worst day ever.

[Spizzarky]

Kinda want to talk about this.

So, I've been with my long distance boyfriend for 2 years (on June 21st). A few days before that, he sent me a text while I was in summer school saying we "needed to talk." I called when I got home and was completely shattered to hear the words "You know I always want to be your friend..." I was taken completely by surprise. He said that the distance was killing him, if I lived there things would be different, he couldn't do it anymore. I was crushed. I was crying asking him why he was giving up. We had a trip planned in August and everything. He said I was his best friend and he wanted me to still be his best friend. I told him I couldn't do that. It would hurt me too badly to even try. He started to cry saying he couldn't lose me. I wanted to beg him to stay with me, but I knew better than that. If he wanted to be with me, he would be. So I told him ok, let's not communicate in any way until Friday (it was a Wednesday). He promised he'd think about it and tell me his final decision then. When we hung up he said he loved me. All I could do was cry. About 40 minutes later he called, I didn't answer. The voicemail he left said he wanted to keep trying but there were things we needed to talk about. He asked me a bunch of times to call him back so I did. He said he needed more time for himself, he needed to be able to go out to parties and not feel guilty. I was crying and I told him ok, I can change. I kept crying so we switched to MSN messanger, where 15 minutes later he suddenly said, "let's do the Friday thing, I need to think about this." He signed off without another word and I was crushed all over again. The day was spent being consoled by my best friends and crying. Around 9:00, I was getting ready for bed when my phone rang. When I answered, he laughed and said "I couldn't even last a day without you", followed by tears. He was crying and crying and said "I'm so sorry, will you give me another chance?" Naturally, I said yes. We talked about our issues, worked it out, and everything was great.

But now it's like I only talk to him for like, 10 minutes a day. We went from hours on the phone to 10 minutes. I realize it's hard with me in summer school and working, but when there is time, he rushes us off the phone. It hurts when he wants to get off the phone so quickly. The trip is still on for August, but I'm feeling very confused. I love him so much, but I hate feeling like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. Things used to be so easy and now...they're just not.

To make matters even more confusing, I've got two guys in my town who have made it clear they want to be with me. I have never cheated. But I need attention that my boyfriend just isn't giving me. I'm afraid if I say this to him, he'll end it again... I never wanted to be in "that" relationship-the on-again off-again kind.

I don't really know what kind of help I'm looking for...but any advice would be awesome.

[hoping2heal]

I'm sorry for your pain . I guess what comes to mind is that something has to give here. You are scared to tell him you need attention and affection, to feel wanted by him, but realistically let's say you DON'T say anything as to not ruffle feathers for arguments sake. Do you think your relationship is going to grow or stay together at the rate it's at right now anyhow?

 

What does he mean he needs to go out to parties and not feel guilty? Do you make him feel bad for going out or something?

 

I guess the point is, you can either say something and risk losing the relationship OR it could get it growing back on the right track, or you could not say anything and the relationship will inevitably crash right into the ground anyhow.

[hardertobreathe]

i know how you are feeling. my so broke it off with me and then realized he made a mistake so we are on our second try. this time around feels different though, and i know wat you mean about the rushing off the phone because i always feel like he is doing that now. i could stay on the phone for hours (we used to) but now i feel like we just discuss our days and then he has to go. i dont want to bring it up to him because i know it will start a fight. this would be so much easier, mending a relationship, if we were just together in person. this is so hard

[hoping2heal]

i know how you are feeling. my so broke it off with me and then realized he made a mistake so we are on our second try. this time around feels different though, and i know wat you mean about the rushing off the phone because i always feel like he is doing that now. i could stay on the phone for hours (we used to) but now i feel like we just discuss our days and then he has to go. i dont want to bring it up to him because i know it will start a fight. this would be so much easier, mending a relationship, if we were just together in person. this is so hard

 

 

Harder; That's the missing ingredient in life. "_________ would be so much easier IF __________ " . What matters is how we make the best of life with what we do have. With what options we do have. Not all relationships can make it, it's better that they don't if they are going to fall apart over distance. Afterall, a relationship can see much harsher times ; terminal illness, death of loved ones, career loss, death of a child, etc etc. A relationship needs to be able to withstand the sometimes harsh conditions of life, if two people cannot find a way to do that and it falls apart, it's better that happens and gives the partners opportunity to find someone they CAN build that kind of relationship with. Distance may seem heart wrenching at times, and in fact it trully IS heart wrenching, but it's just another challenge of life and it can be overcome and made into success.

[RA1]

He said that the distance was killing him, if I lived there things would be different, he couldn't do it anymore.

My take on that would be that he is finding the lack of sex a problem.

When I answered, he laughed and said "I couldn't even last a day without you", followed by tears. He was crying and crying and said "I'm so sorry, will you give me another chance?" Naturally, I said yes. We talked about our issues, worked it out, and everything was great.

But now it's like I only talk to him for like, 10 minutes a day. We went from hours on the phone to 10 minutes.

My take again: He does care for you but he is seeing others. You are the most special but he needs sexual outlets.

Kinda want to talk about this.

The trip is still on for August, but I'm feeling very confused.

My speculation: He is happy you are visiting and he will set aside his casual relationships for the duration of your trip.

To make matters even more confusing, I've got two guys in my town who have made it clear they want to be with me. I have never cheated. But I need attention that my boyfriend just isn't giving me. I'm afraid if I say this to him, he'll end it again... I never wanted to be in "that" relationship-the on-again off-again kind.

OK, you are craving some physical attention too. An LDR doesn't prevent non-physical attention. But sometimes the physical need is overpowering. You are starting to feel it. My guess is that he was feeling it before you.

 

I could be totally wrong. I have given you my "most likely scenario", which is that he deeply cares for you but is unable to cope with the sexual deprivation of an LDR.