What are the signs???? Are these signs??

[Island Girl]

This is going to be bunt.

 

I think you see what you want to see.

I think you read into her actions instead of eeing them for what they really are.

 

I think she knows how much you care about her and she enjoys it and all that comes with it.

 

There are plenty of moves you are making and things you are doing that say "SPRUNG" as much as you think you are being neutral or keeping things low key.

 

If she was into you and wanted to be with you she would not tell you about being set up on dates - she wouldn't be set up on dates - and TRUST that as much as you think she wouldn't say how she feels --- if she had as bad as you do SHE WOULD.

 

You are trying to figure out and interpret actions (like the text thing with your friend) which you should not be doing.

This is not a guessing game.

To me I can see exactly what she is doing but I am female and have played those games before.

You can't see it because you want something different so you aren't objective.

 

It seems you must go through with your plan.

I wish you the very best and I hope that I am wrong. I hope she is just socially retarded and these blatant signals she is sending out are being sent because of her social confusion.

I don't think so. But I do hope so because it would bring you what you want.

 

Update again after you put it all out there, will ya?

[Soul Bear]

I hope this doesnt end in tears......

[L.Lou]

Here's what it is. She DOESN'T play games...she adores friendships. And I know I'm one of those that she's want to keep her whole life as a friend. I cannot be that. I understand where all (mainly Island Girl) are coming from, and like I said...I "rate the raters", and never really go by fully what "advice" is given. I DO file it in the back of my mind though....but it ALL is really appreciated.

 

This is gonna be REALLYlong, I'm trying to remember it all...give yall the juicy details lol..yall DID ask for it

 

NOW...lol..we finally talked. I was gonna wait to take her on this nice romantic-esque date, have wear the dress I bought her last year for her bday which she never worn to this day...but I called her and she said she was annoyed that I wouldn't tell her. I said "you can give me that much..to hold on, you used to get on me about ME not being patient, practice it! lol"...but I hit her up the other day, she was busy..but I told her I might be busy later but hit me up regardless to see, if I'm not...I can go ahead and get this over with. Couldn't wait, had to tell her. So she hit me up, we talked then met up at a diner.

 

So when I got there, she was sitting there. I sat down, gave her that wide eyed "here we go" look. Told her I've been growing through some things (which I have, the probs with her....are just one prob in my life...there's a few going on), and am asking everyone this question. "who am I to YOU?, what about me do you think I can change?"...she said "The one NOW or the one from a year ago?", I said "Now, then the one a year ago", she said "NOW, you're perfect...everything you used to be/do, as far as I see...has changed for the better...the one a year ago was very jugemental, self righteous in a way, everything revolved around you, and she didn't like the fact we disagreed/"argued" over dumb stuff, and I made her feel as if she couldnt be herself after a point..when I acted like "you better make sure you do a great job or I'm dropping you" kind of attitude I DID have"...hence why we broke up, which she also said those are the reasons to it PLUS..her and her ex (her first love, who was STILL very much in love with her) used to talk all the time, and she felt like she shouldn't be doing that being with me, she felt wrong to be talking to him and him say things like he misses her and wants her back, and she DID not have any feelings towards him like that though..other than friendship. I can't deny how big he was in her life at a point..so I never was mad at that.

 

She told me ALL of her friends, even the ones who don't necessarily like me...vouchered for me. ALL, no exceptions. Cause she knew I thought only like 2 of em actually liked me. So THAT surprised me too. We talked about if she ever thought about me and in what ways, during our year seperation. Ever though of what it would be like if we never broke up. She said "yeah, those little texts I'll send weren't for nothing..I missed talking to you. But as far as RELATIONSHIP goes, no. We didn't even talk YOU didnt even text back sometimes..so I had no reason to really WANT to be back with you again. But yes I did think about what would it be if we were still together". (which..contradicted the first thing she said..but I let it slide lol) I asked stuff like, "Why wouldn't you want to go back with me?", she said "It's kind of like a been there done that feeling..like I went through all the stages I was capable of going through with you" and I said "Right, but like you JUST said, I'm a different person than who you knew, wouldnt that make it different?", she said "I dunno, yes..but...I guess there's still that fear that you'd go right back to it all over again". And I said "well you'll never know til you try" she said "we did", i said "not with the ME now babe", she said "yeah I know"...

 

"what do I, we, have to do to make things less awkward to be friends? How can I change that?" she asked me. I said "...nothing. I'll always like you..never will that change"

 

"would you ever lie/sugarcoat things to just not hurt my feelings?", she said "No, I know there are things that you wouldn't want to hear or find out at times, not just you but in general, and I'm not the type to not hold back THOSE things...I'd expect you to suck it up..and live with it", she tried to sound all....hard...so...I said give me an example, she said "Well I went on a date for the first time in a while, I really like him, and plan on seeing him again when he gets back in town...he's the same nationality as you too"....and yes, there's one of those questions, that tore my world apart. But I aint "wuss up" about it, I said "Okay, and you're right...I didn't like that answer"...we had quiet spells ALL THROUGH this convo. I mean like me looking off and her staring DEAD at me quiet, no talking sometimes for like 7-9 mins straight. She brought up misunderstandings that we BOTH had about certain things, we were at agreeance A LOT. I asked "Why arent we compatible?" she said "I never said we weren't..we are, very much so", I said "well if all the signs point to yannow what...then why not?" she said "I dunno...I really don't, I guess it's the reason I gave you earlier, about it ending the same". I brought up things like I want to bring that spark back, when u used to tell all of your friends about me...used to hide from me when I first met you in a dressing room for like 15 mins cause u didnt want me to see u in an outfit, i wanna bring back that "gaga" feeling you once had...she was all smiling. "I remember" she said..and laughed.

 

I told her certain songs in the concert, prompted this convo. How we were at the beach prompted this convo. How we BOTH OF US hold back getting too close and talking about certain things EVEN though you want to be good great friends with me, prompted this convo. She agreed to all of that. There were some "awkward moments...A LOT of em". It made her feel "weird" during the concert too,during the same songs..and she said "I noticed it in you the most". I said yeah, to the point I felt like leaving "Thinking why cant I do what everyone around me is doing, hold you, kiss you and dance with you...what am I doing here? WITH HER!", she felt the same, "wanted to be like those couples too" (DIDN'T note specifically WITH ME though, btw). She said there were points that she wanted to grab my had, for security purposes, which she does with anyone when around larger crowds...but refrained cause she didn't want me to pull away..

 

Brought up how the beach was familiar, and made me realize what I liked about her so much. How we both have friends of the opposite sexes that DO like us. How I cant talk to any of my chick friends cause they all like me like that..and wont like any girl i am interested in, parents and I dont get along or talk like that (another big prob in my life btw). I told her she still has ppl there for her..I don't. A year has passed and I'm not over you?! ...never would that have been me. Your friends like you mine like me, difference is...none of them have enough in common, relate, get along like we could...and we HAVE had more with each other than any of them have with us. She nodded "right"...

 

I asked the big one. I said "Would you be willing to put all the past behind us, where it's meant to be..put your guard down for once..I'm not someone anymore to cause you to keep it up...and give me a second chance?"....she said "Now...." then I said "It doesnt matter..I dunno.."..she never really answered that straight. I brought up how some are feelers and some are thinkers, THEN i was a thinker...NOW..I'm a feeler. I live for "What IF's" and I don't wanna see us wind up like our parents..pick ppl who we THINK are good for us at the moment, and place stupid reasons to NOT try new things, wind up unhappy, I used my parents and her mom and stepdad as examples. Throughout this whole convo her vibe was "quiet and thinking"..but..we got SUPER quiet again for like 5 mins. I asked "What are you thinking about? I know you...I know when something is on your mind..or bothered" ,then she said "never", I said "what huh?"...she said, "Never have I seen or been with in my whole 22 years of being alive, never have i seen someone fight this hard to make things work"..she was tearing the hell up, eyes were very watery. I said "I have......you did....for me. And I wanna have that chance to fight JUST as hard"..she then put her head in her hands ran to the bathroom and cried. I went to the door to wait, but she took too long so I sat by it. She came out all acting happier "okay..I'm good" she said jokily. We sad around for a while, really sad looking kind of. I'll still throw in jokes..to make her laugh/lighten the mood. But we ran out of questions for one another...

