Is it really worth it?

[roflmao]

Hi @ all (=

 

Well here's what's going on in my head at the moment:

For the past 4/5 years, I've been looking for someone to build a relationship with someone special (If you wonder how old am I, I'm 16...you probably are thinking "what the...so young and already thinking this way? chill dude...").

In fact, my whole male friends can be separated in 2 categories:

 

-nerds, that can only talk of their foolish videogames. I confess I was a bit nerd before, but seriously I don't find videogames amusing anymore. I guess it's a sign of growing up, smoething my friends obviously haven't reached yet

-complete jack***es, that think they are the greatest, and will to hurt the others just to feel superior.

 

This only gives me a couple of good friends left, which friendship I value the most.

 

Anyway, returning to the main topic: Almost all my friends had 1 or more gf, they had their 1st kiss and can get along with girls smoothly. Unlike my classmates, I'm a shy person (some people say I have a fully-grown mind and I face things as an adult already. Maybe that's one reason why I still didn't get along with the little fancy girls of my age...) and I don't often talk to people, specially girls, because I have this constant fear of saying anything stupid or something. Basically, lack of self-esteem. I'm 16, and I never had any gf so far, never had the 1st kiss. In romantic relationships, I'm a complete virgin. But the desire of finding someone is getting stronger every day. Lately, I've hold on to a simple belief: that we all are going to meet our "twin soul" and we'll live hapilly ever after with him/her (her, in my case). But honestly, I usually don't believe in supersticious stuff, and I'm fully aware that world isn't a fairy tale.

 

To conclude, I was looking for some new ways to hold on, while I don't find the right one. All comments are welcom (=

 

(Just some secondary info: I'm going to 12th grade, possibly with the same class as this year (this means, same classmates, same jerks -.-). I was hopping that, when I enter university, I'll meet some more interesting people and some good friends. But until then, it's just too much time =\ )

[Thaddeus]

Welcome to the boards, rolfmao.

 

Let's dispense with one of those myths that seems to come up again and again:

Lately, I've hold on to a simple belief: that we all are going to meet our "twin soul" and we'll live hapilly ever after with him/her (her, in my case).

Here's a quick reality check:

 

There is no such thing as a "twin soul" or "soul mate" or any such thing. Banish that idea from your head right this moment. It's simply not true.

 

A couple other things that, at your tender age, you probably should know (and I wish I did at your age):

 

• Love is not a feeling. It is a decision. Dark nights will come, the feelings will go away. But a good decision can remain despite all the turmoil.
  
• Love does not conquer all. It's a nice idea, but that too is simply not true. There are things that love cannot, and should not, overcome. Abuse, for one.
  
• You can love more than one person at one time. Don't believe me? Do you have brothers and/or sisters? Do you not believe that your parents loved all of you? That said, when you make a decision to be with, and stay with, one person, that means that feelings you get for others must remain at a distance. It's one of the toughest things you'll have to do, and it's absolutely necessary.
  

[roflmao]

Hi Thaddeus! Thank you for your post.

I agree with your highlights. They reflect the truth itself, and on one hand, it's not good to create fake hopes.

On the other hand, God I'm really getting desperate! )= You may think I'm a fool for thinking this way, but this fake beliefs are one of the very few ideals that I can hold on to. Seriously, I dunno what's going to happen if I fall in a mood of quitting and don't give a s*** to all this. I think I would only make things worse. )=

 

Geez...along with some slight changes in my social life (talking more with friends, and keep conversations interesting, etc), I really need something to believe in. =\

[Thaddeus]

I really need something to believe in. =\

Then believe in yourself. Be the best young man you can.

[roflmao]

Then believe in yourself. Be the best young man you can.

 

That was deep... (=

But it also works, I guess

 

I'll give it a shot (=

I am also known from my self-destructive mind, because I rarely believe in myself (obviously one of the reasons why I haven't got any gf so far, I suppose) and I'm always criticising my own actions.

 

These are some things to change RIGHT NOW (=

Thanks Thaddeus (=

 

Any other ideas are welcome ^^

[Thaddeus]

That was deep... (=

But it also works, I guess

 

I'll give it a shot (=

I am also known from my self-destructive mind, because I rarely believe in myself (obviously one of the reasons why I haven't got any gf so far, I suppose) and I'm always criticising my own actions.

 

These are some things to change RIGHT NOW (=

Thanks Thaddeus (=

 

Any other ideas are welcome ^^

To improve yourself, work on one thing at a time. For instance, pick up some free weights and work out with them. Or read and study Moby Dick (arguably the best book ever written). Or volunteer at your local food bank. Point is, don't have your entire life revolve around girls.

 

There are countless attractive, available girls that are dying to get to know a smart, confident, worldly and well-kept young man. So be that young man.

