I have feelings for my boyfriend's brother...

[Jessie]

I have been with this guy (James) for 5 months now and I have a came to the conclusion that I have very unresolved feelings. To put it bluntly I think I have feelings for his brother (Ryan). All three of us have a working relationship together and are all very good friends.

Ryan and I kissed long before my boyfriend and I were together and he admitted to me a long time ago that he liked me. Now no matter how hard I try to push certain thoughts to the back of my head it is impossible. Even though I don't intentionally think about Ryan in a lustful way I keep having these reoccuring dreams every night about me and him getting with one another.

We also have this love-hate relationship that effects us very much sometimes... we will begin childishly play fighting over very stupid minor things and it will escalate into a major fight where we spit out hurtful comments and then become very mad and hold a grudge. The other day this happened in front of my boyfriend and my friend told me that after I had left the room James told Ryan that he new we were attracted to one another and that is why we always push each others buttons... but he is not afraid because he knows we will never act on it.

I admit I am attracted to and have mixed feeling for Ryan, and I have strong reason to believe he feels the same way. This is not right... why do we have this strange attraction and what should I do about it...???

[ashley]

That's a very complicated situation... I would suggest thinking it over before making any rash moves. Who do you care about more?? Do you wanna sacrifice your current relationship for your bf's brother??

[soundslikeme]

Oh my god - is the girl who originally posted this still around? I know she's a guest so may not read the forum anymore and I realise this post is from a long time ago...but reading it nearly made me feel sick - it's the EXACT situation I'm in now...quite literally the only thing different is the names of the two guys. Every word is exactly how I'm feeling - it's scary!!! Just wondering if she's still around because I want to know how she's getting on with the situation...because I really don't know what to do.

 

Me and my boyfriends brother have just had one of the stupid fights mentioned in the first post, funny at first but escalating into a full blown fight with both of us shouting at each other. It's all I can think about today. I have very deep feelings for my boyfriend but an undeniable attraction to his brother. I wouldn't sacrifice my bf for his brother...but the energy between us is so obvious that it's embarrassing sometimes.

 

We also kissed a long time before me and my bf got together and for about a year pretended it never happened - we also have a love-hate thing going on obviously so I don't think either of us were thinking clearly. But recently he's starting telling everyone about it, as if he wants everyone to know that I was with him first.

 

It's so upsetting, because he winds me up so much that I say really hurtful things and he says some back and I go home absolutely miserable (the three of us work together - I know, total soap opera)

 

I'm so confused - I can't explain the whole situation properly and I don't expect anyone to understand because I don't understand it myself. We're both with other people and yet whenever I see him....I get feelings that I shouldn't. Ugh, I hate him!! We barely even like each other but we've got this connection that doesn't seem to care if we like each other or not - it draws us to each other wherever we are.

 

We used to talk on the phone and text joke-insult texts every day, then when I got together with my bf that all changed. I think he resents that, and truth be told, it makes me sad.

 

I feel like he's trying to sabotage things between me and my bf, although he's not prepared to leave HIS gf, so I don't know what he's playing at. All I know is that every time I've been working with him, he hurts my feelings and I go home crying, or maybe he gives me a really sweet look and nonetheless I go home sad. I constantly dream about me and him getting together - noteven when I'm not thinking of him!! My bf was round last night, we had a perfect night and he left about 2am. I went stright to sleep, thinking nice thoughts...and dreamt of his brother - that should not be happening.

 

I'm happy with my bf...but I have feelings for his brother that are causing friction, because when his brother and me fight, I get irritable and don't tell my bf why and end up taking it out on him...what do I do?? I can't exactly avoid him as I see him every day, either at his house, or at work, or out, as we go to the same places.

 

Grrrrr!!!!

[Mr Spock]

Have a threesome.

[Barby]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

Have a threesome.

 

 

I think that's a horrible idea but if you're into that stuff..........

 

It is a very complicated situation...but I have to ask you...why be stay with your BF if you can feel this way for his brother? Obviously there is something lacking between your boyfriend and yourself. I would work on that, figure out where the problem is and either 1) try and work on it -or- 2) break it off with him

 

But even if you break it off with your BF it would be wrong for you to date his brother! How do you think it would make either of them feel? You could ruin a relationship between siblings and that would just be wrong!

[soundslikeme]

Thanks Barby for your advice, it is much appreciated. I agree, the idea of a threesome is absolutely horrible, especially as I have real feelings for these two men - not simply lust.

 

That's the thing, there's nothing missing in our relationship, I'm so happy when I'm with him!! It's just that me and his brother have a bit more history, I've known him for years. We just have the weirdest connection. I saw him last night when I went out clubbing with my friends, and it turns out he was heading to the same club. As I skipped the queue he caught sight of me, ran after me and grabbed my hand, and held my hand for a few minutes before we realised it was a bit inappropriate. But anyway, after that we spent most of the night together, mainly actually because he was a bit drunk and I wanted to make sure he was ok.

