mavstar Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Hello all, I have prosted here recently one other time. My outlook has changed drasticaly. I has took me looking at myself and being accountable for my faults thru out our 15yrs together. My wife and I have been seperated for a little over a month. I finally his the perverbial "rock bottom" a few days ago. I manage to pull myself up and seek counseling for MYSELF. That was three days ago. Wow... What new hope consumes me now! I can actually have a conversation with my wife without it ending in bitter feelings or words. With this new found gift of paticence, i have learned that i have failed her in being the husband i should have been. I also know that i have to heal myself before we can atempt to heal our relationship. We had a date last night and really looked at the life we were living and we decided that we were not ready to end a marriage without doing everything possible to make sure that is what we want. Our question is waht is our next step? Talking to friends, family, or counseling. Can anyone give us some suggestions where to start? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mavstar Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 Bit of an update.... i carried my wife some breakfast to her new house. We started talking about me going to counseling. She said she wanted to go. We called and set an appointment for her. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Congrats, keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mavstar Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 Thanks, Im hopefull. I still have my fears on our marriage, but at least we are trying. Been a rough 5 weeks though. All the hurt pain and doubt that most people are going thru, is still trying to creep back inside me Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Mav, keep moving with those changes. Let the time apart and the pain you feel, continue to motivate you to be a better husband. Regardless of if it works out or not, you need to do this for you. Real change comes from looking at ourselves and taking action. You have the right idea. Do not let complacency ruin another chance with the woman you love. Stay positive, anything can happen when you have hope and the heart to weather this storm. All marriages go through rough times. All of them. Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mavstar Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 TIY, whats your opinion of the book "the Love Dare"? My counselor recomended me doing it. I dont know if it is helping with the relationship or if it is just making me a stronger person. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Good book, interesting movie. The concepts make sense, since they address what you as an individual have the most control over. Yourself. Also it adds in faith, understanding, and believing in something more than just what we can see. Relationships with our spouses are similar to having a relationship with God. You have to believe and have faith that every gesture of love that you provide and exchange, strengthens the relationship as a whole. There are a ton of resources available. You simply require the inclination and desire to learn. Good luck with the book! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mavstar Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 well, we seemed like we were getting closer again, even somewhat affectionate. i have been following the steps in the book. Last night she told me that "the only reason that i was treating her so good and being nice was becasuse i was trying to get dirt on her if we had to go to divorce court". And, that i need to quit trying to save our marraige. I have to admit that hurt me so bad. Here i am the one still trying and she hits me with that. I decided right then i was going NC except for the kids. But it really kills me, but i have tried every thing else. Part of me wants to keep following the book for myself. Another part wants to just say to hell with it. I just dont want to go back to the feelings of lonliness and lost hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mavstar Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 Another day gone and flip floped back. After church she told me she loved me and always will. And she said she wants to try to make our marriage work but there is a part of her that wants to be own her own. i think the best thing i can do is go NC or LC (kids) for a while. But, ow do i do it? i have seen or talked to this woman every day for over 15 yrs. God, i hope i dont go back to the sleepless nights and gut wrenching pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 mavstar See my post on lupa's thread about melatonin. And get out and get some exercise! At least an hour's worth. Don't try to be an 18 year old shipping out for Marine bootcamp! Shoot for just walking for a mile, then two, then three! I like walking? I figure that's the pace God intended us to walk! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mavstar Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 thanks, im up to 2 miles a day. i have a decent routine im using, both cardio and weights. Im trying to take care of me. I will try the melitonin. I have to admit it is getting easier in reguards to the sepertation. I just keep slippin back when she calls or needs something. It makes me feel like a fool sometimes. The thought of NC or LC, kills me Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 thanks, im up to 2 miles a day. i have a decent routine im using, both cardio and weights. Im trying to take care of me. I will try the melitonin. I have to admit it is getting easier in reguards to the sepertation. I just keep slippin back when she calls or needs something. It makes me feel like a fool sometimes. The thought of NC or LC, kills me i know how you feel, but you can do it. i'm 3 weeks into mine, and we are still in frequent contact, but i've noticed when i cut it way back, it shifts the balance of things. this is a hard life we've been subjected to, but it gets easier. i'm finally starting to see that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mavstar Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 im on week 5 i think, days seem to rin together. Link to post Share on other sites
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