[roflmao]

Thank you for your wise words, Thaddeus! (=

 

Right now, I know just what to do.

 

Thanks once again. (=

 

Any other comments are welcome, though

[HsMomma]

roflmao,

 

I read your post with great interest. I am the mother of an almost 15 year old girl - a "good" girl...she's smart, she's witty, she's got an "old soul". She has taken a vow to remain a virgin until she's married. She's a straight A student with a WILD social life (lots of friends, lots of drama!). Until about 7 months ago, she was very overweight (which can be directly attributed to genetics through my side of the family, as I was very overweight as a child as well); however, about 7 months ago, puberty kicked in & she's lost 45 pounds. She's now this petite little beautiful thing (and no, that's NOT just her Momma talking - she truly is beautiful - inside and out). The reason for telling you this is, up until she hit puberty, looks were NOT her strong suit (though her face has always been pretty, she was a big girl, which I'm sure you know, isn't the 'trendy' way to be in this size 0 world). She, like you, had never had a boyfriend (girlfriend, in your case), and despaired that she would ever meet anyone who liked her for HER.

 

She's very, very intelligent, which can be really intimidating for teenage boys, and combined with being overweight, well...let's just say elementary & the beginning of middle school weren't exactly ideal for her.

 

She truly blossomed last school year...morphed into the butterfly, if you will. Had her first bf, had her first kiss, etc.

 

What you need to know & believe is that ALL of us at one time or another, blossom...you won't always be "nerdy" (your word, not mine), you won't always fumble for something to say to girls in the hope that you won't sound "stupid" or "lame."

 

Though I disagree with some of Thaddeus' points, I do agree with one thing...there are a LOT of girls out there looking for a "good" guy...smart, kind, intelligent, sweet, etc. I believe you WILL find yours...

 

In the meantime, my suggestion to you is this...find new ways to involve yourself in other areas of your community. Volunteering is a fantastic way to meet people who you will already have something in common with (whatever it is that you're volunteering for), which gives you a starting point for conversations.

 

Continue to "grow into" who will be as a man - nurture the good parts of yourself, because they WILL be valued by the right woman. For the "not as good" parts of yourself, concentrate on working on them.

 

I remember what teenager-hood feels like - REALLY! And, I know it can suck & seem like you'll never get where you want to be. Trust me when I tell you this, try to enjoy being a "kid" as long as you can - you will be an adult a heckuva lot longer than you'll be a kid.

 

Patience, dear roflmao, patience...it WILL happen for you. You sound like a terrific young man and there is a terrific young woman out there just waiting & wondering why SHE can't meet someone just like you!

[roflmao]

HsMomma, thank you for your post!

It was inspiring to read your daughter's story. I'm also a straight A student in school, and in class I try to stay focus at all times (which, as you can imagine, is something my classmates like to laugh at. I can always overcome that problem, since my grades speak for themselves in this area =P).

 

Some while ago, I was a really self-destructive person, always saying things like "God, I'm so UGLY!" and "How can I be so stupid!?". But as I continue to grow up, I'm begging to change those negative feelings, since I started to realise that I was only hurting myself and before loving someone, I have to love myself. Besides, I guess girls don't want a bf who is insecure in himself...

 

I'm in summer break at the moment, and I'm already assign in a club that promotes some sport activities to young children. I hope this will be on of the several ways to meet more interesting people.

 

Meanwhile, I suppose there's nothing left to do, then wait...until I "blossom" (=

 

Thanks, HsMomma, for your inspiring words! (=

 

Oh btw: My parents and some collegues say that I am "too mature for my age", because I don't do those stupid stuff my mates do, and "I worry about stuff young people like me shouldn't worry about". This sometimes gets me further to my mates, because they keep anoying me. My question is: Is it possible that girls find this unattractive? I mean, I guess it was for some reason that I fell in love for a 19-year-old girl recently...

 

All posts are welcome! (=

[HsMomma]

HsMomma, thank you for your post!

It was inspiring to read your daughter's story. I'm also a straight A student in school, and in class I try to stay focus at all times (which, as you can imagine, is something my classmates like to laugh at. I can always overcome that problem, since my grades speak for themselves in this area =P).

 

Some while ago, I was a really self-destructive person, always saying things like "God, I'm so UGLY!" and "How can I be so stupid!?". But as I continue to grow up, I'm begging to change those negative feelings, since I started to realise that I was only hurting myself and before loving someone, I have to love myself. Besides, I guess girls don't want a bf who is insecure in himself...

 

I'm in summer break at the moment, and I'm already assign in a club that promotes some sport activities to young children. I hope this will be on of the several ways to meet more interesting people.

 

Meanwhile, I suppose there's nothing left to do, then wait...until I "blossom" (=

 

Thanks, HsMomma, for your inspiring words! (=

 

Oh btw: My parents and some collegues say that I am "too mature for my age", because I don't do those stupid stuff my mates do, and "I worry about stuff young people like me shouldn't worry about". This sometimes gets me further to my mates, because they keep anoying me. My question is: Is it possible that girls find this unattractive? I mean, I guess it was for some reason that I fell in love for a 19-year-old girl recently...

 

All posts are welcome! (=

 

Hi again,

 

The part I bolded above is, I feel, a very telling statement. I personally don't believe it is possible to experience true depth of love without at least very much accepting & liking oneself. I don't think I've met many people throughout the years who didn't have at least a small amount of insecurities - just remember, nobody can expect perfection - only the best version of you that you can be.

 

I'm thrilled for you about the club thing this summer - even if there aren't any "hotties" ) there for you to meet, it helps you to branch out & become more confident in yourself and your unique abilities.

 

As far as being "too mature for your age" and worrying about things people your age shouldn't be worried about, well....POO to that! While I agree it's not necessarily healthy to keep fixating on things that you can't control (the slowness of time passing, etc.) and worrying is, in general, a great waste of a good mind, I don't believe that just because you don't do the same "stupid" stuff as your mates means anything except maybe you're a bit smarter than that! I also don't think girls (at least the girls it sounds like you'd be attracted to/attractive to would find your maturity level off-putting at all. I know my daughter is always wishing the guys around her would GROW UP! Sort of a double-edged sword here, huh?

 

Please re-read what I said though about trying (note, I said TRYING) your best to enjoy your current age/life stage - you're going to be an adult for many, many years to come - you'll be young only once. Enjoy your youth!

 

Please keep me posted as to how things are going for you.

[roflmao]

Hello once again, HsMomma!

 

Thank you for wasting your time with me, typing these magnificient thoughts.

The more time I spend reading this, the more confortable I get. And it is impossible for me to disagree with you.

 

Maybe I'm just seeking things that should only be sought some years later. Maybe I get to worried with things I shouldn't even think of.

 

From now on, I'll try to "Enjoy my youth!" (=

 

Maybe some time later, I'll be hapier (who knows, with someone special...^^) with people around me, but most important, with myself. When that moment arrives, I promisse I'll post a thread thanking you for these wise words. =P

I'll face this stage of my life as a lesson. (=

 

Any other comments are welcome! (=

[HsMomma]

Hello once again, HsMomma!

 

Thank you for wasting your time with me, typing these magnificient thoughts.

The more time I spend reading this, the more confortable I get. And it is impossible for me to disagree with you.

 

Maybe I'm just seeking things that should only be sought some years later. Maybe I get to worried with things I shouldn't even think of.

 

From now on, I'll try to "Enjoy my youth!" (=

 

Maybe some time later, I'll be hapier (who knows, with someone special...^^) with people around me, but most important, with myself. When that moment arrives, I promisse I'll post a thread thanking you for these wise words. =P

I'll face this stage of my life as a lesson. (=

 

Any other comments are welcome! (=

 

You are most certainly welcome & please don't think I've felt for even a moment like I was "wasting time" with you...I've been on LS here for a few months & had to seek help, too. Life can be overwhelming sometimes & we just need others' perspectives. I'm hoping I can help even a little with your situation.

 

I don't know that I agree that there is some specifically set timeline for when you "should" or "shouldn't" be seeking things in life - I think sometimes sitting back, living your best life & just waiting are all we can do. I'm one of those who believes that things happen how & when they should, and that doesn't always correspond to when WE want them!

 

While I would love to hear how you're faring, please don't feel as if you have to thank me for anything. My daughter's friends don't all call me "Momma" for nothing - it's what I do! They come to me when they don't feel they have anyone adult they can turn to - I want to help when/where I can & no thanks are necessary.

 

When things improve for you (and they WILL, I promise), just promise ME something...you will pay this forward. When you have an opportunity to help someone else, even in as tiny a way as I may have helped you, DO IT!

 

Chin up, roflmao - life is good & will continue to get better!

[roflmao]

You are most certainly welcome & please don't think I've felt for even a moment like I was "wasting time" with you...I've been on LS here for a few months & had to seek help, too. Life can be overwhelming sometimes & we just need others' perspectives. I'm hoping I can help even a little with your situation.

 

I don't know that I agree that there is some specifically set timeline for when you "should" or "shouldn't" be seeking things in life - I think sometimes sitting back, living your best life & just waiting are all we can do. I'm one of those who believes that things happen how & when they should, and that doesn't always correspond to when WE want them!

 

While I would love to hear how you're faring, please don't feel as if you have to thank me for anything. My daughter's friends don't all call me "Momma" for nothing - it's what I do! They come to me when they don't feel they have anyone adult they can turn to - I want to help when/where I can & no thanks are necessary.