 

But since he was drunk, he was rambling away about how it makes him crazy to see me, he can't help it, and that he loves me (hmm, NOT) he kept hugging me and ended up planting a big kiss on my lips and it didn't even START before I pulled away, don't worry.

 

He loves his brother, he says he doesn't want to cause trouble. Aaargh. I phoned him afterwards to see if he'd got in a taxi ok cos last time I saw him he had no money at all, and I get a load of **** on the phone so I start screaming right back, he just p*sses me off so MUCH!!!! So I snapped, right, fine, bye, and hung up on him, and I don't know what it'll be like when I see him again.

 

Although since he was drunk, he might've forgotten everything...but why does that upset me more!!

 

Ugh, it just really hurts. Sigh!

 

Thanks again Barby - I know I could never date him, don't worry. That's why I feel so rubbish sometimes, because I know we can never be together. He knows it too, and it just hurts sometimes. I'd rather lose contact with both of them than have them lose their bond as siblings.

[Barby]

That last statement gained you some "points" in sense! I'm glad VERY glad to hear that you would NOT let it "go there" and that you'd rather end contact with both than allow their bro/bro relationship to be ruined.

 

If you can't distance yourself from your feelings for his bro maybe indeed you should just tell him things aren't working out, spare your BF's feelings (it isn't fair to him that while he's loving you, you're loving someone else). You should think long and hard truthfully what's best for ALL of you in the situation.

 

I hope it all works out, I'm one for "working things out" but remember you shouldn't go through life as a partner to one brother but pining away in your heart for the other.

[health]

Be careful I have family in Europe and some messed up **** happened: two sisters...one married a guy, has kid with him.....the sisters were always tight friends..then that husband starts having sex with his wifes sister! He gets caught or admits (I don't know) he feels soooooo guilty he kills himself...now this woman is left with a dead husband a daughter and a sister who ruined it all for her......watch the hell out! Make moves to avoid something like this!

[honey2005]

If you can't distance yourself from your feelings for his bro maybe indeed you should just tell him things aren't working out, spare your BF's feelings (it isn't fair to him that while he's loving you, you're loving someone else).

 

She said she loved her boyfriend, not her brother, they just had a connection.

 

I don't think you should end things with your boyfriend before you talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel, he does deserve to know. Are him and his brother similar in appearance? Do they have the same kind of personality? Maybe there's something in his brother that reminds you of your boyfriend. If you really do love your bf, I suggest you get couseling to figure out what's going on. It's weird that the exact same thing happened with the girl that started this post, so maybe this is a common thing.

[soundslikeme]

That's what I thought honey, it is really strange. He and his brother have the same colouring, but are entirely unlike each other. They have the same dark hair, but my bf is tall and lean, and his brother is shorter and a wee bit stocky lol. My bf is fun, but quite sensible, whereas his brother is a right cheeky chappie kinda guy, doesn't think before he acts etc. They are so different, I sometimes find it hard to believe they are related.

 

You're right - I do love my boyfriend, I really appreciate all your advice Barby but it IS just the conenction that bothers me, not the fact that I love someone else. Me and my boyfriend had a lovely night last night, although I find it hard to respond if he brings up his brother, as I don't want to give away what I feel.

 

Ugh, this is constantly going round in my head...I really appreciate you guys all thinking it over with me, it has helped a lot. I couldn't admit to my boyfriend the connection between me and his brother, because it's so obvious that he notices it anyway, and if I admit it, it's like, confirming it, you know? I'm worried that he'll get really angry (he's quite a jealous person) and I'm not ready to let him go just yet!!

 

Thanks honey for your advice aswell, I do want to figure out what the hell is going on - people say you can't have feeklings for two people at once but it is so possible. It's hard, because when I tell a friend about it, I get the same response - end it, because you obviously have no feelings for your bf. But my connection with his brother doesn't take anything away from my relationship, it just screws me up!!

 

I'm not seeing his brother for a good few days, he's not working and I am, so I won't be at my bfs house either...so hopefully that'll give me some space to get back in perspective. If I don't see him for a while I get a much clearer head.

 

Thanks y'all, you're all being a massive help.

[honey2005]

I'm not seeing his brother for a good few days, he's not working and I am, so I won't be at my bfs house either...so hopefully that'll give me some space to get back in perspective. If I don't see him for a while I get a much clearer head.

 

I hope that helps you figure things out:). Good luck.

[soundslikeme]

Thank you! Seriously, from my heart.