Author Jersey Shortie Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 Who said they know about each other? Why should spending time with a man entitle a woman to know every detail of his personal life? Why wouldn't they know about each other unless the man was on some level, trying to hide something for fear of loosing what was obviously the best benefit to only him? I don't even know what you are talking about? I'm on the side of the wife. I am saying his "major" choice was always his wife. Yes men cheat with younger women because, sorry - youth is attractive. Not to just men but women also! That's a fact. And, I am married, thank you!!! If a man decides to cheat, it is about 110% clear that his "major" choice is himself, not his wife. How you can make claims otherwise is beyond me. And I agree that men cheat with younger women .Which is a double nice kick in the teeth to a woman that commits herself to a man. No, what she is saying is women have a choice to respect themselves and other women and not skank around with someone else's man much less their husband! What does this have to do with how a man acts and the responsiblity of his actions???? I am in full agreement with the above qoute. But using that argument as a reason to justify or detear from the side that was brought up makes no sense. Nothing. But she isn't talking about the man's responsibility she is talking about women's responsibility to be decent human beings towards other wome And where is the mention of the man's responsiblity to be a decent human being to his OWN FAMILY. I mean I see a greater responsiblity to a man;s own family then fellow men all around. I would safely bet we all do. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 And where is the mention of the man's responsiblity to be a decent human being to his OWN FAMILY. I mean I see a greater responsiblity to a man;s own family then fellow men all around. I would safely bet we all do. This reminds me of a conversation I had with a female (single) friend who's now finally interested - after a bitter and ugly divorce - in starting to date again. She said that she has no hesitation at all in going after a married man. Why? "It's HIM that has to behave, not ME. I do what I want!" That's a direct quote. Narcissism runs deep. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Why wouldn't they know about each other unless the man was on some level, trying to hide something for fear of loosing what was obviously the best benefit to only him? I don't get it. If she never asks I never mention it, and if she does I let her know we're not exclusive. How does that let her know specifics of other women? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 What does this have to do with how a man acts and the responsiblity of his actions???? Absolutely nothing! But women should still respect themselves as well as other women and not screw their husbands. And where is the mention of the man's responsiblity to be a decent human being to his OWN FAMILY. I mean I see a greater responsiblity to a man;s own family then fellow men all around. I would safely bet we all do. Of course it is the husband's responsibility to be a decent human being and not cheat on his wife and protect his family. He has no excuse whatsoever for his actions. But still, it is up to each of us to do the right thing and the OW is as "wrong" as the married man. I don't know how you can't see this!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 Where did i say it was okay for a woman to do it Stillafool? What I don't get is using that statement to detear from certain topics and questions. I don't get it. If she never asks I never mention it, and if she does I let her know we're not exclusive. How does that let her know specifics of other women? I would think a decent man would let a woman know the rules before hand. Not telling someone your exclusive and only letting it come out if the right questions are asked is cowardly. Just man up and be upfront. Make sure you are the same playing field. This eliminates room for drama. This is the logical course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I would think a decent man would let a woman know the rules before hand. Not telling someone your exclusive and only letting it come out if the right questions are asked is cowardly. Just man up and be upfront. Make sure you are the same playing field. This eliminates room for drama. This is the logical course of action. Well I agree with you on this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Notice how Clv had nothing to say to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Notice how Clv had nothing to say to that. Could it be that it's just not worth engaging you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Could it be that I am right? Kisses Thaddeus. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Could it be that it's just not worth engaging you? That would be my guess for anybody else, regardless of the strengths and weaknesses of her points. But Clv is here mainly for recreational arguing. I think he just got bored. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 You're kind of passive aggressive Gorilla. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 And you're annoyingly single-faceted. We'd probably have an interesting relationship. In a different time-space continuum. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 And you're annoyingly single-faceted. We'd probably have an interesting relationship. In a different time-space continuum. Why do you say that? Link to post Share on other sites
kdark Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 And you're annoyingly single-faceted. I noticed this a long time ago, which is why I don't engage in discussions with her anymore. Every post JS makes all harp on the same topics and insinuations. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I would think a decent man would let a woman know the rules before hand. Not telling someone your exclusive and only letting it come out if the right questions are asked is cowardly. Just man up and be upfront. Make sure you are the same playing field. This eliminates room for drama. This is the logical course of action. You would be wrong then. Exclusivity is not something one should assume, it's something that only happens if the relationship merits it. That's like assuming someone who needs work done will pay a fair price. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 That's why you lay all the cards on the table so that no one is making assumptions either way. Not everyone makes the same kind of assumptions. Assumptions breed alot of miscommunication. What is stronger? "Assuming" something is the case, or laying the facts all down? If there is truely no harm in being completely honest with a woman, you would do it. But since you can't seem to do the simplistest and easiest of things by eliminating any potential drama, telling them the complete truth and not using words to talk around it, that speaks more about who you are and where your principals stand. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 That's why you lay all the cards on the table so that no one is making assumptions either way. That's stupid, no one brings a dating resume, age 16 to present, and hands it over. It's silly and artificial. You start to date and over time nature takes it's course. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 No one wins with a cheating person. No one is treated better ultimately. Even the cheater eventually ends up miserable. Instead of focusing so much on understanding the dynamics of cheaters, I simply stay away from them. There are lots and lots of men on this planet who don't cheat. Even if tempted by a younger woman. Cheaters are scum. Who cares who gets treated better by a scumbag? Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Assumptions breed alot of miscommunication. What is stronger? "Assuming" something is the case, or laying the facts all down? Because things happen, and it's not necessarily any of her business depending on the nature and state of the relationship. "No, I'm not dating anyone else." What does THAT mean? Does it mean I'm only going to pursue one woman, or that I just broke up last week and I'm not currently seeing anyone but I plan to date as many as I can? Maybe the guy just has a tough time getting dates. Almost any answer can be construed as ambiguous except "I'm not in an exclusive relationship" and "I'm exclusively dating you". Just because my answer is not the one a typical woman was fishing for does not make it ambiguous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted July 11, 2009 Author Share Posted July 11, 2009 That's stupid, no one brings a dating resume, age 16 to present, and hands it over. It's silly and artificial. You start to date and over time nature takes it's course. Who said anything about giving your past dating history all up front. However, if you are dating other people at the same time, they should know that. Anything else is cowardly and selfish. You are working awfully hard to carefully maniupulate your words as to share "just enough" for you to get by dating multiple women but not enough for them to *really* know what is going on. No wonder you are still single. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Who said anything about giving your past dating history all up front. However, if you are dating other people at the same time, they should know that. Anything else is cowardly and selfish. You are working awfully hard to carefully maniupulate your words as to share "just enough" for you to get by dating multiple women but not enough for them to *really* know what is going on. No wonder you are still single. I've met men before who have been dating a number of women, and who have wanted to draw me into the harem. One of them actually asked me for a close friend's email address the day after he and I had gone on one date. I asked him if he the whole point of asking me out was to get to her through me. His response was "actually no, I'm interested in both of you." Much as I appreciated the honesty, I didn't go out with him again. He was quite peeved when I knocked him back for a second date....and a couple of days later I received a very lengthy group email he'd sent out to a whole mass of people (many women's names on the list) berating "people who aren't true friends". As far as getting a handle on a man's dating situation and general outlook about dating goes, your best bet is to ask questions and maintain a very neutral, non-judgemental stance to the answers you hear. Generally guys will be pretty forthcoming in that situation....but if they get too much of a sense of what your personal values are, then as long as they're trying to get into your pants they're liable to tell you whatever it is they think you'll want to hear. The downside of the neutral "open up and tell me all" approach is, of course, that when men feel free to open up and tell you all kinds of things about themselves and their perspective on the opposite sex, it can put you off dating. It's a complicated life, JS! Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 It seems that honesty is only a laudable trait if it's in-line with the woman's expectations. But when it isn't, suddenly honesty is not so hot. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 It seems that honesty is only a laudable trait if it's in-line with the woman's expectations. But when it isn't, suddenly honesty is not so hot. Not at all. I do applaud honesty, but the fact that someone's being honest with me about what they're out for doesn't mean that I'm going to fall in with whatever plans they might have for me. The reason honesty is such an admirable trait is that honest people will state their position and intentions even where they know that doing so might not work out in their interests. Sometimes it does work out in their interests, if they state a position and intentions that the other person believes they might be able to live with. But with dishonest people who will say whatever it takes to get what they want....it's hard to have a useful discussion with them about anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Not at all. I do applaud honesty, but the fact that someone's being honest with me about what they're out for doesn't mean that I'm going to fall in with whatever plans they might have for me. The reason honesty is such an admirable trait is that honest people will state their position and intentions even where they know that doing so might not work out in their interests. Sometimes it does work out in their interests, if they state a position and intentions that the other person believes they might be able to live with. But with dishonest people who will say whatever it takes to get what they want....it's hard to have a useful discussion with them about anything. OK, I get that and it makes sense. I wasn't referring to someone who is deliberately dishonest, however. That's weak and unjustifiable behavior. What I was referring to was the notion that a person - male or female - is required to be some sort of open book, all things laid out on the table, during the first or second date. This is how I see your situation, Taramere. You were out on one date with a guy, and he said that he was dating others. And that, apparently, was the reason you didn't want to go out with him again. That, to me, makes an unwarranted assumption of exclusivity. I mean, it's not that you and he had been dating for six months or something, it was only a first date. Why should he be expected to be exclusive after one date? Would it be fair of him to expect that of you? Now, all that said, it seems clear that he was a bit peculiar given his penchant for sending out blanket emails and berating people. But still, the point remains: Why would anyone expect some sort of exclusivity after only one date? Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I'm reluctant to apply, across-the-board, high sounding, simplistic message board rules to the complicated mating dance. Life is messy, and mating more so. Forums like this create simplistic ethical rules and damn those who don't follow them in each and every situation. We're sexual creatures with powerful drives. Often, in the real world, other "higher" interests--especially ones that others celebrate on their keyboards --are ignored, modified, adapted to the specific situation. Care must be taken that we don't confuse text with life and, in the process, demonize male sexuality. We're all perfect when we post. It's life that trips us up on occasion. Link to post Share on other sites
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