carhill Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Therein lies the risk of contemplating to care Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 Therein lies the risk of contemplating to care Excuse my French .. care to explain.. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 My other MMs.. are straightforward.. there is no lies.. why would they? But with this one.. it started as a 'possibility' of a 'relationship"... That's probably the difference with this one, then. With the others, it's been clear from the outset what the situation is. They're married, you're okay with that and there's no need for lies between the two of you. Both of you can get what you want without the need for lies. Here, there's been a suggestion that a relationship could develop. I think as soon as that suggestion of "this is more than just sex...this could be a relationship" arises, people's hopes and expectations of eachother increase. And perhaps that's sometimes why the lies start up. Because one person can't face telling the other "I'm not what you'd hope for me to be." Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Yes, it was the thought process, even without emotional involvement, which invited the risk. The risk is that it *could* develop into a relationship, as compared to other trysts which were never considered or thought of as relationship potential. You're mad at yourself because you were contemplating taking that risk, even though not yet taken, and projecting that onto the guy, who was/is being who he was/is. Imagine the dynamic if you had not so considered the potential Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 That's probably the difference with this one, then. With the others, it's been clear from the outset what the situation is. They're married, you're okay with that and there's no need for lies between the two of you. Both of you can get what you want without the need for lies. Here, there's been a suggestion that a relationship could develop. I think as soon as that suggestion of "this is more than just sex...this could be a relationship" arises, people's hopes and expectations of eachother increase. And perhaps that's sometimes why the lies start up. Because one person can't face telling the other "I'm not what you'd hope for me to be." Yep.. and that's what I'm trying to find out.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Does anyone else has good clues on how to catch him.. or I should just tell him to F*off.. (too bad.. cause the sex is one of the best I've ever had).. Wow, That guy is pretty good. He probably swore on his son's head because he doesn't have any son. Do you know for sure that he has one? I doubt he is going to show you his driver's license. If you tell him you need to write down the number he is going to get really upset and turn it on you. You can try looking at the miles in the car. He says he drives for two hours on the weekends. But if you confront him he'll say that he didn't work that weekend, or got a job closer now, etc. This guy is going to be difficult to catch and to get rid of I'm afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
MindoverMatter Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 My other MMs.. are straightforward.. there is no lies.. why would they? But with this one.. it started as a 'possibility' of a 'relationship"... They are just not lieing about being married. But they can easily lie about other things. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 I'm not surprised.. nothing surprises me anymore.. I'm more 'pissed' at the guy.. cause each time I try to find more about him.. I find more of what seems to be 'lies" .. and it really pisses me off. My other MMs.. are straightforward.. there is no lies.. why would they? But with this one.. it started as a 'possibility' of a 'relationship"... But if you expect honesty at the possibility-of-a-relationship stage, shouldn't married women have even greater expectations that their husbands will be true and truthful? Lizzie, I've defended you on a number of occasions when I thought you were getting ganged-up, but I have very little compassion or concern for your disappointments and questions. If you expect and demand the Truth at the very beginning of a relationship, what do these betrayed wives expect after 20-years of marriage? How can you have standing to complain about your incipient betrayal when you were complicit in, and an accomplice to, multiple infidelities? Your married men lied to their wives about you. I cannot summon any compassion for you, Lizzie. You've hurt too many people. Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-Searcher Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 But if you expect honesty at the possibility-of-a-relationship stage, shouldn't married women have even greater expectations that their husbands will be true and truthful? If you expect and demand the Truth at the very beginning of a relationship, what do these betrayed wives expect after 20-years of marriage? How can you have standing to complain about your incipient betrayal when you were complicit in, and an accomplice to, multiple infidelities? Your married men lied to their wives about you. I cannot summon any compassion for you, Lizzie. You've hurt too many people. A great post G. I couldn't have put it better myself. I definitely agree with the last sentence. It's laughable that she expects the truth from her MM when their wives are being played for fools because of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Yeah, after reading your reactions (or lack of them) to the points many of us made, I feel naive for defending you. It seems unlikely that you are going to learn any real lesson from this, as many of us obviously hope you will. You seem too selfish for that. It's all about you. I wonder if you even have the ability to look at the bigger picture, beyond yourself, at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Liz, You may be the shallowest person I've met on LS, but at least you are aware of it.:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Yeah, after reading your reactions (or lack of them) to the points many of us made, I feel naive for defending you. It seems unlikely that you are going to learn any real lesson from this, as many of us obviously hope you will. You seem too selfish for that. It's all about you. I wonder if you even have the ability to look at the bigger picture, beyond yourself, at this point. Wow, I think you're being a little rough on her, Ruby! Everyone has feeling you know. ahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Wow, I think you're being a little rough on her, Ruby! Everyone has feeling you know. ahaha. You were right -- I was wrong! Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-Searcher Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 *gives hi-5 to Ruby and Touche* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Share Posted July 12, 2009 But if you expect honesty at the possibility-of-a-relationship stage, shouldn't married women have even greater expectations that their husbands will be true and truthful? Lizzie, I've defended you on a number of occasions when I thought you were getting ganged-up, but I have very little compassion or concern for your disappointments and questions. If you expect and demand the Truth at the very beginning of a relationship, what do these betrayed wives expect after 20-years of marriage? How can you have standing to complain about your incipient betrayal when you were complicit in, and an accomplice to, multiple infidelities? Your married men lied to their wives about you. I cannot summon any compassion for you, Lizzie. You've hurt too many people. With all your respect Grogster.. I have never hurt anyone... sorry but I honestly didn't... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 With all your respect Grogster.. I have never hurt anyone... sorry but I honestly didn't... I agree. You seem like a nice person to me and not someone mean spirited. You just have your business to take care of, and if the guys come to you you are nice to them. Nothing wrong with that. (And I don't get why having doubts about this guy's honesty, has anything to do with with the fact that some guys lie to their wives) (Is almost as if you can't have a normal relationship or the normal doubts that other people have, because you had some affair with a MM) Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 You just have your business to take care of, and if the guys come to you you are nice to them. Nothing wrong with that. Wow. Are you serious? The lack of personal responsibility demonstrated here is staggering. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 (Is almost as if you can't have a normal relationship or the normal doubts that other people have, because you had some affair with a MM) Of course she might have those feelings and doubts, but since she is at the core of that underworld and feeds it with the provision of her services, it's surprising that she would expect to be safe from its pitfalls. You know what they say: Be careful the company you keep. Birds of a feather. Etcetera. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Wow. Are you serious? The lack of personal responsibility demonstrated here is staggering. I find most people here being narrow and judgemental. Mixing one thing with another. She is starting to have a relationship with this man, and is wondering if the guy is being honest. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 With all your respect Grogster.. I have never hurt anyone... sorry but I honestly didn't... I admire your ability to compartmentalize... Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 (And I don't get why having doubts about this guy's honesty, has anything to do with with the fact that some guys lie to their wives) Because. Him being married, IF he is married, does not seem to be a concern for the OP. Her concern is if he IS married, that he hasn't been forthright in telling her. An extra marital affair is based on deceit. The cheater and the person who is knowingly involved with the cheater. So, what puts the OP "above" being on the receiving end. If you demand respect, don't get involved with married people. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 she is at the core of that underworld feeds it with the provision of her services Be careful the company you keep What does that have to do with her question? Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 What does that have to do with her question? Because dude might be married. And is probably lying to her. About. Being. Married. And she's serial MM chaser. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 IF he is married, does not seem to be a concern for the OP. Her concern is if he IS married, that he hasn't been forthright in telling her. Of course it is a concern for her, because she wants to know if she'll let her feelings for him grow: Bottom line.. whether he's married or not is not really the question.. he's just unavailable.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 Because dude might be married. And is probably lying to her. That is what she is wondering about, isn't it? She wants to know what the story is with this man. Back to square one. Link to post Share on other sites
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