep giving in. I supose i crave a bit of excitment, because me and my boyfriend have a routine.

 

 

 

My closest friend has said i should be with my boyfriend and work on it for the time being, but my flat mates said i should go with the other guy because of the fact my boyfriend smokes too much pot/weed. However, even though it still bothers me that he is smoking it a hell of alot, im not around to see it.

 

 

Please help me, i need some solid advice. I guess i want them both,and i would possibly get away with it, but then i couldnt live with myself eventually. I am only 18, is this too young to settle for one guy? How many of you have one than one boyfriend? (though i know this is a dishonest thing and id have to chose sooner or later.) I just cant seem to get anywhere with this.

 

I am meeting him tonight to talk about things, but i know ill be tempted to just hug and touch him again. Its painful. What should i do, resist or give in to my feelings?

[moimeme]

It is definitely a deep emotional bond between us, ive never felt it before to my knowledge

 

This should be a clue to you that the new guy is more compatible. Do the old guy a favour and drop him.

[DJ-TK]

Hi...

 

First of all, I wanna say that what you're doing to your boy is REALLY nasty, practically cheating. You sholdv'e choose a while ago before starting this whole new relationship you have with the new guy.

 

You said you have such stroing feelings for him and it seems you are really into him, so you should follow your heart... I find it weird you left the old dude back then cos he smoked pot... He was your man, didn't you tried to make him stop or something rather than just leave him ?

 

Anyhow, although it's wrong what you did to your boyfriend, cheating him like that (I consider a romantic relationship with other guy cheating, even if you haven't slept yet) I think you should definitly go with the new guy who you love so much...

Even though you're so confused, it didn't gave you the right to act like that and I think you shouldv'e braek up with him a while ago...

 

I don't think 18 is too young to settle with one guy.. My first girlfriend is my current for the past 2 years... And I'm only 18... If you love and care so much for someone, I don't see ANY reason to break up with this person....

 

Good luck... It seems like you and the new guy have a really something going on... You should go with it... If you love your boyfriend and care enough to work things out with him, di that. But it appears to me that you don't really want your boyfriend anymore... certainly comparing to the new guy... Don't stay with your boyfriend because a force of a habit... If it's over and you don't feel it anymore, so what's the point ?

 

Good Luck...

[amerikajin]

DJ, chill out. Not like she's married or anything, and she's just doing a little exploring for now...not that I necessarily approve of it either, but exploring's a reality when you're getting a feel for the dating game. Don't be surprised if you discover that your LD lover's done a little exploring of her own one day. It's just a reality of dating.

 

As for the original poster, the only thing I can say is it looks from this vantage point like your mind's already made up (and no, I don't think you really want to go back to your on and off again boyfriend). I think you really want to find out what this new guy's about, and I can't blame you. Going back to your old dude is just going back down the same path again...you already know what this is like and I get the feeling you've not liked the results. You probably feel some kind of guilt for leaving him, which is why you stay - you don't want this to be messy. Well, tough sh*t. It's going to be messy. Hearts are going to be broken any time you break up with someone. Either yours or his, or both. Love is a full-contact sport. Don't wanna get hurt? Fine, stay in the audience and watch. Myself, I'd rather risk injury and take a few bruises once in a while doing something I love than to watch everyone else have fun.

 

Give yourself a chance to explore something new. This guy probably won't be the one you end up with either. It often takes two or three good lovers before you really find your partner (my theory anyway). In the meantime, enjoy what you learn from your new experiences, appreciate what you have from your old ones, and keep going...and don't ever look back.

[DJ-TK]

Not like she's married or anything, and she's just doing a little exploring for now...not that I necessarily approve of it either, but exploring's a reality when you're getting a feel for the dating game.

 

Well, exploring is good, exploring is nice, BUT is inappropriate to do while your in a RELATIONSHIP. This whole dating game is good I guess, but if she has a serious boyfriend which she is committed to, she should stick to it, and not EXPLORE while having this serious relationship.

 

And yes, I will be surprised, oppose to you, if my girl have "done some exploring of her own" because she is committed to me like I am to her, otherwise there is no serious relationship. When someone "plays the dating game", while in a relationship, it is a kind of CHEATING. If this person cuddle or kisses other girls sometimes, he is cheating and have serious problems in knowing what a serious relationship is, and even though he is physically very far from his partner, he should not fool around, and if he does so, he has absolutely NO EXCUSE. If a person could not help himself from fooling around and thinks it's OK since he is far from his (so-called) lover, he should not get in an LD relationship from the first place.

 

Yes, she should and has the right to explore whatever she wants, but not while having a boyfriend!

 

Amd another thing, I do not believe you can "It often takes two or three good lovers before you really find your partner" because it can be also so the first one or the second or the third. I don't think love has rules in this case...