what to do? my life is fine but i feel like ****

[ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

I'm glad I found this forum. I hope somebody out there has some advice for me.

 

Let me start by saying that my life is not great, but quite good. There is room for improvement (always), but many people would be jealous of my life. I think.

 

But I almost always feel crappy. I always look at the down-side, and even though i can find the up-side easily, it just doesn't get through to me. Life is so short. I really want to just enjoy it. But day after day, I feel crappy: anxious, tense, insecure, vulnerable, small. I am very introverted, I often think about my reactions to events - I wanted to stop this non-stop analysis, but I can't.

 

I don't know what to do. I almost wish I was never born - but there's a glimpse of hope in me that I will find the beauty of life. More than anything, I would like to become a warm relaxed upbeat person, who takes life one day at a time, handles the problems to the best of his ability, and enjoys what life has to offer. But I don't know how to do it. Everything feels like a test of my worth, even though I realize a person cannot be evaluated. I just don't know what to do. I keep going day after day, out of fear that if I lose what I have, I'll always regret it. But I do not enjoy the life I have. I do not know if it's because of the life, or because of my attitude. I'm so confused. Help?!

[jenny]

o, baby, i am so with you. i know i have it pretty good. it's almost like ennui, but not quite as redundant or hopeless. here are a couple of things usually help me:

 

* doing volunteer work. part of what is missing in my life is people with real needs to care for. it also makes me more consciously grateful.

 

*delighting in the absurdity of things. i get almost a high when someone phrases something unconventionally or expresses something with undue artistic license. even bad things can be made better with a healthy sense of the absurd.

 

*this is going to sound stupid, but real human connection. not just the endless 'howdoyoudo's, but solid ideas and feelings being communicated for no particular reason. i get this a lot from teaching, but once in awhile someone will just say how there day *really* is, or launch into a weird defense of calvinism, and i'm just so delighted.

 

*figuring out how to make unsuccessful relationships more fun, or learning from really dumb stuff i do.

 

*accepting the randomness of life. i used to get really mad when people would forward me stuff, <because of email space> but now i consider them fun diversions from an otherwise goal-oriented day.

 

*exercising. finding new kinds of activities to do.

 

these don't always work. but they keep my blues away without medication and without being too boring.

 

cheers

[Goatsbreath]

AHA.........umm ahhhhhhh., you sound like myself and though I choose to believe that everyone must have some portion of this negativity pressed upon themselves. Some are just easily consumed by it while others seem unaware or not in tune with the origin of the bad day they are having. I think in the end its how you wake up and perceive things. You need to seriously consider taking a active approach on the day. It sounds funny but you just have to make the choice to tackle the day in a different manner then you have been. Be out of character for a week and try to notice the changes.

 

For instance: You walk into the gas station for your morning kick and stumble over to the coffee pot. You pass a couple figures, yes figures, you can't remember what they looked like or anything, just other objects that seemed to be mobile. You hurry to the counter, pay the cashier and give your standard "thanks" line and what a line it is. You've been with that line for ever, and why not- it works. It's your transition statement that takes you away from interaction and leads you back to your comfortable place- here in isolation. Ok fine- but theres other ways to approach.

 

Ok- so what Im trying to say is that you can use that same energy around you that is forcing you to pull everything apart into its bad form. You can use it to pull things together and actually enjoy a day or two. Just enjoy a day even if you have to fake it..........see what happens. take care See, I have to go because you got be analyzing stuff and now I feel like Im falling apart and becoming different people on paper.......thanks alot..................ok bye....

 

good lucl

[ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

I am glad that I am not alone on this one.

 

Goatsbreath (what a strange nickname!), I agree with you that pretending to enjoy life may well lead to really enjoying it. I will try it. WHen I tired it before, it felt like there's a layer I can warm up, so to speak, but it never goes as deep as my core - the nucleus always stays insecure, nervous, unhappy.

[ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

jenny, thank you for all these tips. i will keep them in mind. what bothers me is that they are escapes from the blues, they don't deal with the cause of the blues. but the cause is just the human condition, the existentialist condemnation to freedom, and it's not comabattable. so i guess you are right that one should simply try to accept life and enjoy whatever it has to offer.

[Goatsbreath]

Is there something in particular you are not satisfied with about life. I mean, like you, I think I have a pretty good life. Good Job- good pay, Healthy, ect, ect.......just have not found the opposite of me yet I guess and that bugs me. Im 28 so Im not that old yet but I dont really want to get any older,......Im ready. Thing is my girfriend of six years started the need space scenario and you know what that means. ...we are pretty much done without going into detail. This just happened about 3 months ago. So, needless to say Im in that part of my life where I think I have it all going and then you find out that your not going to marry this girl anytime soon.........or anyone........have to start the search over. Not looking forward to it.....not good at it.....well this is me........

[ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Sorry to hear that, Goastbreath - good luck - perhaps she'll come back to you.

 

I am in my early 20s, finishing up college, planning to go to graduate school. I don't have a boyfriend - so that's missing, but I do get a lot of attention from men. I wish I was stronger physically - I haven't worked working out into my schedule yet, but I'm trying to. I am doing OK academically - I wish I was doing better and hence eligible for scholarships. I have a good relationship with my family - not without faults, but it's fine. I don't have very many friends - this may be a big part of my feeling blue - lack of true communication (like jenny said, not just "how are you", "fine", done), but real connections. I'm very slow/bad at establishing these true connections, and very slow at healing when they rip

 

My life certainly isn't all I'd like it to be, you're right.