Caught my husband AGAIN.. lying to me.

[usmcwife0825]

So, a few weeks ago I posted a thread about my husband and his lies about looking at porn. He was supposed to go for counseling but he never did.

 

I'm so lost.

 

Our laptop had broken so I had to send it back to HP. When I got it back, I was going to burn a CD and found more porn. No biggie.. It was in the past and I was going to go to the chaplain and ask for resources for him. Well, that was Friday and the chaplain wouldn't be there until yesterday. Well, Monday night I fell asleep before he did. I also woke up earlier than he did. I went downstairs to check my email and noticed some things were missing from our laptop. We have a lot of pictures and such of our daughter so it's important to me. I downloaded a file recovery software and found MORE porn. This time it was from that night. He told me it wouldn't happen again. It did. He told me he would go for counseling. He didn't. And a 27 year old man looking at teen porn is a big issue for me. Him looking at 100 different items in a 2 hour period is a big issue and for him to come to sleep with me is a bigger issue.

 

The counseling he agreed on asking about was anger management and I even agreed to go to marriage counseling. I know that we have military one source, as one member informed me of, but he insisted to keep it in his chain of command and go to his chaplain.

 

I confronted him about what I had discovered yesterday morning. I wanted to leave so bad but it's really hard since we do have a 2 year old and one on the way. I didn't come from a split family. I don't know how to deal with that, personally. But my parents are also about to celebrate their 50th anniversary and never needed counseling and I'm not even sure why I agreed to it. Anyhow, his response at first was "whatever." Then he got really upset and threw our laptop across the room and punched a door a few times. All of this happening 20 minutes before my 30 week checkup. I come back home and he's acting like nothing happened. He gets in the car and he drove to the chaplain asking for counseling.

 

I guess I have too many questions.. I don't trust him at all. I'm beyond hurt. He's known that I don't agree with the porn thing for 4 years. I'll never be one of "those" girls. My esteem is gone. My respect for him is gone. There's nothing left. I do love him. I just don't know if I can build it all up again so I can trust him. I mean, even when we watch tv, now it's haunting my mind "is he looking at her like that?" "is he going to google her later on?" I just want to scream.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[TaraMaiden]

Hotdamn this is a cr*p situation...

 

My partner hates porn. he does, he really does.

He never looks at it, and finds it distasteful, false, trite and frankly, boring.

 

So, I really can't tell you anything on this, based on any worthwhile personal experience.

 

But you know what?

Come hell or high water, I'd leave. Like a shot.

You definitely do not need this, looking after a small child, and you most assuredly, definitely should not have to put up with this, with a baby on the way.

 

My parents went through a sticky patch (55 years and counting) and also had no counselling, except via friends.

 

The fact your parents never got counselling doesn't mean they didn't ever need it.

 

I bet your dad also never got addicted to porn, either....

Really, go to your parents.

There's no shame in this, at all.

Well, certainly not for you.

But there should be an awful lot of it for him.....

 

All the very best to you.

(((Hugs)))

TM.

[Vet]

So, a few weeks ago I posted a thread about my husband and his lies about looking at porn. He was supposed to go for counseling but he never did.

 

I'm so lost.

 

Our laptop had broken so I had to send it back to HP. When I got it back, I was going to burn a CD and found more porn. No biggie.. It was in the past and I was going to go to the chaplain and ask for resources for him. Well, that was Friday and the chaplain wouldn't be there until yesterday. Well, Monday night I fell asleep before he did. I also woke up earlier than he did. I went downstairs to check my email and noticed some things were missing from our laptop. We have a lot of pictures and such of our daughter so it's important to me. I downloaded a file recovery software and found MORE porn. This time it was from that night. He told me it wouldn't happen again. It did. He told me he would go for counseling. He didn't. And a 27 year old man looking at teen porn is a big issue for me. Him looking at 100 different items in a 2 hour period is a big issue and for him to come to sleep with me is a bigger issue.

