crushed75 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 hi all... i had been with my ex for a year and a half. Helped her through a bipolar disorder diagnosis, much irritability and emotional issues, helping raise her 8 yr old, unemployment and bankruptcy. After all of this, she broke up with me one day after his last day of school. Said the attraction wasnt there and she was sick of the fights. Im struggling dealing with this shock. She proposed to me. Less than 2 months prior to the break up she had my name tatooed on her back. The night before the break up she wanted to look at houses to buy. she moved out two weeks ago and im still left reeling and heartbroken. I invested so much...too much i know...but really thought we would get through anything and build a great life. Im dont know if ill ever know the real reason (someone else, confusion, being used)...but Im struggling to cope. How long will this pain last? How do I move it along? How do you go forward feeling as though you lost your "soulmate"??? Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 hi all... i had been with my ex for a year and a half. Helped her through a bipolar disorder diagnosis, much irritability and emotional issues, helping raise her 8 yr old, unemployment and bankruptcy. After all of this, she broke up with me one day after his last day of school. Said the attraction wasnt there and she was sick of the fights. Im struggling dealing with this shock. She proposed to me. Less than 2 months prior to the break up she had my name tatooed on her back. The night before the break up she wanted to look at houses to buy. she moved out two weeks ago and im still left reeling and heartbroken. I invested so much...too much i know...but really thought we would get through anything and build a great life. Im dont know if ill ever know the real reason (someone else, confusion, being used)...but Im struggling to cope. How long will this pain last? How do I move it along? How do you go forward feeling as though you lost your "soulmate"??? Well, let's start with the term soulmate. Why do people constantly insist they lost their soulmates? Unless it was through an untimely death, how can you ever lose a soulmate? If a person was trully your proposed "soulmate" or "the one" , why does it never occur to anyone that they would not leave you or end the relationship? Otherwise, it is merely a one sided deal? So, the first thing you must acknowledge is you have lost someone you cared for, but they weren't a soul mate, or they would of never left. This woman sounds very unstable, I hope she seeks some active treatment for her disorder. Rollercoaster relationships are exhilirating for a few brief moments, but then they just make your head spin, and you feel really woozy. Talking about buying houses with a partner, and breaking up with them the next day? A very good example of a roller coaster relationship indicator. I understand it didn't change how you felt about her, but everyone needs some stability in life, especially in relationships. People want security eventually in a relationship, not "well I wonder if we'll still be together tomorrow!" At this point, it seems that's all this woman could offer you. Link to post Share on other sites
Thomas X Forever Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Call me crazy, but this pattern of behavior leads me to believe that bipolar disorder wasn't her only disorder. Link to post Share on other sites
fani Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 My boyfriend was bipolar. Only recently diagnosed but they think he's been dealing with it on his own for the past 7 years atleast. He broke up with me this time last week. We've broken up before but always got back together the next day. I understand how you feel compeltely. It horrible. He keeps being nice to me one minute, like we are still together, chatting to me on MSN for hours n such, n then I'd ring him the next day to ask something simple, n he'd refuse to answer. ONe of our rats that live at his has a tumour he found on wednesday. He took her to the vet today at half 4. I just called him an dhe hung up. I sent a text askin what happened at the vet, n rang agian n he answered. Which made me happy ofcorse. Spoke to him for a bit. told me she's getin the surgery but he doesn't have enough yet. I said I can't really get any to him cos i don't wanna send it in the post n he said "Well I don't want any from YOU do i." But then he told me about what happened at the vet, something funny she did n we had a laugh. N then he went all angry at me again. I aid that I have to come up sometime and see Vyv and the other girls because I miss them so much and he said "oh well", I reminded him that he said I could still come up and I got a "meh" in return. I asked why would only tlak to me on MSN n he said something like "cos it's easier to hide my contempt"... but then I asked n he said he doesn't hate me but I'm just "so f...ing annoying" So I said ok. I'll talk to you online, he said "no I'm going off becaues I have work at 8 and don't want to have to talk to you" I told him i hope works ok and said goodbye.... Last night we were giggiling away on MSN about nothing in paticular, and today he hates me. Mixed signals is an understatement. I don't know what the hell to do. I want him back more than anything. He is "the one". Sorry to butt in on your thread. But someone help me too please!! I have to get him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Thomas X Forever Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 He say's you are ****ing annoying fani because you won't leave him alone. You are borderline stalker/creepy/dillusional, look at your posts. "I HAVE TO GET HIM BACK". "I'm not strong enough without him I NEED HIM". Your relationship is by far the most toxic one I've EVER read of on this site. Aside from Emporer's probably. But at least he let go. You will never get him back with the mentality you have Fani, and I bet that on my entire life. Your suffocating addictive behavior is going to make him HATE you. Burn my words into your head, you'll find they're factual. Link to post Share on other sites
fani Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 But I have been leaving him alone. He has been fine with the amount we've been talking on MSN. He's been happy talking away to me for hours and hours. He's always told me I'm annoying but in a joking way, wayy before we were even together, he'd always laugh whilst saying it n kiss me on the head. Just like I would always tell him he smells foul n then flick him. It was how we were. yes I am a mess but my life has been pulled apart because of this. I am sure that there are plently of people that feel similar to I do, whether they say it or not. Yes our relationship was a mess. But thats what it was. Our relationship. And at a time, it worked, for us. I did not post thread to have somebody tell me whats wrong with me Thomas, I did so to be able to talk to somebody who is going through a simliar break up as mine, one that is involing a bipolar dumper. Link to post Share on other sites
EmptyPromises Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 fani, maybe hes very happy just being your friend, and thats why hes so happy just talking to you online. dont fall for the whole friend thing if thats not what you want with him because itll only get you hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
fani Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 I've told him thats not that I want...I've told him that I'm not giving up. And he still spoke to me fine after that... Link to post Share on other sites
