optimistic Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 I'm not very good looking. This isn't a self esteem thing. I'm actually pretty happy with myself; I consider myself an outgoing, friendly and likable person with lots of friends and high intelligence. This is a fact, that I've determined through pretty rational methods. Firstly, I've never had a girlfriend (I'm 17 and a freshman at college). A lot of this has to do with the fact I was terminally shy through most of high school, a facet of my personality I think I've grown out of. Still, it's also a pretty good indicator of my looks, I believe. I've never been actively approached by a girl; I've been flirted with once, maybe twice. The times I've approached girls, I've either been flat out rejected, or it takes a lot of persuasion (I hesitate to say coercion) on my part to get to see them again. I have had close female friends, but those friendships never progressed past platonic, even when I was hoping otherwise. I don't think any of these things are because of my personality or methods, so much as my basic physical attractiveness. Finally, from what I can gather from general standards of male attractiveness, I'm just not quite up to snuff. I'm 5'4", about 105 pounds, with an overly large nose, a round face and big, curly hair. This is all fine. I'm not too upset about it; I mean, everybody's got a genetic disadvantage in some area. Still, I am looking for a relationship, and it's tough with a built in disadvantage. Most of my friends who are dating were approached first by those girls. Girls talk to you more if you're more attractive; they go out of your way to see you; they may even come on to you in very obvious ways. As a guy, you don't have to put in nearly as much effort when you're good looking. I'm doing what I can to improve how I look. I'm trying to gain weight by working out, and I'm considering changing my hairstyle. But this can only do so much. How should I go about finding someone, as an unattractive guy? The little wit and charm that I have only goes so much in traditional singles environments like clubs and bars. Finding a girl is a major priority for me, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to do so, but I'm running out of ideas. I'd really appreciate some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Shine Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 hmmmm yes. You are right, being unattractive really works agaisnt you in the dating world esp since most of us girls are alot more shallow than we are willing to admit. but.. r u sure your looks are the problem? if you can;t get girls to approach you or you dont have any succes when u approach thm there could be another problem. If you give off a vibe of low confidence in ur looks,.. it can be a turn off. but oh well let s assume your looks are the problem. Here's what I can tell you...alot (most even) of the guys that I ve had big crushes on have been far from hunky. It's true initially when a guy approaches me at a club or on the street, If I don't find him attractive I probably won't give him much of a chance. I think you best shot is to get people to introduce girls to you, in a way that they are forced to talk to you for more than a few seconds so you get a chance to show them your awesome personality and charm. Or find a girl in one of your classes. Take it from me, A good personality eaaaaasly makes up for being unattractive. If the boy i like right now approached me on the street I would probably reject him and later have a luagh at his expense with my friends. But ever since i got to love his personality I've come to find him incredibly attractive, though when I try and look at him objectivly I can see where my best friend is coming from when she describes him as "nasty". Also. Im 18 ( and stil in HS) a year older than you and I ve never had a bf. and I dont have guys approaching me all the time. and yet, I know Im attractive. I've never approached a guy to ask him out in my life (ok, ok I have while drunk), and i suspect most girls around my age are probably as reluctant to do it as I am. lastly, almost any guy that does approach me that i know is around my age is likely to get turned down. I dunno what it is but if i m goin to date a guy i meet outside of school or thorugh friends he just has to be older than me. I guess all im saying is dont get discouraged. there s hope for all of us. PS guys have a way of getting better looking with age. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 You think you got troubles? i'm 19 5'something, about 115 pounds and relatively handsome and i've never had a gf It's probably my part to blame because of the look on my face most of the day, very uninviting to people. i learn from my mistakes, i try to smile as often as i can now I learned that through your facial expressions, you can either "invite" people to talk to you or "discourage" people to talk to you, its almost like setting up a barrier. just a friendly reminder: smile as often as you can, it really shows people that you are sociable, inviting, and open-minded. the difference between smiling and not can really send out different vibes to different people. another friendly reminder: IMO everyone has their own unique personalities,traits, characteristics, features that make them attractive. I find that everyone has something unique about themselves that make them look attractive. such as look at all those attractive girls out there! there isnt ONE but TONS out there, they have their own unique physical features that make them attractive. another tip: changing your hair style really helps a lot, it has the ability to make you look bad hygiened or well hygenied. and it has the ability to change the feel/look of someone's age, depending on how you style the hair. Link to post Share on other sites
tackleboxteddybear Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Ive seen notso well lookin dudes find women yet i have troubles. Dunno wha it is but maybe confidence issues or somin.Money or car wise.Many things. I say we let these gals go for what they think is right then theyll realize soon or a year later after marraige how silly their descisions where. s*** happens.ppl make bad choices (not only women but men too). Link to post Share on other sites
optimistic Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 Thanks for all the suggestions! I'm still working on this; I'll yet y'all know if anything changes. Link to post Share on other sites
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