 

..so we walked out. Got by her car, she gave me a big hug. I was quiet, of course due to disappointmet in a way. And that was pretty much it...that all happened on Sat, and todays Mon..havent heard from her. But I dunno, I do feel a lot better from letting it all off my chest. And I'm not the same guy from a year ago to go text or call her and talk about it all over again. So this most likely.....could be it yannow.....and yes, on both sides..TEARS are heavily involved. I just hate the route Im taking..to try to not think of things. Drinking HEAVILY, for weeks STRAIGHT. Not talking as much. But I hide it well, from the public...which inside makes me feel fake,and weak. But uh yea..

 

how about that?

[Island Girl]

awwww man. I am sorry.

 

I hate hearing that tears are involved and you are drinking heavily.

 

From your posting you seem like a Cool Cat - hope that translates and you get my meaning.

 

I just think you stayed wrapped up. You wanted the past but as a new you.

That is an impossibility.

And I know, I know, that you wanted to try again now - not step back in time LOL.

 

Just take the lessons learned away from all of this and realize that you will now begin to finally heal. FINALLY.

And yes there will be bad days - but they will get fewer and farther between until you don't even have them anymore.

Stay in NC now. You got the answers you were searching for.

 

I wish you the very best.

[Mustain2234]

L.Lou --

 

I believe you now know where you stand, and it isn't looking good. A woman just won't cry because she's happy you've taken the time to try and make the relationship work. She's crying because she knows you're a great guy, yet there is still something missing. It could be a lack of attraction, among other issues. Look at it this way -- if she is not willing to identify the problem (even after admitting that you've changed since last year), then what can you do? If you browsed this forum before you know that women don't always think logically when it involves love. Therefore, in the future, you shouldn't try to convince her of ways you have changed/ reasons why you two should be reunited.

 

It'll be interesting to see where your friendship goes from here. She is undoubtedly thinking about your meeting and mulling over the options. I'm sure the options are tough -- either keep you as a friend, all the while giving you false hope; or reunite, even though she may not have the feelings for you that she once did. I believe if there is one benefit to your meeting, it's I really doubt she'll continue playing games (if that's what she was doing) from this moment forward.

 

At this point, have her contact you first. Fight the temptation. You'll probably know where you stand very soon.

[L.Lou]

I really appreciate everything from everyone here.

 

Island Girl for constantly giving input/opinions. I DO disagree with some of...but appreciate none the less, thank you.

 

And to Mustain2234, what you just posted...makes more sense than anyone elses responses. It was very blunt..but a "good blunt" (lol) if that makes sense. Cause not everyone in this world ARE cold hearted bastards and/or idiots. Some (just like you said) don't think logically..but yeah, NOW...what really can i do yannow? ...nothing more.

 

She already contacted me...yesterday. Asking how a concert I went to on Sun, with my brother, went. I texted back a simple "it was good", took me a whole hour and a half (i was working out) to text it back though. And she replied "just good?", and I said "I mean yeah, I enjoyed it"...and that was it. Yeah...wow. Also...i feel as if I came off (yes, even just through text mssgs) sounding "bitter"..seeing from a lack of enthusiasm that I usually ALWAYS show...but...I really do agree with your post Mustain...

 

..of course I'm NOT going to be the one contacting her..that's for damn sure. And WITHT THAT, I have no idea..where this is gonna go...