 

The counseling he agreed on asking about was anger management and I even agreed to go to marriage counseling. I know that we have military one source, as one member informed me of, but he insisted to keep it in his chain of command and go to his chaplain.

 

I confronted him about what I had discovered yesterday morning. I wanted to leave so bad but it's really hard since we do have a 2 year old and one on the way. I didn't come from a split family. I don't know how to deal with that, personally. But my parents are also about to celebrate their 50th anniversary and never needed counseling and I'm not even sure why I agreed to it. Anyhow, his response at first was "whatever." Then he got really upset and threw our laptop across the room and punched a door a few times. All of this happening 20 minutes before my 30 week checkup. I come back home and he's acting like nothing happened. He gets in the car and he drove to the chaplain asking for counseling.

 

I guess I have too many questions.. I don't trust him at all. I'm beyond hurt. He's known that I don't agree with the porn thing for 4 years. I'll never be one of "those" girls. My esteem is gone. My respect for him is gone. There's nothing left. I do love him. I just don't know if I can build it all up again so I can trust him. I mean, even when we watch tv, now it's haunting my mind "is he looking at her like that?" "is he going to google her later on?" I just want to scream.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

It sounds like you're extremely insecure, and it doesn't seem like the porn is the real issue. Has he cheated on you before? Does him viewing porn interfere in your sexual relationship? Is it obsessive? Why the need to have him think only of you in a sexual manner? Do you have sex with him at his every whim or does he have to take care of himself? Do you also have a problem with him masturbating without you?

 

It seems like you have a lot of trust issues. Where do they stem from?

[Vet]

Hotdamn this is a cr*p situation...

 

My partner hates porn. he does, he really does.

He never looks at it, and finds it distasteful, false, trite and frankly, boring.

 

So, I really can't tell you anything on this, based on any worthwhile personal experience.

 

But you know what?

Come hell or high water, I'd leave. Like a shot.

You definitely do not need this, looking after a small child, and you most assuredly, definitely should not have to put up with this, with a baby on the way.

 

My parents went through a sticky patch (55 years and counting) and also had no counselling, except via friends.

 

The fact your parents never got counselling doesn't mean they didn't ever need it.

 

I bet your dad also never got addicted to porn, either....

Really, go to your parents.

There's no shame in this, at all.

Well, certainly not for you.

But there should be an awful lot of it for him.....

 

All the very best to you.

(((Hugs)))

TM.

 

Your advice to her is to tattle on her parents that he's looking at porn? Keep your tiffs to yourself; it'll strengthen your marriage. There's absolutely no reason to bring this to the attention of anyone else.

[Jersey Shortie]

Well first, stop comparing your marrige to your parents. It's a different world today for better or for worse. Men of previous generations don't have the huge dependency on porn that men today seemed to have adpoted.

 

Secondly, I completely understand where you are coming from and understand question everything about what you knew about this person. He needs to be willing to work on it with you instead of lying and running around behind your back. And yes, I would also be upset if my 27 year old boyfriend was looking at teenagers.

 

Lastly, don't let people try to bum rush you on the whole lame "insecurity argument". So many times guys run around this board saying that we need to understand them and their need to look at porn and that the reason he is lying is because he is basically afraid and insecure and sensitive to something he knows could be an issue. Well women have the same sensitivity when faced with male partners that lie, run around behind their backs and seek out porn because it kind of is telling the woman what is ultimately important to him that he would go to just effort and lengths.

[TaraMaiden]

Your advice to her is to tattle on her parents that he's looking at porn? Keep your tiffs to yourself; it'll strengthen your marriage. There's absolutely no reason to bring this to the attention of anyone else.

No, my advice is for her to go to her parents for shelter and support.

It doesn't necessarily mean letting them in on the secret, but the fact their daughter is in emotional pain and in difficulties, means they'd probably be supportive and understanding.

My point is that "Things" were different in their day, but maybe if they had needed it and it would have been available, counselling might have been something they'd have done, if necessary.

 

Bad wording.

Sorry.

