Not sure how to proceed..

[steveraves]

A little over a month ago I met this girl from a Craigslist ad. From the moment we spoke we hit off and have never run out of things to talk about. She's unlike anyone I've ever dated in that she's very active with sports and just having fun. A couple of times she's brought her bike over to my house which is about an hour drive for her. Things progressed to kissing and this last week she had a week off from work and spent Mon - Thurs at my house. We had a great time, the conversation never went dull, nor did we have to struggle to find things to talk about. At night we spent a lot of time cuddling, kissing, light sexual activity (no intercourse). Then Thursday morning when she left that's when things got weird. I get the "I'm not ready for a relationship". She wanted to go back to being just friends. I told her that once we crossed that line of being more than friends that I don't know how we go back to being just friends.

 

The first txt I received from her the day that she left was "miss me". I didn't respond to any of them that day. Yesterday I did reply to some of her txts and she told me how much she valued our friendship, how much she was missing me, and on a few occasions she asked me to call her which I didn't. All the initiating of conversation has been from her.

 

Her ad in Craigslist was in the platonic category and at the moment she does have a big custody battle going on with her ex (in another state).

 

I've never been good at dating or relationships or reading signs. Part of me thinks she's confused about her feelings at the moment and would like a relationship at some point, another part thinks that she wants the attention. We do have a strong emotional bond (or she's one helluva actress). What I don't want is to be filling that emotional void in her life, and then one day have the conversation with her where she tells me that she's met another guy. I'd rather deal with a little hurt now than a lot of hurt later..

 

So I'd be interested in hearing other people's opinions/advice on how to proceed or what your take of the situation is. Feel free to ask questions if you like.

 

Thanks,

[WTRanger]

The good news is that you are aware of the situation and you know full well that you do not want to be "just friends" with her.

 

She could be honestly not wanting a full blown relationship now, especially with the big battle with her ex going on. The problem is, you may never really know.

 

It's only been a month, so you are not that deep into this. I'd continue with her, but very cautiously. You are aware of what you want, if she continues to tingle your spidey senses then run like hell before you get sucked into a trap. If you two get along that well, it seems a shame to throw it all away over the first awkward moment.

 

However, I do half-believe in that if you really like someone you'll be with them no matter what else is going on in your life.

 

There's a lot to think about here. Perhaps just lay low for a bit. Sort things out for yourself, then if she doesn't want to make the journey with you then leave her behind.

[steveraves]

However, I do half-believe in that if you really like someone you'll be with them no matter what else is going on in your life.

 

 

I think this is good advice which I tend to believe. I've been in too many situations where the girl is never ready to be in a relationship with me, but it's amazing how their ready when another guy comes around who catches their interest. So I decided to tell her that I'd be interested in maybe talking in a few months, once my feelings for her die down and we can then see what happens. To me that's a fair solution and if she's really after my friendship that shouldn't be a problem. I also believe that, as long as, I stick around being her emotional companion and giving her the attention she likes, she's lost nothing. Sometimes a person can't appreciate what they had until it's gone. Maybe that will be true here, maybe not. What I do know though is a little pain now beats a lot of pain later.

[steveraves]

Well an update if anyone cares. She tells me how much she loves being around me. She's not ready to spend the night again at this moment (fair I'll compromise), she's also not ready to go back to kissing. I have problems with that, and it sent up a big red flag. we've been kissing for 3 weeks. I have a lot of problems with that. I've also noticed a lot of my concerns are ignored.

 

I'm just not buying it. A person on this board somewhere wrote something I totally agree with. Where words and actions disagree, I'll believe the actions. That is so true.

 

So I don't flirt with her, give her the attention I know she likes, and I don't drop everything to be with her and she txts me and says that i let her go emotionally and she has to now let me go emotionally and bye.

 

I didn't let her go emotionally but I'm not gonna be an emotional companion giving her everything she needs and my needs don't matter.

 

I'm hurt how things ended because we seemed like such a comfortable fit, apparently I was wrong.

 

At the moment I'm hurt, sad and I know I'll miss the times we had, but like I said in my post above a little hurt now is a lot better than a lot of hurt later.

 

p.s. how many times can I say the word hurt..lol.. sorry I'm in a hurry..