myway4077 Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Its time for me to except what she is telling me, we are not going to get back together. I feel bad beacuse we have two great kids and i know in the long run only they are going to get hurt. I don't want to stop trying for them and us but it feels like am banging my head against the wall. People say give it time, do a 180, do this do that and it will all work out. Well am feel like just looking for someone else and starting life over. It sucks for what i truly want which is my family but it doesn't look like this woman is going to want this for our family. Like they say there plenty of fish out in the sea. Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Its time for me to except what she is telling me, we are not going to get back together. I feel bad beacuse we have two great kids and i know in the long run only they are going to get hurt. I don't want to stop trying for them and us but it feels like am banging my head against the wall. People say give it time, do a 180, do this do that and it will all work out. Well am feel like just looking for someone else and starting life over. It sucks for what i truly want which is my family but it doesn't look like this woman is going to want this for our family. Like they say there plenty of fish out in the sea. I'm sorry to hear it. I'm in a similar position, and I'm about to change tactic a little...maybe you need to do that too? Just start a new life without her? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 same here. Mine may be different. She was having an affair on & off for two yrs & somehow expected her feelings for me to return when she was still seeing the OM. WTF?!? I have two small children also. the youngest 10 mos. She never gave it chance. because she was seeing both of us at the same time. I hope she's happy with him. Then My 3yr old will maybe stop telling me mommy is always crying & she won't look like she hasn't slept in a week. but, i'm sleeping good. I'm now packing her stuff up & last night started re-connecting with my old party crowd. The female part. Some of them are still single or even divorced now. Their looking forward to meeting out for happy hour next week. It's a start. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best for the future, whatever happens you will have learnt from what happened with your wife, all she has achieved is making you a better man for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best for the future, whatever happens you will have learnt from what happened with your wife, all she has achieved is making you a better man for someone else. Take the problems that you brought to your marriage and work on improving yourself. As hard as it is, accept and live your life without her. It will make it easier to move on and you will be a better man for it. Someday, maybe your paths will cross again.....from reading this board, it seems that wen you are truly over them is when they want you back. No guarantees, but either way your is positive. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
WTFO Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Take the problems that you brought to your marriage and work on improving yourself. As hard as it is, accept and live your life without her. It will make it easier to move on and you will be a better man for it. Someday, maybe your paths will cross again.....from reading this board, it seems that wen you are truly over them is when they want you back. No guarantees, but either way your is positive. TOJAZ Hey bro, Same boat. The shiety thing about is we are still living together under the same roof. And she is taking his kid and my kids out to get manicures, zoos etc. I can't wait to move on. I get my own apartment in 2 weeks. People say its a blessing in disguise. But, I still think about her all the time. Time will heal though. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best for the future, whatever happens you will have learnt from what happened with your wife, all she has achieved is making you a better man for someone else. Ya know what? I know what happened & I rectified it. I took the blame & did EVERYTHING she asked. I bent over backwards to please her & make her happy. Guess what? it wasn't good enough. She was already "in love" with someone else & nothing I said or did compared to her new dream guy. She did learn to recognize the subtle signs of things going south. Link to post Share on other sites
Author myway4077 Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 The truth is am going crazy. I want to keep try because i love her, so what i want to is help. It is very difficult for me to do the 180 thing because i have to see my kids. Now being that the case what do i do? she calls me, she says that she doesn't hate me. We see each other and are friendly. We go out with the kids once a month, together. I have to admit when we are not fighting things are good she is friendly kiss me on the check when she is leaving which is great but it makes me feel like we are just friends and that is it. We fight because i begin talking about us reconciling, if we are going to try and work things out. As soon as i begin talking about us and getting back together she tells me its never going to happen, she doesn't see that in her futurre. She is still holding on to our wedding bands. She doesn't wear them but still has them. She also kept my name, she says it because of the kids. These are a few thing that make me crazy. I maybe hoping for something but i feel their is something there. I hope some of you guys can help with a game plan. Maybe am just not playing my cards right. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 The truth is am going crazy. I want to keep try because i love her, so what i want to is help. It is very difficult for me to do the 180 thing because i have to see my kids. That gives you the perfect opportunity to show the 180! Now being that the case what do i do? she calls me, she says that she doesn't hate me. We see each other and are friendly. We go out with the kids once a month, together. Also a good situation to do the 180. I have to admit when we are not fighting things are good she is friendly kiss me on the check when she is leaving which is great but it makes me feel like we are just friends and that is it. We fight because i begin talking about us reconciling, if we are going to try and work things out. As soon as i begin talking about us and getting back together she tells me its never going to happen, she doesn't see that in her futurre. Stop talking about reconciling. Thats a 180 right there. Just keep the routine with the kids and show her you have changed through your actions. Talking isn't helping because she isn't listening. Demonstrate your changes and let her bring it up. She is still holding on to our wedding bands. She doesn't wear them but still has them. She also kept my name, she says it because of the kids. These are a few thing that make me crazy. I maybe hoping for something but i feel their is something there. I hope some of you guys can help with a game plan. Maybe am just not playing my cards right. Thanks in advance. MyWay, I may have missed it along the way, but I don't remember you laying out what actually lead to the breakdown in any detail. If your going to make 180s and start a game plan, isolating those things is the first step. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Tojaz is right, don't keep asking her to reconcile, that needs to come form her when you have reignited her attraction to you. So how do you reignite attraction, well the 180, but also you need to figure out what it was about you that made her attarcted to you in the first place. I've done some reading and read that, women like to feel appreciated, in anything they do for you, whether it's bear your children or make you a sandwich. Doesn't matter, we want to be appreciated. (Just for the ladies, men like to feel admired, they like to feel they are your knight, you admire them for all they are, if you nag them that sends the message that you are dissatisfied with them, hence not admired). See when a women nags, it is actually because she cares about the relationship, she cares about you enough to put the effort into the relationship. Anyway, the 180, the isolation of the problems in the marriage, the isoloation of attractions, take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Are you divorced, or seperated? Link to post Share on other sites
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