[Vet]

Well first, stop comparing your marrige to your parents. It's a different world today for better or for worse. Men of previous generations don't have the huge dependency on porn that men today seemed to have adpoted.

 

Only because it wasn't readily available in the abundance of formats we have today. Men (and women) have been looking at pornography throughout history (and prehistory). Humanity has not changed very much in the past fifty years.

 

Lastly, don't let people try to bum rush you on the whole lame "insecurity argument". So many times guys run around this board saying that we need to understand them and their need to look at porn and that the reason he is lying is because he is basically afraid and insecure and sensitive to something he knows could be an issue. Well women have the same sensitivity when faced with male partners that lie, run around behind their backs and seek out porn because it kind of is telling the woman what is ultimately important to him that he would go to just effort and lengths.

 

I think you're confusing the conventional "insecurity argument" with regards to porn with the original poster's actual insecurities about her relationship. I went back and read her previous posts, and I can see how she would be insecure if her guy is checking out Craigslist personal ads, and if he's telling her that he's not looking at porn when he really is. He should have been open and honest about his habits at the beginning of their relationship when she told him she didn't like him looking at porn, and if her fears weren't allayed, then he should have left and found someone more compatible. He didn't though, so it's turned into this big hairy thing. She's going to have to weigh whether she can deal with him looking at porn. If she can't, she needs to leave, because she cannot make him stop looking at it.

 

I'm really curious what her expectations are of him though, as well as other women who vehemently dislike porn. How do you handle a guy whose libido is more than your own? Do you just have as much sex as he wants? Do you expect him to go without? Take care of himself while thinking about only you and not exposing himself to any other external stimuli? It seems like very spiteful nose-cutting to me.

[TaraMaiden]

Lastly, don't let people try to bum rush you on the whole lame "insecurity argument". So many times guys run around this board saying that we need to understand them and their need to look at porn and that the reason he is lying is because he is basically afraid and insecure and sensitive to something he knows could be an issue. Well women have the same sensitivity when faced with male partners that lie, run around behind their backs and seek out porn because it kind of is telling the woman what is ultimately important to him that he would go to just effort and lengths.

I completely agree.

Just because we have a problem with it, it means we're insecure and over-sensitive?

Puh-leeze....

[Vet]

I completely agree.

Just because we have a problem with it, it means we're insecure and over-sensitive?

Puh-leeze....

 

Not to break off into too much a tangent, but disliking or having a problem with porn doesn't necessarily make a person insecure or oversensitive. It depends where the dislike of it stems from. If it's a moral objection to drug-addled women being coerced into having sex for money, I would be loathe to call that an insecurity. However, if it stems from a fear of a person's significant other looking at other people in sexual ways without prior provocation, then I think that person probably has some insecurities that need to be addressed.

[reddog63]

So, a few weeks ago I posted a thread about my husband and his lies about looking at porn. He was supposed to go for counseling but he never did.

 

I'm so lost.

 

Our laptop had broken so I had to send it back to HP. When I got it back, I was going to burn a CD and found more porn. No biggie.. It was in the past and I was going to go to the chaplain and ask for resources for him. Well, that was Friday and the chaplain wouldn't be there until yesterday. Well, Monday night I fell asleep before he did. I also woke up earlier than he did. I went downstairs to check my email and noticed some things were missing from our laptop. We have a lot of pictures and such of our daughter so it's important to me. I downloaded a file recovery software and found MORE porn. This time it was from that night. He told me it wouldn't happen again. It did. He told me he would go for counseling. He didn't. And a 27 year old man looking at teen porn is a big issue for me. Him looking at 100 different items in a 2 hour period is a big issue and for him to come to sleep with me is a bigger issue.

 

The counseling he agreed on asking about was anger management and I even agreed to go to marriage counseling. I know that we have military one source, as one member informed me of, but he insisted to keep it in his chain of command and go to his chaplain.

 

I confronted him about what I had discovered yesterday morning. I wanted to leave so bad but it's really hard since we do have a 2 year old and one on the way. I didn't come from a split family. I don't know how to deal with that, personally. But my parents are also about to celebrate their 50th anniversary and never needed counseling and I'm not even sure why I agreed to it. Anyhow, his response at first was "whatever." Then he got really upset and threw our laptop across the room and punched a door a few times. All of this happening 20 minutes before my 30 week checkup. I come back home and he's acting like nothing happened. He gets in the car and he drove to the chaplain asking for counseling.

 

I guess I have too many questions.. I don't trust him at all. I'm beyond hurt. He's known that I don't agree with the porn thing for 4 years. I'll never be one of "those" girls. My esteem is gone. My respect for him is gone. There's nothing left. I do love him. I just don't know if I can build it all up again so I can trust him. I mean, even when we watch tv, now it's haunting my mind "is he looking at her like that?" "is he going to google her later on?" I just want to scream.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

If he is addicted........meaning using it way to much........then sure, that is a problem. The fact that he should not look at it at alll because you are against it I think is wrong. As far as lying............what is he suppose to do........it is like a kid, of course he is going to lie, rather then get in arguments.

 

Again, these comments are only for the situation where it is an occasional viewing, not one where he is over the line, looking at it every night. He is an adult, why can he not look at it if he wants? And as far looking at teen porn......are you saying it is underage? You are treating him like a child.......does he not have a say in it, after all, he is an adult. Making him go to counseling?? I think you are going way over board.........most men look at it........you are taking way to personal IMO. Most men look at it from time to time.

[Teslacoil]

Our laptop had broken so I had to send it back to HP. When I got it back, I was going to burn a CD and found more porn. No biggie.. It was in the past and I was going to go to the chaplain and ask for resources for him. Well, that was Friday and the chaplain wouldn't be there until yesterday. Well, Monday night I fell asleep before he did. I also woke up earlier than he did. I went downstairs to check my email and noticed some things were missing from our laptop. We have a lot of pictures and such of our daughter so it's important to me. I downloaded a file recovery software and found MORE porn. This time it was from that night. He told me it wouldn't happen again. It did. He told me he would go for counseling. He didn't. And a 27 year old man looking at teen porn is a big issue for me. Him looking at 100 different items in a 2 hour period is a big issue and for him to come to sleep with me is a bigger issue.

 

First of all, I'm not entirely sure I believe that you're finding all this porn by accident. Downloading file recovery software sounds much more like snooping and spying behavior than it does making sure you didn't lose pictures of your kids. I told the same types of stories to my ex's when I "accidentally" found incriminating evidence.

 

Secondly, I'm not really sure what to tell you. You haven't really made any progress or done anything different since the last time you posted and you're in the same situation.

 

I appreciate that you don't like porn, but again I ask if porn is important enough to you to sacrifice your marriage over. I also agree that porn here obviously isn't the real issue at hand. Instead of continuing to confront your husband over the porn issue, you should work on the underlying problems that you're having which are causing problems. Do you really want to say 10 years from now to your kids, "I divorced your dad because he lied about looking at porn?" Doesn't that sound a bit petty to you?

 

- Continuing to harass your husband everytime he looks at porn isn't going to solve your problems. Since he has anger issues, it's probably actually going to make it worse. When dealing with someone with anorexia, the solution isn't to force food down the person's throat. You need to tolerate the behavior for a time. Until your counseling really gets into full swing, I would turn a blind eye, and neither encourage nor discourage it. It will be hard for you.

 

- You need to go to counseling as much as your husband. I think you would benefit from individual counseling as much as couples counseling.

 

- If your husband has such serious anger issues that he's throwing laptops and punching walls, you need to be careful that it doesn't progress into abuse. Waiting for him to get counseling on his own might not be sufficient, especially if your own safety or the safety of your kids are at stake.

[Jennifer26]

She's going to have to weigh whether she can deal with him looking at porn. If she can't, she needs to leave, because she cannot make him stop looking at it.

 

I'm really curious what her expectations are of him though, as well as other women who vehemently dislike porn. How do you handle a guy whose libido is more than your own? Do you just have as much sex as he wants? Do you expect him to go without? Take care of himself while thinking about only you and not exposing himself to any other external stimuli? It seems like very spiteful nose-cutting to me.

