Road To Joy Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Any tips for our younger generation? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Emotional disconnect. Once the bond is gone, IMO, too much water under that bridge to make it a worthwhile rebuild. With true compatibility, such a bond is really difficult to break. Compatibility is the head managing the heart. Choose wisely Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Choose wisely This is pretty much all there is. From then on it's a blind leap of faith. I should of keep my eyes open...damn it! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Because I married a psycho drug addict with an entitlement complex and instead of putting her in her place I bent over backwards to make her happy. I'm glad that is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Because I married a psycho drug addict with an entitlement complex and instead of putting her in her place I bent over backwards to make her happy. I'm glad that is over. Woggle! There's no freaking way we could have married the same woman! The simple truth is? Most people just simply are not cut out for LTR's? You've got 'committal' people and you've got 'non-committal' people. Sometimes 'committal people' meet up with other 'committal people' ~ enough so to make 'non-committal people' think they can get with other 'non-committal' people ~ and they think it can and will last? But it doesn't! Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 You've got 'committal' people and you've got 'non-committal' people. Sometimes 'committal people' meet up with other 'committal people' ~ enough so to make 'non-committal people' think they can get with other 'non-committal' people ~ and they think it can and will last?! That made me dizzy and cross-eyed Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Woggle! There's no freaking way we could have married the same woman! The simple truth is? Most people just simply are not cut out for LTR's? You've got 'committal' people and you've got 'non-committal' people. Sometimes 'committal people' meet up with other 'committal people' ~ enough so to make 'non-committal people' think they can get with other 'non-committal' people ~ and they think it can and will last? But it doesn't! Maybe they are someway related. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 That made me dizzy and cross-eyed Well it helps if your drinking Johnny Walker Red Scotch Wiskey!! :bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Mine left after 18 years, 10 months before our wedding. Because he is having a commitment phobic (see Gunny), fulled midlife crisis! That is the conclusion I am rapidly coming to. When someone is going on about how they feel OLD at the age of 33 and how they must go out partying and learn Chinese, and how they still love you but now they only love you 25% of how much they used to love you, then another day they are saying they don't think they even know what love is, maybe they never loved you, something ain't right! He's gonna keep his counsellor in Gucci for a long long time! Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 For the younger generation I wonder if it is because we are getting to be a throw away country...... I also feel the younger generation needs to always be excited with something. You buy a new TV & after a while it's not good enough, need something bigger. I just feel they get bored & a marriage takes to much work so they just figure get something else...... I was married for 28 years & the former wife got the "I think the grass is greener on the other side" itch...... Link to post Share on other sites
Derek12b Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 My marriage failed because of a lack of communication and my wifes infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 For the younger generation I wonder if it is because we are getting to be a throw away country...... I also feel the younger generation needs to always be excited with something. You buy a new TV & after a while it's not good enough, need something bigger. I just feel they get bored & a marriage takes to much work so they just figure get something else...... I was married for 28 years & the former wife got the "I think the grass is greener on the other side" itch...... Hit it on the head here. Don't like the car, getting age and mileage, trade it in for a newer model. Not better, just newer. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 My H moved up in the world and needed some new, younger eye candy. He's narcissistic. I'm struggling to find me again. Link to post Share on other sites
dlim Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Well, when I first was separated from my Ex I went thru every possible scenario beating myself down and blaming everything on myself and combing thru every fight with a fine toothed comb. Was I too controlling, did I not show here enough love, what if I would have remembered her birthday and anniversary more, why did I push her away when she wanted sex, did I not show her a good time in the sack, should I have been more supportive of her ideas.... Ect... Ect..... but in the end I realized if someone is looking for a way out there is no stopping them. My Ex had bad anxiety and depression problems, when she was fine life was great and we loved each other but more often then not she was either crying in the corner or red in the face mad about nothing. We are still fiends and I know she still loves me but sometimes you have to accept the person you love might also be destructive to your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Because I married a psycho drug addict with an entitlement complex and instead of putting her in her place I bent over backwards to make her happy. I'm glad that is over. Well, my second marriage collapsed because of a very similar experience. There weren't any drugs involved, by the narcissistic entitlement complex became just too much. And I made the same mistake Woggle did: I should have been strong and stood up to her outrageous nonsense immediately, but instead I paid for years of therapy, handled her with kid gloves, forgave and forgave and forgave... Yes, I was an enabler! She ended up cheating on me and, last I heard, is now making someone else's life a living hell. Serves him right. As for marriage #1, she died, which kinda ended that. (And yes, I shake my fist at god in anger pretty much every day over that. But that's another story for another time,) Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 For the younger generation I wonder if it is because we are getting to be a throw away country...... I also feel the younger generation needs to always be excited with something. You buy a new TV & after a while it's not good enough, need something bigger. I just feel they get bored & a marriage takes to much work so they just figure get something else...... I was married for 28 years & the former wife got the "I think the grass is greener on the other side" itch...... Marriage in 2009 should be a five year contract,.......................with an option to renew? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I left my first H because he had a severe drinking problem. He quit the day I left and never picked it up again. I'm not entirely sure what this means. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I gave up trying to figure out why it failed. At one point I had this whole scenario worked out then realized that sometimes there's just no explanation for why love dies. You've got 'committal' people and you've got 'non-committal' people. Sometimes 'committal people' meet up with other 'committal people' ~ enough so to make 'non-committal people' think they can get with other 'non-committal' people ~ and they think it can and will last? But it doesn't! However I do think I was a 'committal person' married to a 'non-committal person' so that's probably the closest thing to a reason and good enough for me. A committed person realizes that sometime love dies down and you have to be patient and work at relighting it. Then again I know that NOW.. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 I left my first H because he had a severe drinking problem. He quit the day I left and never picked it up again. I'm not entirely sure what this means. i think he must have realized what he lost! :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 2nd H FINALLY left because I told him I was having dark thoughts about killing him in his sleep. It wasnt really true, but nothing else worked. He slept in his car that night and never under my roof again. He still thinks I'm crazy and I'm good with that. He was abusive to me and I guess he thought after all he had done to me, killing him was a viable option. Link to post Share on other sites
WTFO Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Well, when I first was separated from my Ex I went thru every possible scenario beating myself down and blaming everything on myself and combing thru every fight with a fine toothed comb. Was I too controlling, did I not show here enough love, what if I would have remembered her birthday and anniversary more, why did I push her away when she wanted sex, did I not show her a good time in the sack, should I have been more supportive of her ideas.... Ect... Ect..... but in the end I realized if someone is looking for a way out there is no stopping them. My Ex had bad anxiety and depression problems, when she was fine life was great and we loved each other but more often then not she was either crying in the corner or red in the face mad about nothing. We are still fiends and I know she still loves me but sometimes you have to accept the person you love might also be destructive to your future. That sounds exactly like my stbxw. They should go bowling! Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 i've spent six weeks beating myself half to death with reasons why it was my fault. i'm learning that she wanted out, and i had merely become the king that had to be toppled in her s**tty little chess game. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Too many factors. Her daddy was an alcoholic Partly because I changed. Prior to the nuptials I was a narcissistic party boy, a confirmed bachelor, who had just passed the Big 30. She was center-fold material. Hey if it is for life, why not pick out the sexiest one. She had put up with my bull for over 2 years. Even caught me in bed with one of her best friends. She proposed to Me. Arter long talks, I agreed to change my ways. When the said, "Here comes the bride!", I was shocked to see this lovely smiling face walking down the aisle to marry me. At that moment I went from loving her, to being in love with her and in a flash my thought patterns turned to home and children As it turns out, because of daddy she was attracted to me for my wild ways, and not attracted to the new me, bringing her flowers, going on picnics, etc. Shortly after we married she was offered a super joh several states over. We moved, I passed up on a night job that would have paid more than her, and took a lesser day job. On her first day of work out marriage was attacked by an EST take off, call it ERP. I did not realize the dangers at first. We were living in a company motel and 30 days to find our own place. An OM ERPer from work put us in touch with another OM ERPer who managed a apartment complex. We became next door neighbors. This guy was even worse as he was working his way up to being an ERP trainer. Lots of fights about ERP. Being a sexy woman, I now had dozens of OM ERPers coming between us. ERP trainin was expensive and we still had wedding debts. We took the training, what a joke. And she took off with an alcoholic, nonERP black security guard. Part of ERP - Fulfill your fantasies, follow your dreams. And the best from ERP, "You get what wanted?: If your spouse cheats, you are responsible because you wanted it Link to post Share on other sites
Jonesey Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 My marriage was over the day we met......sadly. I knew my wife was co-dependent when I met her and she still had her bf of 5 yrs on the hook until our relationship took off. She lied about it and it stuck with me throughout the entire relationship, I never respected her for that. Low and behold, she has done the "relationship vine swing" twice to me in the past year, just like the bf before me. J Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts