Guys and their pride...over stepping my bounds?

[wildfire7698]

I want to figure out something to do for a fellow that I care so much about!

 

However, I don't want to look weird or stalkerish...lol He and I have not been the

 

best lately. If you wanna know the whole story, see the topic "HE DID IT AGAIN".

 

It took a lot of thinking and I realize how much extra pressure I may put on him. I

 

am all the time asking him his feelings and to validate them. I should just take him

 

for his word and have a little faith in him. It's hard I have been hurt in the past and

 

in many ways I guess it still affects me. Just maybe he didn't show that night b/c

 

he felt too much pressure from me.

 

 

He works a job with really crappy shifts, our schedules couldn't clash any worse.

 

I felt before that he could see me more in his off hours and that was selfish of me, I

 

am not all there is in his life. If anything I want to add to his life not take away

 

from it.

 

Anyway, he is having alot of financial hardship now, he barely has any money to

 

get by on. I really want to help him, but he's the type that won't accept it...too

 

proud. I just want to help, it's not him against the world alone, I'd take some of

 

that away if he would let me. I haven't been too great at that lately but I hope to

 

fix that. I wanted to go by his work place and leave something on his car. I have

 

some of his shirts washed that I was going to bag up along with a couple packs of

 

cigarettes that I had picked up for him a few days ago. Cigarettes are expensive so

 

here in Canada so I was trying to do something nice for him.

 

 

I realize that isn't alot of help and I want to do more. I was thinking of

 

leaving 50 bucks in an envelope in the bottom of the bag with a note explaining

 

everything. I know he wouldn't accept the money any other way, so I thought I'd

 

be creative about it and leave it on his car when he was inside the work place. He

 

is not used to getting help like this expecially not from girlfriends. So what do you

 

all think of this? Good idea?

[moimeme]

I would not leave him any money. You have identified his problem as 'being too busy' and you are trying to solve that for him. That's not going to work.

 

There could be a couple of reasons he forgets you all the time. One is that he doesn't care enough and is inconsiderate. The other is that he could have a disorder. Chronic forgetfulness and lateness are classic symptoms of adult ADHD. That your guy apologizes, says he'll do better, and then doesn't is also typical - they don't do better because they can't. I'd try to explore with him the causes of his behaviour. Of course, stress can also cause forgetfulness. Try to find solutions with him instead of finding solutions for him.

[Frodo]

ADD memoime? Jesus, it's called sleep deprivation.

 

The guy is working nights. Don't leave money. it would be taken as an insult. try talking about options to get better hours. The economy is bad, but if you know through your own network about jobs with day hours, you might, with his permission, want help him find a different job. Make sure you're not telling him to get a new job, but that you're asking if he wants you be a second set of eyes as far as looking out for opportunities.

[moimeme]

ADD memoime

 

One possibility.

 

Moi-même