 

I agree with you completely with the first part. If his pornography use is an addiction, you have to treat this like you would any addiction. You can not be co-dependent and monitor him, threaten him, or try to force him to change. He won't, no matter how many times he may promise.

 

I can tell you this after dealing with my husband's pornography/sex addiction for a decade now.

 

And for those who may not know my stance, I am not anti-porn. I do not think men who look occasionally are 'porn addicts'. I do not use the term lightly.

 

My husband COULD not stop, and he probably never will. However, when I monitored him, I honestly think it fueled his urge to look even more. I stopped looking at his computer (I even insisted he password protect it) around one year ago - and it has been the best year of my marriage. Does he still look? Of course, I have no doubt. However, he actually comes to me now for sex 3-4 times a week - before we'd go weeks without, sometimes more. The fights have stopped, we're actually getting along now.

 

And last, but not least - I have regained my sanity. I was truly driving myself insane by constantly monitoring my husband. I feel like I've been set free from prison. I don't ever want to go back to the days when I went through great lengths to find out what he was doing.

 

I'm not saying you're in the wrong. However, PLEASE believe me when I say he will only change if he wants to. No amount of pleading, begging, threatening, etc. will force him. I gave my husband legal separation papers, we went to counseling, I threw him out of our home. None of those things could make him stop.

 

So you have to decide, can you live with it or can't you? Those are the only options you have.

[luvstarved]

I just want to make the quick comment...it galls me when people argue that porn is "harmless" the H has a "right", etc.

 

It is not harmless if it is adversely affecting the marriage. The value or damage it brings to the marriage depends on the people in the marriage.

 

And it is NOT always about a woman's insecurity. It is also not always about a woman's ethical objection to the porn industry.

 

Sometimes, it is just, a friggin' turn off. Like if you went on a date with a guy and he talked with his mouth full of food etc. It would disgust you.

SOMETIMES porn is like that to a woman. Just, ugh! on a visceral level...

 

He might have a right to view it, but she has a right also not to live with it.

 

But, it IS true that she might have no other options but to tolerate it or get out...time for a little cost/benefit analysis

[usmcwife0825]

Yikes.. so much.. lol.

 

Ok.. let me clear some things up here, if i may.. I grew up in the south (bible belt..) and i'm no holy roller (i do love GOD, etc.) but my parents are very old fashioned. I was raised to believe that porn is degrading, nasty, etc. I was also taught that lying about it is even worst. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect, by any means. We all make mistakes.

 

The first time I caught him was about a month ago. For those who haven't read my previous post, I confronted, he lied, finally fessed up, told me it was the first AND only time it has happened... but our 2 year old was here with him.. alone and not taking a nap. I felt like he had lied to me, betrayed me and I was/am very disgusted at the fact that our daughter was in the same room as him while he was doing it. We talked.. HE brought up counseling because he did punch the door and brought up marriage counseling for us thinking it might help. I agreed. He wanted to follow his chain of command (he is a marine) so I agreed, once again. And last week he told me he was going to set it all up. Still hadn't been done. I think he thought I would forget about it. He promised it would never happen again.. blah blah blah.

 

Well, it happened again. This time, I was asleep. Yes, I do give him sex.. a lot of it. (I'm 7 months pregnant.. I'm horny all the time) In fact, it's been 2-3 times a day for a week or 2 straight.. . and we try new things. Friday, he came up to the bedroom and basically said he wanted a 3 some...and then he asked why don't we try new things..... rape stuff, role playing games, choking.. etc. You know.. if that's what you like, good. It's not me.. and he knows that. I mean.. i would do the role playing thing but that's about it.. lol. Sorry. And he has known that. The rape/choking things kinda scare me and I think his addiction is getting worst because of that convo. Now, I do admit that I was looking for stuff...at first I wasn't. I was burning a CD and he put porn in his music file.. stupid him. That's when I started looking.. because it was violent porn.

