rod_in_gtown Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Me personally, I look at a person as a whole. I don't look at just part of them. If a guy had the great qualities that I look for, and is a good person, I wouldn't leave him because of that. There's more to a person then just one flaw. It truly depends on who they are aside from it. But that's just me. I wholeheartedly agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 Thing is, I'm not mad that he HAS oral herpes, but how he handled it....not telling me until a year later eventho he knows its oral herpes and hes contagious, kissing me when I believe he had a healing blister, and sharing chapstick with me. When he told me, and I expressed fear that his zit might be a cold sore, he was not understanding at all of my fears and chastised me for being paranoid over nothing. He is a great bf overall, but I guess this oral herpes thing is a bit upsetting. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Thing is, I'm not mad that he HAS oral herpes, but how he handled it....not telling me until a year later eventho he knows its oral herpes and hes contagious, kissing me when I believe he had a healing blister, and sharing chapstick with me. When he told me, and I expressed fear that his zit might be a cold sore, he was not understanding at all of my fears and chastised me for being paranoid over nothing. He is a great bf overall, but I guess this oral herpes thing is a bit upsetting. See, many people don't make a big deal out of HSV 1 orally. Grant it, it's wrong that he didn't tell you, but so many people don't think much of it because it's so common. Example, Rod in Gtown didn't even consider it an STD. You need to decide if you can forgive him and move past it. That is something only you can decide. Link to post Share on other sites
MusicChick24 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 The majority of people get cold sores. It's fairly normal. Everyone I know gets them, so that's alot of people. If this is something you would break up with someone over...you won't be dating ANYONE. Link to post Share on other sites
MusicChick24 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Thing is, I'm not mad that he HAS oral herpes, but how he handled it....not telling me until a year later eventho he knows its oral herpes and hes contagious, kissing me when I believe he had a healing blister, and sharing chapstick with me. When he told me, and I expressed fear that his zit might be a cold sore, he was not understanding at all of my fears and chastised me for being paranoid over nothing. He is a great bf overall, but I guess this oral herpes thing is a bit upsetting. I know cold sores are part of Herpes but it's so common that I don't consider it an STD. I never told my boyfriend he just found out. Then he turns out he gets cold sores also and so does his whole family. It's really not something you should be making a big deal of. If you do some research you will learn that it's not going to lead to you or him getting advanced herpes. Just don't let him do any oral or anything while he's having a breakout. My boyfriend and I still kiss when we have breakouts and we have NEVER spread it to the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 The majority of people get coldsores occasionally... as long as you avoid kissing and oral sex during an outbreak it's no big deal. Many people only have an outbreak perhaps once or twice a year for maybe two weeks at a time, and you can feel it coming on so you can avoid kissing at that point. As long as he's sensible and lets you know when it's active, I don't think it's a big deal. However, I find it amusing that if you tell someone you have coldsores they don't think it's a big thing, don't even think it's an STD, whereas if you told them you had type 1 genital herpes they would freak out... it's exactly the same virus! Link to post Share on other sites
MusicChick24 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 The majority of people get coldsores occasionally... as long as you avoid kissing and oral sex during an outbreak it's no big deal. Many people only have an outbreak perhaps once or twice a year for maybe two weeks at a time, and you can feel it coming on so you can avoid kissing at that point. As long as he's sensible and lets you know when it's active, I don't think it's a big deal. However, I find it amusing that if you tell someone you have coldsores they don't think it's a big thing, don't even think it's an STD, whereas if you told them you had type 1 genital herpes they would freak out... it's exactly the same virus! I know! But I guess it's because of the word usage. As we have both said cold sores are so common we hear the word "cold sore" and think virutally nothing but we hear the words "genital herpes" and freak out. Only people who don't realize they are the same strand would freak out. Sadly, there are ALOT of people who don't know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Even among people who know it's the same thing, they tend to see it as being dirtier if it's on the genitals than if its on the mouth, even if it was tranferred from a mouth to the genitals in the first place. I really don't understand it. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 DG and SG -- Honestly, have you or will you ever date someone who has oral herpes? I know I have, and statistically speaking, I know I have also dated others who haven't told me directly. It's a cold sore, for crying out loud. It's the term "herpes" that's freaking you out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 Ok, thx for everyone's post. I guess it's freaking me out cuz I've honestly never knew of anyone with cold sores and no one in my family has them. I guess I fear that if my bf gives it to me then I'd transmit it to my whole family since I live at home and me and my family eat family style meals thus transfering saliva alot. Perhaps cuz I'm asian, and it's less common among asians. I dunno. If I actually knew people who have em or has shown signs of em, then I'd feel like this is less of a big deal. The thought of my bf or me breaking out and having to face family, friends and coworkers really disturb me. Eventho alot of you say its not a big deal, I think there is still a social stigma behind it, especially more prevalent now since they are somewhat indirectly linked to gential herpes. SG, did any of the guys you dated transmit the oral herpes to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 SG, did any of the guys you dated transmit the oral herpes to you? You mean COLD SORES? Seriously, let go of the stigma. And no, it so happens they didn't. You realize that if you've already kissed 10 people, between 5 to 8 of them already had this virus...right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 Ok, quick update. So on Friday we were talking about his cold sores again, and in the middle of the conversation, he said that when he did the std test a few months ago, that his doctor had told him that he has the hsv-1 antibodies, but that he doesnt have the virus in his body anymore. When he told me this, I got upset, because at the time of the std test, when I asked him how it went a few months ago when he tested, he replied with 'the results came back clean,' which to me mean all was good. So for months I thought he tested negative for herpes and other stuff. So I asked him on Friday why he has told me a few months back that his results came back clean when in fact his doc had told him he tested positive for hsv-1 herpes, and he said that 'no, i didnt tell you i tested negative for everything, just that i tested clean, because the doc had said i dont have the virus, just the antibodies,' at which point i told him that once you have the hsv-1 virus then you have it for life and I don't understand how his doc could of said he's got the antibodies but not the virus anymroe. We kind of tried to get over it and we are on ok terms again today, but was it wrong of me to mistrust him? Because I kind of felt like he was misleading me about the test results and right now I'm just a bit disappointed. Do you think what he did was a bit shady? It just feels a bit shady to me . He didnt lie per say, but he kind of witheld some information from me, I mean the point of the std test was to find out if he had any stds. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 And you misquoted me, I never said it magically turns into the other. I said BOTH can be EITHER genital or oral. BOTH can be transmitted sexually. In theory I bet malaria could be transmitted sexually but it's still not generally identified as an STD. Link to post Share on other sites
prettybaby Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 I'll be honest: it would be a turn off to me. If it was someone I had just met, I'd dump him. Sorry to be so blunt! I'm not infected, and I wouldn't want to be. Now if it was someone I was already very much attached to and had been with for a while already, then I guess depending on how great the relationship is, I might try to look past it. However, it would still bother me a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Yeah I have to find out if I have it. My ex broke out after an extended fellatio session, which is when she decided to inform me she had it. Same lame excuse "i got it when I was a kid" yeah right. Lucky for me her sore didnt look anywhere near as bad as some Ive seen in pictures. Um, how else do you think she got it? DO you know how many kids have cold sores? quote: http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tphealth/0,,3q4f,00.html I don't know why anyone would freak out over cold sores. So many people I know get them. My ex husband got them from time to time, and other ex's as well. I've never had one. People can also be carriers and not even know they have the virus. I wouldn't even think of breaking up with someone because of this. It would be a non-issue. Anyone that would actually dump someone because of this just isn't educated in reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Well it's not so much the cold sores anymore, but the MISTRUST i have in him. In a way, he lied to me, saying his tests were 'clean' when in fact he's been tested positive. I was fine until Friday when he told me he was tested positive for HSV-1. Am I making his lie out to be a bigger deal than it is? Link to post Share on other sites
MusicChick24 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Well it's not so much the cold sores anymore, but the MISTRUST i have in him. In a way, he lied to me, saying his tests were 'clean' when in fact he's been tested positive. I was fine until Friday when he told me he was tested positive for HSV-1. Am I making his lie out to be a bigger deal than it is? Yes we've been telling you this. It isn't a big deal. 80% of people today would test positive for HSV-1 so basically if that is a problem for you don't date at all because you are looking for a needle in a haystack. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I could be entirely off-base here (it wouldn't be the first time, God knows), but perusing your past threads it seems to me that you're constantly looking for issues in your relationship. Are you looking for a reason to break it off, and waiting for the folks at LS to say "yeah, kick his ass to the curb"? This post was kind of lost in the mix, but the more I read this thread, the more I think that I had a valid question. Link to post Share on other sites
rod_in_gtown Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 In theory I bet malaria could be transmitted sexually but it's still not generally identified as an STD. This is a great point, and that is the point I was trying to make. There is a difference between the reckless behavior of not telling someone you have a mortal STD like HIV (which is not as lethal as it used to be anyway, yet still lethal), and not telling someone about a virus, that is contacted by skin to skin contact. Like the flu, or a cold sore, or small pox. In my book it would only mean that he underestimated the level of paranoia of the other person. Viruses and illnesses are part of life. We live in an ecosystem and organisms are constantly feeding off of each other. Get over it and learn to live a little. (no, I'm not saying go have unprotected sex and get a lethal disease), but the world you live in doesn't have to be antibacterial. I agree with Gorilla SG and D-Lish, and I think you're just looking for an excuse to end the relationship. However, for his sake, I would recommend you break up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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