EmptyPromises Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 im sorry this is turning into like fani's thread FANI! dont say that! your being too easy and theres no thrill for him there! u gotta play hard to get! look up nuala's alternate option to no contact. you gotta act like you want him but dont need him. no guy likes an easy girl. girls dont even like an easy guy. they like a chase. your looking pathetic! i did too at one point and i finally got my act together and got my pride back. Link to post Share on other sites
fani Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 I am really sorry too that this has turned out about me Crushed. How are you holding up? Has there been any development? Are you going NC? Thankyou, Emptypromises, for saying that there is an alternative to NC, it seems like that is what everybody wants here (I'm sure that isn't true) I know it works for some, but I'm not yet ready to cut him out completely. I'll definatly check this out when I'm not so drained! x. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 it sucks but that's life, itdoesn't matter what you do for someone, it doesn't matter if you were the nicest sweetest, treated them with respect helped them when they were homeless, give them a kidney, saved their life it means nothing in the end. I invested alot in my ex fiance as well, she would be nothing without me, still cheated left me, all ic an say go no contact heal yourself, don't change who you are and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsi Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 surgery for a rat with a tumour!!! i have seriously heard it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crushed75 Posted July 11, 2009 Author Share Posted July 11, 2009 i am trying no contact. i know shes not "the one" because of this...its just been difficult to get through this far and have so many great times...and then be pulled from under me. if anyone had reason to end it it was me, but i was committed and in love, much as i assumed she was. she has moved out of state, back home, which is good for the no contact and finality. But Im left with a life in shambles to rebuild which has been very hard to accept/ Link to post Share on other sites
society Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 i am trying no contact. i know shes not "the one" because of this...its just been difficult to get through this far and have so many great times...and then be pulled from under me. if anyone had reason to end it it was me, but i was committed and in love, much as i assumed she was. she has moved out of state, back home, which is good for the no contact and finality. But Im left with a life in shambles to rebuild which has been very hard to accept/ The no contact is the best course of action at this point, but perhaps the hardest to follow. The first step is to agree with the breakup... Link to post Share on other sites
yankees13 Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 I feel your pain, this is horrible. I feel like I dealt with the same kind of person, although he wasn't clinically diagnosed as bipolar. It's so hard when you invest time in someone for them to have a change of heart. The best advice is to try no contact and if it's meant to be it will be. Rebuild yourself and your life in the meantime. Life is short, and if she is not meant to be the one, then you will definitely find another person who is. You seem like a big hearted person and I hope things work out for the best for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 hi all... i had been with my ex for a year and a half. Helped her through a bipolar disorder diagnosis, much irritability and emotional issues, helping raise her 8 yr old, unemployment and bankruptcy. After all of this, she broke up with me one day after his last day of school. Said the attraction wasnt there and she was sick of the fights. Im struggling dealing with this shock. She proposed to me. Less than 2 months prior to the break up she had my name tatooed on her back. The night before the break up she wanted to look at houses to buy. she moved out two weeks ago and im still left reeling and heartbroken. I invested so much...too much i know...but really thought we would get through anything and build a great life. Im dont know if ill ever know the real reason (someone else, confusion, being used)...but Im struggling to cope. How long will this pain last? How do I move it along? How do you go forward feeling as though you lost your "soulmate"??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crushed75 Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 so i still dont have an official reason for her emotional switch and dump. Today she called to update her forwarding address (she moved back home which is another state) a second time....unusual after only 3 weeks of moving. The address belongs to some guy...how could someone be engaged and 3 weeks later living with another man??? I feel like im living a nightmare...that the whole relationship was a sham...never took place. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I know shes not worth this emotional energy, but how do I change how I feel???? Link to post Share on other sites
redy2 Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 crushed she sounds just like the one i was dating. look up border line personality disorder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crushed75 Posted July 20, 2009 Author Share Posted July 20, 2009 this remains fluid....talking to my therapist she did think she was bipolar and borderline personality. I confirmed today that she broke up with me, immedietely went on an online dating site, met someone....and has moved in. all within 5 weeks of breaking up and 3 weeks of moving out. One of the reasons she said she was leaving was my inabiltiy to trust her....go figure. So in 5 weeks i went from house shopping with a loving fiancee (so i thought) to seeing her move out of state and shack up with somebody else. she told me not to do anything to sabotage her relationship (after 3 weeks?...and btw, she broke nc by calling me...i have since blocked her phone #). Heartbroken.... Link to post Share on other sites
redy2 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 crush mine left was on a dating site hr later. came back a week later. left next day . then came back a few days later. stayed 2 weeks left again. then came back after 3 weeks. then stayed for like a month and has been gone about 6 days this time with her stuff still at my house. only reason i put up with it is she is pregnant and im waiting til the baby is born to do dna. so be thankful you didnt knock her up. my life has been hell since. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crushed75 Posted July 21, 2009 Author Share Posted July 21, 2009 im sorry to hear that redy. I am thankful, we did have one pregancy scare. I cant imagine. Am I overly emotional in having difficulty accepting that 6 weeks ago i had a fiancee and a future life together, and today shes out of state living with another man? That I was shut out and dropped so immiedietely and without feeling? Ive left women to pursue other, but always had guilt and empathy...i never did whats been done to me. makes me feel emotionally weak. why does the fact that this evil, opportunistic, manipulative user has left me for someone else bother me so? I should be counting my blessings for dodging a bullet and instead cant get over what happened to the woman I loved and the life I was looking forward to. Link to post Share on other sites
moo Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 what's wrong with surgery for a rat tumor? I hope she get's it and has a great recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
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