 

As far as insecurity.. I think every female is insecure to a certain degree. The fact that I look like shamu right now doesn't help. I've never had a problem with the way I look or feel about myself until now. I feel like he expects me to be one of those porn sluts or I wonder how he looks at other females now. In the past, he agreed that porn was silly and stupid. I feel like I married a guy who I didn't know.. we've been together for 4 years and I feel like I don't know him at all anymore. It feels like he's cheating on me by looking at other females or "lusting" over them. Or it could lead to actual intercourse with another woman. I feel so much anger. For instance, he wants to go see transformers 2. I did want to until I found porn of megan fox that night. I know it seems childish to think like that but I've never felt this way. And yes, I do agree, after all this, I do need counseling. We were VERY happy before this. I trusted this man with my life... I mean, he's been wonderful, for the most part. We've had a great marriage. I just feel like he has stuck a knife in my back.

 

I think it would have been different if he had been open about it. I mean, from day 1, he agreed it was silly. Since then, I've found a craigslist personal ad (when they were xxx) on his phone and he denied it. I came home one day from work and he had typed in a website wrong and it was porn. Then a month ago, I come home and find porn. Then I LOOKED for it.. ugh.

 

I don't know how often he has looked at it.. I don't know what he prefers.. I dunno. Thanks for all of your feedback. Sorry for being so mixed up but I need to clear my head.

[Jersey Shortie]

USMCwife, if he is into things like rape/chocking, that could be a clear indicator of how badly his porn addiction as escalated. They often say that people who look at porn need to keep seeking out more hardcore forms. Right now though it doesn’t sound like he wants to do too much owning up or resolving conflict which is truly the worse part because if he can’t do that, that leaves you in a tough spot.

 

If you feel like he is cheating on you by looking and lusting over other women, then you aren’t wrong for feeling that way. And you aren’t being childish at all. You found out your SO lied to you and it has broken the trust and faith you had in him and what kind of man he really is. If he won’t go ton counseling, be the first one to make yourself an appointment and go by yourself. I know for me, that when I found out a man was looking at porn and previously everything was fine, I felt like he had two lives and I didn’t know which one to trust. The face he put on, or what he really did behind closed doors. And unfortunately, that is the dichotomy that a lot of women can face when having to deal with a partner that enjoys porn behind her back. Please don’t apologize for the way you feel about this subject. You feelings on it are not wrong, bad or childish. They are what they are.

[Jersey Shortie]

A few comments to Vet who made my point for me.

 

Men that have grown from the 1980s and up had a whole new world at their finger tips and it is easily shown in their porn habits verse their fathers. Although I am sure there are many middle aged men that have fallen in the porn strap. It doesn’t matter that people have been looking at porn since the beginning of time. What “porn” was then and what porn is now is so vastly different. Back in the day I bet it was just straight up sex with hairy bushes and flab. Now it’s breast implanted 18 year olds wearing school girl skirts shaved smooth while they are referred to as “insert four letter word/name here”. Men use to maybe catch a look at Playboy once a month. Now so many men practically look at it everyday and it’s much more in your face. If your fathers were able to survive without porn despite all of men’s amazing and never ending libidos, I would hope younger men could do the same.

 

I'm really curious what her expectations are of him though, as well as other women who vehemently dislike porn. How do you handle a guy whose libido is more than your own? Do you just have as much sex as he wants? Do you expect him to go without? Take care of himself while thinking about only you and not exposing himself to any other external stimuli? It seems like very spiteful nose-cutting to me.

 

 

I would handle a guy whose libido was more then my own with compromise and work. That means, I “give-up” and indulge him even when I don’t feel like it because I love him and love the affection. And HE manages to keep himself in check and control himself so he doesn’t need to run to his computer the second he has an urge. I expect self control and compromise from both of us. The same self-control I use to maintain my weight, which can be very hard sometimes, is the same self-control he should use with porn. It seems spiteful to me that men say they want relationships, get into one, then turn around and say the need all these other outside factors to be happy.

 

 

Redddog

As far as lying............what is he suppose to do........it is like a kid, of course he is going to lie, rather then get in arguments.

 

He is an adult, why can he not look at it if he wants? And as far looking at teen porn......are you saying it is underage? You are treating him like a child.......does he not have a say in it, after all, he is an adult. Making him go to counseling?? I think you are going way over board.........most men look at it........you are taking way to personal IMO. Most men look at it from time to time.

 

 

 

Reddog, which is it.. is he a kid or a man? Because you justify his behavior saying “what is he suppose to do..its is like a kid”..then you say he is an adult. Can’t have it both ways.

 

I appreciate that you don't like porn, but again I ask if porn is important enough to you to sacrifice your marriage over.

 

I hate when people say this. Because it's not only the woman here that is making porn an issue. Apparently, he feels that porn is important enough to sacrifice the marriage over. Otherwise he would be taking different steps with his partner to resolve it.

[Vet]

A few comments to Vet who made my point for me.

 

Men that have grown from the 1980s and up had a whole new world at their finger tips and it is easily shown in their porn habits verse their fathers. Although I am sure there are many middle aged men that have fallen in the porn strap. It doesn’t matter that people have been looking at porn since the beginning of time. What “porn” was then and what porn is now is so vastly different. Back in the day I bet it was just straight up sex with hairy bushes and flab. Now it’s breast implanted 18 year olds wearing school girl skirts shaved smooth while they are referred to as “insert four letter word/name here”. Men use to maybe catch a look at Playboy once a month. Now so many men practically look at it everyday and it’s much more in your face. If your fathers were able to survive without porn despite all of men’s amazing and never ending libidos, I would hope younger men could do the same.

 

I would handle a guy whose libido was more then my own with compromise and work. That means, I “give-up” and indulge him even when I don’t feel like it because I love him and love the affection. And HE manages to keep himself in check and control himself so he doesn’t need to run to his computer the second he has an urge. I expect self control and compromise from both of us. The same self-control I use to maintain my weight, which can be very hard sometimes, is the same self-control he should use with porn. It seems spiteful to me that men say they want relationships, get into one, then turn around and say the need all these other outside factors to be happy.

 

Why are you talking about the content of porn? Do you really think that implanted and shaved 18-year-olds in the schoolgirl outfits have really made porn such an extremely different animal that men are unable to be trusted to use it in a mature, responsible manner? Why? Because there's no longer porn with "straight up sex and hairy bushes and flab"? What about the porn that's just exactly that? Would you be okay with your man looking at that? Was it okay back then when they only looked at it once a month?

 

I think you're either too young to remember or you're looking back at the past with rose-tinted glasses, because I don't think the tendencies themselves have changed that much. Porn (and sex) addiction might seem to be more prevalent, but I would give a lot of credit to that to modern psychology. Men have been, and always will be, men. If your perfect world is actualized and porn no longer exists, we'll be using the Victoria's Secret catalog. What then? No dirty pictures to look at? We use our minds. Do you want to control his thoughts too?

 

Porn is not a difficult issue. If you don't like it and can't be with a man that looks at it, then be upfront with how you feel. If he needs to look at porn, then you're obviously not meant to be with each other. These are things that need to come out when you're dating.

[Jersey Shortie]

Content and easy access to porn are huge factors in some of the problems women and men face when it comes to porn. It changes the game quite a bit. Men of previous generations don't have anything near the dependency on porn that young men in their teens, 20s and 30s do.

 

What exactly do I need to remember? I am old enough to have an adult intelligent thought and conversation. Thanks.

 

Porn is not a difficult issue. If you don't like it and can't be with a man that looks at it, then be upfront with how you feel. If he needs to look at porn, then you're obviously not meant to be with each other. These are things that need to come out when you're dating.

 

Make that comment to any psychologist that deals reguarly with current relationships or any woman that has to be faced with her man viewing porn and you would think differently. Like it or not, porn has many deep pyschological affects that even professional intellectuals admit to.