blackdog22 Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 And I feel miserable. I went NC before this for about 11 days and eventually caved and answered her calls. We hung out and spent the night together and ended up kissing and admitting we still loved each other. But we ended up getting into a fight which led to "see, this isn't going to work". I kept my cool and just said "fine, I understand". So 16 days later and I feel terrible. So rejected and depressed. She hasn't tried to contact me at all this time around. I have nobody to talk to. We cut off a lot of our mutal friends when we were together, but she's already started hanging out with them so that's probably why they're not returning my calls. I feel betrayed and lonely. I feel so ugly all of a sudden and I've become really self-conscious. Sigh. I know it'll get better I guess. It just isn't really showing any signs of it. I hate myself so much. I'll go through periods where I absolutely despise her and then it'll just reverse itself and I'll hate myself. She used to look up to me and love me so much. But she didn't want to keep trying to work through the fighting, which is understandable. The "balance of power" or whatever was always on my side and I guess that made her feel bitter. That was something I tried to work on. It seemed like, towards the end, she felt in competition with me. There were a lot of immature things like that, we're both young. I've been through so much with her. Taken so much from her. But for what? I've given her so much of myself and what has she given me? I showed her so many things, she's shown me little to nothing. But why do I miss her? I guess it's just human nature. I haven't found anything to fill the void. I've been dieting and going to the gym like crazy, but it isn't really making me feel better. I started a new band, but it just feels like an added stressor. I'm so confused. I didn't expect this. The end of this month would have marked two years. Sometimes I feel numb, which scares me. Other times I feel so abandoned. I hate feeling bad for this, but it's hard not to. I hope I can rise above it and move on. But it's so hard. I feel like I'm being whittled away. I've never felt so weak in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 we have all been there believe me. it will get better but you have to focus on yourself and want to get better. Keep NC and focus on doing things you want to do, keep busy,catch up with old friends, take up hobbies or sports, get fit..etc just fill up your empty time to stop you thinking about the ex. rather that contacting your ex come on here and talk about it Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts