marcsmolenski Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 So im meeting my SO (LDR) tomorrow for the first time July 7th. I will be flying early in the morning and landing in the afternoon in Arizona time....We started as an LDR by meeting on a game we both play... Well today she informed me she probably wont be able to see me tomorrow, the first day I get there. I admit I was disappointed but I asked her why and she said she might have family dinner obligations... But I do understand that she has house rules and I know that having dinner with her family is a higher priority than seeing me.. Ohhh last night I could not sleep for the life of me.. My thoughts got the best of me with thoughts of how can I make everything perfect, is she excited to see me, I wonder if she will allow a kiss and WHAT IF EVERYTHING GOES WRONG!!!! Eventually that subsided and my heart tells me just to go with the flow and keep an open mind. We are both exclusive to each other and had "that talk" about we only have intentions of pursuing each other in eventual marriage. Right now I feel neutral but the feeling of the unknown and excitement is present.. Do you guys have any first time meeting stories? Any advice or tips you would like to share? My biggest advice for myself is be confident in the love we have and also trust and also have faith in the commitment we have to each other in growing and blossoming to marriage. THX!!! Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 So im meeting my SO (LDR) tomorrow for the first time July 7th. I will be flying early in the morning and landing in the afternoon in Arizona time....We started as an LDR by meeting on a game we both play... Well today she informed me she probably wont be able to see me tomorrow, the first day I get there. I admit I was disappointed but I asked her why and she said she might have family dinner obligations... But I do understand that she has house rules and I know that having dinner with her family is a higher priority than seeing me.. Ohhh last night I could not sleep for the life of me.. My thoughts got the best of me with thoughts of how can I make everything perfect, is she excited to see me, I wonder if she will allow a kiss and WHAT IF EVERYTHING GOES WRONG!!!! Eventually that subsided and my heart tells me just to go with the flow and keep an open mind. We are both exclusive to each other and had "that talk" about we only have intentions of pursuing each other in eventual marriage. Right now I feel neutral but the feeling of the unknown and excitement is present.. Do you guys have any first time meeting stories? Any advice or tips you would like to share? My biggest advice for myself is be confident in the love we have and also trust and also have faith in the commitment we have to each other in growing and blossoming to marriage. THX!!! Okay, I'm sorry. Did I miss something, somewhere in life? When someone flies to another state, alone to see you; They make an excuse why they can't? I understand family dinner is important, don't get me wrong. However, she knew full well the day you were coming, she could have made plans around that or let her family know. Hopefully, I would expect they would understand. I'm sorry but if someone even dared to pull this on me, I'd call BS and be done. This made me angry for you, just to read. It's not like you're her bf whom is around all the time, so she needs to not spend time with you. No, this is you coming to a new state, all by yourself, having not even met her yet. There is no, I mean no and absolutely none excuse for this whatsoever. ESPECIALLY, since she knew plenty of time ahead and in advance. Seriously, I may be a woman, but man, woman whatever I was ; someone did that to me, I would be furious and suspicious. I'm very worried for you, because it sounds like you're about to get trully dicked around. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 So, you have a LDR, with a SO, that you are exclusive with, that you have NEVER met? You have love that is growing, and are planning marriage, and you have NEVER met? And as it stands, she is not making time to meet her fiance/betrothed/SO when he pops into town to meet her for the first time? OK, come back and tell us all about it. I want to hear if she was really a dude, or 500 pounds, or some other massive misrepresentation. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Perhaps the first day you are in town they are fumigating her trailer, or her family obligation involves one of her kid's college graduation. Maybe she has to visit her husband in jail that particular day. Link to post Share on other sites
SierraRose Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 So, you have a LDR, with a SO, that you are exclusive with, that you have NEVER met? You have love that is growing, and are planning marriage, and you have NEVER met? And as it stands, she is not making time to meet her fiance/betrothed/SO when he pops into town to meet her for the first time? OK, come back and tell us all about it. I want to hear if she was really a dude, or 500 pounds, or some other massive misrepresentation. Ya...you have a committed relationship, trust, growing love and planning marriage to someone you have NEVER met? I won't even touch that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marcsmolenski Posted July 7, 2009 Author Share Posted July 7, 2009 Dang guys...LOL... Lemme get you up to speed....She still lives with her Mom and hasnt really told her Mom how she feels about me...shes 19 and im 25. And I will be arriving in Phoenix (her city) at around 3pm their time. So if she cant meet me on that day thats okay I have a hotel room n all and we are staying in seperate lodgings. I am going to be staying at the hotel and her at her moms house. As far as going exclusive and having your heart guide you my answer to that is why not. BUT we are going about this with logic...I mean we have deep feelings AND we understand this first meeting is CRUCIAL to see how we interact. And FYI I will be down there for a week so if it turns into 6 days then OKAY thats fine as long as I get a lot of quality time with my honey. I can see where you guys are comming from.. What if there is no chemistry when we are actually in person... Well my answer to that: that is a risk I am willing to take. Hopingtoheal: She did tell her mom I was a friend from an online game comming down to hang out with her and her sister who also plays the game.. Her mom told her that her sister has to be present with her the entire time I am there spending time with her.. SO her mom doesnt know that deep feelings we have for each other and my SO said its because she probably would get furious and not understand that love is possible at a distance... I am trying to be strong!! I have a peaceful feeling about this. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Dang guys...LOL... Lemme get you up to speed....She still lives with her Mom and hasnt really told her Mom how she feels about me...shes 19 and im 25. And I will be arriving in Phoenix (her city) at around 3pm their time. So if she cant meet me on that day thats okay I have a hotel room n all and we are staying in seperate lodgings. I am going to be staying at the hotel and her at her moms house. As far as going exclusive and having your heart guide you my answer to that is why not. BUT we are going about this with logic...I mean we have deep feelings AND we understand this first meeting is CRUCIAL to see how we interact. And FYI I will be down there for a week so if it turns into 6 days then OKAY thats fine as long as I get a lot of quality time with my honey. I can see where you guys are comming from.. What if there is no chemistry when we are actually in person... Well my answer to that: that is a risk I am willing to take. Hopingtoheal: She did tell her mom I was a friend from an online game comming down to hang out with her and her sister who also plays the game.. Her mom told her that her sister has to be present with her the entire time I am there spending time with her.. SO her mom doesnt know that deep feelings we have for each other and my SO said its because she probably would get furious and not understand that love is possible at a distance... I am trying to be strong!! I have a peaceful feeling about this. Okay this has red flags all over it. She wants to have a relationship with you, but her own mother doesn't know the truth about you? Not good. My mom doesn't understand either, doesn't mean I kept my feelings about my partner secret from her, I did not. I honestly believe you are barking up the wrong tree with all this marriage talk. It has nothing to do with the fact you two never met, I know several people who met online, got to know eachother over a period of months, met and it was love and marriage. However, a person who cannot tell their own mother about you, is hardly ready to withstand what marriage entails. You are being extremely naive, I understand needing to meet, but anyone who is going to blow you off your first day there because she cannot be honest with her family, I mean it's just not going to be productive for your relationship. It will always be at the mercy of someone else if she is not capable of taking the reigns of responsibility for her relationship. Of which she has shown she cannot and/or will not do. Link to post Share on other sites
Faded Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 In for later. Kinda curious how this will go. best of luck to you. meeting muh girl for the first time was a wholeee mix of feelings. ;D I also met her online in a game. 2 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Okay, so this has red flags all over it. If she isn't telling her mother how she feels about you, what makes you think that she ever will? Her mom might be furious about her meeting and dating someone from the internet, but how will this ever change? Her mother is always going to be mad about that, so if that's her reason for not telling her mom then more than likely she never will. I'm sorry to say that, but it's true, and I've seen it happen way too many times before. I know how crazy my mom is over some things, and I know how hard it was to tell her that I was in an LDR, but I still did it because I love my fiance more than life itself and because I really saw a future with him. How weird do you think it's going to be once this relationship progresses and you decide to ask her to marry you? If she's told her mom by that point, then her mother is going to be like "whoa. They haven't even been together that long!" simply because she doesn't know exactly how long you've been together, in love, talking about marriage, etc. It's either going to go that way, or it will be that she wont want to tell her mother that either because she's afraid. And that will be way more heartbreak for you than you should ever see in your life. I don't want to see ANYONE get hurt in situations like these, but my spidey-senses and past experiences are screaming that you are going to be the hidden boyfriend for as long as you'll allow yourself to be that way. Yeah, her family might know that you and her are friends, but where I come from when a friend travels many states to see me, we invite them to dinner. If her mom REALLY knows that you're in for a visit I can't imagine why she wouldn't at least offer to have you over for dinner so she can meet you and see if you're really the type of person she wants her daughter to hang out with, even if the sister is there. Almost every mother that has watched the news in the last 5 years has a horror scene in their mind about what would happen if their precious daughters were abducted, and I'm going to go ahead and say that not a lot of them would want their daughters to go hang out with someone they've never met. For all she knows, you could kidnap them both! Now we all here know that you would never hurt this girl, or her sister, but I'm just telling you how this COULD play if you were that kind of person(which you're not). I just don't see a mom saying "hey, yeah go see that guy you've never met before and I've never met, but make sure to take your sister with you!". I've got my money on the fact that the mom has no idea because the girl wont even tell her the extent of what she feels about you. Maybe not even that you're in town. Have you ever talked to her mother? Do you know FOR A FACT that she knows you're in town? Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 So, you have a LDR, with a SO, that you are exclusive with, that you have NEVER met? You have love that is growing, and are planning marriage, and you have NEVER met? And as it stands, she is not making time to meet her fiance/betrothed/SO when he pops into town to meet her for the first time? OK, come back and tell us all about it. I want to hear if she was really a dude, or 500 pounds, or some other massive misrepresentation. I've never understood how someone can claim to be in love with someone they have never met. It's delusional in my book. Infatuated with the image you have of them based on electronic communication sure, but in love before you've even shared the same breathing space?? I wish the OP luck, but I hope he keeps his heart back a little until this plays out. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 I don't want to see ANYONE get hurt in situations like these, but my spidey-senses and past experiences are screaming that you are going to be the hidden boyfriend for as long as you'll allow yourself to be that way. Red Flags and ALARMS GOING OFF. I have followed this thread with the updates and I must say that it is sketchy at best with all of these changes in parameters going on at the last minute. OP I wish you the best but it seems as though it is not as serious as you feel it is. If she is telling you she loves you and is thinking you are the one she wants to marry - he family should KNOW about you and the time you are there you would be made a part of things. She is an adult. Yes, she is 19 -- and has an overprotective parent BUT she is still an adult and can stand up for herself and her wants. I really don't think you see how bad all of this seems. I hope we're all wrong. But I don't think we are. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 I hope he's okay. I don't think you can depend on or trust anyone who's going to stiff you like that, last minute, when you're coming to another state alone. Link to post Share on other sites
brokenglass Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 You want advice? Here... We started as an LDR by meeting on a game we both play... That's what you get. Meet women IRL. Link to post Share on other sites
Eclypse Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 I hope this guy is alright. I was in a warcraft LDR for a while too. She kept flaking out every time I wanted to meet, never wanted to go on cam etc. Then I discovered she was about 100 pounds heavier than she wanted me to think. Thankfully by then I had stopped caring and knew something was up, and thankfully I wasn't in it too long. I really really hope shes real since he's gone off by himself to a weird new city. I also think Marc should have insis-ted on seeing her on cam at the very least before going. I had a terrible lapse of judgement when I entered into what I did, I was lonely at the time. I really hope beyond hope it turns out ok for Marc, or if not he gets out of it intact. Link to post Share on other sites
Bayern Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Meet women IRL. You can meet plenty of good women online. Perhaps the first day you are in town they are fumigating her trailer, or her family obligation involves one of her kid's college graduation. Maybe she has to visit her husband in jail that particular day. OK, come back and tell us all about it. I want to hear if she was really a dude, or 500 pounds, or some other massive misrepresentation. Don't you two have something better to do? Good luck Marc. Hope for the best, expect the worst. That's my advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Oy vey.... I don't know where to begin. OP, only experience will teach you why this is all wrong. Good luck, I wish you all the best. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Are you okay? did you make it back alright? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I'm wondering too... Hey Marc - If you made it back will you let us know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marcsmolenski Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 Yes I made it back . Ummm well I think the chemistry was sort of there. But there were some problems: She didnt tell her mom that we were more than JUST friends she told her mom I was going there to see family in AZ (which I dont have) and that occasionally I would get to see her. It did kind of suck I mean It was just messed up I cant put it in words nor will I try. What I mean is that she basically said she is not ready for a full blown relationship that I could go date other people and she hopes we will be together when all the dust settles and she is in a position to put effort and time into a relationship. My side of the coin is I wont put my life on hold to wait until she is ready I think I will just go date other women because I may have fell attached too easily to her and made it sound like we were already married. So yeah im not gonna keep on talking about it. Yep im back ive learned a lot...and this LDR experience I tolerated a whole lot of omniscion meaning she didnt put in any kind of effort to make this work while I was the one initiating contact and communication. Getting her gifts I am done ...0 reciprocation SUCKS! Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Congrats on coming out of this stronger than before. It sounds like you really learned something. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Yes I made it back . Ummm well I think the chemistry was sort of there. But there were some problems: She didnt tell her mom that we were more than JUST friends she told her mom I was going there to see family in AZ (which I dont have) and that occasionally I would get to see her. It did kind of suck I mean It was just messed up I cant put it in words nor will I try. What I mean is that she basically said she is not ready for a full blown relationship that I could go date other people and she hopes we will be together when all the dust settles and she is in a position to put effort and time into a relationship. My side of the coin is I wont put my life on hold to wait until she is ready I think I will just go date other women because I may have fell attached too easily to her and made it sound like we were already married. So yeah im not gonna keep on talking about it. Yep im back ive learned a lot...and this LDR experience I tolerated a whole lot of omniscion meaning she didnt put in any kind of effort to make this work while I was the one initiating contact and communication. Getting her gifts I am done ...0 reciprocation SUCKS! I'm glad you made it back safely. You did learn a lot, and even though things didn't turn out how you might have, you at least KNOW now and you won't continue to invest your time into something that isn't going to work for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bayern Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 It does suck, you are right. It's good to learn though, and I think this lesson will not be soon forgotten. Good luck Marc. Link to post Share on other sites
alwayslookingup Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 I just wanted to say good luck to you too Marc. I have been following this thread's progression and hoping you find someone that is just as head over heels for you as you are for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I'm sorry that this turned out badly(sort of), but I had a feeling of how it would go. Link to post Share on other sites
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