Ronni_W Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Hey NL. Yeah...you are going to have to stay in your 'Adult', and keep thinking and making wise decisions for yourself. There is no way to avoid that. I suspect your dog is going to be fine. Sometimes they sense things, and that's probably all it is. What is leading to your beliefs that your Dad is alone, and that your God is unforgiving? Not sure how you feel about "metaphysical causes" of physical conditions? Acne is supposed to indicate unexpressed anger. It sounds like anger at yourself, and anger at God. That is a normal and expected part of the grieving/healing cycle. It's fine for you to express that. I'm strongly encouraging you to start an 'anger journal'. It is an effective and safe way to vent/release anger. Also, grab some crayons and drawing paper, and just put your thoughts and feelings on the paper however they want to come out. Big, ugly blotches of red and black...whatever. It is fine, sane, effective and safe. Start scrubbing floors and digging in the garden as vigorously as you can. Go jogging 'till you drop. Use the 'power pause' tool. http://www.richbits.com/RBArchives/87sRB_power_pause_steps.htm Read 'How To Survive The Loss Of A Love'. http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm Are you familiar with the song 'I Believe' by Diamond Rio? -- check it on YouTube. Nobody can take this journey FOR you. I am prepared to accompany you, but only if you will do your part. Let me know when you've started that 'anger journal', and what other anger/grief release techniques you are planning to use. You have to do your part, NL. It's a decision-choice that you must make for yourself. BIG cyber hugs, Ronni Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Hugs returned. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Hello Ronni, my dog is better today, thanks, like nothing happend, I promise you I would by a note book to make a diary an anger diary for my self, it really sound like a good idea, and about the jogging tomorrow until I can do it anymore!!! until I burst!. Do you think Ronni that my Dad will forgive me for what I did to him??, I hope so, I will keep you posted about the journal, thank you very much, Hugs for you and Leveller!!!!, thanks!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 NL, yes. Yes, I definitely think your Dad has ALREADY forgiven you for everything that you want forgiveness. I think it would pain him to believe that you are keeping yourself in pain due to him. I really don't think he would want you to do that. From your very first posts, it sounds like he loves you a lot and just always wanted the very best for you, and for you to be happy. I know he didn't go about it very nicely, but I think it was his love for you that motivated him when it came to that. I forgot to mention to buy some cool stickers for your notebook...and don't forget the crayons and a sketch/drawing pad Hugs, NL. We will get through this together, yes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Yes Ronni I think we definitely will go through this together, and it really helps me to know you care for me!!! tomorrow I will buy the stickers and all, my dad always was worried about my health and wellbeing and if he is watching he is probably very sad to look at me like this, so I think I have to make an effort, I just want a sign that he is still with me!!!, thanks Ronni!!!, Hugs and Kisses for you!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 NL, is it in your belief system that his 'spirit-energy-presence' (whatever you want to call it) could be there with you? Like, what kind of sign would you accept that he is with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 NL, is it in your belief system that his 'spirit-energy-presence' (whatever you want to call it) could be there with you? Like, what kind of sign would you accept that he is with you? Talking with him in my dreams and he telling me that he is with me or where he is, some kind of sign in the day by day, a visit from his soul, whatever he wants, I just want to know that he still here with me!, I really miss him so much, he calling me every five minutes when I was in my room, or him asking me to fix something for dinner for the two of us when my mom was out, I really miss him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I know how totally difficult it is, NL. I know how that 'missing' feels. I can only tell you that it does get easier to live with it. My dad died 35 years ago, and I can still miss him with the same intensity anytime I want. It sucks. It does get easier. See in post #101 where I said about dogs "sensing things"? What I was thinking was that, when your dog was acting wonky for no apparent reason...to me, that was your Dad visiting you and your dog was sensing/reacting to your dad's 'energy-presence'. Another "sign" that our loved ones are with us is the love that we feel for them. And you can intensify that feeling if you close your eyes and place your gentle attention in your heart area...as if you're observing with eyes that are inside your body. (Does that make sense?) Anyway. Sometimes you will be able to notice a different heartbeat, more like a vibration. And to me, that's our Dads, too. It's also that most of us have piss-poor lines of communication to the non-physical world, or spiritual dimension (whatever you want to call that.) So, even if you are not aware of your Dad's presence in your waking or sleeping hours, that does not mean that he isn't with you. It just means that he is 'transmitting' on a different 'station/frequency' than you are 'tuned-in to/receiving'. No matter, though. If you hold your Dad in your heart and recall him with your fond memories, then he is with you. He can't NOT be with you, when you do that. I know it's difficult, NL. Be gentle with yourself, and just do the very best that you are able. And even when it's not that great, it's still your very best and that is perfect. Love'n hugs, R Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 It make sense Ronni, everything you said, sometimes I even feel happy like he is next to me like before, this is the time when I really want to have faith that everything I belive about God, and souls, and heaven is true. Hugs for you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I really want to have faith that everything I belive about God, and souls, and heaven is true. Make it so, Nanalinda. That's what I did. When you have that sense that he is right