 

When things improve for you (and they WILL, I promise), just promise ME something...you will pay this forward. When you have an opportunity to help someone else, even in as tiny a way as I may have helped you, DO IT!

 

Chin up, roflmao - life is good & will continue to get better!

 

Honestly, I don't have nothing to say, except...THANK YOU SO MUCH! =D

Finding this board was, by far, one of the best things I've done, to overcome my emotional feelings! (=

[HsMomma]

Honestly, I don't have nothing to say, except...THANK YOU SO MUCH! =D

Finding this board was, by far, one of the best things I've done, to overcome my emotional feelings! (=

 

Good deal - that's what it's here for!

 

Take care of yourself, roflmao - I'll be interested to hear back from you down the road!

[Thaddeus]

HsMomma is pretty smart.

 

One of the things that I like about this board is it's a-la-carte approach - that is, use what you think will be useful to you, discard the rest.

 

For instance, HsMomma said that she disagreed with some of what I'd written in one of my first posts in this thread (though she didn't specifically say what it was.)

 

And I, for one, don't agree with her "wait for good things to happen and they'll happen" approach. I personally think one needs to take action to get what they desire. (Good things do not come to those who wait. Old age comes to those who wait!)

 

But where we disagree isn't the point. The point is that you have the opportunity to choose whatever course suits you at the time, given your situation and your state of mind.

 

There's no "one-size-fits-all" approach that's going to work for everybody.

 

Take what you need, leave the rest. And let the experience of others help you in your journey. Life's too short to figure it all out by yourself.

 

Good luck! I have a feeling that you're going to be just fine.

[roflmao]

HsMomma is pretty smart.

 

One of the things that I like about this board is it's a-la-carte approach - that is, use what you think will be useful to you, discard the rest.

 

For instance, HsMomma said that she disagreed with some of what I'd written in one of my first posts in this thread (though she didn't specifically say what it was.)

 

And I, for one, don't agree with her "wait for good things to happen and they'll happen" approach. I personally think one needs to take action to get what they desire. (Good things do not come to those who wait. Old age comes to those who wait!)

 

But where we disagree isn't the point. The point is that you have the opportunity to choose whatever course suits you at the time, given your situation and your state of mind.

 

There's no "one-size-fits-all" approach that's going to work for everybody.

 

Take what you need, leave the rest. And let the experience of others help you in your journey. Life's too short to figure it all out by yourself.

 

Good luck! I have a feeling that you're going to be just fine.

 

Obviously, you have opposite points of view. However, I won't do one thing: stay in one corner, whining about myself. I now understand that confidence and self-esteem is important, not only in future relationships, but also for personal fulfilments.

Obviosuly, waiting for ever might not be a good choice, but an extremely active behaviour, seeking every single girl and dating every girl I see isn't the right option too.

I'll stay in the middle, waiting for someone interesting to appear in my life, and then yes, try to "score".

(=

[Thaddeus]

HsMomma, lookit our boy! He done grown up! I'm so proud! *sniff*

[HsMomma]

HsMomma, lookit our boy! He done grown up! I'm so proud! *sniff*

 

Thaddeus, my dear, we've done so well!!!! And, just FYI, your last post prior to this one, I do agree completely with this part:

 

But where we disagree isn't the point. The point is that you have the opportunity to choose whatever course suits you at the time, given your situation and your state of mind.

 

There's no "one-size-fits-all" approach that's going to work for everybody.

 

Take what you need, leave the rest. And let the experience of others help you in your journey. Life's too short to figure it all out by yourself.

 

Good luck! I have a feeling that you're going to be just fine.

 

And, for what it's worth...you are pretty smart, too, Thaddeus (just returning the compliment!)

[Els]

OP,

 

If you're not happy with the people you're with now, seek friends from other avenues. Don't just sit on your butt and wait. Join a sport club at your community centre or something.

[roflmao]

Seriously, Thanks to all of you! =D

This board has magical healing properties ^^ =P

[HsMomma]

Seriously, Thanks to all of you! =D

This board has magical healing properties ^^ =P

 

Nope, just old farts like me who have some life experiences that are sometimes worth sharing, having been here since the dinosaurs!

[roflmao]

Nope, just old farts like me who have some life experiences that are sometimes worth sharing, having been here since the dinosaurs!

 

hehe =P

Nevertheless, I find "experience sharing" magical now (=

[HsMomma]

hehe =P

Nevertheless, I find "experience sharing" magical now (=

 

Good, dearheart - that's a wonderful thing to remember...one never knows when one's own experiences will help someone else. Have a wonderful evening - I'm off to supper with my hubby to celebrate our anniversary!