there next to you, then he is. And if you go really relaxed and 'soft', sometimes you will feel him holding you. Now. Don't forget to jog 'till you drop, today. And start journaling in your 'anger diary'. You could also get a second notebook, to record all the other thoughts and emotions that are running through your mind and heart these days. (Far as you can, though, try to do your anger release/healing work in its' own book.) Hugs to you, too. Make it a good day...however 'good' will look to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hello Ronni, thanks always answering my posts, todays the jogging and the journal starts, I will buy two note books because you are right the good can't go with the bad!, I will try very hard to stick to this!!, today a veterinary call me to offer me a twice a week job, it could be good because it doen't interfere with the hause calls of my patients, well at least in general, well have a nice day you too!!! Hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted September 1, 2009 Author Share Posted September 1, 2009 Hello, I start de diary and the jogging!!!, and I feel tired wich is good, so probably I will sleep fine tonight, I hope to hear from all of you soon! Hugs!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Hey NL. Good job It's sometimes going to be difficult to motivate yourself to do the grieving/healing work that is necessary, and will help get you through this. Example of how to do that, you could tell yourself something like, "Okay...time to go jogging/clean the house 'till I drop so I can get rid of some more anger." You could also keep in mind that your intention for doing it is so that you can be the happy and successful person that your Dad wanted, and is guiding you, to be. Or...some other intention -- whatever yours actually is. Good luck with the new job -- excellent that it won't interfere with your work with existing clients. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 Hello Ronni, today I have been a little stress, today it has been a month, I feel very angry, maybe I am an angry person in general, maybe I wont be happy ever because I am a bitter person, I think I am bitter, and I don't care for that many people in my life, just a few!!, I'm bad, today at church I got angry when people came to me and began to try to make me cry, why would they want me to cry with them???, I don't even know half of them, I just want to be left alone is that a bad think???, what do you think Ronni, does that make me a bad person???, maybe I'm becoming this cold human being. Hugs for you Ronni, and Leveller. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 NL, What made you think-believe that it was their intention to make you cry? For what it's worth, you do not come across as a generally angry person. It is normal to want to be left alone when one is in the beginning stages of grief...it comes from a normal heart, not a "bad" or "cold" one. At the same time, because your loss is still so fresh, do also try to take comfort from the people in your life who care about you. I also forgot to ask before: How are you helping your mom cope with her grief? Now. Get writing about how you felt angry and bitter at church -- set your intention for anger release, and then write down every tiny detail that you can remember -- what you saw, heard, felt, tasted, smelled...everything! And after that, go for a jog or do some other physical activity. Then listen to some music that you find relaxing or uplifting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 Hello Ronni, you ask how I'm helping my Mom, I think I'm not doing much, I don't cry in front of her, and I try to look ok al most all the time, stuff like that, I told her today to go out with her sister, so I really don't know if I'm helping her, I wrotte in my "angry diary" how I felt yesteday at church and I felt better afterwards, today I'm going jogging again, and tomorroy I will start the gym, I will start increasing the amount of exercise next week, from an hour to and hour and a half, the week after the next one to two hours, and that way successively, until I get were I was before, and the same way with everything else, what to you thing Ronni???, I think is better that way, gradually, that way I don't get tired or bored to soon. I have to tell you Ronni that I really like my diaries they help me to release a lot of feelings, Thanks!!! Kiss and Hugs for you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Hey NL. You're doing great. I'm proud of you. It is difficult to know how to support other family members through the mutual/group loss and grief. Some find it comforting to share their happy memories of their loved one, others are okay crying together, and still others are able to do both. You could ask, I suppose, and you could tell what you need about it, too. I'm really glad that you're enjoying using your diaries. Journaling is one of my favourite pastimes, too -- if I'd be stuck on a desert island with just one thing, I'd choose my journals. Well. And a bunch of pens. So, that'd be like 12 things, I guess When do you start working with that new vet, btw? Make it a good Friday, NL. Hugs & kiss to you! OOPS! Forgot to answer you...yes, gradually is the recommended way to get back to your prior fitness levels -- definitely smart thinking on your part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 Hello Ronni, well about the other veterinarian job, he hasen't call me yet, so let see what happen with that. I feel bad because I don't feel like doing nothing and I know that I failed in a lot of commitments this days, I just feel like my life is frozen. I think right now I am in a very big peression, this year has been terrible, and what happend to my Dad is just the tip of the iceberg, the worst is that in new year's eve I said that 2009 was going to be my year, It is my year, the most terrible one, I'm still writting in my diaries, they really help me to release the pressure. Right now is think someone could take my heart out and I wouldn't feel a think. I am numb, the exercise and the eating are chaos again, I haven't done anythinf any more, just monday!, sad!!!, let see is fridays is a better day. Hugs and kisses to you Ronni, I hope you have a nice friday too, and thank you for reading my posts and taking the time to answering me!!!, you are an angel! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Hey NL. How's it going over there? On this side, it's our "last long-weekend of the summer" -- but we haven't had any summer weather yet . Well, about 10 days of it...but not even in a row! Why not call the other vet, and ask if he is still considering hiring you? And how do you feel about reframing it so that you have been making your grieving, healing and recovery a priority (instead of telling yourself that you've been "failing" as far as any other commitments)? The other thing, NL, I would suggest that maybe a loss/grief counselor would be really useful for you? You would receive person-to-person support, which can make a HUGE difference. Pastoral counseling (not necessarily through your own church), or through an organization like samaritans.org It's my pleasure to exchange posts with you -- and I care about you, too. Maybe it's that we are 'angels' for each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 Hello Ronni, I have to tell you that in my country is summer all year long, sometimes is toooooooooo much!!!!, I spoke with the Vet again and he told me that he was very interest blah blah blah!, but he hasn't tell me about the salary or anything else, so still waiting. About the other think I have been seen my usual therapist, I know what you mean about talking to a priest or minister, and there is one that I really like a lot and I will try to get in contact with him, well tonight I'm going to the gym for the first time let see how it goes, I'm just going to introduce my self to ir again, so I can feel confortable going there, so today is like first day of school, so I'm not going running tonight to the race track, well I'll talk to you later, and thank you Ronni for everything!!!! Hey Ronni do you have snow from where you are? I love snow! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Hey NL. Yeah...we sure do get snow! I'm not too crazy about it, especially not when it gets all slushy and slippery. And I just don't like cold weather How do you feel about asking the other vet when it will be a good time to meet to discuss the details? Possibly he is busy and the situation is calling for you to be a little more assertive? If he mentions how busy he is, you could also say, in a joking way, "Sounds like you needed me to start yesterday! I am available to start on <whatever day/date>, though." Do you feel that your current therapist is being of real help to you, NL? Sometimes it does happen that client and therapist 'outgrow' each other, or things become 'stale/routine'. In any case, though, I hope you've been able to contact the minister you like, and get an appointment with him. Good job on getting back to the gym! I know it can be difficult, at times like this, to push one's self -- but that is EXACTLY what needs to happen if we want to move forward instead of staying stuck with the 'low' feelings. You're doing a great job...so just keep doing it . And make it a good weekend, too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted September 12, 2009 Author Share Posted September 12, 2009 Hello Ronni, I have to tell you that I already got the job!, twice a week!, the payment is going to be ok! no I'm happy with it!. Well I also have to tell you that I haven't contact the priest, but I will. Tomorrow I have a swimming competition, this is my first week in the swimming team and I have to compete already, Uffff I'm so fat right now, I gained almost all the weight I losted this years, I bought a lot of stuff on the internet, multivitamins, fuels, sleeping aids, all natural, from Hammer I don't know if you know those products, I hope they make me feel better, because right now all I want to do is sleep, but I can barely sleep, so is a contradiction, and I feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired!!!, like if I was bearing a sack of bricks, so let see if this help me to start moving again, about my therapist I will have to check how if everything going, I really like her, I dont have much time with her, only three months, I'm still using my diaries. Ronni have a nice weekend you too, I hope you have fun! and take care of your self!, I will tell you later how the competition went!, Hugs and Kisses!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Hey NL. Congrats on getting the job! And I hope the swim meet went well...I assume there were not too-high expectations, given everything that's been going on for you in the past few of months. My personal view is that natural supplements can be beneficial, but they don't take the place of us just taking care of our own health through sensible diet and fitness. It's tough, though, when the brain won't allow one to get plenty of restful sleep. Maybe you could try one of those guided visualization/relaxation CDs -- 98% of the time, I'm asleep after like 10 minutes Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 Hello Ronni how are you?, the swim meet went well I got bronze in overall, second in 50 mts breaststroke, second in 50 mts freestyle, and third in 100 mts breaststroke, so I think is not bad, rember what you told me about jogging??? that I should jog until I feel I can't anymore?, well I did the same thing swimming, maybe that is why it went to well, all the rage and the impotence, who knows, about the CD you are right, and I really like those relaxation cd's I hace few, I will try them, the problem is that when my mind is still, and everything is in silent, all this painfull thoughts come to my mind and I start to feel like dying, so some times I leave the TV on until I can anymore and I just fall asleep, but I will try the CD's. How was your weekend? was it nice? I hope it was really!!!, and how are you feeling??, well I hope everything is ok over there!!!. Hope to hear from you soon Ronni, Hugs and Kisses! and take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Hey NL. Excellent results at the meet! I guess you must also have some "natural" swimming talents, on top of putting in the hard work. You have much to be proud of. I saw an interview with Michael Phelps, and that is part of his training, too -- swim flat-out for 2-hour stretches. That's why I prefer the guided relaxation CDs -- you can focus on the recorded words, and when your mind wanders you can just refocus. Yes, my weekend was great, thanks. Went to a baby shower, which I don't really like those, but it was excellent company, lots of good food, and the weather held up really well, too. Hugs to you, too. And keep on doing what you're doing...cos you're doing great Link to post Share on other sites
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